A talented journalist, playwright and activist died last weekend in a car crash shortly after graduating from Yale. Marina Keegan was 22. Before she died, she wrote an essay for the Yale Daily News urging her classmates to keep alive the sense of possibility they brought with them when they first arrived at college:
We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. …
What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. … We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.
Over on the Spearhead, W.F. Price notes her death, and quotes these words, and more, from her essay. His point? That she was wrong.
By the time you hit 25 or so – just three years out of college – your life is pretty much set, he argues, and “your future can be fairly well predicted by your life at that point.” And this apparently goes double for women. Price titles his post: “After 25, Women Are Just Wasting Time.”
And why is that? Because if they’re not married to a good earner by then, or at least with the guy they plan to settle down with, they’re fucked. While an “average girl,” as Price puts it, should have snagged her future husband by age 21, non-average college girls buy themselves only a few more years.
As Price explains it:
Four years of college buys women precious little time in the mating market. … I’d guess … about exactly as much time as it takes for them to complete it, because their pool of future mates tends to go through the same process … That’s to say that she has her best shot to land a good match up to perhaps 25.
There are a few, well, let’s just call them plot holes in Price’s story here, but let’s hear him out:
The problem with young women today is that they internalize this “anything is possible” attitude and don’t lose it until it really is too late for many of them. They think they can do better at 30 than at 22, which, in most cases, is simply wrong. Some might say that family and men are not a priority for these girls, but women for whom this is really true throughout life are an insignificant minority. In fact, most women are holding out precisely because they think they can get a better man later, perhaps when they have a better job and work with more powerful men.
But these girls are not going to change fundamentally, and in their early 20s are at the peak of their beauty while still retaining an innocent charm. Nothing about their looks or personality is going to make them more appealing at 30 than at 22, and the men available to them are not going to get any better, either….
The point is that neither men nor women change fundamentally past a certain point, and the same guys young women have available in their early 20s are generally the same guys that will be available at 30, only they will be older and, due to marriage, there will be far fewer of them.
Yep, we’re back to the hoary old story of the bad boy cock carousel once again. Better grab hold of a good hearted beta while the getting is good, ladies – because by the time you finish off your slutty dalliances with the bad boy alphas your looks will be gone and no man (alpha or beta) will want to have anything to do with you.
Price continues, cranking the melodrama up to eleven:
Time tends to accelerate past a certain age, and the 25-year old woman soon finds herself 30, and then 35, and at that point she’s got precious little of it left. Perhaps at 22 she was laughing about the “comical” notion that it could ever be too late, but after a certain point it is no longer comedy, but tragedy, and her laughter turns to tears.
Now, none of this is original, and none of it is true. What’s interesting is just how badly misogynistic manospherians want it to be true. They must, because they tell this same story to themselves over and over and over, like small children requesting their parents to read their favorite bedtime story “again!” They (the misogynists, not the children) love the idea that the women who turned them down – or who, at the very least, rejected their brand of patronizing patriarchy – will get their comeuppance in the end, the more humiliating, the better.
Price at least pretends to care about the women he’s trying to scare straight (into marriage). But some of the commenters on his site can’t be bothered to contain their glee at the notion of spurned thirtysomething women collapsing into tears.
The Contrarian Expatriate turns on the sarcasm:
But why shouldn’t women feel this way? Women “can have it all.” They are “fabulous.” Women rule. Women first. Women are 20 when they’re 30, and 30 when their 40. Women, women, women.
Screech, crash, halt! (Then comes reality when the cuteness wears off and the pounds set in….).
Eximio shares a “shit that never happened” story of a high school reunion he went to:
[M]en do age better than women. I looked around at the women and they all just looked old to me. I could not imagine myself with any of them. They had lost whatever charm they had and I found attractive the last time I had seen them. Almost all of the men that were there with their spouses were with younger women. …
As for the women specifically, while they all seemed old, I noted that the happiest of the lot talked about their family. Some of them were married, some of them divorced, but in both cases they talked about their kids. They were clearly the most fulfilled. Many of the other women than I knew had pursued consuming careers were not at the reunion. Those that were, and who did not have children, had a whiff of pain on their faces. They seemed to be looking around and suddenly forced to face the consequences of their choices.
Or maybe they noticed that a patronizing douche was giving them the once-over, and shot him a dirty look.
Ode apparently finds it all so hilarious he is unable to maintain his balance:
The problem with college today is that it teaches a woman that she has an IQ of 115 so naturally she spends her time chasing after men who she perceives to be her “equal”, the top 15% of the men within society. Or to put it another way, a college educated woman thinks she’s better than 85% of everybody else.
Sorry honey the only thing your degree in liberal arts or communications tells me is that you have IQ above 100. Which means you’re better than the bottom 50% of society. No other conclusions can be made. Of course most women will never understand this. They will spend the rest of their bitter lives believing the reason why they couldn’t get Mr. Right is because men are afraid of a strong and smart women.
Falls over laughing!
Rmaxd offers a somewhat different explanation for Marina Keegan’s optimism; I’m not quite sure I even understand it.
What Mira [sic] is expressing, her not needing a man, that precisely because she doesnt need a man she can get everything she wants, well into her 50′s …
She’s accepted her feminist brainwashed idiocy & tried to turn it into a social norm
Her fantasy entails her getting an education, & competing in cut-throat environments designed for men … which require a male intolerance for anything not rational or logic
All the while her fantasy involves a child as an accessory & strong alpha thug, who’ll rescue her instead of pumping & dumping her to kingdom come …
Her vagina also gives her magical powers to screw over sex hungry beta’s without game, as a backup plan, if the jamaican thugs from her sex tourism never get round to playing captain save-a hoe, when she hits 30 …
Beta’s, a deranged feminists insurance policy, for when her vagina no longer cashes cheques she cant write …
Our old pal JeremiahMRA (a.k.a. Things Are Bad) suggests, in a series of comments, that we should push the whole timetable up a few years, forcing girls to get married to whomever their fathers say shortly after puberty. No, really, that’s his actual argument:
Honestly women shouldn’t be going to college at all. It’s a complete waste and takes away from people who can actually get something from education: men. The only reason they do it is to inflate their egos….
[I]t’s more accurate that after puberty, women are just wasting time. Wasting time slutting around, going to school, working, when they should be getting married to whomever their fathers say and having children, which is really all women are good at.
Today women choose mates based solely on lust and greed. Women don’t love, the only thing they love is getting fucked hard and being provided for by a man or the government. This is why in any sane (patriarchal) society a girl’s father decides who she is to marry.
Lovely.
Most of these comments got dozens of upvotes, with only a handful of downvotes. Jeremiah’s comments, a bit reactionary even for The Spearhead, got more than a few downvotes, but still only a fraction as many as the upvotes they got. Only Rmaxd got more downvotes than up, perhaps because his comments made no fucking sense.
So nice that The Spearheaders have taken the time from their day to honor the memory of a promising writer whose life was cut short.
—
This post contains some:
MISANDRIST. This is nothing but a hate site.
[lurker rant]
I cannot articulate how much it pisses me off that, on paper, my life looks like what these MRA douchebags claim a woman’s life should be.
I got married at 24 to a man I met when I was 21. First relationship, first sexual experience, first KISS, everything with the same guy. I dropped out of college, worked full time to put my husband through school, then quit working to have kids. I’m now 34, three kids, SAHM.
But you know what? I went back to school when my youngest was born, and as soon as he starts preschool in the fall I’ll be seriously looking for full-time employment in a field that’s so much more fulfilling than anything I was doing in my 20s. My husband and I are committed to teaching our daughters and son that what they wear, what they like, what they do, and who they love is not constrained by their gender. My only real regret in my life is all the sex I DIDN’T have before I met my husband, and damn straight my kids will be hearing about that when they’re old enough.
Suck on that, assholes.
[/lurker rant]
Thanks for the link, MollyRen! I think you’re right – it must be generational, or maybe field-specific. (Scientists of my generation seem to get it at 30ish.)
A good friend of mine died young; our only consolation was that we knew he’d had more fun, gone more places, done more crazy things, made more friends and generally lived more in his 25 years than most people do in 80. He didn’t waste a minute and every memory he left us was happy. The friends of this wonderful young woman will remember her all their lives, too; if any of them are googling her name and find this page, I am so sorry for your loss.
This I also don’t understand. It makes no damn sense. Overpopulation is getting to be a bit of a problem so if there are some people who just plain don’t want kids? LET THEM JUST NOT HAVE KIDS AND LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE ABOUT IT. Jesus H, it’s not rocket surgery here.
And what the fuck is with them wanting kids anyway? I mean, don’t they babble on endlessly about how horrible of a problem sperm-jacking is and how awful it is for the guy to be tied down to his pregnant gf? Good grief, guys. At least try to remain consistent.
I’m also baffled at the fact that seemingly no one there has ever heard of adoption. I’m pretty sure I don’t want to have kids, but if that changes and I’m no longer in prime baby-making condition? I’ll adopt. No, adoption isn’t easy, but criminy, neither is birthing a kid. I’m not scared by my supposed “biological clock” because even if my body craps out on me on that front, I will still have other options. If it comes to a point to where I want to be a mother that badly (doubtful), I’ll find a way.
YEP. I know I’m just a hugely, no fun realist, but honestly? Having kids? Is no guarantee they will love you, care for you when you get older, or have kids of their own and make you a grandparent. I’m always stunned by the people who say to me “but who will take care of you when you get older?” as if it’s just a given that if I had kids, they’d have the time, ability and resources to care for me, not to mention the inclination. If anything, my granparents’ move in with my parents has taught me that caring for the elderly is HARD fucking work. And it can be even harder when it’s someone you care about. I would never want my rhetorical-most-likely-to-stay-that-way kids to feel pressured to take care of me.
Wow, can’t believe the rage… You shouldn’t rage so much, it’s bad for you. He used her writing, not her death.
Some candle makers sell “mandles” that smell like whiskey, BBQ, and freshly cut grass. Do the MRA’s make an exception for these manly macho candles, or are they also misandric?
Candles that smell like lavender or sugar cookies = gynofascist oppression!
Candles that smell like keg beer = liberation of men!
wait, so it’s only coincidental that this girl just died, and price meant to throw a pissy little tantrum about some generic advice for college graduates all along?
how gullible are you?
emma on the that far-flung day when you hit the big two five are you gonna meekly surrender with a ‘welp, i’ve had a good run’ or are you gonna realize what a crock of shit price is peddling
You should tell that to Price, he was the one raging that anyone told women they were worth anything past 25.
I do not countenance anyone telling my kids they are worth nothing past 25.
Sharculese, apparently Emma is going to kill herself when she reaches 25, so it will not be a problem for her rapist advocate boyfriend to find a nice 16 year old to replace her with.
lol at the sidebar! my post made impact yay!=P you want to hear something really really sad…apparently Andie is a woman….*sigh*
errr Emma if you can’t see how using a young woman’s death to show how evil feminist is…I…I don’t know what to tell you.
*can’t see how shitty
Emma, fine. I won’t rage so much if you pull your head out of your ass adn quit defending people who don’t like you. Deal?
Although there would be nothing wrong with being angry at an asshole using her death (and he did; it’s not like he waited for her death not to be fresh, nor like he wrote it while she lived), I think most of us are just disgusted with the ghoul. You are, as normal, as incapable as understanding feminists as you are at understanding the boys who won’t let you into the treehouse.
I was WONDERING about that damn candle on the sidebar… I second the request for links, y’know, for posterity.
And god, I HOPE shit gets better after your twenties. Or I’ll be working part-time jobs I don’t like, living on the poverty line, and frantically trying to afford desperately-needed mental health care for the rest of my life.
At least I’ve managed to progress to an office job, but still. This was not what I planned when I slamhammered my way through undergrad in two years and pounded on to grad school. I thought I at least wouldn’t be on goddamn FOOD STAMPS.
Oh well. Nobody ever said life was fair. I just wish folks had been more honest with us as kids about how big a scam college actually was. (That or tell me how to utilize it more effectively, seeing where I am now.)
–Rogan
Cliff commented on The Spearhead and all I got was scented candles, SCENTED FUCKING CANDLES.
(I smell a new meme)
I make scented candles. On my stove at home. Do I get some kind of Manboobz misandry medal?
You guys are nuts. I can’t STAND scented candles.
STOP OPPRESSING ME YOU HEINOUS BUGABOOS!
–Rogan
They make BOOZE CANDLES? 😀 My life has been enriched; Imma gonna buy six of ’em for my genderqueer cave.
I have to admit BBQ and Whisky scented candles are kind of awesome!
Bacon SCENTED FUCKING CANDLES!
Is it misandry now????
Also what rage? By and large what I see around here is contempt, sometimes with a dash of amusement and/ or biting sarcasm. I see rage in some of the comments on the OP article though…
I think you’re confusing a terribad economy with what’s ‘normal’. College is a huge part of the barrier that helps keep poor people poor in the USA.
RE: ronalon
That sounds… DISGUSTING. D: EVEN WORSE MISANDRY!
RE: Rutee
I suppose. I guess I just can’t fathom that there was a time the economy WASN’T like this. It seems to have been like this my whole (admittedly short) adulthood, and our parents often talked about having similar issues when they got out of school thirty years prior. Was there seriously a time where having a college education meant you were high likely NOT to end up serving pizzas or being unemployed years at a stretch? I seriously can’t imagine it.
All else being equal, having a college education makes you less likely to be unemployed or serving pizzas than someone who does not have a college education. But that’s not the same as guaranteeing you a job. Increasing access to education is fine as an individual solution, but it doesn’t address the overall issue of not having enough jobs for people. My brother’s first job out of college was working retail – but his employer specifically wanted someone with an undergraduate degree, so if he hadn’t finished college he wouldn’t have gotten it. But if everyone were to have a degree, there would be some other selection criterion, and the same number of people would still be unemployed or serving pizza.
RE: burgundy
Oh, I know job guarantees don’t exist. It’s just… I’ve been out of school years now, and I’ve got the best job right now that I ever have had, and I’m still on the poverty line. And I’m STILL doing miles better than my friends the biologist and the aerospace engineer who’s been unemployed since graduation. (Admittedly, both are in a situation where they can AFFORD not to work, so has chosen not to. And biologist recently got a job, but apparently it breaks worker’s rights laws and keeps shafting their pay.)
Yeah, I’ve found myself wondering at the “devaluation” of college degrees. It’s not that college degrees are less valuable, per se, it’s just if you have everyone with a degree, the floors still need scrubbing, so there just ends up being higher and higher (totally irrelevant) standards you have to meet to do the (totally unrelated to degree) job. It’s more like the INFLATION of hoops you have to jump through to do even the most menial of jobs.