Men’s Rights Activists and manosphere misogynists love to complain that I “cherry pick” quotes in an attempt to make them look bad. Which makes it especially ironic that all too often when I call them out on some particular bit of bullshit, they more or less double down on that bullshit, reiterating and in many cases amplifying the terrible things they originally said.
Several days ago, I wrote about a Spearhead post from W.F. Price with the priceless title “After 25, Women Are Just Wasting Time.” It was appalling even by Spearhead standards. Price used the untimely death of a talented young writer named Marina Keegan as an opportunity to rehash the belief, widely held in the manosphere, that women over the age of 25 who haven’t managed to snag themselves a “good husband” are “just wasting time,” growing older and uglier and less appealing to men. (Evidently, women’s appeal to men is the only thing that really matters about them.)
Price’s article inspired numerous comments from Spearheaders that were even more grotesquely misogynistic and cruel than his own post; Price at least pretended to care about the dead girl, even though his post was a crass and opportunistic insult to her memory.
And it inspired one regular Man Boobz commenter, a 26-year-old woman, to wade into the muck that is the Spearhead’s comments section to point out that Price’s grand narrative of female decline after age 25 has no relation whatsoever to her own life story:
I’m 26 years old. 27 terrifyingly soon. I am nothing like the person I was when I graduated college.
After originally getting a film degree, I’ve just started nursing school.
I’m living on the other side of the country and loving the different culture here.
I’m dating a wonderful guy who mysteriously didn’t dump me on my 25th birthday.
I’m doing difficult, not always fun, but ultimately socially useful work, work I couldn’t imagine myself doing when I graduated college.Since I graduated college, I’ve read more books, worked on more movies, learned more skills, lifted more weight, traveled more places, marched in more protests, gotten published more times, saved more lives than I thought I ever would.
And I’m still only 26.
You think I’m going to stop protesting and writing and working the wild Saturday midnight shift in the ER before I’m 30? Before I’m 60?
Or do you think it doesn’t matter because I might not be as fuckable then?
Well then fuck you. I’m 26 and I got miles to go.
–
(Oh, and I’m way better at sex now. Guys who thought I hit my “expiration date” just around the time I was first learning what a Kegel was, you are missing out.)
The Spearheaders responded, predictably enough, with downvotes and insults and a lot of mainsplainy comments suggesting that she’s regret it forever if she doesn’t get married ASAP and start popping out children.
The strangest comment of the bunch came from a Spearhead “Shieldmaiden” (that’s what they call female commenters on The Spearhead, for reals) by the name of Andie, who launched into a barely coherent tirade that somehow revolved around, er, SCENTED CANDLES!
Price, after seeing Andie’s rant mocked by the commenters here, decided to feature it today as the Spearhead “Comment of the Week.” So without further ado, here is what Price considers to be the Spearhead community at its best:
@26 year old woman
Let’s see how you feel when you’re 29 and the end of everything possible is right at your doorstep. Hell, lots of women are infertile at 26. Done. You won’t do everything. You won’t be a mother.
And if that doesn’t bother you, darlin’, you ain’t a woman.
And if your plans are to actually BE a mother (as in do the damn work), you are already in very deep water.
Your resume will never put his chubby little arms around you and tell you he loves you, like a child will. Your resume will never give you grandchildren, like your children might. Your resume will never share in all your joys, all your sorrows, all your triumphs, all your tragedies, like your husband will.
But you WILL be able to rape that resume of HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS over your lifetime. Yay!
The fastest growing consumer product category: scented candles. SCENTED FUCKING CANDLES.
Yes, 26 year old woman, all your education and opportunity and rights have resulted in millions of children raised without fathers, the total destruction of the family, the rise of GIANT ASS government to give all those wymyns a place to work (doing utterly useless shit) and what was it for? What did we gain?
SCENTED FUCKING CANDLES!!
Nicely done, ladies. Really good job.
Fuck you, bitch. My daughters are coming for you. And millions of daughters just like mine. We see you, you superficial piece of trash. You have cost us our lives. For patchouli candles.
You will pay.
Go back and read @26 year old woman’s comment, then read Andie’s again. Quite a contrast, wouldn’t you say?
I should note that when Price first posted the quote, he evidently left out the last few paragraphs; perhaps even he realized they were a tad over the line as a response to a woman whose only real “crime” was telling the Spearheaders that her life was interesting and fulfilling to her, and that she wasn’t planning on having any babies in the foreseeable future. (And if they didn’t approve of her life, too fucking bad for them.)
In the comments to Price’s “Comment of the Week” post, HL offers this thought:
Every time something like this comes up, it becomes ever more apparent that the ignorance, hate mongering, bigotry and fallacies rests so much more heavily on the side of the feminists.
To paraphrase Rick James, lack of self-awareness is a hell of a drug.
Maybe the problem with candles is they remind Andie of the flame and void, which reminds her of the Wheel of Time, which gave her PTSD because of the battle of Dumai’s Wells?
I mean, as long as we’re pulling things out of our asses.
This whole comment just reinforces my feeling that these people don’t know what the hell they’re talking about (and they’re hopeless hypocrites).
If you decide not to become a mom, you’re pegged as a heartless harpie or (insert horrible, you’re-not-a-real-woman meme).
If you decide to become a mom, CONGRATULATIONS! Every other mom in the world is going to look down her nose at your choices and FREAK THE FUCK OUT every time you don’t make some privileged choice that she had the ability to make (you will not fucking believe how many times I’ve been attacked, talked down to, and belittled by other moms simply for admitting that I use disposable diapers-FOR SERIOUS). And then there are the people who don’t currently have children, the childfree who give you evil looks at the store just because your kid is babbling slightly louder than “inside voice level” (I live in a town full of a lot of liberal, non-kid-having people, and I respect their choices but would appreciate if they wouldn’t shoot me evil looks when my kid talks in a high-pitched voice (her only voice, really) in a public place. Then you have the older people whose kids have grown up who are CERTAIN that their children “never behaved like that” (yay for selective memory!). There’s the “advice givers” and the “assumers” (yeah, because I’m out with my kid without my husband around, I *must* be an Evil Single Mom who is Sucking Up Your Government Money *rolls eyes*).
But I didn’t have a child because of society’s bullshit. I had a child because I wanted to grow, birth and raise a kid of my own. That is *my* choice and it is not something I would subscribe to any other women out there.
I liken it to your hands. Pretty much everyone is born with two of them. But wouldn’t it be sad if we were told that hands were only good for one thing, and if you didn’t use your hands for those particular things that your life would be unfulfilling and meaningless? Some people use their hands to create great works of art. Others create manuscripts and scholarly writing. Still others help to find cures and treatment for disease. We can use our hands for all sorts of amazing things, some of which have probably not even been thought of yet.
And yes, the whole “use your uterus” meme is counterbalanced in the MRA movement with an equally sexist-to-males trope- the whole “penis is only for sticking in female orifices” meme- which basically ignores homosexual male sex (because guys having sex with EACH OTHER is icky to MRAs), and ignores types of male sexual engagement and behavior that don’t subscribe to annoying porn tropes of “PERPETUALLY HARD PENIS->STICK IT IN-> PUMP REALLY HARD FOR LIKE 20 MINUTES WHILE GROANING MASCULINELY->SHOOT OUT SEMEN->SLEEP.”
And don’t even get me started on how on Mother’s day, most moms ask for the simplest of things (time off from responsibilities as Mom), and yet they pretty much never get it- instead being told “Oh here’s some present I bought you that you don’t really want and I’m going to bitch about because it was so fucking expensive.” But most Mother’s Day presents are stuff like small bits of jewelry, flowers, or (yes, even) scented candles- most of it can be bought on a budget or even for free if you cut your own flowers and make your own card.
On Father’s day? Buy dad a BIG SCREEN TV. Let him GO OUT WITH THE GUYS. Buy him AN EXPENSIVE GADGET. Dads generally get a huge pay out on Father’s Day, and in addition most of them get a REAL “day off” from having to deal with the kids because the woman generally does most of it anyway.
Bottom line is- if you’re a mom, everyone (including yourself) is expected that you’re going to sacrifice everything for your children, that you will cut corners on your own life, save all the good stuff and the extra money for others, and basically be a selfless human version of the Giving Tree until all that’s left is this stump all the while your ungrateful children and husband (ex husband who left you for a mistress?) ask why you can’t just give them MORE?
If you’re a dad, and you show even slight interest in caring for YOUR OWN KIDS, you’re pedestaled as a saint, you are smiled kindly at by people in the store because you have kids with you- women will stop you on the street and talk to you because you have a stroller with a baby in it, etc. And you are never looked askance by anyone else if you hand the stinky-diapered child or screaming child to your female partner and ask her to “take care of it.”
This book actually sums up a lot of this stuff right here: http://www.amazon.com/Manhood-Amateurs-Pleasures-Regrets-Husband/dp/0061490180
Most moms are left with the dirtiest jobs, the hardest jobs, and the sad and angry face of child-rearing. It is not something you take lightly- but if it is something you wish to take on, it can be rewarding because you take this little squalling person who can barely even feed themselves and you help them become comfortable in their own skin and understand how to interact in society. The problem is that while you’re doing it- the stress and frustation is relentless and there are few if any support groups or people out there who will understand that taking your child for an hour is great, yes, but it does not keep you from feeling overwhelmed in the long-run, and sure, changing one dirty diaper is better than changing zero, but that still doesn’t make you a true-co-parent if every time things get hard you hand the kid off to the woman.
People ask surgeons or astronauts why they do hard things if they are full of misery and danger- the truth of the matter is that, like parenting, people do dangerous, icky jobs, not just for the paycheck but for those times when you finally get to see the diamond in the rough- when you get those moments of pure joy and ecstasy at your accomplishments- when you realize, hey, this shit is WORKING. But there is constantly the specter of failure, of it all coming down on your shoulders and even if the peanut gallery is silent, you have your own peanut gallery in your head reinforcing those negative thoughts.
So no, being a parent is not for everyone, but at the same time I am FUCKING TIRED of people asking me why I chose to do it if it’s so hard and drudgerous and relentless (and no, I didn’t get tricked into parenthood- I am partially infertile and therefore had to TRY to have a baby). I did it for the same reason that many people choose to do things- BECAUSE I OWN MY CHOICES AND DECIDED THAT IT WAS RIGHT FOR ME (and additionally, my husband and I actually talked it out long and decided we were ready before we started attempting to conceive, and we were both on the same page as far as it was concerned seeing as I had to go off of birth control pills and get all these blood tests to check my hormonal profile and then he had to forgo condoms, and it took a good six to eight months in order for us to do it).
I make no decisions or judgements on other peoples lives. They can choose what they want out of it. What I can’t abide by is the constant haranguing and hand wringing by MRAs that seems to go on because Other Women Out There are not all making the decision that these individual guys think is the best. It’s like they think that out there, somewhere, someone should make all the shitty sacrifices and do the Hard Thing, but they don’t want that to be THEM (because, you know, important manly things and stuff), but good lord SOMEONE has to have THEIR BABIES and DO ALL THE HARD RAISING STUFF and they want the luxury of not having to think about any of that stuff and yet turn around 18 years later and pat their son or daughter on the shoulder and take credit for all that hard work (or alternatively, blame the woman for doing a “bad job” if the child comes out “wrong”).
Not all men are like this, but these MRA douchebags *are*. They want an unpaid domestic servant, a slave who looks the other way when he decides to stray, and a punching bag (emotional and physical) for any of his rage issues and inadequacies that he can blame on her. That’s why they want to trap teenagers and foreign women into relationships- they want to exploit vulnerable populations and force them to stay in unhealthy and abusive relationships and defer their power to “the Man” because they have no other choice. Oh, and then discard them the second they no longer seem like favorable assets.
Excuse me, I have to go throw up- the implications of female slavery and abuse are absolutely disgusting.
Or maybe she was traumatized by this poem.
Wouldn’t that be nice! Then I could travel and do all sorts of other things I couldn’t do if I had a bazillion kiddos to take care of. I doubt I will ever be able to “rape” my resume of that much money, but it’s fun to dream.
Speaking of fucking feminine frivolity, I made some motherfucking scented body butter today. You should all try it, it’s fucking amazing. I melted three parts fucking shea butter with one part felching hazelnut oil, left the fucker to cool, and just as it was about to solidify I added a few drops of essential oil of cunting tangerine and whisked it like fuck.
Cliff P: hope you’re OK. I’m not sure how well I could cope with being the target of this much spite. Even such utterly ridiculous, incoherent spite as this.
That…
is the greatest poem I have ever heard.
(sorry Kirbywarp)
@MissPrism
Sounds like some fantastic fucking body butter! What the fuck does one do with body butter, lay in the fucking sun? I ask because it just makes me think of cooking, but obviously I’m a clueless fuck when it comes to that fucking stuff.
MissPrism, do you use a double fucking broiler to melt the fucking shea butter, or just a regular pot?
Body butter is the shit! I would fucking love to make some.
I still don’t get this “logic”:
– Women who are highly focused on having a child and searching for a baby daddy who will support them as a SAHM = BAD because misandry (hide your used condoms boys!)
– Women who get educations and have careers and postpone child-bearing = BAD because ????
MissPrism, I am totally in love with the idea of ‘cunting tangerine.’ Is that a separate species? Where can I obtain such a plant? I generally have a black thumb, but I would absolutely make an effort for that.
Some women are just so good at swearing people pay to listen to them:
Sheila Addison – BAD because women. Woman = bad. All the rest is window-dressing.
When I was a little girl, my mother told me never to use the f-word because men would not respect me if I did. As you can fucking see I didn’t take her fucking advice to fucking heart.
It’s just a very rich moisturiser – rich enough that it would also be nice as a fucking massage oil (but not literally if you’re using latex condoms, obvs). It melts on contact with the skin. Recipe modified from this one:
http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2012/02/make-your-own-moisturizing-body-butter.html
I haven’t got a fucking double boiler so I just put a Pyrex bowl over a pan of hot water. Like as if I was melting cocking chocolate.
We’re going to see The Avengers, so I haven’t the time to catch up but this needs to be said in response to, “you aren’t a woman”.
Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that ‘twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what’s all this here talking about?
That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain’t I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain’t I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man – when I could get it – and bear the lash as well! And ain’t I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother’s grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain’t I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what’s this they call it? [member of audience whispers, “intellect”] That’s it, honey. What’s that got to do with women’s rights or negroes’ rights? If my cup won’t hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn’t you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?
Then that little man in black there, he says women can’t have as much rights as men, ’cause Christ wasn’t a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.
If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.
Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain’t got nothing more to say.
I always use a double fucking boiler, or a goddamn fondue pot, when I’m melting fucking chocolate, because I can’t be assed to watch it close enough to keep from burning the shit out of it, which pisses me off.
Kyrie – I went to see Fascinating Aida live a few months ago! They seemed brilliant and hilarious to me, but unfortunately at least two of them and probably all 3 were over 25, though, so they were probably completely worthless after all.
Heh.
Cunting tangerine.
I’m glad there’s happyfunsmilethings coming out of Complete Bullshit. It’s like wonderful fertiliser.
You could probably melt it in a fucking microwave if you couldn’t be arsed to piss about with pans of hot water.
I’m in my late 20s and have known for awhile that I never want kids. In the future I’ll probably get my tubes tied. I never knew that my own personal choices would chap so much MRA hide but knowing it does fills me with glee.
Oh and Andie? Bring it.
I’m sure woman #2 would be very glad for woman #1 to help her or her children out if they got sick or hurt and had to go to the emergency room.
Ah, but it’s just a ruse. That’s how they’ll get close enough to COME FOR HER!
@Pecunium- Yeah, to these MRA bastards you’re either a “woman” (ie: a pretty toy they can do whatever they want to and use as a status item), or you’re “nothing”- you get disappeared, you don’t exist, you “deserve” abuse, poverty and loneliness.
In fact, “back in the day” it was quite customary for middle class and rich white males to have a “pretty trophy wife” at home who they treated with superficial “care” with the customary one or two children while they had a mistress (or more) in the poor side of town, pumping out his babies and pining for the scraps of tenderness between all the unrestricted rage and abuse.
The word “bastard” has been around a lonnnnng time, and there’s a reason for that, mostly the exploitation of vulnerable poor and uneducated women by the richer class of privileged men.
Hell, it’s been genetically proven that many slave owners raped their female black slaves to pregnancy and then sold their own offspring. Make no mistake, MRA posturing wants us to slide right down to slavery for all women, separate out the ones to be pedestaled and the others to be abused worse than animals or outright killed/discarded.
Haha, I haven’t kept up with all this because I’ve been (not kidding) helping my boyfriend move and painting his new apartment. But I’m amazed the reaction provoked by a comment that doesn’t really say much more than “despite being a woman, I have experienced several non-vagina-related aspects of human life.”
Ah, Pecunium. The only thing better is hearing Alfre Woodard read it:
Manboobz: come for the mockery, stay for the GODDAMN BODY FUCKING BUTTER RECIPES! Seriously, I’m gonna try that fucker out, thanks!