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Men’s Rights Redditors Indignant That World Notices They Are Assholes

Run, condom, run! Don't let her catch you!

Oh, boy. So that almost certainly imaginary  “dude punching his spermjacking girlfriend” story in the Men’s Rights subreddit the other day? The one that inspired all those Men’s Rights Redditors to totally defend the (alleged) puncher?

Well, now Jezebel has weighed in on the subject as well. Erin Gloria Ryan raises a few questions about ineedhelpnow1234’s implausible tale, and about the dudes who not only believed it but got all enraged at the imaginary punched girlfriend:

Where does this legend of the sperm swiping madwoman come from? And why won’t it die? Why are men’s rights activists so willing to believe that in a world practically dripping with sperm, women specifically want theirs so they can be pregnant and possibly farty for 9 months, stretch their skin out, and go through childbirth in order to control the men in their lives?

Apparently, at least one Men’s Rights Redditor is a reader of Jezebel, because he went and posted a link, explaining that

I normally try to stay neutral as best I can in matters relating to the men’s rights/feminism debate, but this has me grinding my teeth.

So this is what feminists think about one of our most pressing issues.

Presumably he is referring to the extremely pressing issue of girlfriends who flee the bedroom after sex, clutching used condoms and shouting that “I’m finally going to get the baby I deserve,” and how they totally deserve to be punched in the stomach so hard it leaves a bruise.

The discussion inspired this exchange:

Oh, and this one, too:

YadaYadaYada2 certainly has a flair for the dramatic, doesn’t he?

Men’s Rights Activists, so emotional!

EDITED TO ADD: I sort of started arguing with the regulars in the comments there, and Glarfugus set me straight on the nature of my sins against the Men’s Rights subreddit:

You quoted accurately, the problem lies where you quote perfectly sound posts and talk about them like they’re ridiculous. You address punching a woman in the stomach as though it’s something of high crime. I’m not saying it’s something that’s right, but punching someone in the stomach in a panicked situation where you have a risk of being fucked by the court system for the next 18 years? Reasonable action.

I put my favorite part in bold. The stuff about punching women is pretty special too.

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kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

How exactly can you have a “sound-based” nano deposition instrument? To get a wavelength of sound on the nano-scale, you’d need a frequency of 100 billion hertz.

According to some random stuff I found on the internet, sound can’t even exist at that frequency. By the limitations of the distance between air molecules, the upper limit would be approximately 3 billion hertz.

Sound waves must travel through a medium anyway, so really you’re talking about trying to manipulate nano-sized particles using other nano-sized particles vibrating at a rate greater much greater than their size. It’d be like trying to place grains of sand in the right place by using ocean waves.

Anthony Zarat
8 years ago

navel orange $300/mo

Data collection is concluded. Time for me to go

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
8 years ago

Cry babies.

Danny’s head was the size of a navel orange at birth (4 inches). My FOREIGN BRIDE pushed three times and popped him out. I do believe that she is baked from tougher dough than any of you.

She probably is tougher than me. I got epidurals during labor, because I don’t like pain. To each their own.

I think I remember you talking about sound based technology in regards to artificial wombs before. I don’t have enough scientific knowledge to know how far off such a thing would be, or if it would ever be possible.

Shaenon
8 years ago

Oh my gosh, those last two items on the list are new! To my knowledge, Zarat hasn’t previously mentioned being the son of a feminist scholar or being a “offered as 13 year old boy-toy for feminist amusement,” at least not on this site. I demand to hear more about both of these!

And remember, folks, if it’s true that Zarat speaks Portuguese, that means the feminist anti-man conspiracy is real. That’s how proof works. As a scientist, Zarat understands this.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

AntZ, you’re really fucking stupid.

I want you to THINK. Don’t care what you say.

THINK about whether any thinking human being would raise a child–RAISE one, you dumbshit, they barf and shit all over you when you do that–for less than the pay of a part-time McDonald’s fry cook. Would YOU do it?

Do you honest, in your stupid hateful little heart, think ANYONE would do it?

Does it hurt, forcing yourself to be stupid just so you can keep hating? Seems like it would hurt.

Anthony Zarat
8 years ago

@kirbywarp

Look up “coupling fluid”.

Good analysis, by the way. Spot on. We had to overcome all of these problems. I am actually more than impressed. Why are you wasting your talent as a nameless juggling ball with the rest of these losers?

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
8 years ago

Data collection is concluded. Time for me to go

I’m equally amused and baffled by Anthony Zarat. I’m thinking he’s a strong candidate for troll of the year 2012 if he keeps up this level of entertainment.

Bee
Bee
8 years ago

They’re asking if you would birth a child, Antz, not your foreign bride.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

@AntZ:

… You have a low bar to be impressed… -_-

PDA (short for PDA's Dada Acronym)

navel orange $300/mo

Fine AntZ. Most men are petrified of something the size of a tumescent phallus passing that portal, but let’s assume you’re a tough bottom.

How about the solo childrearing bit? Still interested, for that paycheck?

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

I just get these images of him coming home and being all “Hello, FOREIGN BRIDE! It’s time for you to rub my feet and tell me how handsome and brilliant I am, as I understand women from your EXOTIC HOMELAND love to do for their men! Later, after you have prepared my dinner, I will tell you more of our advanced American customs.” I’m hoping this is not actually what his marriage looks like.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

Shaenon – AntZ isn’t just any scientist. He’s a nano… autism… biochemist.

It’s a very elite field.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

The only thing Antsy needs to think about is what his cat-girl avatar looks like when he and I shag it out in the post-apocalypse/genderpartheid, our bodies protected from the ravages of disease, radiation, and the bewildered, starving savages that roam the earth by the rock and thick steel of our vault and the clear glass of our stasis pods. Everything changed when the Psychlos came; even a PIP-Boy and a Fat Man are no good against aliens who learned to build empires while humanity was still learning to spell its collective name. But beneath our rock, we are safe; and in our VR paradise, we are not men, but alluring cat-girls…

brbwritingfanfiction

Shaenon
8 years ago

Wait, Zarat is willing to reveal his son’s name on the Internet but not his own?

Zarat, honey, everything I post online is under my own name, and everything is true. My name is weird and thus easy to Google. You can see for yourself if I’m being honest about myself. Even though, unlike you, I have legitimate reason to be concerned about online stalking and harassment (because women online are often harassed), I have do not make up fake identities, cower in fear when asked to substantiate the silly stories I tell about myself, and whimper that I “can’t take the risk.”

I do believe that I am baked from tougher dough than you.

That said, when I have a kid I will SO be getting either a C-section or all the drugs in the world.

Rutee Katreya
8 years ago

Apropos of that fanfiction, I’m reminded of how much I hate that assholes have ruined cute kitty ears as costume accoutrement in City of Heroes.

darksidecat
8 years ago

Antz has just discovered via wiki that women* give birth to babies out of their vags, he’s rather stunned.

*Other ppls give birth too, but Antz does not likely realize this.

Xtra
Xtra
8 years ago

Apparently $200 a month is big money to MRA’s. Not even considering if the woman has complications and then cannot work for a time after birth because she almost died in labor. My sister was $5ooo in debt from co-pays to the hospital when she gave birth to her youngest and her ex husband pays zero in child support and guess what stupid MRA’s, he’s not in jail either and just had a child with his new girlfriend that he pays no support for either. Where is this gynocracy that is supposed to lock him up?

Sharculese
Sharculese
8 years ago

Danny’s head was the size of a navel orange at birth (4 inches). My FOREIGN BRIDE pushed three times and popped him out. I do believe that she is baked from tougher dough than any of you.

antz, i’m assuming this is another lie

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

You know, following the logic of women supposedly being really terrible sperm thieves because, bad at maths, because money, because ladybrainz, then women who get abortions should be favored in the MRM. I mean, women who get abortions are effectively saving you from, what did you call it? “18 years of indentured servitude.” These ladies should be lauded as freedom fighters! Come on guys, ladies who get abortions are SAVING you from a terrible fate!

Also, um, you DO know Zarat, that just because YOUR kid’s head wasn’t that big, (which um, still, a grapefruit is fucking BIG you unsympathetic ass) that doesn’t mean that other kids’ wouldn’t be? You know that, right? You also know there’s a shit ton of other shit to worry about with pregnancy, like shit going wrong and endangering the mother’s life? Heart complications, high blood pressure, stroke, etc. And that’s assuming you have the health insurance to pay for all that.

Amnesty International compiled a pretty extensive list of just how dangerous it can be to birth a kid in the US.http://www.amnesty.org/en/news-and-updates/usa-urged-confront-shocking-maternal-mortality-rate-2010-03-12

But I mean, CHILD SUPPORT!!1!!eleventy!!

Anthony Zarat
8 years ago

@Shaenon

Word to the wise:

When Dr. Hurtsalot tells you “wait as long as you can before the Epi”, do not listen. The anesthesiologist is probably at home (meaning you are a 30 minute drive away from pain relief). My FOREIGN BRIDE gave birth like it was the 1500’s, waiting for Dr. Knucklehead to arrive. No epidural, no episiotomy, no doctor. Just a very surprised nurse.

My dear wife looked at me and screemed “I .. have had .. enough .. OF THIS!!!” and boom.

Xtra
Xtra
8 years ago

I think I get MRA logic now. No abortions because, of course women are supposed to have 18 years of servitude. but men only if they have a wife/woman slave that will never divorce them no matter how crappy they treat her. Women are just paying for their consequences.Men aren’t supposed to have those. Do I have it right?

pecunium
pecunium
8 years ago

Poor Antz: Unlike Shaennon, or myself, or Dave he can’t take the risk of being known publically.

But he’s not smart enough to avoid giving enough information (if it’s true) to keep someone who was willing to do the work, to track down the specifics of his person from the bucket of clues he’s dropped.

All it would take is culling that list, and the repetition makes it easier, if we assume each instantiation equals a single paper it’s a lot easier to cross reference x publications in each journal, and then see who pops up; then see if one of them is related to a, “famous feminist”.

At which point, “three kids, one named danny”, and a wife from another country seals the deal.

A fucking “tradecraft” genius he is, esp. as he thinks looking up the ability of sound to move nano-objects is a feat of outstanding research.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

AntZ, no one believes a word you say. You’re one of the people who could tell me the sky was blue and I’d have to get a second opinion. THAT’S how much of a liar you are.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

My dear wife looked at me and screemed “I .. have had .. enough .. OF THIS!!!” and boom.

That’s how you get really nasty vaginal tears. Your FOREIGN BRIDE was damn lucky.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

…would you accept $200/month to learn what it feels like to heal a vaginal tear?

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

I suppose I could have really blew AntZ’s mind if I had mentioned that the sound-based stuff could be possible if you had a different medium (like a fluid) with particles closer together… But I honestly thought he was just throwing words around. Dropped the ball on that one. *shrug*

Ah well.

Sharculese
Sharculese
8 years ago

When Dr. Hurtsalot tells you “wait as long as you can before the Epi”, do not listen. The anesthesiologist is probably at home (meaning you are a 30 minute drive away from pain relief). My FOREIGN BRIDE gave birth like it was the 1500′s, waiting for Dr. Knucklehead to arrive. No epidural, no episiotomy, no doctor. Just a very surprised nurse.

also a lie

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

@David:

That. Is. Brilliant. It’s like a version of Poe’s law, where when someone outlines an outlandish and sarcastic situation, somebody will look at it and say “Well, yeah! That’s exactly right! What’s your point?”

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

All I know is that once Antsykins perfects the artificial womb/male uterus, I’m finally going to get the baby I deserve (and it (he) will free Earth and cleanse the capital wasteland).

cloudiah
8 years ago

Did Antz really say he took a shit (“did a dooky”) while riding a bicycle or did I imagine that? Because if true, that would be impressive.

magdelynswallows
8 years ago

Being a long time participant in r/mensrights, you cannot blame the reddit for extremists that visit it.

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

FYI uterus havers, all births are perfectly safe, go perfectly swimmingly, and can be done totally safely without any doctors or major complications.

Also, it’s only a grapefruit so quit your whining.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

@magdelyn:

I don’t think David is a long time participant in r/mensrights, so he’s fine.

*trollface*

Anthony Zarat
8 years ago

@Holly

She had no episiotomy, and was not lucky at all.

@Futrelle

We both know that the April fool’s theft was a hoax. However ..

As a thought experiment, what legal recourse did that young man have at the moment that his (fake) GF was running off with his (make believe) genetic material in order to impose a (nonexistent) 18 year sentence of indentured servitude?

You say a tummy punch is the WRONG thing to do. Fine. What is the RIGHT thing to do?

I don’t agree with violence, and I think anyone who condones the tummy punch is misguided (if anyone really believed the April fool’s joke, which I doubt). However, the (fake) story has made me think. What should a young man do (if such a thing really happened)?

What do YOU think? And what about your flock? What do THEY think?

magdelynswallows
8 years ago

@Kirby

David’s been there as long as I have. He pretty much reads it every day. He used to post there, but I think he got banned. I think he’s been unbanned though.

MollyRen (@MollyRen)
8 years ago

I guess Antz thinks home births are something that’s never done nowadays?

(There’s probably more stuff involved in an *actual* home birth than Antz has listed, but dude. There’s been an entire *movement* against epidurals.)

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

@AntZ:

In an imaginary world, you can make anything seem appropriate.

if anyone really believed the April fool’s joke, which I doubt

Try nearly everyone quoted in David’s original post on the matter.

P.S. Slease don’t refer to punching someone in the gut in cutsy terms like a “tummy punch.”

MollyRen (@MollyRen)
8 years ago

I don’t agree with violence, and I think anyone who condones the tummy punch is misguided (if anyone really believed the April fool’s joke, which I doubt). However, the (fake) story has made me think. What should a young man do (if such a thing really happened)?

Frankly, I’m wondering about the viability of sperm gotten in this way to begin with. What little I know about artificial instemination would makes it out to be MUCH more difficult.

indifferentsky
8 years ago

I found AntZ his real name is Chris, and this is him on Judge Judy.

The JIG is UP

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
8 years ago

I love the constant use of “enslavement” and “indentured servitude” to describe child support. I have a feeling there’s a lot of slaves and indentured servants throughout history who would find “pay this relatively small amount, unless you can’t afford to do so” to be a pretty sweet deal compared to their own circumstances.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

@AntZ:

Also, you could try this guy, who was responding to this post.

@Mags:

Your movement must really be in trouble if you have to inflate the numbers by claiming David as a participant. 😐

Rutee Katreya
8 years ago

Yeah, 300 a month is notable, but it is by no means indentured servitude, much less slavery. Even if you contend you had no say in the matter, it’s still not as bad.

But AntZ, I have a solution that’s good for kids. And it makes women pay too. Can you dig it? IT’s tax everyone to give money to all active parents. No unfairness, just smack everyone to make sure kids can eat, get clothed decently, etc. we all have a vested interest in kids doing that (I fucking hate kids and I can admit that much)

ostara321
ostara321
8 years ago

I love how there’s just the assumption that this lady just desperately wanted a baby and OF COURSE would go for child support. Guess folks who’ve gotten accidentally pregnant but broke up with the father and didn’t tell him (possibly because they rightly assumed they were assholes who viewed fatherhood as “servitude”) just don’t exist or some shit.

Amphitrite
Amphitrite
8 years ago

I had my kids drug free* and yeah, Zarat is still the physical manifestation of an MRA 8 ball toy. There’s only a set number of phrase combinations he can go through before he starts to repeat.

*Not preaching! Everyone should birth – or not birth – however you decide. It seriously doesn’t matter what you choose, only that you get to choose and you’re happy. I was only covering the “you wussies just can’t understand my awesome!” Zarat currently has sloshed to the viewing window.

magdelynswallows
8 years ago

$300 a month is chump change.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
8 years ago

@Mags:

$300 a month is chump change.

… You DO realize that we’re talking about how much men are expected to pay for child support, right? Just checking.

Sharculese
Sharculese
8 years ago

But AntZ, I have a solution that’s good for kids. And it makes women pay too. Can you dig it? IT’s tax everyone to give money to all active parents. No unfairness, just smack everyone to make sure kids can eat, get clothed decently, etc. we all have a vested interest in kids doing that (I fucking hate kids and I can admit that much)

this sounds exceptionally awesome

Rutee Katreya
8 years ago

Maggie, the hero of men’s rights, dismissing the poor (Which, while is majority women, still includes a lot of men).

pecunium
pecunium
8 years ago

Mags: Being a long time participant in r/mensrights, you cannot blame the reddit for extremists that visit it.

It’s amazing that all the douchebags are exceptions. There are so many exceptions it begins to look like a pattern.

But the reverse, an extremist who is also a feminist… totes representative of all feminists.

One might think there was some sort of double standard; that you, and yours, were stacking the deck and palming cards.