So it turns out that the heartbreaking yet highly implausible story of attempted spermburgling that got the Men’s Rights subreddit so riled up on the first of the month … was in fact fake.
Mr. ineedhelpnow1234 himself wrote me a note today alerting me to a post on his blog explaining the whole thing, and why he did it. Some highlights:
I wanted to reveal just how twisted these men can be in the pursuit of their agenda so I came up with a story they could not resist. …
The spermjacker trope is irresistible to “men’s rights” activists because they believe they are perfect Darwinian examples of masculinity and as a result are irresistible to the hormonally irrational schemers that make up womankind. Narcissism and misogyny collide to make a toxic brew.
Oh, and I added the twist that this man punched his girlfriend so hard in the stomach that she bruised. Surely such fierce proponents of “gender equality” would not support violence against women. Right?
Well, we all know how that turned out. Ineedhelpnow1234/the blogger Eschatology continued:
The “men’s rights” movement is morally bankrupt. It is made up of people who support hitting women. It is made up of people who refuse to say it is wrong to hit women. It is made up of people who are so paranoid of women that they think people actually talk like this:
You fucking bastard, how dare you punch me for what I’m entitled to! Call me the minute you get this god damn message or I’ll call the fucking police and end your future. CALL MEEEE.
Attention MRA’s: You have all exposed yourselves as rotten human beings and you have discredited your movement (again). …
I wrote this story by stitching together nearly every cliche I have ever come across in the “men’s rights” movement. I tried to see if the MRAs had any line they would not cross. Apparently they do not. Looks like the SPLC made a good call.
Heck, even after they got called out for supporting the (imaginary) puncher, both here and on Jezebel, and were roundly mocked for believing such an utterly ridiculous tall tale, this is about as close as any Men’s Rights redditor got to criticizing the punch that never was:
He panicked and hit her. Sure he should have just have restrained her and took the condom out of her hands but we’re human and its not like he continually beat her into a pulp.
Yep, no big deal, “its not like he continually beat her into a pulp.”
The comment containing that line got 11 upvotes, and zero downvotes.
The Men’s Rights Movement, beyond the pale — but also beyond parody.
EDITED TO ADD: The Men’s Rights regulars respond to the big reveal here. They are apparently determined to learn absolutely nothing from the whole episode. At the moment this is the most highly upvoted comment:
EDITED TO ADD AGAIN: Ineedhelpnow1234/Eschatology posted about this in the TwoXChromosomes subreddit, Naturally, a small horde of r/mensrightsers invaded the thread and pooped all over it.
Sorry Bostonian, I forgot about you. Maybe I should have written “How many banned commenters…”
It’s like when MRAL pretended to have heard of himself, but even more pathetic.
talacaris, you just showed up and B_n has been gone for months. The obvious guess would be “Ben.”
Estimated time to meltdown: 1/2 hour. I’m optimistic about this one.
“I didn’t stab her!”
“I said she was killed. I never said she was stabbed.”
I have never been banned at all actually, and am smarter than Brandon.
That is easy, because pocket lint is smarter than Brandon.
katz: When have you seen a commenter here who called zirself Ben?
But you shorten his name for fear he may manifest.
Let’s try with this: Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Brandon R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn
Talacris is an old commentator from way back from what I remember. Forget if zie is a troll or not (probably.)
““I didn’t stab her!”
“I said she was killed. I never said she was stabbed.”
And the fact it was reported as a stabbing in every major newspaper is certainly not relevant.
So… now Brandon is so important that every reader on the intermanets is aware of him?
You’re not helping yourself here; I’m pretty sure Ithiliana was /joking/, but now you’re making her look correct.
No, talacaris, it’s my imaginary story. You don’t get to add details to it. Only I am allowed to do that.
For instance, I bet you didn’t realize that the stabbing victim was a dog.
Douze points to princessbonbon. And yes, troll it is, like i said before, because other peeps are not trolling for my eneertainment the way I like them to do ( they make personal attacks and threats which a Troll in my opinion should never do).
This one’s not quite solipsistic enough to be B_n. Plus, B_n would never even try to use a gender neutral pronoun.
Making yourself look like a fool (A formerly banned fool, for bonus points) isn’t skillful trolling.
No, it isn’t,, but when people are so quick to jump to conclusions, well why not give a try.. (MRADP)
When it is published it doesn’t just belong to the author anymore.
talacaris believes in death of the author. Well, that’s unsurprising.
I’m going to take your fictional “I am not B_n” story and change it so that you’re saying “I am B_n.”
talacaris, why cant’ something be both a fringe movement and a backlash? Those terms aren’t mutually exclusive.
Only that I “forgot” that MRA’s are not the only ones who are against women’s rights
I’m going to take your fictional “I’m going to take your fictional “I am not B_n” story and change it so that you’re saying “I am B_n.””and change it so that you’re saying “I am not B_n.
talacaris has completely lost track of what he’s trying to say by this point.
haahaha hi brandon its been awhile XD
how is ashley?
Things still good with the fuckdoll, Brandon?
Besides, you can’t take the fictional story back because you posted it here and now it’s not yours anymore.
“talacaris has completely lost track of what he’s trying to say by this point.”
I’m not sure, but I think I agree.
But I will say this: Learning to troll is not easy. It is a long hard process which demands commitment (which I lack) and creativity and intelligence ( which I will not comment further upon). But what should one do when the existing trolls don’t perform to one specifications?
“Besides, you can’t take the fictional story back because you posted it here and now it’s not yours anymore.”
No it is your story that is modified somewhat.