So the other day – on the day colloquially known as “April Fools Day” – a Redditor using a throwaway account posted a most unlikely story to the Men’s Rights subreddit. Under the self-explanatory headline “My girlfriend just tried to steal a used condom to impregnate herself and is now threatening to call the police on me. PLEASE Help!” the newly minted Redditor ineedhelpnow1234 told his tale of woe.
Earlier in the day, he wrote, he and his girlfriend
had sex and I got up to go the bathroom and throw the condom out and then went back to bed. She got dressed and also went to the bathroom. I could see when she stepped out that she had something in her hand. I asked her what it was and she started yelling how she had the used condom and she was “finally going to get the baby I deserve” and then started running for [the] door.
Apparently that’s how women talk in MRA-land.
And then ineedhelpnow1234 added a rather important detail he somehow neglected to include in the headline:
I freaked out and ran after her and caught her at the door. My mind was racing, and she was about to get out. I panicked and hit her in the stomach and then took the condom forcibly from her hands.
Emphasis mine. He continued:
I’m not proud of what I did, but I was FREAKED out in the moment and she was about to escape and I just did what I thought I needed to do.
She caught her breath and left and now she’s been calling (I haven’t answered) and texting me saying she’s going to call the police and have me arrested unless I have sex with her without a condom.
Later, she allegedly left him this alleged voicemail message:
You fucking bastard, how dare you punch me for what I’m entitled to! Call me the minute you get this god damn message or I’ll call the fucking police and end your future. CALL MEEEE
Naturally, there were more than a few readers who looked at this tale – filled with credibility-straining details that seemed tailor-made to arouse MRA indignation — with a skeptical eye, and called “troll” on the whole thing. But quite a few of the locals took the story seriously, and offered serious advice.
Some simply repeated the standard dude advice “don’t stick your dick in crazy” and others, with a little more imagination, suggested that in the future he carry around hot sauce to squirt into his used condoms lest another lass try the same dastardly sperm-stealing trick.
But quite a few of the advice-givers recommended that he simply lie about his assault, and pretend it never happened. DisRuptive1 thought that simple denial would be enough to get him off the hook:
HateAllThePeople suggested that he go on the offensive:
NotC – presumably also not a lawyer – suggested that the impending threat of spermjack-blackmail would allow him to get a pass on the whole punching-her-in-the-stomach thing. But that he should lie about the incident that never took place anyway, wink wink.
Others offered their heartfelt support:
And suggested that they would have done the same thing:
One commenter had the temerity to suggest it was a tad hypocritical for all these Men’s Rightsers to suggest that a man lie to protect himself. But that commenter was quickly shot down.
Luciansolaris was one of the few who suggested the OP fess up to the assault – and defend it in court both as a logical and justifiable reaction to the situation, and as a case of temporary insanity.
I may have missed it, but I don’t think there was a single comment suggesting that, even under the circumstances, punching a girl in the stomach so hard it leaves a bruise was a terrible thing for this probably fictitious spermjackee to do.
A most revealing discussion, Men’s Rightsers.
EDITED TO ADD: ineedhelpnow1234 has returned to r/mensrights to tell everyone that 1) he’s not a troll and that 2) he was arrested. Make of it what you will.
I copyrighted the Internet.
“What could he do, to prevent 18 years of indentured servitude?”
Uh, let me guess… .keep his peter in his pocket?
I am 100% pro male birth control. If for nothing else it would make (some) of the MRAs shut the fuck up. But let’s say male birth control hit the markets tomorrow. Here’s what I suspect would come out of the Manosphere.
“We shouldn’t have to take birth control. We’re not the ones who get pregnant. Just another example of lazy women expecting men to do all the work.”
“Great. So now women are further excused from consequences of riding the cock carousel. All those Alphas will go around telling them “I’m on the pill. Fuck me!””
“It says one of the side effects is a slightly lowered sex drive. MISANDRY”
RE: Miaminice
I actually don’t like that idea, since sometimes, you really CAN’T tell when someone’s a complete nutball, and most people don’t like the idea of no sex ever.
But even if this story were true, I think he would be high unlikely to end up in that position ANYWAY. These people highly overrate the power of sperm.
I invented fire. And oxygen. And the wheel.
I speak Klingon and Elvish fluently. COME AT ME BRO
Hey, Antz, here’s something that sounds actually promising in the male birth control realm.
You know why it’s not going anywhere? Not enough profits for pharmaceutical companies, BIGOTS! But look, there’s a mailing list, and a petition. You can actually DO something to try to support this, instead of just being angry at feminists on the internets. Check it out.
I invented the superdog.
You can’t see it, though. The feminists won’t let me show it to you. Why, Betty Friedan herself said, “MURDER THE BOYS ALSO NO SUPERDOGS.”
I call it the Volga Vasectomy!
“Por que está tão disposto a acreditar em mentiras aleatórias na internet, mas apenas os que fazem as mulheres ficarem mal?”
“Why are you so willing to believe in random internet lies, but only those that make women look bad?”
Lies? Which of these is a lie?
1) Dr. Coutinho invented Nofertil.
2) Nofertil is a bith control pill for men, which potentially causes permanent infertility.
3) Dr. Coutinho says that feminists opposed the pill.
4) Dr. Coutinho says that feminist opposition was because it reduced female control of conception.
4) Dr. Coutinho says that he thinks that this feminist pressure is what prevented regulatory approval of the MCB.
Let me know which of these you do not believe.
3 and 4 are lies! Also the second 4.
I guess they’re true in the sense of “yes, he actually says that,” but not in the sense that those are what actually happened. Unless you have any other source at all?
BTW Holly Pervocracy:
“mentiras”, the portugese word for “lies”, is female. So, the word “os” should be “as”. This is the correct way to ask your question (in portuguese):
“Por que está tão disposto a acreditar em mentiras aleatórias na internet, mas apenas AS que fazem as mulheres ficarem mal?”
Because that’s how feminism works, apparently.
It’s funny, AntZ, that you’re defending this guy so hard when you clearly only learned about him from that Yahoo Answers troll.
I invented Portuguese.
precious bodily fluids!!1!
You ever seen a Russian drink water?
“Six of the seven people he murdered were women.”
I’d expect savethemales.ca any day now to do a loving essay / eulogy on this guy.
One was already done for George Sodini
http://www.henrymakow.com/revenge_of_an_unloved_man.html
Here’s some insight on Sodini – Goh probably has the same problem, though it’s not mentioned in the article.
http://www.preventragedy.com/pages/TAR/050.augsep09.html
“Systems analyst and loner George Sodini, 48, who walked into a Pittsburgh gym, shooting and killing 3 women, wounding 9 women, terrifying dozens of others and then killing himself. In his personal blog, he recounted years of loneliness and rejection, along with his plans for committing mass murder, which he delayed twice. He knew that liquid courage was required for him to pull it off. He wrote on May 5: “To pull the exit plan [i.e., murder-suicide] off, it popped into my mind to just use some booze….I stopped at Shop N Save and got a fifth of vodka and a small bottle of Jack Daniels. I haven’t had a drink since September 1, 1988, just over 20 years….I need to use it to take the edge off of carrying out the exit plan. I will be taking some every now and then to get used to it and see if the alcohol effects will embolden me. Weed would be fun to try again.” On July 23 he wrote: “I had 20+ years of sobriety….”
As I’ve written elsewhere, the healthy neo-cortex, the seat of reason and logic, restrains us from acting out on the vile thoughts many of us have from time to time. A damaged neo-cortex allows the lower brain centers, responsible for impulsive behaviors and base survival, free reign. Alcohol in the alcoholic damages the higher brain center. This is the reason the number of mass and serial murders committed by non-alcoholics is almost zero.
But not every alcoholic kills. It probably requires a tweaking in early life, usually involving an alcoholic parent, as well as a particularly virulent form of the disease. A hint of the combination of alcoholism and abusive past life can be gleaned from Sodini’s blog. He writes: “My dad never (not once) talked to me or asked about my life’s details and tell me what he knew. He was just a useless sperm doner….Brother was a…useless bully.” (sic) While this doesn’t usually impel even an alcoholic to commit murder of any kind, much less mass murder, it once again reminds us of the admonition on page 163 of Drunks, Drugs & Debits that we cannot predict how destructive a practicing alcoholic may become, or when.”
Maybe Dr. Coutinho is lying. Shrug. Believe what you want. I believe it. Has anyone who was at the congress in Budapest denied it? Not as far as I know.
Okay, one more question:
AntZ, why do you think feminists oppose the male pill? Do you think we’re really that committed to keeping our spermjacking options open? (We don’t oppose condoms or vasectomies, so we’re doing sort of a shitty job if that’s the case). Do you seriously think sperm theft is a major feminist cause?
Holly, you’re assuming Antz thinks.
@Holly Pervocracy
I did not learn about it on yahoo answers. I don’t know what that is. I learned about it yesterday on reddit — feminism. As well as reddit — men’s rights.
I invented the congress of Budapest.
You don’t know what Yahoo Answers is?
Are you even capable of honesty?
I invented inventing! I am the first, the last and the always!! Kneel before Zod!
Well then. This is clearly irrefutable logic especially when balanced against what we know -and can prove- about the process of research, testing, clinical studies, trials, published papers, etc., that are generally involved in a drug/medication making it to the public.
No thank you Shadow because I invented inventing first.