Men of America! You face a grave threat today: Evil feminist slutwalkers are working tirelessly to enslave men by conning them into marrying secret porn-star whores! Over on The Spearhead, an unnamed “Featured Guest” explains the whole dastardly scheme in a post with the intriguing title “Whore is just a label.”
With slutwalkers working hard to remove the stigma of sex for women, you see,
young women in porn face far less stigma than they ever have. So much so that for that young women the leap from wanton behavior at a drunken college party to getting double teamed followed by a full facial in a porn shoot may not be a far leap at all.
Exactly. Because if you’re going to be having sex anyway, why not do it on camera with strangers?
The dollars and cents is that you have a huge growth porn industry demanding a huge number of sex workers who blend invisibly into the population because there is no longer any stigma attached to the world’s oldest profession.
Wait, I thought that prostitution was the world’s oldest profession. I guess porn and prostitution are the same thing now?
Not that it matters, because if you’re a man the evil ladies will keep their sordid whoring from you:
Unlike men women know how to keep a secret. Women don’t brag to their girlfriends, in fact they’ll lie even to themselves. You really have NO IDEA where even that conservative and very virginal girl you’ve proposed to has been until the night she thought she forgot shows up on Youtube.com. Where does that leave an increasing number of American men?
So YouTube is a porn distribution hub now? Or is he suggesting that any woman who has sex is by definition a whore?
Evidently he is, as Mr. Featured Guest then goes on to warn of the dangers of those who are:
Trying to turn a whore into a housewife.
Yes, there are terrific women out there. But single women are angling for a man to pay for their lives, and given that incentive there’s a huge temptation for a woman to present herself falsely, to tell a lot of lies and to make a lot of “stay at home, cook and raise kids” promises she has no intention of keeping. Under US and ESPECIALLY Canadian divorce laws, women are almost never accountable for bad behavior or broken promises. For all the men who thought their betrothed was only slutty the night she met you and who are steaming mad that you’ve been sold a bill of goods, does the marriage contract needs a “false advertisement” clause?
Or do women who have sex with men other than their betrothed – possibly on video, possibly on YouTube — simply need to have the word “whore” tattooed on their foreheads?
The regulars at The Spearhead respond to this sophisticated analysis of contemporary marriage with their usual good sense.
Quentin, in a comment that got 50 upvotes, notes with some alarm that
A lot of women don’t feel bad abut their sexual escapades. In fact, they take pride in them. “Ladies” are an endangered species, and are on the verge of going extinct. All this slutty behavior has really made me lose interest in women. I don’t want to be with a woman who has had sex with a lot of men. If she is easy to get into the sack, then she is a liability in a relationship. I have lost a lot of respect for women over the past several years. Sex, along with marriage, is something most women view as a get-rich-quick scheme. It is disheartening to think I live in a world where being a whore is considered empowering, while being a supportive wife is frowned upon. This world is upside down. … If you act like a whore, then you are going to get treated like a whore. If women were pleasant to be around and were loyal, more men would probably stick around. You reap what you sow, women.
Napoleon (24 upvotes) urges his fellow men to be cautious when dealing with the wily female:
Women these days are increasingly trying to have the best of both worlds and present themselves as wholesome nice girls to the public while hiding a lot of whoring that goes on behind the scenes. There is really no way to know whether a woman is a part-time prostitute or not but a good rule of thumb is to assume that she is until proven otherwise due to the prevalence of such antics.
Silent warns men to be especially suspicious of any woman who seems to know what she’s doing in bed:
Just be careful about the super-sweet girlfriend who knows a little too much about how to do that thing you like, without you having taught her. She may have had a mouthful. But hey, maybe it’s all “in the past”.
YoungMan shares his tale of woe:
Back in my plugged in days I dated a girl for over a year before I found out she used to play with herself on camera for money. I was incensed I had been taken advantage of like that.
Keyster, a bastion of morality who once boasted about dating a 14-year-old (when he was 25), warns men to stay away with women who don’t keep silent about their sexual pasts:
Any woman who feels compelled to reveal her debaucherous past has no intention of having a serious relationship with you.
It’s not a shit test.
It’s meant to show a certian amount of disdain and disrespect for you as a man who doesn’t quite measure up to her standards. Don’t ever forget that.
Yes, because if a woman has had sex with anyone other than you, it’s all about disrespecting you.
And then he adds:
If she says she can’t even remember how many guys she’s f*cked in a rather “matter-of-fact” tone, you’ve entered the Futrelle Zone. Go home and video tape your cat on a Roomba and post it on YouTube. It would be time better spent.
I guess I should be flattered? But alas it was not my cat on the Roomba. I wish I had a Roomba. (Also, I wish I had my cat back, but that’s a whole other and much sadder story.)
Alan Vaughn writes an impassioned defense of pedophiles – sorry, “pedophiles,” in scare quotes – that I’m frankly too tired to bother to cut and paste in here. Check it out yourself if you dare.
Eric has a sad about the poor quality of American women:
Women are presumed to ‘have all the power in relationships’. Really, it’s her choices alone that matter. Women choose to be with thugs and idiots when there are numerous better and more responsible options open to them. The fact that women overwhelmingly terminate relationships with good men and pursue worthless ones is proof in itself that the responsibility lies with them and not with us.
Men, on the other hand, are very limited in their field of choices (unless they expat out). The abysmal quality of American women; women’s complete lack of interest in responsible men; and the ever-impending consequences of acting contrary to misandryist legal and social norms considerably constrict men’s options. Most men, if they were honest about it, would admit that their choices are pretty much limited to the least objectionable—not the most desirable—of available women.
Life is apparently very tough for American men who hate the very idea of women ever having sex with anyone but them. And doubly tough for those who don’t see the inherent hilariousness of cats on Roombas.
Holly – Good point. I know of at least a few porn actresses who are married and still working. When I wrote “historically”, I was thinking of a scene from the novel “Sula” where the old-fashioned whores (family women who step out into the woods to take care of business when a client comes knocking at their door without making any big fuss about it) are looking down on the new generation, who are all nervous and ashamed about it.
Thank you, shaenon, for explaining Keyster’s witty zing. lol
It would also need the intro that had a door, not the one with the swirling, hypnotic circles.
You’re traveling through another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of feminists. A journey into a wondrous land whose inhabitants are bound in gynocratic imagination. Next stop…The Futrelle Zone
@Kendra I wish I were good at photoshop. We need a Futrelle Zone logo. (And I love that now feminists are our own dimension!)
Holly’s “this creates a math problem” made me giggle a lot.
Honestly, chaps, listen to the learned Ms P and do the sums. If you have decided that the best thing for the human race would be for ladies only to have sex with one man ever, you have to accept that, on average, that means you only get to have sex with one lady ever. (Blame that dratted RA Fisher!) And note that “on average” means that a fair proportion of you would have no sex at all ever, i.e. be doomed to the involuntary celibacy you recently seemed so sure was a human rights violation.
Might it not be a rather better plan for such people as enjoy sex to have enjoyable sex with people they mutually choose to have sex with? Or is that SlutLogic?
Viscaria really nailed it.
“Women these days are increasingly trying to have the best of both worlds and present themselves as wholesome nice girls to the public while hiding a lot of whoring that goes on behind the scenes.”
To quote Ludacris: “Lady in the street but a freak in the bed, lady in the street but a freak in the bed, lady in the street but a freak in the bed.” Dear MRAs, this is not a new thing. At all. And it is in fact a thing that a lot of men want in their partners, at least for values of “whoring” equal to “enjoying/being good at sex,” which is a definition you seem to favor. (Note that this is, perhaps, less neurotic than your desire for a woman who doesn’t know anything at all about sex, but it is not actually a lot less problematic.)
Me and the Future Mr. Kestra were chatting about this last night during Nekkid Snuggle Time (the best time of day!). We started, as we often do, by quoting Mr. Kevin Smith’s magnum-opus of male insecurity, the blow job argument from Clerks. I then casually remarked that I couldn’t give an accurate number of all the dicks I’d ever sucked.* In high school, and especially in college, when the number became “more than 1”, it seemed incredibly important. But now I couldn’t give you an accurate number if you pressed me. Less than 20? Maybe?
Maybe I’m too infected with whoreslutitis to care, but keeping track of sexual partners seems very juvenile to me now. I can certainly tell you, in great detail, about every man I’ve ever been in a relationship with (or would have liked to have a relationship with), but that isn’t the same thing.
*Future Mr. K casually replied, “Neither can I…” before engaging in some hilarious back-pedaling.
As far as I understand it, it’s been scientifically proven that sex feels better for a woman’s ear than for a man’s index finger — is it really any surprise that women be sluttin’? I think my favorite part of the post is how it had absolutely no context at all. Not even, like, a personal anecdote to anchor it in reality. It was just, “Given [this totally implausible premise], I think we can all see how [this thing I just made up] follows, and we should all [do that thing we were going to do anyway, namely whine about women]!!!!!!!!”
Of course, that’s based on my memory of when I read it yesterday. Today when I went to click on the link to the post, google said it didn’t want me to look at the Spearhead anymore. Anyone else get that?
What’s all this then? Can someone fluent in google explain?
Just love how these two fools pretty much come right out and say “I want a woman who doesn’t know anything about sex so they can’t tell if I’m crap at it.”
Just what do they want? A woman who likes sex will like sex with you (hopefully). A woman who doesn’t like sex with anyone, will most likely not turn into an insatiable sex goddess the moment she is graced with your penis. A woman who stays home to raise your children and cook meals will need you to financially support her. But, a woman who works and has a career, is apparently an evil power-mongering feminazi who can’t submit. Just what do they want? Really, what are they picturing in the perfect woman?
Once upon a time, “I’m mad that she’s having sex with men who aren’t me” was a SUBtext of misogynist douchebaggery.
Not anymore.
@abeegoesbuzz
From what you posted, it seems that some ads on the Speahead are trying to install malicious software (adware, spyware, etc.) on user’s computers. It happens occasionally on some sites, even reputable ones (unlike the Spearhead). It usually clears up in a few days.
also, on topic, if someone’s worried about their partner lying to them about having done porn, stigmatizing doing porn is the wrong thing to do. If people thing that doing porn is shameful, they’re not going to be very forthcoming with that information, just sayin’.
Unfortunately for these guys, women are actually 3 dimensional people with a variety of experiences under their belts preceding meeting them. Most women probably fall into the category of Keyster’s “really nice girl who knows a little too much in bed”, because in search for a life partner, you do put out from time to time. You get your heart broken, break some hearts, and occasionally just have a good time. You know, like a PERSON does when they are growing up?
Yeah, but then these dudes would have to view women as people instead of receptacles.
Phew! I’d hate to be without access to my fav humor site for too long.
Trust MRAs to turn having good sex into something to be avoided.
Really now… Could this be anything other than a “spoiled goods” rant? The only thing that’s amazing to me is how they change the antagonists so easily. It’s like… let’s say that women were sandwiches*. These guys want a ham and cheese sandwich without mustard. Then they meet a nice ham and cheese sandwich, and hit it off very nicely, and then later on they find that the sandwich had mustard all along!
Instead of just saying “this sandwich doesn’t meet my expectations,” they say “this sandwich is actively trying to disrespect me by having been made with mustard!” How do you even make that sort of connection?!? Sure, maybe the sandwich didn’t have mustard at first, until it had sex with another sandwich that had mustard, but the sandwich couldn’t predict the future and know that you would insist that zie be without mustard later. All sandwiches you come across are made a certain way, and you don’t blame the sandwich for not conforming to your taste. You just try to find a sandwich you like.
It’s even worse, though… Because in this case the sandwich doesn’t have mustard anymore. It used to have mustard, in the wild and crazy days of sandwich youth, but no more. The mere fact that mustard and the sandwich used to be together really shouldn’t affect you if the mustard is now gone. Just… There’s so much wrong with this.
*Note: Women are not sandwiches. Though it’d make the phrase “make me a sammich” rather strange if they were.
What if I say it in a really zany voice?
The TL;DR of his POV is that he really, really wants vagina, but he’s terrified that it’s dirty vagina. And his second fear is that if he ever locks down some tolerably clean vagina, it’s going to turn out to be lazy vagina. (/end me paraphrasing him)
*Lol*! I’m not sure how many people I fucked before I got married! My husband knows this! We must both be citizens of the mysterious Futrelle Zone!
Ha ha! What if I say it in a high pitched whine while holding my nose?
I can remember how many people I’ve had sex with in the same way I can remember how many houses I’ve lived in, i.e. I don’t know a number off the top of my head, and if I had to come up with one I’d have to count on my fingers and say “does that count?” a lot but I probably wouldnt miss any out. It’s not that I have lived in ohmygodsomany houses or had lots of partners, but just that there is simply no point in keeping a tally; people aren’t stamps for a collection.
(I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for over 10 years now but it’s nice to know that, at least according to these fuckos, my slutcard hasn’t expired.)
While I wouldn’t strictly classify it as a “shit test,” I regularly declare my wanton sluttiness when I’m hitting it off with a guy. I’m a very sexual person, and I’m a very open person, and if he’s going to have issues with that, it’s best I don’t get too attached. I learned this from direct experience*.
Also I do it because it’s a stupid fucking thing for there to be a stigma about, and I’m sick of that shit.
*Because you’d think a fella wanting to go home with you the night you met would mean that he’s also sexually open, but nope, not always. Logic!
A partially lobotomized 17.5 year old virgin who was locked in a tower and home-schooled in lessons on house-wifery and possibly car repair, handed over to them by her father on her 18th birthday. She would need to have a considerable dowry, an extensive trust-fund (which only he would be able to access) rendering her financially independent but with no need to work outside the home. She should have the measurements of a model –lingerie, not high-fashion- and be just literate enough to read cook books and follow the instructions in knitting and crochet guides. She’d need to have some rare, congenital disorder that would prevent her from aging past twenty-one while also allowing her to control her ovulation with her mind.
She’d also have no innate sex-drive, or curiosity, skill, or even interest in the act but would, instead, only be able to derive pleasure from consenting to whatever sort of sex her new husband enjoyed. And she’d have to have an awesome sports car that she only lets him drive.
See, also, Prince Hakeem’s betrothed in Coming to America.
… Or a robot.
These MRA.. comments? assertions? sound exactly like the crap I heard when I was growing up in a fundamentalist Xian church. Assuming their families are anything like normal (and that could be an over-reaching assumption) what do their siblings/parents think about them?
Funny how these guys never talk about their fellow males being sexually active before settling down with a wife. I guess that’s OK. Guys don’t have to be, “virginal” when they marry?
It won’t be long before one of them claims women have been copulating with the devil. Let the burnings begin!