As you may be aware, Ferdinand Bardamu of In Mala Fide has taken a brave and bold stance against “fat chicks.” That in itself is not very surprising, or interesting, really. But in a recent post he offers a take on the fat acceptance movement that betrays an strange bit of … paranoia, maybe?
After a few uninspired swipes at “fat-assed she-beasts and big-titted blubberboys” and the “femilosers” on Tumblr who recently batted around an anti-“fat chick” post from his blog, he makes this strange pronouncement:
These histrionic little girls are full of it. They don’t want fat acceptance — they want to FORCE men to be attracted to their endless rolls of fat and their cheesy crotch creases. Fortunately, their emotional delicateness will ensure that they will fail. We are the Patriarchs, and we’re coming to take back what’s ours. Beware.
Ferdy, don’t worry. The fat chicks of the world aren’t going to FORCE you to lust after them, and wouldn’t even if they could. I haven’t conducted a poll or anything, but I’m fairly certain that the fat women of the world are just fine with you not being attracted to them. Heck, I’m pretty sure most skinny women would prefer that you not be attracted to them either. They really don’t want your lucky charms.
Also, the weird little bit at the end there, the thing about “coming to take back what’s ours?” In The Incredibles, they called that “monologuing.” I don’t know quite what motivates so many manopshereians to want to talk like comic book supervillains. But it is sort of adorable.
@Yoyo- Fat shaming is shitty, but I’d feel REALLY uncomfortable comparing fat hate to racism (seeing as how being fat doesn’t land you in prison disproportionately). Although yes, it is helpful to have skinny allies calling people out on fat hatred bullshit.
Ruby: I don’t care how much money either partner brings to the union.
Really? You said your partners earning power was a big part of him being an acceptable mate.
So which is it?
DSC I can’t tell if you’re disagreeing or just elaborating on what Jumbofish said, I didn’t think that he meant transwomen have an easier time or anything. You both seem to be saying the same thing as far as I can tell,
and he was saying specifically in the situation where a doctor might misgender someone. Or that’s how I read his comment anyway.
This idea that it would be POSSIBLE to FORCE someone to feel attraction towards you, it kind of makes sense in light of all the friendzone rantings… That is, I always thought the most absurd part of lamenting the friendzone is that there’s just nothing anyone can do about friendzones. Someone’s either attracted to you or they aren’t.
But if you believed that attraction was force-able, then it would follow that the problem with women who friendzone you is obviously just that they aren’t letting you force them to find you attractive!
Aww you guuuys don’t you know it’s science? Did you not read those resumes and watch those youtube videos that Ruby so generously provided us? How much proof do you need!
/sarcasm
I think people should only get married to people they like (if they want to get married), and not because of power. Relationships should never ever ever be about power.
I don’t think trans women are treated any better and never said that they were. I just said I don’t know that it would be so clear cut that trans men will always benefit from male privileged in the situation the doctor knows they are trans (and depending on how they pass as cis or not).
Yes. Us fat women TOTALLY want to force assholes to lust after us.
Sorry, but I don’t and never really like the idea of men or women lusting after me. I already have my boyfriend all over me and that’s flattering enough and pressure is enough.
I’m not something to lust after or be disgusted over. Just a human. That’s how I want to be treated. Thanks.
-A fat woman.
I don’t know why people assume I am saying male privilege does not exist in passing trans dude or trans dudes are worse off than than trans woman. I never said that but I am sorry it came off that way. I am just going to repeat that what I was saying initially was a response that assumed all trans men would have male privilege in the eyes of a doctor. Some would indeed but not all especially those who are in the closet and have not come out at all.
M dubs, no question that it is not an equal comparison but it is somewhere in the same camp. Those of us who are unfairly societally privileged have a responsibility to try and make the world less hostile to those less privileged. IMHO . I spend most of my time with people who would proudly see themselves as progressive but still come out with some dismaying attitudes to people they see as other. As other people on this thread have noted fat shaming is often linked with class and color assumptions. To fight one fight is NOT to ignore the others, I’m sorry if it came across that way.
One more post:
There seems to be an assumption that trans people=people that pass and have transitioned already. I understand that hershele was trying to not exclude trans people but he came off as falling into another common assumption about trans people. People forget that not all trans people transition/pass as a cis member of their gender/are not in the closet so when he said trans men he made a assumption on his part.
David David David *tugs coatsleeve*
You must do the Field Guide to Chicks!!
Yoyo, I think the concept you’re trying to get at can be shortened to: my movement will be intersectional or it will be shit. (Feel free to tweak that, I’m sure I’m misquoting whomever I heard it from)
jumbofish, one edit on your “one more post” — those that haven’t transitioned surgically also have issues with doctors if they do pass, because then idiot doctors can insert their heads in their asses about wtf organs the person has and wtf conditions might be relevant. So a trans man who passes as a cis man, but still has female organs, may have “no it’s a problem with my uterus” ignored because cis men don’t have those. I can’t imagine trans women don’t have similar problems.
I didn’t mean that, but I did say that, through a mix of probably 83% ignorance, 14% not giving my full attention to what I was typing, and 3% butterscotch ripple.
@katz — wtf is that? and does it remind anyone else of this style corset?
Oh they’re the cover of the book the site is for….who the fuck would be willing to be seen owning that? Ironic hipsters?
I…sort of care? I struggle with pretty severe BDD and I care only insofar as anything that reassures me that I look like a human being and not a horrifying hellbeast is good for my mental health. If I’m not interested in someone in some form, though, I really don’t care where on the spectrum from “you look okay, I guess, I didn’t really notice you either way” to “hubba hubba” their opinion of me falls.
I wish I didn’t care at all, but my dysfunctional brain isn’t kind enough to cooperate there. :-/ (That said, I still think it’s freaking hilarious when morons on the internet try to piss me off by insulting my appearance despite never having seen me. Even with me and my “I’m a MONSTER!”- prone brain, that shit doesn’t work.)
If you choose to be attractive and do not hide your body you are showing willingness for sex, why else would you do so except to control men with your teasing? If you choose to be fat or ugly there is no reason for you to let yourself be seen by a man other than hatred and mockery of natural male sexuality.
It is a man’s basic human right for attractive females to be available for sex, and unattractive females or those who do not want sex to be invisible. That you are attempting to argue against this self-evident logical fact is blatant misandry
@jumbofish, sorry, I did misread what you were saying. I don’t think I said anything incorrect, but I was incorrect in thinking you had been saying something contradictory to it.
@dsc
Thats okay I probably should have clarified and expanded before posting that because reading back now I can see why both you and ozy might have interpreted me as meaning that.
@hershele
Thats alright hershele I know you didn’t intend to do that on purpose. I think we all say dumb stuff out of ignorance but it takes a certain kind of honesty with yourself to admit that you were wrong so I appreciate it. You were on the right track though trying to be more inclusive and thats a lot more than most people would go.
Am I the only one (rhetorical, I’m sure I’m not) who doesn’t really care if most members of my preferred gender are sexually attracted to me?
I guess this is more complicated for me to answer because I’m queer so I guess I don’t have the same expectations about the majority of one of the genders I’m attracted to (men, although there are a lot of “straight” men who have hit on me which has always made me really uncomfortable) potentially finding me sexually attractive. I do find it to be an ego boost to a certain extent if someone finds me attractive in general, but sexually attractive? Not as much. I don’t really know why that is.
@argenti, thanks for that.
A small example, years ago I worked trying to establish a community based response to HIV. despite the fact that I was working with some of the most fucked upon members of our community, it was sad to see that even the slightly more privileged (white gay urban males) would down grade the sex workers, IDU, and trans people. maybe it’s an inherent part of our make up? I hope not but I know we can make it a bit better if we are just a bit conscious of the baggage we let slip out?
oops blockquotes fail
Definitely not alone, Snowy. I don’t want to be hit on, ever, and do my best not to put myself in situations where I could be interpreted as trying to get romantic or sexual attention, but that doesn’t really matter because I will get hit on at the grocery store and there’s nothing I can do about it. I completely respect that some people find this behavior flattering or uplifting or complimentary; that is valid. But I don’t feel that way, and the thing that surprises/upsets me more than the hitting-on behavior itself is the way people get so annoyed at me when I say I don’t like it.
Too often I’ve had people tell me “Excuse me, but he was giving you a compliment; how dare you feel anything but flattered?” I just love when people tell me how I should feel. Great, isn’t it? I can’t help it; I don’t feel flattered that someone is approaching me on the basis of my looks to tell me he would like to put his dick in me. And like you, Snowy, maybe this is somewhat influenced by the fact that I am not straight, but I don’t treat people badly for hitting on me when it’s not welcome. I just also don’t accept that I’m supposed to smile and be really gracious/nice about the rejection. I wasn’t at the grocery store for that. I shouldn’t have to “feel” anything in particular about being approached.
I have a YouTube video about this, and the vitriol that poured out in the comments was really frightening. All this disgusting stuff about how I have an obligation to “appreciate” the attention and how it’s mean for me to “shame” this behavior and actually what “the poor boys” are doing is brave–how dare I say I don’t like it when guys have to screw up so much courage and face rejection just to approach me?
When I read Ruby’s statement that says she doesn’t care how much money someone is bringing to the table, the power should be equal, I had to think. Actually I’m still sitting here thinking. I don’t know what I think about this. I also wonder if we’d end up in a semantics debate over the word power.
I think when people talk about equal power sometimes what they really mean is nobody is abusing their power and someone is not hurting or disadvantaged in some way in the relationship. I don’t feel entitled to have equal power over money I did not earn, plus I might be a dumbshit with money or just a dumbshit. But likely that’s not even what you mean. I would assume that you’re allowing for reasonable concessions in a marriage from one party to the other. Now, when I was growing up, my mom was good with the money and my step dad should not have been allowed to make any purchases by himself. Ha.
So, that’s what I was thinking. Might have nothing to do with what Ruby meant in spirit.
@Yoyo- Yeah I was pretty sure that you weren’t conflating the two. Just clarifying 😉