As you may be aware, Ferdinand Bardamu of In Mala Fide has taken a brave and bold stance against “fat chicks.” That in itself is not very surprising, or interesting, really. But in a recent post he offers a take on the fat acceptance movement that betrays an strange bit of … paranoia, maybe?
After a few uninspired swipes at “fat-assed she-beasts and big-titted blubberboys” and the “femilosers” on Tumblr who recently batted around an anti-“fat chick” post from his blog, he makes this strange pronouncement:
These histrionic little girls are full of it. They don’t want fat acceptance — they want to FORCE men to be attracted to their endless rolls of fat and their cheesy crotch creases. Fortunately, their emotional delicateness will ensure that they will fail. We are the Patriarchs, and we’re coming to take back what’s ours. Beware.
Ferdy, don’t worry. The fat chicks of the world aren’t going to FORCE you to lust after them, and wouldn’t even if they could. I haven’t conducted a poll or anything, but I’m fairly certain that the fat women of the world are just fine with you not being attracted to them. Heck, I’m pretty sure most skinny women would prefer that you not be attracted to them either. They really don’t want your lucky charms.
Also, the weird little bit at the end there, the thing about “coming to take back what’s ours?” In The Incredibles, they called that “monologuing.” I don’t know quite what motivates so many manopshereians to want to talk like comic book supervillains. But it is sort of adorable.
Gee I guess its time for all us feminists to pack it in! Ruby says so.
Ruby, please read some feminist 101. Given the myriad of issues facing women today, the last worry on my mind is checking a head of household box and writing in my fathers name.
I’d put that on a bumper sticker if I had anywhere to put a bumper sticker
Emphasis mine, because I’ve heard way more stories about doctors refusing to acknowledge that, for example, a trans man has a uterus still and thus needs gyno visits, because men don’t need those!
More things I want on bumper stickers.
Did I mention yet that I think you all are awesome? Cuz you are.
Agggh this makes me crazy. I am a fat lady (not that fat; just fat enough that you really couldn’t call me anything else) and I have spent part of EVERY DAY for the last ten years telling myself that I am not worthless or undesirable because I am fat. Several years ago, I had a boyfriend tell me that I was too fat to date as we were in the middle of an exceptionally long, drawn out, and awful break up. And ever since that day, if anybody ever turns me down, I immediately go into a tailspin of OHGODIAMSOFATISHOULDJUSTHIDEUNDERAROCK. I have to fight hard to convince myself that the men I am attracted to could ever be attracted to me back, despite ample evidence that men do, in fact, find me attractive.
Arks, you have no idea the kind of poison lodged in the heads of fat people. Fuck you.
MDubz, I’m sorry that happened. I had an ex do something very similar (and it lead to the break up), and it fucked with my head for a long time.
@M Dubz: “I have spent part of EVERY DAY for the last ten years telling myself that I am not worthless or undesirable because I am fat.”
Ugh. All the hugs. Stuff like what you just said is, sadly, par for the course, which is why it sickens me no end when people criticize fat positivity and whatnot. How dare heavy people (especially heavy women) try to claim their bodies should not be up for constant public evaluation and criticism? And what’s hilarious (read: sad) to me is that whenever some “Hey, screw your body politics fascism” positivity crops up, people like this asshole come down on it with “NO NO NO NO NO YOU’RE DISGUSTING SO FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF ALREADY YOU PIG!” They really don’t want anyone to feel okay. They really think people are “looking for an excuse” to not dedicate themselves to maximum attractiveness aimed at the majority of the population. And they really need to shut the hell up.
Yes, if they pass to the general public and people don’t know they are trans they do but in a situation where the doctor knows they are trans then thats up in the air really of whether the doctor views them as “real men” or not.
Mdubz- all the hugs from me too. I know all too well the paranoia of feeling that you’re being stared at & judged just walking down the street.
@Ozy: Yeah, now that you mention it, I have been able to wait out some depressive episodes too. Though getting the condition as a whole down to a point where it’s only interfering with my functioning a few days a month, instead of ALLTHETIMEOMG, did take some actual intervention on my part.
Which, like we’ve both said, could be true for a person of any gender.
@blitzgal
“Oh, I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that one gender tends to be valued primarily and almost solely on appearance, “fuckability,” etc. Nope. Not at all!”
Women are the one’s who value their sex appeal, (reproductive readiness), above all else. Funny how you blame men for women’s shortcomings. Take high-heeled shoes for instance. There is absolutely no reason to ever wear them. The only reason is for sexual enticement. Women sexualize themselves from head to toe to get sexual attention from men. Don’t blame men for your lack of self control.
Back in the old days women did buy sexy outfits and such for a private showing to one man. Women were sexually loyal back then. Not so much these days.
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Back to the topic at hand. Fat acceptance. Highly stupid to accept unhealthiness. The problem of course is the foods that are offered, corn fed everything along with hormone injected everything. Those guys at the top are fucking smart, feed the masses shit that makes em unhealthy, than offer a solution. Kinda like the way they diagnose kids as hyperactive, (mostly boys), and pump em full of ridalin. As if kids aren’t supposed to be bundles of hurricane energy.
Anyway, the solution is high protein, low carb eating. Your body wants to store the intake of fat and won’t start burning the fat until, in the case of what’s offered us, the carbs are burned. Your body will store fat to the point of actually burning muscle before burning off fat.
Basically, you really shouldn’t be eating more than about 20/25 grams of carbs a day. And that ain’t easy, considering a single doctor pepper has like 60 grams of carbs. Try buying free range meats, cheeses are pretty much carb free, certain veggies like spinach, and various beans, some nut’s like almonds have very little carbs, (also, a few almonds a day keeps the old prostate healthy). Almonds are misogynistic for being healthy for men.
So by eating a high fat, low carb diet your body will burn off the fat since that’s all there is to burn. It won’t start burning muscle unless you’re starving yourself. Just another helpful hint from someone whose way smarter than any of you.
Dani: Right. Waiting is a good short-term cure, but in the long term you’ll need to get, like, actually BETTER.
@Everyone- Thanks so much for the hugs. It’s gotten better, in that my rational brain is aware that I am awesome, and my animal brain usually is too (usually it freaks out for five seconds or so going DOOOOM FAAT and then I tell it to shut up because I know that I’m pretty attractive). It’s just that being fat in our society means constantly swimming uphill to recognize the fact that your body is okay, and that is truly some bullshit.
Also, @Ozy- Every time we comment right next to each other, I see our avatars and imagine what it would be like to live in a world where we are anthropomorphic pony friends. It generally makes me happy.
@jumbofish, and how do you think a trans woman in that situation is treated? It’s certainly not more safe or respectful. Anti-trans hate and oppression affects all trans people, but it doesn’t affect us all in the same ways, and, yeah, I think it is fair to say that in the majority of situations, trans men are treated with more respect than trans women (though that’s a pretty damned low standard considering how society treats trans women). Pre-transition and not out, sometimes trans men will be mistaken as cis women and treated as such, and trans women mistaken as cis men and treated as such, but there are still elements of male privilege and female dis-privilege that come in to play (like being told their gender is the superior or inferior, that people of their gender are rational or irrational, etc. sometimes people internalize things differently than a cis person would even pre-transition). Trans women who are in transition, post transition, etc. are not typically treated as cis men, even when people claim to see them as such, they are typically treated as evil women or deivants. Trans women misgendered as men (with a few narrow limited exceptions while closeted and pre-transition, where they may be granted some elements but not others) are typically not granted male privilege socially. Trans men misgendered as women are also not typically given full male privilege socially either. The dynamics of positioning in regards to misgendering are somewhat different there.
On the odd occasions that people have assumed when told them I was trans and they read me as a woman and thought ‘trans woman’ they certainly and most definitely did not treat me the way people do if they read me as a man. People who say they see trans women as men typically do not actually treat trans women like men. Which is different than when FAAB people are misgendered as women and then treated as (bad) women.
On to other topics, yeah, I do think fat hate is gendered, I also think it’s classed. I don’t feel as fat when I am back home around poor people, I mean, I know I am fat, but I am not constantly aware of it like I am around rich people. Fat also serves as a class marker in a lot of ways. Fat is not uncommonly coded as poor (and poor is often coded as POC, despite the fact that there are plenty of poor white people). So stereotypes like “lazy” and “doesn’t work” and “sucks up welfare” play on those other issues as well.
@M Dubz I empathize & struggle with the same feelings, although it’s more infrequent for me. Internet hugs from me too!
And may I offer you some politely queuing bears? [music warning]
I’d bet Ferdi Fucknuckle a tofu salad that not only is he unable to attract larger women, he is also unable to attract medium sized women, smaller women, tall women, short women, blind women, deaf women or brained injured women.
Do you think Ferdi’s dick is as small as his brain?
“Am I the only one (rhetorical, I’m sure I’m not) who doesn’t really care if most members of my preferred gender are sexually attracted to me?”
Nope. I only care if people are attracted to me if I’m attracted to them. I don’t want to have sex with most people, so why would I care whether or not they want to have sex with me? Unless potential fucking is on the horizon it’s just not relevant. I mean, I assume that most people are doing a quick “want to fuck – yes/no” scan with most members of their preferred sex/s when they first meet someone, but “no” isn’t an answer that creates a problem for you unless your response to the other person is “yes please”.
I don’t think that most women care whether or not most men find them attractive, but I think that most sexist men really really want us to care, because it’s a great way to control people.
Sandra: I don’t think the size of his dick has anything to do with it.
Yeah, Sandra. This is a post about how shit-tacular it is to body shame people. That also means penis size.
I liked dicks on the small side. You know what I don’t like? When dicks of any size are attached to people who suck.
Plus it’s risky. What if he happens to have a big dick? Does that make him saying this shit any more okay?
I think marriages should be balanced when it comes to power, I don’t care how much money either partner brings to the union. Now of course not every marriage will be power balanced. Yes, there are still Fundies who expect men to be kings of their castles, but there are also families that I’ve seen where the mother rules, and the father is perfectly content with that arrangement. The reason I don’t think we have a Patriarchy is because we don’t have to be ruled by men anymore, at least those of us not in some creepy religous sect where females are brainwashed to be subservient.
Cis men are taken more seriously than cis women, who are taken more seriously than non-cis people of any gender. Is that a fair summary? I will freely acknowledge that I appear to have have been wrong about the second part of my correction.
As a gay man who was once fat, I can at least understand one of the points Ferd is trying to make. However, I do not think we need all the hostility towards fat/chubby/”overweight” people.
Since I lost about 60 pounds, my dating life has improved dramatically. While there were men that would be attracted to my former size, the pool of men that are “chubby chasers” is much smaller than the pool of men that find me attractive now. It also seems that the self proclaimed “chubby chasers” still want to date me. So before, I was only attractive to the “chubby chasers”, but now I am attractive towards them and a much larger pool of men. Thus increasing my odds of finding a partner.
It’s a harsh truth, but people are shallow. While I do value someones personality, I would be lying if I said physical appearance didn’t matter. And from my own life experiences, it seems that being overweight acts as a strike against you when it comes to what people find sexually appealing. And at the end of it all, you have to give your partner what they want (physically, emotionally, lots of intimacy, etc,,), otherwise there is no purpose for them being your partner. They will just find someone that does satisfy their sexual wants and needs. I demand a lot of a partner, so I don’t think it is unreasonable for them to have a “no obese” deal-breaker.
great discussion, my opinion is that it is like stopping racism. I am a skinny person and perhaps because of this, my boss thinks it is fine to make appalling comment about fat people in front of me. so, like white people have a responsibility to pull people up when they make racist comment assuming it’s all ok because “we’re fellow travelers “; I feel a responsibility to pull people up for fat shaming instead of letting them assume it’s the default position of everyone who is not fat.
I don’t care how much money either partner brings to the union.
O RLY? Because previously you said that all women only wanted to be with rich dudes and that this was absolutely genetically predestined. And in fact you said that you only married your husband because he had money.