Is there anything in the world that Paul Elam can’t blame on feminism? Apparently not.
In his latest post on A Voice for Men, Elam reports on a number of health problems he’s been dealing with – or not dealing with – for years. You see, despite chronic troubles with his gall bladder and with his breathing – which led to many ER visits over many years – Elam refused to get his gall bladder removed, or to give up smoking. For a while, he confesses, he was alternating puffs of cigarettes with hits from his Albuterol inhaler. But after numerous health scares, he reports, he’s finally dealing with his underlying issues, getting his gall bladder removed and weaning himself off the cigarettes.
I’m not going to mock him for any of this. Lots of people – especially men – have trouble pushing themselves to get the medical help they need. I’m one of them: the last time I went to the dentist it was because one of my teeth had gotten so rotten that a chunk of it broke off. There are a lot of mostly not-very good reasons I procrastinate about getting proper treatment for my health reasons, from simple denial to lack of funds. (Though, as I have sadly learned, waiting to go to the dentist until your teeth start breaking apart in your mouth does not actually save you money in the long run.)
Lots of guys won’t go to doctors because, as guys, they’ve been raised to believe they should grin and bear whatever pain they face. That’s one of the reasons feminists tend to criticize traditional notions of masculinity.
But for Elam, the problem is … feminism:
We live in a misandric culture, and often times, when we are scared enough or motivated by some other powerful force, we find that the root of the hatred is in the mirror staring back at us and mocking.
We men are raised with a sense of shame for having any needs. We are told, in fact, that we already have everything, and largely don’t deserve even the most basic of our needs for dignity, respect and love. If you look around in medical literature long enough, you will even see them shaming us for not going to the doctor more. Feminists have even used our tendency to neglect ourselves as a good reason to go full steam ahead with the unabashedly pro-female Obamacare.
This last charge is based on an almost completely delusional misreading of Obama’s health care legislation by our dear friend Antony Zarat. Elam continues:
And you can watch many men nod their heads in agreement with this crap. Sure, some of it is just the typical effects of feminist ideology on the brains of obsequious men, but there is something else at play here.
Can you guess what’s coming here? Yep, you got it, the motherfucking Titanic.
What made men willing to stand on the decks of sinking ships where their betters were loaded onto lifeboats? What makes men OK with being singled out for selective service? When is the last time you heard an average man point out to a woman who is whining that her great grandmother could not vote, that even today, unless a man signs an agreement with the government to use his body as cannon fodder, that he still won’t be allowed to vote?
Never mind that “women and children first” has never been official policy, nor even widely practiced. Never mind that feminists,while generally opposed to the draft, have lobbied for women as well as men to be subject to the same requirement to register for the draft. Never mind that the draft has been dead for decades. And never mind that exactly none of this is the fault of feminism.
We often have to point out to morons that being anti-feminist is not the same thing as being anti-woman. I think we would do well to remember from time to time that misandry is often not something done to us, but something we do to ourselves.
It is a monster that can live in any one of us, and often does. I have been doing battle with my own for a while. 25 years of consideration, soul searching and bucking the system and I am just now figuring out to go see a doctor when I have a problem.
Elam, dude: Despite your overweening narcissism, I have no trouble believing that on some level you hate yourself. Narcissism is often driven by insecurity, and no one who responds to even mild criticism with the level of rage that you do could be anything other than deeply insecure. But what you feel isn’t “misandry,” and feminists aren’t to blame. All that rage isn’t healthy for you. You should really get it checked out. And I’m not even joking.
Here’s Sleater-Kinney with “Call the Doctor,” though really only the title of the song is appropriate to the situation here.
Apparently his root complaint is that when he doesn’t go to the doctor, he doesn’t get medical treatment?
Very terrible discrimination, that.
Has he still not figured out that the issues he has with the way men are treated in our culture has to do with compulsory heterosexist hegemonic masculinity, and that this is a side effect of sexism, and that feminism stands for the removal of this ideology from human societies?
@GingerSnaps: No. Because in his mind there isn’t anything wrong with what his daddy taught him. All these things he blames on feminism magically become things his mommy taught him.
Therefore he gets to continue hating on women and avoiding thinking about all the negative things his daddy taught him.
For “daddy,” read “father and male friends and relations;” for “mommy,” read “mother and female friends* and relations.”
*Like he ever had any.
MRAs rather seem to enjoy enforcing that sexist ideology. Look at the way they emasculate other men by calling them “manginas”.
He won’t go to the doctor and it’s my fault because I have my own check book. Breathtaking.
You know, one of my biggest peeves with these shitheads is how they bang on about how men die sooner and that they commit suicide more often than women and somehow that’s the fault of feminism.
It’s not.
Men are normally taught to be “tough” and to not “be a pussy.” Feminists are not the ones responsible for this. It’s men. It starts in childhood with fathers telling their sons that crying is for girls and that they should be rough and tough.
Yes it is a big problem that men are conditioned to not seek help when they need it, whether it be medical treatment or psychological help and it does contribute to the male higher mortality rate.
And why the fuck is Elam bitching about how professional medical literature is “shaming” men because they tend to delay seeking treatment? Doesn’t the shitbag realize that it isn’t shaming but rather bringing up the subject because it is a recognized problem that the medical profession wants to address so that more men don’t die from self neglect of their health?!
JAMA – bastion of misandry.
Anyway, here is a relevant video. MRA shitheads take note.
Of course they’re doing misandry to themselves. It feeds nicely into their martyr complexes.
Most poor people do not go to the doctor as often as they need to. Partly because growing up poor they learned denial til desperate instead of the habit and value of preventative medicine. It is hard to learn what you have not lived. The irony is that so many men who grew up being taken to the doctor regularly by their mothers and as adults having appointments made for them by wives get divorced and do not even do basic body maintenance without a servant to remind them or arrange it for them. Clearly that is the fault of feminists who refuse to serve the needs of men to have appointments made for them and be badgered into going to the doctor when necessary.
This is actually a pretty timely post. I was feeling like total crap today and stayed home from work because my throat felt like it was on fire. I’m also 22 weeks pregnant and I want to make sure that things are ok. So I called my doctor this morning and scheduled an appointment for this afternoon to get checked out for strep or any other underlying illness that could affect myself and my unborn baby. Unfortunately, I have a history of pneumonia and my father just got over a bout of pneumonia as well- he told me that his first symptoms involved a painful throat, so when I was having trouble sleeping after gargling with Listerine and sucking on a throat drop, I figured I should go in to make sure. Turns out, I’m negative for strep and the doctor tells me to work on using a saline neti pot for my sinus pain/discomfort to help, but yeah, chances are it’s viral and might go bacterial unless I get plenty of rest and plenty of fluids.
So I’m staying home, drinking tons of water, and grooming my cat with his (TOTAL FAV) grooming glove because even though he’s short haired, he sheds like crazy when the weather gets warm, and all that extra hair turns into hairballs on his end and sneezing on my end (I’m not allergic to pets but hair all over the place= vacuuming or sneezing a lot which sucks).
Obviously, when I feel bad, I trust myself to know when it’s bad enough to need a doctor, and even if it’s not, it’s easy to pay the 15 dollar copay to see my regular doctor or visit the urgent care facility (it’s not the emergency room, but it’s open later and on the weekends and you can see them immediately for the same 15 dollar copay which I think is brilliant).
It is an individual adult’s responsibility to go see the doctor. I respect men enough to think that they can pick up their own socks and put them in the dirty clothes hamper, that they’re not too stupid to know how to put a seat down on the toilet, and that they’re obviously more well-informed than to let gangrene eat up their leg. While socialization can get in the way of men thinking that they ought to see the doctor or just “tough it out” (many minor illnesses do technically clear up on their own but you have to know the difference), I think that in some ways, privilege is also a huge factor. When you’re used to not being vulnerable or having your weaknesses pointed out (unless someone wants a sock to the jaw, amirite, since violence solves everything in Man World *sarcasm*), it can be tough to come to terms with being a human being when something as small as a virus or bacterial infection takes you down. And especially for a lot of young guys who have generally had few if any medical issues (you will notice that men who grew up with severe asthma or other health problems tend to be much more comfortable going to the doctor when something is wrong), it can be hard to get a goo idea of when something’s “bad enough” to justify taking time off of work, scheduling an appointment and going in. And then there’s the fear that you’ll have an insensitive doctor, or you’ll be drilled up the ass with the FINGER OF DEATH (which Dave Barry, humorist, has written about at length: http://www.miamiherald.com/2009/02/11/427603/dave-barry-a-journey-into-my-colon.html ).
To a lot of men, it’s incredibly emasculating not to be “in control” and going to the doctor is one of the most uncontrollable situations for most people.
So I can understand that to some extent. I can’t tell you how many times I was actually kind of thankful that my entire life I’ve been socialized as a woman to basically acquiesce to requests of my body or behavior by those in authority because it’s so much easier (and less self-conscious) for me to take off my clothes or have doctors stick things in my body (speculum, etc) for medical reasons (if men are afraid of the Finger of Death, imagine having a car jack inserted into your body and then slowly jacked open to full height so they can stick a metal brush inside of you and scratch up your innards to collect cells-that’s a pap smear). I mean, that’s basically par for the course for female socialization.
But honestly, I can’t stand listening to adults blame other people for their inability to make good choices. Don’t go to the doctor? Fine. But don’t tell me it’s “feminism’s” fault that you refused to go to the doctor and now your leg is coming off because you’ve kept your diabetes untreated for way too long.
http://spongebob.nick.com/videos/clip/suds-full-episode.html
(OH THE HORROR, NOT OLD MAGAZINES!)
And finally, even if you aren’t willing to go to the doctor, there are many resources that you can access online without ever having to step foot into a doctor’s office, and there are certain preventative things you can do even before you assess if it’s “bad enough” to go into the doctor and brave the possibility of The Finger of Death. That’s how I figured out what tests to ask for to get my PCOS treated and diagnosed when my doctors at the time were being unsupportive and telling me it was “all in my head.” And I honestly think that if a person is not interested in being invested enough in their own health to take the time to do a simple WebMD search, they shouldn’t go crying and blaming their own health problems on other people because the only person they can blame for their inaction is themselves.
i think i found file footage of paul elam:
okay, i screwed up embedding that, skip to 30 seconds
Why do these guys keep confusing the concepts “society” and “feminism”. Society does indeed produce men who tend to neglect their health because of all kinds of societal ideas about men and toughness and stoicism. You know what the one group in society that actively opposes those ideas about masculinity is? You guessed it – feminists!
Just for bonus irony, a lot of MRAs are all about valorizing and promoting the idea of men as macho, stoic, etc. You can’t dismantle the socialization which leads to men neglecting their health while at the same time supporting the idea that men are stoic and macho and that’s what makes them better than women, guys. It just doesn’t work.
AVfM commenter “Auntie Feminizm” blames women, specifically mothers, for the fact that men are taught to neglect their health. (He sort of contradicts himself when he notes that women are often the ones urging adult men to take better care of themselves. I doubt he notices that contradiction.)
I was going to ask, “Where are the dads in this picture?” but clearly these are all single mothers who are siphoning dollars out of the sperm-jacked fathers’ wallets and refusing to allow them any contact.
@ Lady Zombie
Thanks for posting the Tony Porter video. I was not familiar with him, but he’s awesome – off to Google to find more stuff!
There’s a bit at the beginning where he’s talking about his reaction to his 5 year old son’s crying, and I had a lightbulb moment watching it. The men I know and love, the ones whose company I enjoy? For the most part, they didn’t have fathers who treated them like that, they had fathers who allowed them to just be kids.
It’s funny because there was a study that clearly made the link between men who’re obsessed with fitting into what Porter calls the Man Box and making sure that other men see them as fitting into it and rape, and what the study showed is that those men are responsible for the majority of rapes. It’s insecure threatened masculinity on steroids, basically.
I just find it interesting that I’ve always had an instinctive aversion to men like that, ever since I was a kid, long before I could have logically explained why or linked it to any sort of risk profile. I’m thinking about the ways in which this ties in with the ideas in The Gift of Fear.
“I think we would do well to remember from time to time that misandry is often not something done to us, but something we do to ourselves.”
Wow. I think I agree with something Elam said. Es un milagro!
So let me get this straight.
Evil Feminists are demanding men “man up” and never get any medical treatment.
Evil Feminists are also demanding men feminize themselves by accepting medical treatment.
“Evil Feminists are demanding men “man up” and never get any medical treatment.
Evil Feminists are also demanding men feminize themselves by accepting medical treatment.”
Yep, and something about the Titanic. Would now be a bad time to remind the MRM that feminism has been saying the patriarchy hurts everyone for some time now?
…what are evil feminist men doing? Feminizing themselves when they go to the doctor? Not being manginas by “manning up” and not going? o.O?
Great, they’re still the opposite of helpful >.<
I remember when my mom was married to my biological dad, and he would get sick or injured every once in a while (as folks do). She would pull out the very old trick hetero married women have been using for generations: the “go for me, because I’ll worry otherwise” trick. This trick allows a man to feel like he is not being emasculated by asking for help and being a little vulnerable. It puts all the responsibility on the nagging wife, who exists to annoy and pester the strong, independent man. It’s insulting bullshit for everyone involved, but at least it created a loophole that allowed married straight men (if not any other men) to see the doctor.
Last summer, my boyfriend was being all “I don’t need to get my broken finger looked at, I’m a BIG STRONG MAN” so I said “that’s absolutely absurd, men have health concerns just like the rest of us and wrapping your masculinity all up in ideas that are going to do you harm is totally uneccessary.” I didn’t have to lie, he didn’t have to pretend that he has no agency in regards to his own health, and everything was the bestest. Thanks, feminism.
P.S. I hope Elam gets the healthcare he needs.
This article really pissed me off. Moreso even then the other misogynistic shit he’s written in the past. Getting sick isn’t his fault obviously, but the fact that he outright admits to taking poor care of his health then still blaming feminism, blaming the Obama care act for OMGWOMENSHEALTH centers to deal with reproductive issues that only people with uteruses and wombs have is such horrible misandry. On top of that his article plain as day says he got all the medical help he needed and that emergency people even recognized him. A very far cry from the grim picture MRAs are constantly painting of men dying of of poor health because feminism.
But here’s the part that gets me the most:
Granola heads. So people who take care of their health are hippie pussies amirite? CONGRATULATIONS for contributing to the very culture that keeps men from going to the doctor. By fucking implying that only stupid hippie granola heads don’t smoke. That not smoking is somehow not manly. You are contributing to the fucking problem.
Is there anything that men are held accountable for according to MRAs? or is it always feminism’s fault? the irony is that MRAs do exactly to men what they accuse feminists of doing to women. They make men out to be helpless victims of EVERYTHING. From feminists, to society, to individual women, to “manginas” to the gubmint to themselves. Yes to some extent restrictive gender roles for men and women are indeed to blame and need to be changed, but if you’re aware of those restrictions and decide to shrug them off by taking the red pill or whatever then what excuse is left?
Funnily enough I have a doctor’s appt tomorrow. I hate going to the doctor too, and especially hate going to hospitals. It sucks, I get it. But if there’s a problem, common sense dictates you try to fix it. Isn’t that what MRAs are always reminding us silly women that men are so superior at? fixing things? so look at going to the doctor like that, taking steps to fix a problem.
I’m going to blame my fear of hospitals on the flesh eating bacteria that keeps cropping up in some of them – that shit is terrifying.
The Doctor?! The doctor is the the enemy of the Daleks! You will be exterminated! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! (Sorry… when I read the post title, this entered my brain immediately)
I bet the MRA’s think women are bad if they nag the men they love into taking care of themselves, too.
I make all of the appointments for my husband to see the doctor, optometrist, and dentist. I then put reminders on his phone for him. Fifteen minutes before his appointment, I call him and remind him again he has an appointment. I tell him what copay he’ll need, and give him directions on how to get to the office, too. Thankfully, he is grateful and says he likes having me take care of him like that, but some men think that’s NAGGING!!! Oh noes!
As for raising sons, I think feminism makes me remember to teach my sons that it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to ask for help, and that boys don’t have to be tough. Let me guess, though, that’s “sissy” to teach them that, and therefore it’s also misandry. With the MRA’s, women are always damned if we do, damned if we don’t.
@Cassandra
There was a point in my life where I had hypochondria and the flesh eating bacteria was one of the diseases that freaked me out, even though its very rare. I don’t have hypochondria anymore (or at least haven’t had it for years now) but I’m still a bit of a germaphobe which is why I hate hospitals, doctor’s offices, public washrooms, etc
As always, it’s men’s fault. Color me surprised. So which is it, toxic masculinity or the evil patriarchy? It’s definitely not our feminist, feminized society glorifying the enlightened ones to high heaven while demonizing the disposable mooks from cradle to grave.
And let’s not pretend like the gang wouldn’t be laughing up your sleeves if Elam kicked the bucket tonight. Oh you’d put on a good somber show alrighty, but deep down inside you’d all secretly agree with which ever feminist said the words you were thinking. Just like when women use state violence while washing their hands of that nasty blood, ya just don’t have the gut’s to do it yourselves.
Basically, a lotta men just don’t give a shit anymore. Hell, last post ya’ll bragged about how much ya care for the health and happiness of dumb animals. I’ll bet women spend more on, and run more shelters for dumb animals than they do for men. I wonder what’ll happen when most men just don’t give a shit anymore? I guess we’ll find out.