A talented journalist, playwright and activist died last weekend in a car crash shortly after graduating from Yale. Marina Keegan was 22. Before she died, she wrote an essay for the Yale Daily News urging her classmates to keep alive the sense of possibility they brought with them when they first arrived at college:
We’re so young. We’re so young. We’re twenty-two years old. We have so much time. There’s this sentiment I sometimes sense, creeping in our collective conscious as we lay alone after a party, or pack up our books when we give in and go out – that it is somehow too late. That others are somehow ahead. More accomplished, more specialized. More on the path to somehow saving the world, somehow creating or inventing or improving. …
What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. Get a post-bac or try writing for the first time. … We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.
Over on the Spearhead, W.F. Price notes her death, and quotes these words, and more, from her essay. His point? That she was wrong.
By the time you hit 25 or so – just three years out of college – your life is pretty much set, he argues, and “your future can be fairly well predicted by your life at that point.” And this apparently goes double for women. Price titles his post: “After 25, Women Are Just Wasting Time.”
And why is that? Because if they’re not married to a good earner by then, or at least with the guy they plan to settle down with, they’re fucked. While an “average girl,” as Price puts it, should have snagged her future husband by age 21, non-average college girls buy themselves only a few more years.
As Price explains it:
Four years of college buys women precious little time in the mating market. … I’d guess … about exactly as much time as it takes for them to complete it, because their pool of future mates tends to go through the same process … That’s to say that she has her best shot to land a good match up to perhaps 25.
There are a few, well, let’s just call them plot holes in Price’s story here, but let’s hear him out:
The problem with young women today is that they internalize this “anything is possible” attitude and don’t lose it until it really is too late for many of them. They think they can do better at 30 than at 22, which, in most cases, is simply wrong. Some might say that family and men are not a priority for these girls, but women for whom this is really true throughout life are an insignificant minority. In fact, most women are holding out precisely because they think they can get a better man later, perhaps when they have a better job and work with more powerful men.
But these girls are not going to change fundamentally, and in their early 20s are at the peak of their beauty while still retaining an innocent charm. Nothing about their looks or personality is going to make them more appealing at 30 than at 22, and the men available to them are not going to get any better, either….
The point is that neither men nor women change fundamentally past a certain point, and the same guys young women have available in their early 20s are generally the same guys that will be available at 30, only they will be older and, due to marriage, there will be far fewer of them.
Yep, we’re back to the hoary old story of the bad boy cock carousel once again. Better grab hold of a good hearted beta while the getting is good, ladies – because by the time you finish off your slutty dalliances with the bad boy alphas your looks will be gone and no man (alpha or beta) will want to have anything to do with you.
Price continues, cranking the melodrama up to eleven:
Time tends to accelerate past a certain age, and the 25-year old woman soon finds herself 30, and then 35, and at that point she’s got precious little of it left. Perhaps at 22 she was laughing about the “comical” notion that it could ever be too late, but after a certain point it is no longer comedy, but tragedy, and her laughter turns to tears.
Now, none of this is original, and none of it is true. What’s interesting is just how badly misogynistic manospherians want it to be true. They must, because they tell this same story to themselves over and over and over, like small children requesting their parents to read their favorite bedtime story “again!” They (the misogynists, not the children) love the idea that the women who turned them down – or who, at the very least, rejected their brand of patronizing patriarchy – will get their comeuppance in the end, the more humiliating, the better.
Price at least pretends to care about the women he’s trying to scare straight (into marriage). But some of the commenters on his site can’t be bothered to contain their glee at the notion of spurned thirtysomething women collapsing into tears.
The Contrarian Expatriate turns on the sarcasm:
But why shouldn’t women feel this way? Women “can have it all.” They are “fabulous.” Women rule. Women first. Women are 20 when they’re 30, and 30 when their 40. Women, women, women.
Screech, crash, halt! (Then comes reality when the cuteness wears off and the pounds set in….).
Eximio shares a “shit that never happened” story of a high school reunion he went to:
[M]en do age better than women. I looked around at the women and they all just looked old to me. I could not imagine myself with any of them. They had lost whatever charm they had and I found attractive the last time I had seen them. Almost all of the men that were there with their spouses were with younger women. …
As for the women specifically, while they all seemed old, I noted that the happiest of the lot talked about their family. Some of them were married, some of them divorced, but in both cases they talked about their kids. They were clearly the most fulfilled. Many of the other women than I knew had pursued consuming careers were not at the reunion. Those that were, and who did not have children, had a whiff of pain on their faces. They seemed to be looking around and suddenly forced to face the consequences of their choices.
Or maybe they noticed that a patronizing douche was giving them the once-over, and shot him a dirty look.
Ode apparently finds it all so hilarious he is unable to maintain his balance:
The problem with college today is that it teaches a woman that she has an IQ of 115 so naturally she spends her time chasing after men who she perceives to be her “equal”, the top 15% of the men within society. Or to put it another way, a college educated woman thinks she’s better than 85% of everybody else.
Sorry honey the only thing your degree in liberal arts or communications tells me is that you have IQ above 100. Which means you’re better than the bottom 50% of society. No other conclusions can be made. Of course most women will never understand this. They will spend the rest of their bitter lives believing the reason why they couldn’t get Mr. Right is because men are afraid of a strong and smart women.
Falls over laughing!
Rmaxd offers a somewhat different explanation for Marina Keegan’s optimism; I’m not quite sure I even understand it.
What Mira [sic] is expressing, her not needing a man, that precisely because she doesnt need a man she can get everything she wants, well into her 50′s …
She’s accepted her feminist brainwashed idiocy & tried to turn it into a social norm
Her fantasy entails her getting an education, & competing in cut-throat environments designed for men … which require a male intolerance for anything not rational or logic
All the while her fantasy involves a child as an accessory & strong alpha thug, who’ll rescue her instead of pumping & dumping her to kingdom come …
Her vagina also gives her magical powers to screw over sex hungry beta’s without game, as a backup plan, if the jamaican thugs from her sex tourism never get round to playing captain save-a hoe, when she hits 30 …
Beta’s, a deranged feminists insurance policy, for when her vagina no longer cashes cheques she cant write …
Our old pal JeremiahMRA (a.k.a. Things Are Bad) suggests, in a series of comments, that we should push the whole timetable up a few years, forcing girls to get married to whomever their fathers say shortly after puberty. No, really, that’s his actual argument:
Honestly women shouldn’t be going to college at all. It’s a complete waste and takes away from people who can actually get something from education: men. The only reason they do it is to inflate their egos….
[I]t’s more accurate that after puberty, women are just wasting time. Wasting time slutting around, going to school, working, when they should be getting married to whomever their fathers say and having children, which is really all women are good at.
Today women choose mates based solely on lust and greed. Women don’t love, the only thing they love is getting fucked hard and being provided for by a man or the government. This is why in any sane (patriarchal) society a girl’s father decides who she is to marry.
Lovely.
Most of these comments got dozens of upvotes, with only a handful of downvotes. Jeremiah’s comments, a bit reactionary even for The Spearhead, got more than a few downvotes, but still only a fraction as many as the upvotes they got. Only Rmaxd got more downvotes than up, perhaps because his comments made no fucking sense.
So nice that The Spearheaders have taken the time from their day to honor the memory of a promising writer whose life was cut short.
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This post contains some:
Fuck this guy
No, I do it because I need to work sitting down. Like, physically need to, my feet will not take me standing on them for hours on end because I bones are fused in them. HElps that I need to emigrate to marry my girlfriend.
Truly, modern day Aesops
Yeek. I don’t know what’s worse: that they don’t care that this woman died, or that they think I like babies. (Keep the babies AWAY!) o.o
What’s really sad about all that is that Marina Keegan (a) wasn’t just talking to women and (b) wasn’t talking about sex or relationships. At all. She was talking about having professional and artistic goals, and not feeling worn out or hopelessly behind just because you aren’t an undergraduate anymore.
But the manosphere immediately talks about sex and relationships, because that’s what women are good for.
It’s irritating that they took such a fantastic piece and made it all about men. Apparently MRAs are so crazy they can’t even appreciate a beautiful piece of writing or at least leave the memory of this young woman alone.
In Sweden women on average get married at 33. I seriously doubt that these 33-year-old brides snagged their husband when they were 21 and then just waited 12 years to get married.
This makes me so angry. This is a young person who died just as her adult life was really beginning. If we’re going to use her to philosophize, can’t we use her to philosophize about the senselessness of death, the special pain we feel when death comes for someone so young, or the beauty of youthful naivete embodied in her last hopeful, joyful, emotional piece of writing? Can we, let’s be honest, even be bothered to take the time to read what she wrote (if so, I recommend her piece on the culture of management consultant and i-banking recruitment at Yale, “Even Artichokes Have Doubts,” from autumn 2011)?
Can’t we feel a little ashamed of co-opting her story and her image to talk about how she would have just grown into a dried-up old c*nt like all those other educated wimmin if she hadn’t, you know, JUST DIED A FEW DAYS AGO?
I think I need to go throw up.
The reunion story is clearly the best. Those women with careers? They were too busy and happily fulfilled with their current lives to bother dwelling on the past at a reunion (and, as a “family-centric” lady, I’d feel the same way). Those women only talking about their families? It’s called small talk. It explains a lot that this guy doesn’t know how awkward these situations are, and that “common human interest” (such as one’s kids) is one of the first go-to conversation topics. I’m guessing that this guy doesn’t get to interact with people a whole lot…
What the hell is wrong with these people?
Holy fucking assholes.
I want to believe that this whole “women exist only on the axis of how much sexual pleasure they provide to men, it’s silly for women to go to college or have careers because that doesn’t make them sexier” thing is just an act they put up to be assholes. That it’s not something they really believe but they know it’s horrible and for some fucking reason they get off on being horrible.
That’s what I want to believe.
…It’s either that or somehow they’ve never been treated by a female doctor, never taught by a female teacher, never had their goddamn coffee at Starbucks made by a woman? Or is it somehow invisible to them what it means when this happens, and they only think “That stupid woman, going to medical school didn’t make her sexy, boy did she waste her time?”
I daresay they thought the same about you buddy.
I can’t say anything snide or snarky about this. An intelligent, driven, well liked, and talented young woman was killed just as her adult life was beginning and these scumbags use her death to bloviate about their misogyny.
When I first heard about this, I wondered if any of these scumbags would say anything about the uselessness of woman and the “useless” degrees they pursue. Then I thought that maybe that would be over the line for them.
Then they went and proved me wrong. They also proved that most MRAs are some of the lowest examples of humanity.
Fuck. This. Shit.
These guys can’t waste a single opportunity to show off what pathetic, bottom-feeding lowlifes they really are, can they?
Do they seriously think their sad attempt at crushing people’s hopes by basically gloating over the death of another human being is something to be proud of?
I’m not sure what’s a more horrible thought; that they’re being assholes for the fuck of it, or that they think they’re making the world a better place by being assholes. Probably the latter.
JUST REMEMBER THIS IS ABOUT EQUAL RIGHTS FOR MEN
WORD. I hate that these assholes could take such a beautiful and uplifting essay intended for ALL of her classmates, not just the evil feminist ladies, and twist it just so they can take a shit all over it. These are the sort of people who make me think “this is why we can’t have nice things”. It doesn’t matter how wonderful the words are, if they come from a woman, they must be wrong and they must be horrible.
I also note their assertion that nobody “fundamentally changes” past their early 20’s. Good god, am I ever so fucking glad that isn’t true. I barely even recognize the 21 year old me, and I’m only 6 years older than her. So many of my college friends are vastly different people now, and thank goodness for that. One of my guy friends is going to be a father, and you know what? I’m REAL glad he’s no longer a goofy 18 year old who thinks putting fireworks in a tree trunk is a good idea (spoiler alert, it’s a very BAD idea). Others have changed in ways that have made it hard to stay friends, which is a different rant for a different day. But the point is, we are SO SO different now. And that’s part of being a human being.
I am actually rather surprised anyone, even MRAs at Spearhead, could read her essay and immediately talk about how 30 year old women are lonely old hags who wasted their lives. And even the attempt to be kind to the memory of the author was condescending and almost sarcastic sounding.
Do they go around telling young men that there lives are set in stone by their early 20s? That nothing ever changes or gets better for them? Seriously what the fucking fuck?
I like* how a bunch of people who claim their every thought is the pinnacle of logic and rational thinking have an apparent inability to use logic or think rationally.
*where like = actually not-at-all-secretly loathe, but openly mock in public
Every time I think they couldn’t possibly sink any lower…
Actually, it doesn’t surprise me at all that MRAs like Price think that nobody “fundamentally changes” after their early 20s, since most of them probably haven’t. Little Jimmy Zinn’s recent email to Rebecca Watson is a really good example of how their whole mentality is that of a barely post-adolescent boy with rage issues and an inability to view women as fellow human beings.
My two oldest daughters are at the university. They both skipped a couple of grades due to having – according to that link – supposedly mythic I.Q.s. They attend on multiple scholarships, really enjoy learning, and have fierce desires to make the world better for everyone.
They are glorious. Sharing our time together in this world is something I am awed and giddy over every day. I watch how different my experiences are from what theirs have been – having my oldest at 17, having to give up scholarships to school and work to support us – and I’m so happy with where they are.
I look at that picture, read about who she was and what she’s done, and I see my girls. It breaks my heart. I wonder how her parents are doing, dealing with something that unexpected and tragic.
To profit off of that, to use the death of an accomplished young person to say those things, I can’t think of a more distilled proof of what the MRA is about.
Yes, exactly. The whole point I felt was that people shouldn’t waste the rest of their lives, that they shouldn’t feel they can’t do something because they aren’t young anymore. I just want to shout at them, “SHE WAS TALKING TO GUYS TOO!”
Ugh.
Also, Eximo’s note about women who pursued consuming careers weren’t at the reunion. Um, maybe because they had better things to do than hang around you? Maybe because they actually love their careers and high school wasn’t the pinnacle of their existence? Nah, couldn’t be. I do not have enough eyeballs to roll at these assholes.
I’m 26 years old. 27 terrifyingly soon. I am nothing like the person I was when I graduated college.
After originally getting a film degree, I’ve just started nursing school.
I’m living on the other side of the country and loving the different culture here.
I’m dating a wonderful guy who mysteriously didn’t dump me on my 25th birthday.
I’m doing difficult, not always fun, but ultimately socially useful work, work I couldn’t imagine myself doing when I graduated college.
Since I graduated college, I’ve read more books, worked on more movies, learned more skills, lifted more weight, traveled more places, marched in more protests, gotten published more times, saved more lives than I thought I ever would.
And I’m still only 26.
You think I’m going to stop protesting and writing and working the wild Saturday midnight shift in the ER before I’m 30? Before I’m 60?
Or do you think it doesn’t matter because I might not be as fuckable then?
Well then fuck you. I’m 26 and I got miles to go.
—
(Oh, and I’m way better at sex now. Guys who thought I hit my “expiration date” just around the time I was first learning what a Kegel was, you are missing out.)
MRAs, never losing an opportunity to dance on a grave.
That poor girl’s family. My heart goes out to them, and to her friends. Based on her writing, she seems like she was a blessing while she was still alive.
As for the rest of it, that level of scum-sucking awful doesn’t merit a response.
I can’t either. When someone is wrong on such a colossal scale – factually, intellectually, morally, you name it – pointing and laughing is pretty much the only rational response.