As you may be aware, Ferdinand Bardamu of In Mala Fide has taken a brave and bold stance against “fat chicks.” That in itself is not very surprising, or interesting, really. But in a recent post he offers a take on the fat acceptance movement that betrays an strange bit of … paranoia, maybe?
After a few uninspired swipes at “fat-assed she-beasts and big-titted blubberboys” and the “femilosers” on Tumblr who recently batted around an anti-“fat chick” post from his blog, he makes this strange pronouncement:
These histrionic little girls are full of it. They don’t want fat acceptance — they want to FORCE men to be attracted to their endless rolls of fat and their cheesy crotch creases. Fortunately, their emotional delicateness will ensure that they will fail. We are the Patriarchs, and we’re coming to take back what’s ours. Beware.
Ferdy, don’t worry. The fat chicks of the world aren’t going to FORCE you to lust after them, and wouldn’t even if they could. I haven’t conducted a poll or anything, but I’m fairly certain that the fat women of the world are just fine with you not being attracted to them. Heck, I’m pretty sure most skinny women would prefer that you not be attracted to them either. They really don’t want your lucky charms.
Also, the weird little bit at the end there, the thing about “coming to take back what’s ours?” In The Incredibles, they called that “monologuing.” I don’t know quite what motivates so many manopshereians to want to talk like comic book supervillains. But it is sort of adorable.
Oh cool, that’s why my workplace has mostly women answering the phones and mostly men on the board of directors, that’s why I don’t have to worry about rape any more than a man, and that’s why this “no fat chicks” stuff certainly has no parallel in the mainstream media.
—
Anyway. My feeling on fatness is that I don’t want to debate whether it’s healthy or whether it’s sexy, because I don’t give a shit what you think as long as you treat people of every size like people. People should not be required to be healthy or sexy to get that.
I’m trying to think of a single problem I have ever had, ever, that got “solved” without me doing a single thing to solve it.
…I did make it through puberty by just waiting it out. But I’m pretty sure puberty works that way for everyone.
RE: Falconer
Don’t worry about it, it’s not a daily occurrence by any means, just… it’s been an unfortunate past few weeks.
And oh god, I’ve heard of the over-watering thing. Thanks to being raised in a desert, that is not a problem for me!
And you see, there are landplanets, and then there are waterplanets, but my absolute favorite will always be the swamplanets. (There are also spaceplanets, but they are never to be discussed.)
Oh, I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that one gender tends to be valued primarily and almost solely on appearance, “fuckability,” etc. Nope. Not at all!
I think full beards are sexy on men, but I don’t feel the need to tell random men to grow facial hair. It’s none of my business. Why can’t misogynists try minding their own business, too? If Ferdinand doesn’t want to date fat women, he doesn’t have to. Ta da, problem solved.
It seems to me the reason that there are few men involved in fat acceptance is that few people hate on us fat men for being fat. We get it a little I suppose, but we are not told our worth as human beings is a simple inverse of our slack size. We don’t join fat acceptance because we don’t need to. If fat women were treated like fat men there would be very little impetus for a fat acceptance movement. I am viewed as a jolly bon vivant, not some vile unfuckable creature (as a side note, this is an example of male privilege, for men it is socially acceptable to be fat, thin, or anything in between.) Like so many things, the solution is equality, and the way to achieve equality is feminism.
Blitzgal said what I did but more succinctly, I suppose that is what the kids call “ninja’d”, but I take so long to write a comment that it would hardly take a ninja to ninja me.
Fatman – I think the threshold for a man being socially considered fat is a lot higher, too. There’s this whole “not fat, just a big guy” range that guys get of leeway–with women there’s nothing between “lingerie model” and “landplanet.”
I think MRAs need a new hobby so they stop fixating on everything women say and do. As far as I know there is no law against women being fat. If you want to change that…good luck.
“with women there’s nothing between ‘lingerie model’ and ‘landplanet.'”
Absolutely right in my experience. Except that if you’re like me (skinny) and most of the people who want to disagree with you through ad hominem attacks would really love to use their go-to insult about fatness, they instead are forced to say you’re a crack whore or some other kind of drug addict. Should you not be skinny enough to be worthy of that insult, they can just call you fat. With these people there actually IS no acceptable body type; they want to insult your body because they literally can’t think of what might matter more to you, and want to remind you that your self-worth should be dependent upon how acceptable your body is.
I do a lot of awareness videos about asexuality and whatnot, and every once in a while I get comments from losers about how I’m too ugly or old or skinny or weird looking to screw, so therefore they can’t take my message seriously. Because my identity and the relevance of my message is entirely dependent upon whether I am considered (by them) to be an acceptable sexual prospect.
It’s all about them! Pardon me while I cry.
“That person in the asexuality video isn’t sexy enough”???
Okay, I think I actually lost a little bit of faith in humanity on that one.
Because fat guys don’t face many hassles because of their weight? Unless, of course, they make fun of misogynists online.
Pretty much, Cliff. “It’s really that you’re ugly and can’t get anyone” is one of the most common “objections” to asexuality. Never mind that without context, I doubt that anyone in the video I made (featuring 16 asexuals doing that “Shit People Say” meme with regards to asexuality) would have been called out as so unattractive as to be un-do-able.
One comment:
“Their was like only one slightly do-able girl in that entire video. As far as I can tell the guys were ugly fucker as well. Seems more like they just cant get any to me but ….ok….”
My reply:
“That’s great, we appreciate knowing that you are entitled to dictate what our sexuality is based on your aesthetic taste. Do you also think trans women aren’t women unless they make you horny?”
Him again:
“Calm down now, I simply find it amusing that the majority of the people here calling themselves Asexuals are rather ugly. It seems that they just cant get any and asexuality is a convenient excuse. Obviously asexuality is recognized as a real thing and this is not true for all asexuals (just to be clear). As for the tranny thing I dont define a man who had fake breasts and a fake vagina surgically added to be a women regardless of their appearance but thats a whole different thing.”
And me:
“It’s so funny how people like you pretend my response is hysterical just because it’s a response. As for insisting that you only found one bangable chick in this video and presenting it as an objective fact, we pretty much just laugh when we hear such things, because it’s common for certain ignorant types of people to believe that our sexuality is about their willingness to screw us. We don’t appreciate your ‘concession’ on the reality of asexuality, either.
As for your comments on ‘trannies,’ that’s hilarious too. It’s common for people who completely have never listened to anyone’s perspective on the transgender experience to insist that trans people ‘think they are’ the opposite gender BECAUSE they had surgery. But if you’re making an argument like that, it’s clear you prefer judging ignorantly to drawing up an informed opinion. You’ll research others’ perspectives if you care, and if not, you’ll keep doing this.”
Derp.
swankivy – “HUGE” WAS FUCKING AWESOME. I’m so crushed it didn’t get renewed. But everyone should go buy the DVD. Team Ian FTW!
Ahem. This ends today’s fangurl squeefest.
There’s a method to force guys I find attractive to find me attractive?!? Ew. I don’t want your interest unless it’s consenting, and no FA person I’ve ever met of any gender does either.
I always start my macaroni and cheese with a white sauce; scratch macaroni isn’t really much harder than boxed macaroni and it is very tasty! Plus you can make alfredo sauce exactly the same way (sans cheese).
But then I add the cheese powder anyway because, sigh, I just like fake cheese flavor.
RE: swankivy
Or the “you look like you have an eating disorder,” one. That’s the one we got. (Before it was true, even!) Though that’s still pretty rare. (I mean, I don’t think they’d be happy if I went, “You’re right, actually. I’m in treatment, and I’m proud of the weight I’ve managed to gain since. I’m doing great!”)
@drst: Glad somebody else liked Huge. 🙂 My best friend since high school is a very heavy girl and she was really nervous about the show when it was coming out because when things like this come on TV you never know how they’re going to handle it. So often even when the shows aren’t OUT to shame fat people, they do it anyway by making it completely about finding self-worth through losing weight, or something. I loved the fact that all the fat teens in the show explored being people, and that there was almost no reference to their attempts to lose weight as a primary plot point.
Ian was awesome. And just happened to be Jewish, without any attempt to make a “thing” out of it. (I love when shows do that. Same as they did for everyone who had a non-normative ANYTHING identity.)
And it didn’t hurt that one of the camp counselors was asexual. (And, according to something one of the creators said in an interview once, miiiiight have been based on me.)
@LBT, oh yeah, definitely. Ooh, or–there was one where in a video I was wearing a long-sleeved shirt, and someone wrote this hideous comment about how I was doing that to hide my track marks. (Amongst a bunch of other really horrible offensive stuff about how I needed to face my apparent childhood abuse and how he was sure I avoid doctors and dentists because of how they remind me of my supposed rape.) It’s stunning what people will do and say to justify not listening to your message.
Ark – “If these landplanets want the opposite sex to like them, then they can get off their asses and improve themselves instead of expecting others to change. ”
I love it when people like you basically shout your ignorance from the mountaintop like it’s some kind of profound statement. This idea that fat people don’t have self-control or discipline is quite an old and outdated one, much like older views of what depression is, or genetics for that matter. Try doing a little reading on the subject – and I don’t mean reading a comment string from fellow mysoginists with more misguided ignorance.
fatman: (as a side note, this is an example of male privilege, for men it is socially acceptable to be fat, thin, or anything in between.)
TW for people with body image concerns.
As someone who is 1: male and 2: very slight of frame, this isn’t quite true.
It’s not anything like the level of grief (or outright abuse) that women get, but being thin is subject to some scorn. I get called weak, have had random people tell me I need to work out. People will assume that I can’t do things like change a tire, or lift a package.
And I don’t wear shorts, and am self-conscious when I go to a pool, or a beach. Oddly I don’t fee this way quite as much if I am going to be nude. I find the lack of clothes which actually fit makes me more aware of how much smaller than average I am.
It’s not that I find my body unpleasant, it’s that I’ve been told, a fair bit, that it’s abnormal, I should, “fix” it. I’ve been told that if I “want to get attractive women to look at me twice, much less fuck me”, I need to “work out”, so I won’t be ugly/repulsive.
They are monologuing! Every one of them. That is so exactly perfect a description.
You, designated group of women, have failed to live up to our unrealistic expectations so we must punish you all with our MRA powers by threatening to punish you all.
Any minute now.
It is coming.
Wait for it.
The eve of destruction is at hand.
They are the underpants gnomes!
Am I the only one (rhetorical, I’m sure I’m not) who doesn’t really care if most members of my preferred gender are sexually attracted to me?
I mean, my boyfriend’s attracted, that’s important, and enough other guys are attracted that I feel like I’ve got options. (lol hypergamy I know, but you know what I mean; that I won’t be Forever Alone if I break up with my boyfriend at some point.) Beyond that, I don’t really want random guys on the street to find me sexy. That seems like more hassle than it’s worth. It’s likely to lead to harassment and unlikely to get me anything of value.
I know in MRA-land “we won’t find you sexy” is the ultimate threat because they only care about us sexually and thus assume we only care about ourselves sexually. But it just makes me shrug. That’s fine, dude. I don’t really have a use for your boner anyway.
” I really don’t have a use for your boner anyway”
Lol! Yep, that’s pretty much my attitude. You win the internet today.
Pecunium – a friend of mine gets a lot of similar crap from people for being so thin. It’s just how his body is, and it drives him up the wall the way people harass him for not being bigger. The bottom line is everyone needs to knock off the body policing shit. “Get off your fat ass” is just as bad as “Eat a sandwich!” and for the same reasons.
drst: Some of it is social. When I was in the Army I got some grief, from people who weren’t in my unit. When it was seen I could pull my weight (metaphorically) that would drop off.
But I’m not built for push-ups. I will never get a 300 (i.e. maximum) on a PT test. I can run like blazes (which isn’t because I’m thin, but because I have good lungs, and good mechanics when I run), but I can’t do push-ups; not 72 in two minutes.
But when I weigh in, there is a note saying I should be sent to a doctor for evaluation.
I actually have to work harder to hump a “normal” ruck, because even 30 lbs is a much larger portion of my body weight. When people hear/see me marching with 80 lbs of gear and weapons, and then tell me, “That’s pretty good, but I’ve carried 100”. I laugh, and ask if they can carry more than 2/3rds of their body weight.
They do the math and shut up.
And that’s a place where I have a better situation than someone who is heavy. I can, “prove” that I’m “healthy”. Their isn’t much someone who is, “overweight” can do to make an idiot shut up.
So in that regard I am much less ill-treated; even when someone is being an asshole.