Over on A Voice for Men, Paul Elam is knocking the clichés out of the park! In a post about … oh, something about feminists being about to get their big comeuppance, who the fuck cares, all his posts are pretty much the same at this point, he explains how the mean feminists’
gravy train is about to derail, and that right quickly. One set of wheels is already off the track. … the choo choo is hittin’ poo poo.
That’s right, the metaphorical feminist gravy train is metaphorically derailing into a metaphorical mountain of metaphorical poop.
After a few more paragraphs of this poopery, Elam offers up a bit of inspiration for his troops:
[T]he times they are a changing. The worm is turning and lies are burning. Their whole house of cards is about to go up in a puff. What you are seeing is just the desperation that comes with them waking up to it.
Believe me, it does my heart good. Just to see their frantic scrambling to point the finger at me and my brothers, while they comically pretend our sisters aren’t standing right next to us, every time one more their lies bites the dust, is an absolute highlight in my day.
Must be time to crank up the action around here.
And then he really kicks it into high gear:
Keep your eye on the ball, boys. Put the pedal to the metal. Wake up and smell the coffee, feminists, because the shoe is on the other foot now! We’re burning the candle at both ends — because when the going gets tough the tough get going. What goes around comes around. Feminists and manginas, you made your bed, now you’re going to have to lie in it. The tide’s beginning to turn, all you gender ideologues and your lackeys at the SPLC, and it looks like there’s a new sheriff in town! Remember, nice guys finish last. And it ain’t over till the fat lady sings!
Ok, that’s not really Elam any more. That’s just a bunch of random clichés borrowed from Steve’s Cliché List, with some references to feminists and manginas and the Southern Poverty Law Center shoved in here and there.
Huh. I think I just figured out how Elam writes his posts.
EDITED TO ADD: For whatever reason, this post is no longer up at AVFM; here’s the Google cache version. Read the comments there too; quite a little shitstorm going on there.
Sorry, no poem 🙁
It’s sad that your FOREIGN WIFE no longer finds you sexually attractive but feel fee to wank to virtual porn to your hearts content. No judgement here.
Dang, I left my dark sunglasses and my ennui at home.
I hope you at least brought your bongos.
*vigorously shakes internet, hugs all the kitties*
We can has Dracu-hugs? :3
Well, looks like I missed out on the party. GOD DAMN IT, SPHERICAL PLANET WHICH NECESSITATES THE CREATION OF TIME ZONES, WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME.
. . . and now for something completely different: AntZ, I’m flattered that you liked that sentence, and if you feel inspired to reuse it in your own writing, you’re welcome to it; I wasn’t exactly planning to sell the publication rights and retire on the proceeds. Just please, please, for the love of whatever intellectual integrity you happen to possess, don’t pretend that it’s some sort of radical expression of defiance against feminist censorship. Because, y’know, I’m a feminist, and I’m the one who wrote it. And as the last hundred or so comments should illustrate, there are more than a few feminists who agree with me.
Casper the Unfriendly MRA has written a little poem too, which I just let out of moderation; scroll up a bit to see it.
Why are MRAs incapable of rhyming?
I mean, seriously, dude, you’re 0/4 there. At least “dark chasm” and “sarcasm” looks like you made an effort, but the stress is all wrong. And “sickness” and “bitches”? Really? That’s not even close!
Also, your entire point is stupid, and I don’t understand why you guys are so obsessed with calling David fat, but really I’m more offended by the shitty rhymes.
Well OBVIOUSLY, Polliwog, fat people can’t do anything! They can’t dance, create movies, or lead countries, and no one will marry them so they’ll die alone!
I shall critique this poetry, and thus display my Education and Erudition. Thus:
It aint easy bein a dude in a world full of chicks
The ratio of male to female infants at birth is about 105:100. However, sex-selective abortion & infanticide (almost always of female embryos or infants) among various human societies has further skewed that natural ratio, which could be as high as 107. Current estimates place the world wide male:female ratio at 100 men per 101 women, hardly a staggering majority. The ratio in the US for those aged 15 to 64 is in fact, exactly 1. Assertion is false on its face.
You aint a man, Futrelle, you just a girl with a dick
You’re the one with the man-boobs, cleavage a dark chasm
Insulting our host’s masculinity rather than his arguments? Check! Implying than being feminine in any way negates said masculinity? Check! Transphobia? DoubleCheck!
Afraid to face the facts, just speakin in sarcasm
Implying that our host, by quoting the things MRA’s write on their own websites, is being disingenuous and/or willfully ignorant. Commentary presented sarcastically is not wrong by virtue of being sarcastic. Tone argument? Check!
Plus, you rhymed “chasm” with “casm”, which is a bit last, I think, considering the amply opportunity you had to use the word “orgasm.” I don’t think you were really trying with this stanza. And you neglected an apostrophe in “speakin'”, which is a pet peeve of mine.
Society is sexist towards men, we’re tryin to fight the sickness
You and your followers are just some spiteful bitches
Either unaware or unconvinced by the idea that The Patriarchy Hurts Men Too, and convinced that your cause is Righteous, and therefore any mockers/scoffers/naysayers are clearly In The Wrong and have nothing substantive to contribute. There is no room in this paradigm for self-delusion, or allowance of the possibility that there are other points of view and other (just as valid) interpretations of the same facts. Also implicit Confirmation Bias, Check!
You’re weak, you aint a fighter like me, you just a little pushy
Nothin but a douchebag hopin for some pity pussy
A return to impugning the masculinity of our host and stating that his blog and attitude are entirely predicated on hopes of having a sexual encounter with a woman sympathetic to his views. Implying that the prospect of sex with a woman is the primary motivating factor, and displaying a particularly noxious form of the transactional model of sex. Also, simply terrible slant rhyme.
fin.
Oh, man, can you imagine an MRA trying to insult Winston Churchill? That’d be amazing.
Forget that, I want them to go toe to toe with Nancy Astor.
I’ve written a brilliant couplet in response to Casper:
Hey, MRA, I think you’re poopy
And no one will ever call you “shmoopy.”
guys i think that was actually supposed to be a rap
which just makes it sadder
also, if it is supposed to be rap, and casper will upload a video of himself performing it to youtube, i will donate ten dollars to the mra organization of his choice
casper, if you can’t or won’t do that, for five dollars you can just upload an .mp3
I think we should insist that all of our trolls speak in verse.
Poy. Poy. Poyo. Poy.
Announcer: “Let’s give it up, for Rapper Kirby!”
It ain’t easy being male in a world full of dudes
Delusioned of opression with obnoxious attitudes
Who think that women sexually should never have a choice
And even hint suggestively to cut away her voice.
Oppression of these people is the kind all assholes share
When people call them on their shit, exposing to the air
Their vast misogyny as they longingly look forward to the day
When society lies in ruins ’cause they didn’t have their way.
You think you are a fighter, well then what precisely for
When all of your compatriots are demanding that the score
Be evened out by breeding out a woman’s independence,
Or hijacking law by freeing even guilty rape defendants?
Your cadence is pathetic, and your insults are benign,
I’ve seen some better rhyming from my third-grade valentine.
Your cause is just a backlash against progress, and it’s sore
That men aren’t special citizens the way they were before.
Facts? Don’t make me laugh. Wouldn’t know ’em if they bit you.
Just make sure when throwing stones a shard of bullshit doesn’t hit you.
I think we should insist that all of our trolls speak in verse.
Rhymes fly when the trolls are dumb.
Kirby, that was the best rap ever! And that’s saying something because I kinda stopped seeing a dude for suddenly rapping. In my defense, though, it was poorly put together and pro-capitalist and libertarian to boot. And he was convinced it was brilliant.
I’m going to have to assume that the chorus is a chopped-and-screwed section of “Fuck Their Shit Up”.
“Pity pussy?” Dude, there are WAY more efficient methods to get laid than starting a blog.
Ayo Kirbs, I’m going in
Invisible? Disposable? Nah, I see you
and I see what you write and it’s backwards #hebrew
Wanna know who’s got the answers here? We do!
Kirbs is sick of your bullshit – guess what, me too!
Nice Guys keep comin’ back like the sea do
Chastised for black eyes? “What about the ladies out there who like to smack guys?”
To you, it’s like this patriarchy never existed
This beat is now officially the point, ’cause you missed it.
Women, children everywhere first? Prove it!
“Activists” won’t even stand up like they hate movement
Not me, I’m headed to the town for some bon bons
You is all fluff and no substance #pom-poms
The name is lowquacks, I’m in demand no doubt,
now everybody out there getcha Man Boobz out!
(cut back to chorus)
…That was bad and I should feel bad.
Most. Epic. Freestyling. Ever.
keystyling*.
And thanks.
*highfives lowquacks*
Wait… Hang on…
*lowfives lowquacks* 😀