So someone on Reddit posted a video showing time-lapse video of a girl from infanthood to 12 years old. Naturally, Redditors responded with creepy pedophilia jokes, and one Redditor (speaking for many, judging by the numerous upvotes) took the opportunity to complain about just how hard it is for dudes to not have sex with underage girls. Apparently these girls deliberately develop earlier than boys as part of an elaborate plot to entrap guys and send them to jail.
Thanks to ShitRedditSays for pointing me to this latest bit of egregious Redditry.
Crap.
There once was a red carborundum
Facing a tricky conundrum
She then turned her back
To head up the track
As though there ‘ad been none done.
OK, Falconer, you can start by going to the Valley of Dread and looking for the obsidian obelisk. Make a rubbing of the map on its west side.
Cloudiah, be ready to follow the map when Falconer gets back. You’ll need goggles, 50 feet of rope, a pickax, and a gerbil. The map should lead you to the Caves of Forgotten Wonders. Do not be distracted by the crystals; they are deadly to the touch. Go directly to the end and take the Soul Diamond.
Viscaria, find the identity of the long-lost Prince of Atlantis and present him with the Soul Diamond. He should give you the Sword of Righteousness in return for saving the life of his beloved.
Meanwhile, Sharculese and Pillowinhell will need to navigate the Foreboding Swamp, where Golgar the Trollslayer vanished. His shield should be there somewhere. If you can’t find it, strike a tuning fork (E or A) on a rock and the shield will glow. You need to both go because lifting the shield requires two people.
Only with the sword and shield will Pecunium be able to defeat the stone troll in the Black Mountains. Once defeated, enter its lair and bring back the Fell Candle.
Dracula, go to the Library of the Ancients and look up the Troll-Banishing Runes. When you’re calculating the correct sequence for this time of year, remember that leap days hadn’t been invented at the time.
Tulgey, you’re responsible for drawing the pentagram in blood (A positive). If you don’t have any, make sure to go to the blood bank first. Inscribe the runes around the pentagram, light the candle, step inside, and dicipres should vanish unless Jupiter and Venus are in conjunction.
When facing a question of fact
One need not worry ’bout tact
Ignore who said what
And sit on your butt
Repeating the same old attack
@katz: Here is one, slightly muddy and somewhat dragoned, Internets.
When faced with a study
Just think of your buddy
Who will never
To send in the mail
A missive to keep your cheeks ruddy
NOT AN INTERNET I TOLD YOU TO GET A MAP
My Limerick’s pale. Seannen says it was kind of epic. Jon laughed. I smiled massively.
When Merav gets home, I shall have to read it to her. It is a thing of beauty, and a joy forever.
I dooomed!
Katz, I can only hope my partner in this mission has a better sense of direction! You see, I didn’t get kicked outta hell so much as I sorta slunk off and randomly found myself here…
I’m not pretending none of this ever happened. It’s just that what can I say if you reject the findings of anthropologists/scientists at prestigious universities? Two anthropologists are women who probably don’t give a rat’s ass about the MRM. Anyway, I agree with their findings, and I don’t think that’s worthy of your nasty comments.
keep fucking that chicken ruby
Mission accepted! [goes off to find a gerbil]
Will a hamster do?
Carborundum… Conundrum… None done… [thunderous applause]
The scientists themselves saw problems with their research, and no one had duplicated it. People are diverse and complicated. You have still never addressed the fact of gay people in your theory of relationships. (or gender queer people, or trans* people or asexual people who are romantic)
Sadly, he seems to have slunk off before we could complete the ritual.
I’ve found a capybara, but she wants to wear the goggles! pillowhell, perhaps you could fax me that hamster just in case.
Ruby, just shut up. It’s nice that you agree with half-assed shit from half-assed schools, but you suck.
Jumbo stole my line, but yeah, keep fucking that chicken.
Say his name/visit his blog, he’ll be back!
Cloudiah, is it this capybara?
Ruby: You could try admitting that we read your posts.
You could try reading our posts, and responding to the arguments.
What you do is say, “I am right, but you won’t admit it.”
That’s saying we are dishonest.
That’s rude. It’s offensive. It’s unfair.
Or, you can keep pretending no one is responding to you.
In which case, things will change. People will be less kind to you than they have been.
If you really mean to convince that’s not what you’re doing, then I’m not the one you should be responding to.
After all, what can anyone here say to someone who ignores THE EXISTENSE OF THE PEOPLE SHE’S FUCKING TALKING TO?
Cloudiah: I got tired of using Ruby, and I might as well put my vocabulary to some use.
@katz Yes, he has prescription goggles too.
Ruby: It’s just that what can I say if you reject the findings of anthropologists/scientists at prestigious universities?
I gave you four studies, by a total of six scientists.
You ignored me completely and pretended your single study with one scientist was somehow trumps to the ones I offered.
Never mind that I told you what my problems were with the study you are talking about, and you continue to ignore everything I say.