So the other day – on the day colloquially known as “April Fools Day” – a Redditor using a throwaway account posted a most unlikely story to the Men’s Rights subreddit. Under the self-explanatory headline “My girlfriend just tried to steal a used condom to impregnate herself and is now threatening to call the police on me. PLEASE Help!” the newly minted Redditor ineedhelpnow1234 told his tale of woe.
Earlier in the day, he wrote, he and his girlfriend
had sex and I got up to go the bathroom and throw the condom out and then went back to bed. She got dressed and also went to the bathroom. I could see when she stepped out that she had something in her hand. I asked her what it was and she started yelling how she had the used condom and she was “finally going to get the baby I deserve” and then started running for [the] door.
Apparently that’s how women talk in MRA-land.
And then ineedhelpnow1234 added a rather important detail he somehow neglected to include in the headline:
I freaked out and ran after her and caught her at the door. My mind was racing, and she was about to get out. I panicked and hit her in the stomach and then took the condom forcibly from her hands.
Emphasis mine. He continued:
I’m not proud of what I did, but I was FREAKED out in the moment and she was about to escape and I just did what I thought I needed to do.
She caught her breath and left and now she’s been calling (I haven’t answered) and texting me saying she’s going to call the police and have me arrested unless I have sex with her without a condom.
Later, she allegedly left him this alleged voicemail message:
You fucking bastard, how dare you punch me for what I’m entitled to! Call me the minute you get this god damn message or I’ll call the fucking police and end your future. CALL MEEEE
Naturally, there were more than a few readers who looked at this tale – filled with credibility-straining details that seemed tailor-made to arouse MRA indignation — with a skeptical eye, and called “troll” on the whole thing. But quite a few of the locals took the story seriously, and offered serious advice.
Some simply repeated the standard dude advice “don’t stick your dick in crazy” and others, with a little more imagination, suggested that in the future he carry around hot sauce to squirt into his used condoms lest another lass try the same dastardly sperm-stealing trick.
But quite a few of the advice-givers recommended that he simply lie about his assault, and pretend it never happened. DisRuptive1 thought that simple denial would be enough to get him off the hook:
HateAllThePeople suggested that he go on the offensive:
NotC – presumably also not a lawyer – suggested that the impending threat of spermjack-blackmail would allow him to get a pass on the whole punching-her-in-the-stomach thing. But that he should lie about the incident that never took place anyway, wink wink.
Others offered their heartfelt support:
And suggested that they would have done the same thing:
One commenter had the temerity to suggest it was a tad hypocritical for all these Men’s Rightsers to suggest that a man lie to protect himself. But that commenter was quickly shot down.
Luciansolaris was one of the few who suggested the OP fess up to the assault – and defend it in court both as a logical and justifiable reaction to the situation, and as a case of temporary insanity.
I may have missed it, but I don’t think there was a single comment suggesting that, even under the circumstances, punching a girl in the stomach so hard it leaves a bruise was a terrible thing for this probably fictitious spermjackee to do.
A most revealing discussion, Men’s Rightsers.
EDITED TO ADD: ineedhelpnow1234 has returned to r/mensrights to tell everyone that 1) he’s not a troll and that 2) he was arrested. Make of it what you will.
If person #1 makes an assertion, and no one denies it, person #1’s assertion becomes the truth, apparently. That’s a pretty big logic fail…
Antz, wouldn’t you prefer a form of male birth control that was effective and didn’t cause unintended, irreversible sterility?
RE: Miaminice
This is the reason the number of mass and serial murders committed by non-alcoholics is almost zero.
Citation please. Ted Bundy, from what I understand (wiki, so grain of salt) drank specifically to help his killings go along, but DIDN’T make him want to kill, while Jeffrey Dahmer, if I recall correctly from the book “My Friend Dahmer” drank in an attempt to drown out his feelings, but weren’t the cause of them.
I invented Reddit.
Q: “AntZ, why do you think feminists oppose the male pill?”
A: “Do you think we’re really that committed to keeping our spermjacking options open?”
Certainly, this is how feminists describe it:
http://www.spectator.co.uk/essays/all/6391918/whos-the-daddy.thtml
I invented the universe.
I OWN ALL OF YOU.
Translated Antz: I EITHER HAVE NO READING COMPREHENSION OR I’M A DAMN LIAR. TAKE YOUR PICK.
@princessbonbon
This is such a blatant lie that I can’t believe you bothered trying it. Everyone knows I invented you!!
Jeez, if there was a male pill, me and my man would have, like, the safest sex. My uterus would be Azkaban. It would rule.
Or, like, his testicles would be Azkaban? And my uterus would be the sweet, sweet freedom his spermjailbirds would never experience? I don’t know, the metaphor is pretty terrible. No pregnancy, is the point.
*I* invented lying so therefore I invented you!
Maybe Dr. Coutinho is lying. Shrug. Believe what you want. I believe it. Has anyone who was at the congress in Budapest denied it? Not as far as I know.
Well, Friedan can’t deny it because she’s dead. Hell, maybe she did say it (although it certainly doesn’t sound like her); she said some controversial and even anti-feminist things late in her life. But Coutinho says that an entire crowd of feminists led by Friedan opposed his pill–stood up and chanted against it, even. Can he name any of these people? Surely some of them are still alive and can explain their bizarre anti-contraception stance, which you’ll note no feminist here shares.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, it seems Coutinho’s male pill was rejected by every government that tested it because it causes permanent infertility in a sizable percentage of users (with the chances of permanent infertility rising the longer you take it) and has a host of dangerous side effects.
RE: Anthony
I sincerely hope you know how wretched your own logic is, or you must live a sad, sad life.
Seriously, dude, by your logic, I should’ve ENCOURAGED my rapist, because if he’d succeeded in impregnating me, I would’ve been set for life! (Also a single teen parent who couldn’t graduate high school, but psh!)
Bill Clinton says he never had sex with Monica Lewinsky.
Larry Craig says he was not trolling for anonymous gay sex in an airport bathroom.
O. J. Simpson says he did not kill his wife.
Which of these are lies?
Where the shit is your evidence for this?
Same goes for AntZ; anyone who tells me that their research isn’t publishable because CONSPIRACY is a liar. For reals, that’s the opposite of the point of research.
Well guys, the jig is up!
http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/rs601/update_my_girlfriend_tried_to_steal_a_used_condom/c48ekv0
Apparently Manboobz is seeding threads so that you have something to respond to!
I can’t type that with a straight face.
I love how MRAs say women won’t take any responsibility and never have to face any consequences – that we are so full of privilege, yet they take absolutely NO responsibility for anything and blame women for everything when it comes to reproduction. I can’t even figure out what they want exactly! We’re either baby killers or spermjackers out to enslave men in the highly profitable art of single motherdom.
This drives me bonkers. A woman takes BC because she is TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. If a woman gets pregnant, guess what? It is HER RESPONSIBILITY. SHE either carries it for 9 months or aborts it – both choices she HAS to make and FOLLOW THROUGH WITH, on her own! The only time men are legally responsible to do anything is child support. That’s it. Child support. But this doesn’t have to happen to you! If you are so damned terrified someone is going to impregnate themselves with your sperm, take steps to KEEP THAT FROM HAPPENING ie TAKE RESPONSIBILITY! Wear a condom, and I guess in this paranoia fantasy land, you need to keep track of it so a sperm bandit won’t take it out of the trash and scream “GOTCHA!” on her way out the door – Conspiring to get millions in child support to set her up for life – because THAT’s REALITY!
RE: Rutee
I know, right? Even if there is a bunch of alcoholics among the serial killer population… CORRELATION IS NOT CAUSATION.
And I feel giving Sodini an excuse for a possible shitty past does nobody any favors.
Melanie McDonagh, who says “Feminism and celebrity have been the Duchess of York’s undoing” is somehow not just a feminist… but a spokesperson for all feminists?
I think I see the problem. For AntZ, the word “feminist” means “has a vagina.” Helps to understand his apologia “we’re not misogynist, just anti-feminist.”
Thanks for clearing that up.
The more Antsy posts, the more the phrase “irrelevant, desperate bigot” comes to mind.
Certainly, this is how feminists describe gay marriage:
http://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/7696673/the-case-against-gay-marriage.thtml
Melanie McDonagh may or may not identify as a feminist, but I’m pretty sure very few feminists will ever agree that keeping men in the dark about paternity is “the one thing women had going for them.” She is not “feminists.”
@princessbonbon
Me?! A lie?!! Libel!! Libel and blasphemy!! You dare lie to your creator?!!
If he really did invent a male BC pill (that is safe) and it was rejected in the 90s, why not try to bring it back now? At least according to the 200 some odd supportive comments on that HuffPo article I linked above, there are a lot of people excited about more contraceptive options for folks who have penises (penii?). So there’s obviously a market for that, why not try to market it again? I sincerely doubt that if pharma companies saw the market, the likes of Betty Friedan would be enough to keep them from trying to make a buck. If people actually listened to feminists that much, even when there is money to be made, beer commercials wouldn’t be what they are, for starters. The obvious answer is that this guy is full of shit and nobody wanted to fund his halfbaked invention because it was medically unsafe.
How would stealing a used condom work, anyway? It seems like way too much trouble to go to for something that probably won’t take. The logistics sound like a hassle.
Then again, I invented laziness.
PS, I invented Post-its.
“Ted Bundy, from what I understand (wiki, so grain of salt) drank specifically to help his killings go along, but DIDN’T make him want to kill, while Jeffrey Dahmer, if I recall correctly from the book “My Friend Dahmer” drank in an attempt to drown out his feelings, but weren’t the cause of them.”
If you know anything about addiction, (no matter the “excuse”), you would know it causes brain damage – which in turn causes behaviors that are abnormal by any standard.
The second paragraph on Sodini should be enough explanation to anyone who is unfamiliar with what addiction does to the brain – if you need further information, the Amen Clinic website has more on the connection between brain damage caused by substance abuse and the consequent behaviors.
By your own description, Bundy and Dahmer were obvious alcoholics. There are other clues http://www.10547.info/thorburn/tsari.html
http://www.preventragedy.com/pages/terrorism.html
Ha!
Seeding threads.
I get it!