So the other day – on the day colloquially known as “April Fools Day” – a Redditor using a throwaway account posted a most unlikely story to the Men’s Rights subreddit. Under the self-explanatory headline “My girlfriend just tried to steal a used condom to impregnate herself and is now threatening to call the police on me. PLEASE Help!” the newly minted Redditor ineedhelpnow1234 told his tale of woe.
Earlier in the day, he wrote, he and his girlfriend
had sex and I got up to go the bathroom and throw the condom out and then went back to bed. She got dressed and also went to the bathroom. I could see when she stepped out that she had something in her hand. I asked her what it was and she started yelling how she had the used condom and she was “finally going to get the baby I deserve” and then started running for [the] door.
Apparently that’s how women talk in MRA-land.
And then ineedhelpnow1234 added a rather important detail he somehow neglected to include in the headline:
I freaked out and ran after her and caught her at the door. My mind was racing, and she was about to get out. I panicked and hit her in the stomach and then took the condom forcibly from her hands.
Emphasis mine. He continued:
I’m not proud of what I did, but I was FREAKED out in the moment and she was about to escape and I just did what I thought I needed to do.
She caught her breath and left and now she’s been calling (I haven’t answered) and texting me saying she’s going to call the police and have me arrested unless I have sex with her without a condom.
Later, she allegedly left him this alleged voicemail message:
You fucking bastard, how dare you punch me for what I’m entitled to! Call me the minute you get this god damn message or I’ll call the fucking police and end your future. CALL MEEEE
Naturally, there were more than a few readers who looked at this tale – filled with credibility-straining details that seemed tailor-made to arouse MRA indignation — with a skeptical eye, and called “troll” on the whole thing. But quite a few of the locals took the story seriously, and offered serious advice.
Some simply repeated the standard dude advice “don’t stick your dick in crazy” and others, with a little more imagination, suggested that in the future he carry around hot sauce to squirt into his used condoms lest another lass try the same dastardly sperm-stealing trick.
But quite a few of the advice-givers recommended that he simply lie about his assault, and pretend it never happened. DisRuptive1 thought that simple denial would be enough to get him off the hook:
HateAllThePeople suggested that he go on the offensive:
NotC – presumably also not a lawyer – suggested that the impending threat of spermjack-blackmail would allow him to get a pass on the whole punching-her-in-the-stomach thing. But that he should lie about the incident that never took place anyway, wink wink.
Others offered their heartfelt support:
And suggested that they would have done the same thing:
One commenter had the temerity to suggest it was a tad hypocritical for all these Men’s Rightsers to suggest that a man lie to protect himself. But that commenter was quickly shot down.
Luciansolaris was one of the few who suggested the OP fess up to the assault – and defend it in court both as a logical and justifiable reaction to the situation, and as a case of temporary insanity.
I may have missed it, but I don’t think there was a single comment suggesting that, even under the circumstances, punching a girl in the stomach so hard it leaves a bruise was a terrible thing for this probably fictitious spermjackee to do.
A most revealing discussion, Men’s Rightsers.
EDITED TO ADD: ineedhelpnow1234 has returned to r/mensrights to tell everyone that 1) he’s not a troll and that 2) he was arrested. Make of it what you will.
I invented invention.
I invented the hot, dense state that precluded the Big Bang.
WHAT FUCKING NOW?!
I invented the previous five universes, but am tired so you all can invent the new ones!
I’m addicted to caffeine. If I go more than about 24 hours without at least a cup of tea, I start getting headaches. If I go 48 hours, yeah, I guess I do sometimes wake up in a pool of blood.
I invented the infinite regress!
My father is a violent addict, so I’ve seen that shit up close and personal. But, you know what, my aunt also spent years with a serious drug problem. And she has cleaned up, and tried to make amends. She isn’t irreversibly broken and dangerous because of her past.
Seriously, fuck that shit.
Wow like it is hard to get a dude to fuck you w/o a condom. Men pressure women to have unprotected sex allll the time.
Also, if that actually happened, it could have been a really awesome april fools joke. She obviously knew that guys worst fear.
I’ve had addictions to benzodiazepines and getting off them was truly vile and kept me incommunicado, in rehab for months each time. It was really frightening. While I think all addiction is pretty terrifying, one addiction is not equivalent to another.
The only thing I’m OK with out of all three incidents was that that they were easily available and legal. I don’t doubt that the situation is far, far worse if the drugs are not legal.
I don’t know who I would have been if I hadn’t had those experiences but I don’t consider myself to be permanently damaged by them. Different maybe but not particularly damaged.
FWIW, Amen is mostly a charlatan, and anything he says should be viewed with extreme skepticism.
Antz: What is the motivation behind the millions of women who actually do things similar to this?
Millions?
At what rate per annum? The rate of live births in the US has been holding steady between 3, and 4 million per year for the past 30 years.
But we’ll go back just 20, that’s, more or less, 80 million births (to be generous).
So millions is plural, I’ll [again] be generous, and hold to the bottom end… 2 million.
You are saying that almost three percent of children born in the US are because women chose to “steal sperm”.
Initial work with the MBC demonstrated a number of unacceptable side effects, but the low dose Nofertil pill had only one documented side effect (permenent infertility in 10% of users). This is an acceptable risk to many men. The pill is non-homronal, and should have been available long ago. Feminist opposition kept it off the market. Accrding to the man who invented it.
If you have any questions, ask me. I speak fluent portuguese.
I have a question… where is the peer-reviewed study on the effectivness of the drug? Who administered the double blind tests? How long was the study period (esp. the longitudninal follow-up on the people who were rendered permanently infertile)?
How is it that this Brazilian doctor was in a debate with Betty Freidan on the subject? What was the context of the alleged exchange? Who else was present?
Why would the company which backed Nofertil care if feminists hated it? If it’s such a swell deal they could certainly have gotten it approved.
Get real. You keep telling us what a brilliant scientific type you are, then you spew nonsense like this.
Miaminice: BTW, most felons are male, and the majority have substance abuse issues. So is there something wrong with being male (radical feminists have put this idea forward)? Or something about substance abuse that caused them to get jail time (my opinion based on research)? Or is it the female dominated culture that we live in that creates more male felons (which would be the MRA stance)?
It could be unrelated correlation.
It could be the social/societal/environmental pressures which led to/influenced their choice to engage in criminal behavior also influenced their use of addictive substances.
It could be that prison makes one willing to take addictive substances.
It could be lots of things.
Have you got any evidence that it actually is? Or are we supposed to take your word for it, just because you find it truthy enough to believe.
First time caller; Long time listener. I passionately love to read manboobz! It has been a bittersweet rollercoaster ride of comments on this one! My little interjection is that “don’t stick your dick in crazy” is derogatory toward women. I mean, “b*tches be CRAYCRAY!” is the rally cry of every dude who has an ex-gf. “Why didn’t it work out between you two?” “She is crazy.” It is the easiest cop out, and a great way to diminish someone’s character. Reminds me of the witch trials. Reminds me of MTV’s Realworld/Roadrules Challenges. They always single out a female player and dub her crazy and then edit footage to show how truly insane she is! I am a woman who has been labeled crazy by my own brother who wanted more than 50% of my dad’s estate that he was willed, so he tells anyone who will listen how crazy I am, and then he steals the entire contents of my late father’s house to sell on craig’slist! Even the headstone company thinks I am insane. So, when I call him out for his unfairness and thievery– I am just crazy, who will listen to the crazy lady, hmmm? Thanks for everything manboobz commenters!
Y’all had me lolin’! “Finally going to get the baby I deserve!!!”
Whore.
Squirell.
Cupcake.
I see Tom’s vocabulary has been reduced to one word. Maybe he’ll make more sense now…
Nincompoop.
Seriously? He wishes he knew how to quit us.
Blancmange.
Awesome! Does this mean I am sorta like ‘jumped in’ to the manboobz community now that I am called a whore by t-to-the-m?! I feel christened! (as in dedicated ceremonially–pun intended!) Tom, you crazy!
AntZ said:
“Q: “AntZ, why do you think feminists oppose the male pill?”
: “Do you think we’re really that committed to keeping our spermjacking options open?”
Certainly, this is how feminists describe it:
http://www.spectator.co.uk/essays/all/6391918/whos-the-daddy.thtml”
Well, that’s what one feminist thinks, but she certainly doesn’t speak for all of us. If individual men are unsure about the paternity of their children then by all means have the testing done and have it covered by whatever health insurance is appropriate. But making it mandatory would be prohibitively expensive and be completely humiliating for honest women who are bearing their husband’s or lover’s children. Frankly, if my husband demanded such a thing, I don’t think I’d ever want to see him again as it would destroy all the trust in our relationship.
Tom, I am dissapoint, son.
Goofball.
RE: Tom
You are not Rorschach, no matter how cool you think he is. Rorschach is a bad role model, Tom. You need to find a better one. Might I recommend the Blue Beetle? He has a radio show and everything, very wholesome.
Ooohh….
that described scenario DOES sound implausible. Just read your other post on this.
If she really did that, she deserves it.