Female kitties! Your long reign of gynofelininofascist matrioterror has ended! Over on A Voice for Male Cats Men, JinnBottle has figured out a purr-fect way to put lady cats in their place! (Hint: That place is not on his lap, being gently stroked.) Oh, and this goes for all you human ladies too, or else — POW!
Are you?
(Thanks to Cloudiah for pointing me to this comment.)
I don’t think the anger is understandable, actually. Sadness is understandable. Depression is understandable. But for anger to be present there has to be some underlying assumption that sex and/or a relationship is something that the person is entitled to and therefore other people are doing something wrong by not providing it. And that’s not a reasonable thing to feel at all.
Well, yes, I certainly agree that there’s a point at which someone is simply being unreasonable and hateful- and I do agree that line has been crossed on L-S, though I don’t think it’s crossed as often as some people think. But what I’m saying is that it’s a gray area- especially on a place like L-S, which is specifically constructed for incels and thus (IMO) justifiably inclined to err on the side of tolerance with that kind of stuff.
You are the emperor of consolation.
That you think you’re doing particularly better does not actually mean you are. You’re still acting like women aren’t really there in force when you are being told why they’re not coming to your forum.
I’m not saying that the site should ban people who say those things, I’m saying that the fact that people say those things tells us something about them, and it’s not something positive.
Also, like others have said, if there are very few women on your forum, the fact that there are a significant number of men who say things like that is probably the reason why. I’ve met plenty of women who have a hard time getting sex or relationships, but none of them would willingly hang out on a forum where there are men expressing anger at women as a whole for not giving them sex. If you don’t understand why women would find that threatening then I’m not sure what to tell you.
@Cassandra, well, perhaps there’s a distinction to be made between “reasonable” and “understandable”.
I am not angry, so I really can’t speak to those feelings. I wish I had sexual experience, sure, but I otherwise like to think I live a semi-fulfilling life. But then again, being only 26- and cognitively normal- I feel unqualified to speak for the incels who have it really bad. After literally decades of loneliness, complete isolation (for some of my L-S friends, not just in a romantic sense but in a more general social sense), some of them become bitter, defensive, and yeah, angry. Does this make it reasonable? No, I don’t think so. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I understand and empathize.
You might try empathizing with women who come across those angry posts. There are plenty of women who are in the same boat that you are, and there’s a reason why they’re not hanging out on your forum.
Also if I understand what you’re alluding to by “cognitively normal” then I have to strongly object to that. One of my best friends is on the autism spectrum, and she manages not to express rage towards people who don’t give her what she wants or some up with elaborate sexist theories to explain away her frustrations.
It may be true that women are turned off by some attitudes at L-S (although I say again- we have woman regulars who have said similar things without any of the guys taking offense). But to be honest, if the cost of attracting these women is to ask incels to self-police on the one forum that is ostensibly for them… that’s too high a price, IMO. That defeats the purpose of the board. L-S is a place for incels- male and female but mostly male- to be offered sympathy and compassion, and that’s the #1 goal. You don’t have to read it, just like I don’t have to read things I find offensive.
Anyway, that’s my perception of the situation. You’re all certainly entitled to your own opinions on L-S, I was just trying to offer my own perspective.
Not being an asshole to women = self policing. The things I learn from sexist dudes!
Is the purpose of the board helping people cope with virginity, or salving male egos?
…If they are male. If they are female they better get used to being told it is THEIR FAULT.
I appreciate the thought, but that was the free square on my card today.
I have no interest in reading it on an ongoing basis, and no interest in policing it either. I’m just pointing out that there’s a reason why there are so few women there. And also, on a more general level, how self-defeating that kind of anger is. If those men are walking around with that kind of attitude towards women then their chances of remaining alone forever are very high. Not because women are evil hypergamous bitches, but because women with decent self esteem don’t appreciate being called evil hypergamous bitches.
You’re not providing support to those people by letting them post angry rants about women. Misogynistic attitudes just don’t help you get over your issues, they just make you wallow in them and postponing the personal growth you must go through by putting the responsability of your problems on women instead of yourself.
Egg-zactly. If men are already having a hard time forming relationships with women, and they spend a lot of time in a place where male anger and bitterness at women is not just allowed but (it sounds like) reinforced, that is not going to help those men form relationships with women.
(I’m gendering it this way because of how Dave is describing the place — haven’t visited for myself.)
Rutee, I have literally stated twice- and in the very post you responded to, at that- that woman incels are extended the same compassion that men are. In fact- again, as I previously stated and you willfully ignored- woman incels have also said things in anger that I would generally take offense to. But I don’t, because I understand the context.
I’m not trying to excuse any and all hatefulness. There have been occasions where men have said things that are simply unacceptable, and I have said so. But I’m generally willing to err on the side of restraint, especially if I know the person’s background. Anyway, that’s all I’ve got to say. Thanks for engaging with me.
Why the hell are Dave and Chris here in the first place? I hope this doesn’t doesn’t turn into another round of “I can’t get laid, can you feminists give me the key to unlock all the vagina?”
So if you’re having trouble meeting women and your options are a) hang out with women or b) hang out with men who whinge about women, you choose…a. Fascinating.
Rather like an unemployed person who wouldn’t go to a job fair if that meant s/he couldn’t whinge about employers or a person with diabetes who eats tons of desserts as long as s/he is allowed to whinge about having diabetes.
Irrelevant but very important (to ME!) question to katz:
How do you pronounce the word “whinge?” I have always wondered. I mispronounce words constantly — it’s my superpower! That, and making streetlights go out when I walk under them.
@Dave: that woman incels are extended the same compassion that men are. I
So, when a woman talks about how horrible and awful and terrible the men around her are, how they won’t talk to her, or date her, or sleep with her, all the men or some of the men or a few of the men join in with total support and condemnation of men?
RLLY?
And now that I think about it: are there gay men and lesbians at love-shy talking about how horribly hard it is for THEM to get dates, etc. After all, it’s not as if awkwardness, shyness, fatness, nerdness, all those things are limited to heterosexuals. *remembering several nights spent at lesbian bar yearning yearning yearning about gorgeous woman, short dark hair, very butch, great tattoos, too shy to talk*
Honestly, I have no idea if “whinge” is an actual word. You could probably put any word in the right context and make it mean “complain.”
“Stop caterpillaring all the time! Your life isn’t that bad!”
“You’re just stoobling because you’re a sore loser.”
http://www.love-shy.com/faq#asexualhomosexual
that answers that question
http://www.love-shy.com/faq#friendzone
and this definitely implies the default love shy dude is male!
I gave up on the forums after a post on the fat bird jokes……although to be fair, i generally loathe that forum format.
@katz, it is, it IS a word, and here is what it sounds like:
http://cache.lexico.com/dictionary/audio/lunaWAV/NEW/NEW16140.wav
@Katz: i thought “whinge” was the British version of American “whine”..goes to google.
Yup! I think it is: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/whinge
My partner’s parents were British immigrants after WWII, and she tends to use it along with some other Britishisms on a common basis.
So they estimate that 40% of “love-shy” people have Asperger’s, and Aspies tend to be above average in intelligence, and from this they’ve concluded that “most” people on their forums are of above average and intelligence?
Special snowflakes unite (and fail at math).