Sorry to return so quickly to the fetid mind of MRA blabologist JohnTheOther, but, well, you’ll see why I have.
Here is Mr. TheOther in AskReddit, responding to the question “Women of Reddit, how do you feel about cumshots?” (No, he is not strictly speaking a “woman of Reddit,” not like that’s going to stop him.) Enjoy the irony of the A Voice for Men second banana rehashing, apparently with utter sincerity, an argument once set forth, rather infamously, by a feminist fellow named Hugo Schwyzer. And enjoy the also-very-special response from fellow MRA SuicideBanana, whom we met earlier in the week.
I know Mr. TheOther is concerned about people “quote mining” comments, and presenting them out of context, but in this case, there is no further context. His comment, which I have presented unedited in screenshot form, isn’t in response to any other comment; it’s simply an answer to the question I alluded to above. Mr. TheOther does respond to SuicideBanana’s remarks about him being an advocate and facilitator of violence, as you can see if you clicky click here, but sheds no more light on the issue of porno cumshots as a “pseudo-mystical representation of the sexuality of the viewer.”
Huh. Sorry if this is TMI, but sex hurts me from behind. It’s not a case of me feeling uncomfortable or degraded, it literally gives me painful stabbing pains. From what I’ve read, it seems to be down to the position of my cervix, and it doesn’t look like there’s anything that can be done about it.
My ex got in a serious sulk about this when I first figured this out and had to stop, initially implying I was overreacting but in the end seemed to realise that this wasn’t something he could get away with complaining about without looking like a prick. He was really obviously not pleased about it, though.
I was only 18 then, and on one level I actually felt guilty about it. I even considered putting up with it at one point, then gave myself a mental smack round the head. And being completely honest here, there’s still a little worry in the back of my mind that this makes me bad/boring in bed. Even though logically I know that this is rubbish, and my subsequent boyfriend was absolutely fine about it.
Uh, yeah. Just thought I’d share.
@ Shade
Yep, that’s why the boyfriend eventually gave up, he figured that whatever small amount of pleasure he achieved really wasn’t worth the back pain afterwards. And he had a slinky for a spine, so for less flexible people, ouch. For women it pretty much doesn’t work at all ime, and I used to be a gymnast, so if I can’t pull it off…
Speaking of sex… Did you see 36 Terrible Sex Tips for Men? Some of these sound pretty familiar. Anyway, pretty funny.
@Anna- I know what you mean about things that “everyone says” you “should” do or you’re a “prude.”
I’m not a fan of oral sex. I mean, the first time I ever did it was basically after being pressured into it, and the guy was really smelly and unwashed and gross. Plus he came down my throat without warning and I almost threw up. So I don’t really have a very positive view of the practice.
Literally EVERYONE who I have mentioned this fact to IRL (not liking to give oral sex to guys) has basically just advised me to “just do it anyway” or “just make it sexier by using flavored condoms or something” or even “you’d be a horrible sex partner because oral sex is MANDATORY!”
I also get the whole “prude” thing thrown in my face, even though I am perfectly comfortable talking about sex, am very sexually open and have a few little kinks of my own (none of which are mandates for sex partners).
I guess that as a woman, you become a “prude” if you won’t submit to every and any sex act that a (male partner) person wants to do to you.
I guess this is probably why in the mainstream, sex is always being referred to as women “giving it up” and men “getting some.”
@Nanasha
I don’t like doing it either. And I’m not a big fan of receiving. Luckily my husband is pretty much on the same page. And I am very atypical in the fact that I don’t really care about foreplay, and I want to just get down to it LOL. My husband doesn’t mind. He thinks it’s funny.
Nanasha — yeah Hugo missed that even ideally semen is very salty, and thus not really any more pleasant than salt water would be (except way sticker, at least it’s easy to get salt water out of your eyes) — also missed the whole “sharing bloody fluids may be dangerous” part. And for extra stupid basically implied that you’ll give a guy a complex with this “and the guy was really smelly and unwashed and gross”…of course, washing places you want your partner’s mouth to go just seems like common curtsey to me.
For any inexperienced folks lurking, condoms do solve the flavor and gag issues, but if you don’t want to, you don’t want to. *happens to really hate all things salty*
Anna said:
“My ex got in a serious sulk about this when I first figured this out and had to stop, initially implying I was overreacting but in the end seemed to realise that this wasn’t something he could get away with complaining about without looking like a prick. He was really obviously not pleased about it, though.”
I really don’t understand this attitude. I mean, surely if you like someone enough to be in a relationship with them you want them to actually enjoy the experience and if you know you’re deliberately hurting them, how could you possibly enjoy it yourself? Even if it’s a really casual relationship or a one night stand, surely you’d want it to be pleasant.
I guess I’m just a bit naive, but this appalls me. I’m so glad you’re in a caring relationship now.
“I was only 18 then, and on one level I actually felt guilty about it.”
You weren’t the one who should have been feeling guilty.
“I even considered putting up with it at one point, then gave myself a mental smack round the head. And being completely honest here, there’s still a little worry in the back of my mind that this makes me bad/boring in bed. Even though logically I know that this is rubbish, and my subsequent boyfriend was absolutely fine about it.”
Any decent, reasonable person would have been fine with it. It just looks like your ex was neither.
For any inexperienced folks lurking.. – Argenti Aertheri
Well i’m not really lurking, but all of this (people telling their stories, etc) is really educational actually. It doesn’t help that sex (and all the related issues) sort of freaks me out, but hey, freaked-outness < learning. 😀
I think it helps breaking social conventions for sex if your a bit of an unconventional person anyway (even though it can suck majorly at times, especially in high-conformity environments like secondary school). Also helps if your partner is similar. “He’s already accepted that I’d rather spend my time and money on fantasy novels than makeup and clothes, and that the act of clothes shopping causes me to twitch and rant about the ‘motherf***ing frou-frou’, so it’s not really a risk if I ask for oral sex…”*
* Basing this on my own personal experiences and the fact that people call me ‘she’, substitute your own experiences and non-applicable gender roles. Also, it was less that and more *browse wikipedia* “Ooh, that looks hot…” *study* *close laptop* *sexytimes*
@Shadethedruid
I managed to get into a yoga-like pose where my arms were straight out behind my head and my butt was pointing upwards with my legs stretched out. Then I stuck my tongue out, craned my neck, and somehow wound up cross-eyed. It didn’t ‘hurt’ any more than basic stretching exercises would, but it was unsuccessful and looked kinda ridiculous.
@Argent Aetheri
I did not know that condoms solved the gagging issue, but I suspect that my Aspie twitching reaction to slimy things in my mouth is probably less sexy than retching in the general direction of his penis. … Does anyone know of a non-lubed condom?
Kiss of mint are and there’s others but I’m forgetting what they’re called now. I don’t really know how that would stop gagging problems though.
I am also confused as to how gagging would relate to condom usage, unless the taste of sperm is what’s making the person gag.
“unless the taste of sperm is what’s making the person gag.”
In my case, half that, half solved by not trying to deep throat or anything like that — that plus condom = no sudden “argh wtf just hit my throat *gag* oh right, sorry dear” moments.
Wow steamy commentary. I’ll add mine.
I don’t get cumshots and would not agree if my partner suggested. Luckily I’m the kinky party in this relationship so I doubt he feels he’s missing out. And I’m actually someone who likes giving head so he’s happy enough. I like the feeling of control, plus he is clean and washed without any bad smells or tastes. I want my man to be so clean I can swallow without gagging. And then kiss him. But no thanks to spunk all over the place, yuck. Messy.
You know, I’d be willing to sort of say “sure, ok, maybe METAPHORICALLY speaking” if he was also claiming that dudes performing oral sex on women was representative of female sexuality. The thing is, I don’t really see that being something most MRA’s would advocate. Dudes coming on a woman’s face is “hot” and “symbolic” but a dude giving a woman oral is like, asking a lot. And don’t even think you’ll get any if you don’t shave down there.
TMI but I feel like it’s this cultural narrative that made it hard for me to receive oral at first. Even though I’d been reassured time and time again that he really enjoyed giving and of course the repetition of the act even though I never asked, would suggest that was the truth,
Ack, that’ll teach me to post from my phone. Anyway, finishing that thought, even though I’d been reassured time and time again that my bf really enjoyed giving and of course the repetition of the act even though I never asked, would suggest that was the truth, I kept thinking, “he’s not enjoying this, he can’t be enjoying this”.
Ack, that’ll teach me to post from my phone. – ostara321
If it’s not the blockquotes, it’s the phones! Seriously! 😛
Here’s some.
http://www.amazon.com/Trustex-Assorted-Non-Lube-Condoms-12-Pack/dp/B000BAV63O/ref=sr_1_35?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1341624647&sr=1-35&keywords=trustex
Yeah, blockquotes and phones are tricksy that way. I don’t think I’ve ever attempted a comment via phone with blockquotes. I would probably break my interwebz 😛
Thanks! 😀
… Actually that could solve a lot of problems with ‘slime’ freak outs and sexytimes.
*solemn if dirty-minded contemplation*
Of course they’ll still need to be lubed a bit on the inside.
Man Boobz: Come for the mockery, stay for the sex tips.
Seranvali:
I think a lot of people — people less awesome than I, naturally — have a certain lack of empathy when it comes to sex. If it’s pleasurable for person who is definitely not me, it must be pleasurable for person’s partner; conversely, it couldn’t hurt hypothetical unempathic person’s partner if it doesn’t hurt hypothetical unempathic person.
Virgin here, but I don’t have anything really against the idea of anal or a guy coming on my face. Most sex acts only start to look gross when paired with the “Oh, baby, do this for me, I think it would be so sexy and if you don’t you’re a bad partner” talk. I’ve got a really experimental worldview; if a partner phrased a request for something I hadn’t come up with on my own but wasn’t actually grossed out by as more of a “hey, you wanna try _____?” I think my reaction would be pretty much “sure, why not? If I don’t like it we can always stop.” But that’s just a personal thing.
For the record, there do definitely exist at least some guys who are very into seeing their semen on their partner without any demeaning/abusive overtones – I’m dating one, and with him, it’s totally hot. I think pretty much any consensual sex act, however loaded with misogynistic baggage, can be awesome and sexy and fun provided the people involved are approaching it in ways that involve fundamental respect for each other, and pretty much any sex act, however NOT loaded with baggage, can be degrading and abusive if that respect is absent.
I don’t want to suggest that facials aren’t laden with a lot of cultural baggage, or that that’s not something people who are into them should be mindful of, but I don’t think we have to throw the baby out with the bathwater here. (Speaking as a heterosexual female submissive kinkster, my sex life would suck if I had to eschew anything that came with shitty cultural baggage. :-p )