NOTE: THAT HEADLINE IS A JOKE. IT’S APRIL FOOL’S DAY.
In today’s edition of “Make Shit Up About Man Boobz,” we have this highly upvoted comment from the Men’s Rights subreddit attacking me (us?) for all the evil virgin shaming we supposedly do around here.
The total ridiculousness of this comment is fairly obvious. But I would like to take a moment to clarify a few things.
Being a virgin, or celibate? Not inherently funny.
Being a virgin, or someone who has had literally one sexual encounter with a woman ever, and writing post after post about how evil and icky vaginas are in an attempt to get other men to swear off women forever – that’s pretty funny. That would be a bit like me writing a travel guide to Denmark, or Albania, or any other place I’ve never been to.
Having trouble getting a date? Not inherently funny.
Having trouble getting a date because you’re a loathsome tool who hates women? Funny.
Using a sex toy? Not inherently funny.
Dudes pontificating about how sex toys and sex robots will soon make icky real women obsolete? That shit is fucking hilarious.
Also, sex toys themselves? Yes, they can be funny. I mean, the legendary Fleshlight is a disembodied vagina/mouth/asshole-replacement in the form of a giant clunky flashlight-shaped thing. That’s sort of funny. Attaching this giant clunky thing to an iPad so you can pretend that the iPad (or at least an image on it) is giving you a blowjob? That’s comedy gold!
Here are some other sex toys that are hilarious and/or seriously disturbing, courtesy of Scary Sextoy Friday, perhaps the world’s greatest blog. (All links are NSFW.)
Vibrators shaped like Santa Claus.
A dildo designed to look like poop.
Sorry. I got carried away with the links. That blog is like crack.
You pwnd em again. I loled. “let’s make shit up about manboobz” heh.
So NOT clicking on those links.
And nobody can make me, ahahahhahahahahahahahha.
All right troll, time to make yourselves useful and dig us the virgin-shaming quotes. With links.
I totally missed all the virgin-shaming going on here. Citations desperately needed.
oh look, MRAs making up lies about Manboobz again
I have very little sexual experience and have openly stated here that I don’t do the hook up thing and none of the supposed virgin-hating, sex loving feminists ever shamed me for it.
But yeah, proof you dumb fucks.
MRAs have zero ability in self reflection and self awareness.
hell even if it were true, MRAs really are taking the lead in shaming department. Shaming promiscuous women, shaming fat women, shaming old women, shaming unattractive women, shaming western women, shaming “career bitches” shaming ALL women….
Pot, meet kettle.
The “pussyfoot” thing on the next to last link? WTF? Not trying to shame anyone for anything, it’s just… … … …
Why would I shame virgins? Some of the best sexual partners I’ve ever had were virgins when I got to them.
@Quackers: true that!
Plus even the women they tend to approve of in some small measures are still horribly treated…..but of course THAT IS DIFFERENT.
Oh sweet jesus no that’s awesome.
I wonder if “Do what I say or I won’t have sex with you and I’ll mock you as a loser” works very often. Seeing as how I don’t have sex with most people, it doesn’t seem very effective at all, actually. Sheesh, after all this time you’d think feminists would’ve found a better method of getting their points across, ‘specially since we’re secretly running everything.
Then again, we are totes illogical! Girly brain! We’re prolly always doing stupid things that don’t work, and that’s why we’re in control of everything from the family courts to the police. Man-logic!
The Scary Sex Toy Friday (hilarious) btw reminded me of something Pie and I were looking at last night. We were looking at toys, and I found a cunnilingus simulator (http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=17045). He was terrified. And he kept coming up with ideas for wheel-based sex toys until he hit on the… cock carousel. No, he does not visit Manboobz.
Scary Sextoy Friday! Best. Site. Ever. I particularly like this (NSFW, obviously) pogo stick type dildo stand, if only because it seems like using it wrong would result in serious injury. Although maybe something like this could be really useful to people with some physical disabilities, who might struggle with other sex toys?
I’ve never seen anything written by any feminist or manboobzer which would make me ashamed of being a virgin as a man. The closest thing I’ve seen to “virgin shaming” here, and it is not close at all, is the idea that young male MRAs just haven’t talked to many girls yet. I have, however, seen plenty of MRA trolls come here and make the argument that the male feminists here are just in it for approval from women/the chance to get laid. I’ve never had any feminist pat me on the back for being male and feminist, despite these assertions, but I have seen MRAs despise and reject female MRAs for their gender alone. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. I’ve heard the chimes at midnight. I’ve seen C-Beams glittering in the dark near Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain…
Sorry, I got a little carried away there.
You know, the whole “Manboobz is always virgin/abstinence shaming…” thing might carry more weight if there weren’t so many guys showing up here to complain about how they can’t get laid so feminism is the devil. Seriously.
Don’t get me wrong, we get our share of the conspiracy theory/Feminism = Nazism/women are inherently evil hypergamous whores stuff as well. But, Zarat is a dipshit and NWO… NWO is pissed that women use lotion.
NWO is pissed that women use lotion.
Damn, I should read his posts more closely. There might be a satirical poem in there. Probably found poetry.
If you look closely, it turns out all of Owly’s posts are actually written in iambic hexameter. Owly is an epic poet.
(Line breaks are “ya know” and “women tease all men” stand in for the customary “//” as stanza breaks.)
Holy shit that last paragraph of wavevector’s screed is the biggest load of projection I have ever seen
Let’s play “find and replace”:
I suspect that people with clitorises, particularly women, typically interact with sex toys (individually and as an industry) in a different way than people with penises, particularly men, do.
None of which makes shaming anyone for simply using sex toys funny.
Lol, that sex toy blog is the greatest. I can’t believe there were vibrators made to look like creepy beetles and scorpions. I guess there’s a market for everything.
Also, has everyone else has already said, no we do not make fun of people for being virgins. If virgins say hateful, stupid things, then we will mock them for what they say, but not for their virginity.
Well. Vigin-shaming. Not really. I do wonder how I got here, because my Dad has displayed very few social skills and frequently sticks his foot in his mouth (not in an endearing way either)*, and I wonder how I ever get laid (similar reasons).
Trust me, I am in no position to virgin-shame.
*I am his offspring. We’re too similar to be anything BUT related.
As a virgin, I feel shamed and humiliated every time I come here.
Wait, did I say “shamed and humiliated”? I meant “like laughing my ass off.”
I <3 the Scary Sex Toy Friday blog! I love looking at it and saying "Dear Lord! They can't be serious!"
Also, there is no shame in being socially awkward or a virgin. But there is shame in using one's socially awkward position as an excuse to be a complete arsehole.
I’ve seen plenty of virgin-shaming, mostly passive, in the wide world, but not here. And some of it has been in feminist writing/spaces (where asexual shaming also has happened) but again, not here.
(And yes, I have been shamed for it. You try being over 25 and explaining to a date that you’ve never had partnered sex and no, it has nothing to do with Jesus and you’ll find out exactly how freaked out people get by virgins. )
My reaction to “hilarious sex toy” stories is always a bit mixed between “haha oh my god that’s horrible” and “hey… I have one of those.”
I feel the same way about it as I do about furries–I’m not above laughing, but I try to keep it an affectionate and a “I have some funny interests myself, aren’t people wacky” laugh, because really, I got no moral high ground here.