So the fellas over on the Men’s Rights Subreddit were having a little discussion the other day about the c-word, and wondering just why so many ladies get so offended by that word. I mean, it’s just a word. (Not like “creep” which is the worst possible thing anyone could possibly call someone else, and a clear abuse of their human rights.)
Funcuz, for his part, blamed Oprah for the unpopularity of the c-word among women:
Hardwarequestions, in a rather circular manner, blamed the offensiveness of the word “cunt” on women, for being offended in the first place:
The only one who seemed to think the insult was genuinely a big deal was expletive-deleted, who rather likes it that way:
Men’s Rights Activism at its finest!
“It’s the nuke of insults.”
The ex-whom-I-not-infrequently-mention thought the same thing. Consequently, I’ve heard the word “cunt” used as an insult so many times (often directed at me) that now this “nuke of insults” gets no more than a raised eyebrow.
That said, “cunt” is not in my personal insult vocabulary – but I find it much more devastating and intellectually refreshing to insult people based on their chosen behaviors and opinions rather than reducing them to a single body part that we’re all supposed to assume by default is a “bad” one.
And if that fails, there’s always the Shakesperean Insult Generator.
SHAMING LANGUAGE.
Anyway. Once a person has said “using that word hurts my feelings,” to you no matter what the word or what you think of it, you have two choices:
1) Stop using the word.
2) Intentionally and deliberately hurt that person’s feelings. (Which may be acceptable– if the word is “misogynist” or “homophobe,” for example.)
But you don’t get an option 3 of “keep using the word but insist it’s not hurtful.” They’ve put you on notice that the word affects them, not asked you “hey, do you think this word should affect me?”
…Which is a moot point in this case, because these dudes are gleefully taking Option 2. They wouldn’t even want to say c*nt if it didn’t hurt women’s feelings.
I imagine expletive-deleted as a small child, looking fellow classmates square in the eye and saying “You are a butthead”.
It is a terrible word because it is symbolic of the power men hold over women. There is no male equivalent to cunt, just as there is no white equivalent to n***** or heterosexual equivalent to f*****.
I would seriously have doubts about even speaking to a man who called women cunts. It is a very hateful word, filled with implications of subjugation and violence.
I think when you come right down to it, the real nature of the complaint here is not that women find the word offensive, but that they have the audacity to complain, and ask to be respected like they were people or something.
Dracula – And yet if the word didn’t bother women at all, they wouldn’t use it, because it wouldn’t be fun anymore. They specifically want women to be upset and not complain.
Women being not upset and not complaining wouldn’t satisfy, or they could accomplish that by just not using the word.
People try to make this argument about racial epithets, as well. Guess what? You don’t get to mandate how someone reacts to being called a name. You have the right to say cunt. And I have the right to say you’re a fucking asshole for saying it. Free speech works both ways.
Yeah, that’s what I was getting at. Sorry I failed to make that clear.
Insults tend to be rather less devastating when they’ve obviously been rehearsed.
The reason many women find the c word so offensive is because it’s associated with violence against women. Some abusive men use the word as a verbal threat against women. The MRM is the abusers’ lobby, though, so they love the word and want to use it without any social repercussions.
And even less so when they’ve obviously been carefully crafted, rehearsed, heavily fantasized about, and then replaced with incoherent sputtering at the actual moment of use.
If fewer (sheesh) women acted like it was a big deal to use that word, MRAs would have to find a word that was a big deal, because like hell they’re going to pass up a chance to take a stab at women.
They have lots of words available to them right now that aren’t big deals, but they’re not interested in using those, because where’s the fun in that?
Sometimes I feel like I live in some sort of parallel universe.
Around here, at least with the people I know/knew when growing up, the word was always treated like the worst swear word ever (like fuck++). So much so that even the known bigots, even the ones that used “fuck” and “shit” on a regular basis in addition to all the “fun” racist, sexist etc slurs (as well as all the “jokes”), refuse to use it.
Even the guy I work with, who’s a giant bigoted arsehole (he’s still wondering why I just stopped talking to him at all, i’m pretty sure he thinks i’m the bad guy in all this) who’s been known to use the above (in addition “darkie”, and its more common cousin beginning with “n”, on occasion) refuses to use it.
I mean, i’m glad they don’t use it, but it’s really fucked up and confusing. Especially given the stance of MRAs, and misogynists in general, on the word. And the reputation us British have for loving the word.
And they are at a loss to understand why women don’t seem to like them or sympathize with their complaints…
I prefer the idea of reclaiming the word cunt, like in the vagina monologues. Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! Say it, love it!
I have to say, that expletive deleted fellow is rather witty.
I dunno. I think “reclaiming” can be a form of submitting to the word. I’m not going to question other groups’ decisions to do, but personally, I don’t want to love “c*unt.”
I think it’s important to be able to say “no, I don’t want this, and I’m not changing my mind about that, I’m not backing down, I said I don’t want this and I goddamn meant it.” Not in a house, not with a mouse, not in a box, not with a fox, and not if we’re reclaiming it.
“C*nt is okay now because we’re taking it back and making it something positive” and “c*nt is okay now because we don’t care if it offends you” come from very different intentions, but the ultimate result either way is someone not respecting that a woman can put her foot down and just plain not want something.
Expletive-deleted is giving the game away with his manly honesty. And it’s fewer women not less women. (I’m a part-time pedant.)
I have absolutely no interest in reclaiming cunt, myself, but I’m not going to stand in some other woman’s way 🙂 just don’t use it to describe me or my body parts. Or at very least, if you do, don’t tell me I can’t be offended because “we’re reclaiming it now!”
I realize that there are good reasons to be offended by the “cunt”: warmth/depth comment, but if someone tried to use it on me I’d probably laugh myself into an early grave. World leaders have been less tactically self-conscious when threatening to use actual nukes.
My theoretical offense would primarily manifest as an inability to take most of what they say seriously from then out.
Men’s Rights Activists: Fighting for the right to call women cunts and have them still want to sleep with us. Why can’t these evil feminazi sluts just get that through their heads?
These are the same people who don’t understand why White people aren’t allowed to use the n-word, Y/Y/MFY?
It’s the nuke of insults. I’ve only gotten to use it once, however.
Muttered under his breath while slinking away.
All this talk about reclamation has me imagining a giant disembodied vagina slowly rocking back and forth in the shallows off some little-known Atlantic beach, just waiting to be patched up and made seaworthy again. Ah, sailing.
Anyway, there is a nice, robust go-to insult that does not target gender—or even creep shame, the worst thing in the history of evils—and which happens to describe our r/mr friends: asshole. Not everyone has one, but anyone can be one.
It’s a gendered slur. I will describe myself in a casual way as ‘cunt’ but I’m fucked if I’m going to sit quietly while a man does it.
I thought the male equivalent was calling somebody a dick. Or is there a difference between being a dick and a cunt? I just know that both are insults, but since this isn’t my mother tongue I probably don’t really get the nuances.