Always hilarious: painfully unfunny dudes explaining how women just aren’t funny. Over on Chateau Heartiste, the Heartiste formerly known as Roissy drops some (pseudo) SCIENCE on us all:
[C] hicks dig male status, dominance and personality as much as, or more than, they dig male looks. Men, on the other hand, dig beauty first and foremost, and a woman’s comedic timing, however it might make a man laugh, won’t stir his schnitzel if she’s a dog.
Since women don’t see a benefit from humor in the competition to attract men, their sex, on average when compared to men, has not evolved a strong cortical humor module. Women are better equipped to appreciate humor than they are to produce humor.
Apparently, if you use the same words that scientists use – like “cortical” and “module” – that makes it true!
But there is more to this Old Misogynist’s Tale. As Heartiste explains, it’s cruel humor that women appreciate most of all — in their lady regions. In other words, chicks like dicks:
[W]omen become sexually aroused by men who expertly wield the soulkilling shiv of sadism. …
Cruelty that is delivered with supreme confidence, bemused detachment, and eviscerating precision is catnip to women’s kitties.
Get it? Kitties = pussies = VAGINAS.
Ba-dump-tssh! Heartiste is on a roll.
So let’s see some examples of the sort of masterfully eviscerating humor that makes the ladies weak in their knees and gets their “kitties” excited. (Note: By kitties I am, like Heartiste, referring to vaginas. Exciting a woman’s actual kitties is better done with shiny objects and mouse-shaped toys.)
Anyway, here are some of Heartiste’s examples of cruel humor at its most exquisite, which he has helpfully rendered in dialogue form:
Me: Sweetcheeks, look. That bum just winked at you. He wants to take you back to his cardboard box. [waving at bum] Hi, bum!
Her: [struggling to conceal a grin] Shh, stop that. Stop waving. You’re horrible.
Truly, bum-mockery at its finest.
But he’s only getting started:
Me: You want to take a bus? Forget it. [nodding in direction of obese woman] She ate it.
Her: [looking heavenward] Oh my god, I can’t believe you just said that.
Aw yeah. Suggesting that a fat person has just eaten something comically large: comedy gold!
After some further jests on the topics of male boobs (hmm), the size of black men’s cocks, and raping the disabled (yes, really), our hero is in like Flynn, well on his way to all-caps “TRIUMPHAL SEX.”
The way it will usually go down is like this: You revel in your cruelty. She reacts with manufactured disapproval, often stifling laughter. Her vagina moistens. A wave of hidden shame releases a continuous flow of blood to her vaginal walls, maintaining her in a semi-aroused state all day long. Later that night, the floodgates open and you slip in like a lubed eel.
Yipes. That is about as erotic as Gilbert Gottfried reading from 50 Shades of Grey.
I’m pretty sure the only reason Heartiste can maintain his belief that women can’t do cruel humor themselves is that he’s never heard what they say about him once he leaves the room.
I’m an atheist and if NWO has anything particular to say about it, that won’t bother me, so have at it, buddy. He can even call me a Jew if he wants, though it’s about as hurtful as calling me a cyborg, since it’s neither true nor actually an insult.
“Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ” is, (I think? cursory Googling didn’t confirm it) originally a reference to the way someone’s legs would dangle while they were hanging from a cross (although all the depictions of this I’ve seen have him with his legs secured), so it could be taken as mildly nasty. I doubt that most people who use the expression are thinking of it that way, though. It’s become so divorced from the original meaning that it’s hardly offensive — sort of like ‘Zounds’ or ‘Gadzooks’, which started out as blasphemous (swearing by ‘God’s wounds’ or ‘God’s hooks [ie, the nails]) and are now what knights say in cartoons.
The equivalent directed at Jews would have to be 1) related to the founder of the faith and and 2) equally vague, so I’d say something like “by the stirring of Abraham’s 175-year-old schnitzel!”, but maybe somebody more educated about Judaism would be able to come up with a better example.
He’s got more than a little Heartiste in him as well.
The Nazis also levied taxes, built infrastructure, and provided social services (to people they considered Aryan enough, but still).
And while they did try to enforce a “your job is to be a wife and mother” attitude toward women, they weren’t nearly as repressive as Slavey would want–I mean, (Aryan) women were tolerated outdoors wearing clothing and everything.
So I guess Slavey does differ from the Nazis in some important ways.
Cassandra, sometimes I try to imagine NWO participating in some of the casual -and at times casually sexist- conversations I’ve witnessed and/or had with groups of men and it’s impossible.
Regular guy 1: Yo, did you see that new waitress?
Regular guy 2: Aw man, that ass is ridiculous!
NWO: That fucking bitch! Parading around here in that apron, tied all tight around her waist! She should be in a fucking bonnet! Are you as mad as I am that we can’t force her to have sex with us?!
Regular guys 1 & 2: …?…
no guys, owlslaves friends all come over to his house and watch him post on manboobz and laugh at his wicked burns. remember?
Christopher Hitchens wrote an article about women not being funny.
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2007/01/hitchens200701
I do think men tend to attempt humor more when trying to attract a mate. As for women, I’ve lived in a women’s dorm in college (no men allowed), and there was constant laughter. So yeah, women are funny.
I don’t get the impression the guy’s even capable of downtime. I bet the way he posts is pretty much how his mind works 24/7. If he actually frequents pubs/bars he’s probably the guy in the corner everyone avoids because every conversation ends up turning into a rant about what’s wrong with society, so he ends up ranting at his beer instead
And what real working-class man doesn’t recognise that working-class women have to work because otherwise there isn’t enough money coming in? As people keep on pointing out, very few women in history have had the opportunity to stay at home all day. The middle-class is a fairly recent phenomenon in the scheme of things
In her late teens/early 20s, my mam was a part-time butcher’s assistant (with all the heavy lifting that came along with it.) She was still expected to do all the housework and childcare for my half sisters. This was in the 70s and from what she’s told me, employers would specifically hire women for these menial jobs because they didn’t have to pay them as much.
Nobinayamu – I know! I think of all the casual (and not so casual) sexism I’ve seen in real life, and NWO is just in another league. He’d try to hang out with a bunch of guys who whistle at women on the subway and he’d creep them out.
“No, dude, we just whistle and make creepy-eyes and gropey-hands, we don’t tell them that they should be beaten for arousing us, be cool dude.”
Regular guy 3 : (Nudges regular guy 1 in the ribs) Why the fuck did you invite that guy? Now the waitress is never going to give me her number, and we’re stuck with him till midnight because he’s already too drunk to drive himself home.
Regular guy 4: …The fuck did you just say about my 12 year old niece?
Cartman is also able to achieve the occasional frighteningly effective victory, and is fairly good at feigning sweetness in order to manipulate people, neither of which describes the trolls here very well.
Yep, no men I know would enjoy Slavey’s company – working class or otherwise. My husband is a working class guy from Castlemilk and he doesn’t have much interest in gender politics lke I do. However he does have a commitment to social justice, is a solid Labour Party voter and believes in a fair and equal society. I remember showing him the Book of Learnin’ a while ago – he absolutely pissed himself laughing.
Ooh, ooh! NWO! Call me a filthy jew next! (Or “jewess,” if you prefer.) I’ve got a great comeback I want to try out!
Cassandra and Cliff: I am so glad I’m not the only one who’s tried to picture this. I mean, I imagine the Mellertoad as a kind of shut in so I don’t really worry about him trying to interact with other people.
But NWO… There’s just no way. No fucking way.
I don’t know how he manages family dinners during the holidays, let alone casual conversations with other men.
Different regular guy 1: So I just walked up to her, right, and I’m like “Excuse me, I know you don’t know me but I just had to tell you that I think you look really nice tonight and I-”
NWO: Oh I bet she looked nice, that bitch! Like a dog in heat! She’s arousing you on purpose! That’s sexual assault, man!
Nope. Can’t picture it.
“I let everyone here call me personally every name in the book.”
You don’t LET us. You just can’t STOP us, so you lash out instead. (Even when the “insult” isn’t even directed at you.) You sure as hell don’t turn the other cheek.
“Is it too much to ask to respect everyones religious beliefs?”
…Apparently, yes?
Also like hell am I clicking that link, NWO, but if “looking 20” is consent to sex, than…
…I got nothing. Not even a snappy joke. That’s just so goddamn horrible. That’s one of the reasons even other misogynists don’t want to deal with you.
Y’know, some people look 20 because they ARE 20 and that still doesn’t mean they want sex with literally anyone who can see them.
Mind-blowing, huh?
I seem to recall NWO getting nasty to someone who used the term ‘gods’ or ‘god and goddess.’ So it’s fine when it’s someone else’s religion, but no one has the right to say anything uncomplimentary about yours? Shocking.
I would love to see Thanksgiving with NWO’s family. I’m sure there’s lots of eye-rolling and furtive whispers in the kitchen about his behavior.
Why don’t you start by respecting Christianity. I also come from a long line of Christians, NWO. The religion is a part of my family and thus my identity. And I don’t like having it maligned and misrepresented by the likes of you.
Unless there’s some translation of the Good Book that says “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven… and I’d like to wave my erection in their faces.”
And, NWO, while I’m completely unsurprised that you can produce an undoubtedly bookmarked and often clicked link to site full of underage girls, I stand by what I said.
I have known, worked with, loved, and lived a number of “working class” men and they are not universally obsessed with 12 year olds. Nor do they find capri-pants and the exposure of the shins to cause them uncontrollable sexual arousal. And they would, almost to a man, find you as sad and repulsive as I do.
I’m morbidly curious as to what it makes me to NWO, due to being engaged to a Jewish guy. Particularly, given that he seems to be slinging “filthy Jew” with all the accuracy of a coked out chimp flinging feces.
Oh Owly, is this how you always act, god damn you are a strange one. I’m still curious to see how your mind works, write me an essay about a day in the life of nwoslave.
Jesus Tapdancing Christ!!!
I made up my own religion, and I’m the only one in it. (We have a commandment against evangelizing.) There really aren’t any slurs against it, so NWO can go to town.
Especially if he takes that literally, gets off the internet, and goes to an actual town, and interacts with some live humans in person, just to see what that’s like. As long as they’re neither women nor children, because public safety.
I’m a Discordian, I worship Eris, the greek goddess of chaos, except I’m also an atheist, so she doesn’t exist. I also enjoy occasionally to partake joyously of a hot dog on a friday. So Owly, does this make me one of your “filthy jews”?
By the way, how do I embed youtube videos in the comments, I still fail at basic wordpress based communication.