You know how in Cosmo they have all those little guides on how to spice up your relationships? Well, now the douchebag PUA guru Heartiste has helpfully prepared a guide of his own.
[T]hanks to the wonders of game, men can limit their relationship energy requirements while maximizing the impact each unit of spent energy has on women’s interest levels. In layman’s terms, men can easily spice up relationships (and dates) with almost no effort by employing the drive-by tease.
Here are a few of his tricks. I am not making these up. These are actual suggestions as to ways to “spice up” relationships written by a man who is reportedly in his forties. He starts off fairly mild:
Flush the toilet when she’s in the shower.
Then he starts getting mean:
Put a “pinch my butt” post-it note on her back as she’s heading out for work.
Slip her car into neutral when she’s driving. (Note: not recommended on women with exceptionally bad driving skills.)
The rest of the list is a mixture of the stupid:
Paint a picture of her. With great fanfare, unveil a stick figure drawing.
Replace her cosmetics with crayons.
The puerile:
Draw smiley faces or penises on her tampons.
Honk her tits. Make loud honking noise. Bonus points if you use an air horn.
Dutch oven. Shower oven. Car oven.
The surreal:
Put her panties on her cat (Don’t put them on the dog if the dog is yours. There are some lines not meant to be crossed.)
And the just plain assholish:
Pretend to throw her cat out the window. (A full throwing motion accompanied by frantic mewing will boost dramatic effect.)
Place a giant stuffed animal or clown doll in bed, facing her. When she wakes up, she’ll freak.
Heartiste then explains the SCIENCE behind all this idiocy:
The drive-by tease is, typically, the non-verbal equivalent of the cocky/funny neg. … The DBT subliminally asserts male dominance as well as creativity, both of which are catnip to women. Dominance assertion is telegraphed in any act where the subtext is “I don’t care if you’re offended by this.”
Really? Drawing a smiley face on her tampon “asserts male dominance?” Farting demonstrates creativity?
In any case, I have a few suggestions for women whose boyfriends actually do any of this shit in an attempt to show what awesome dudes they are:
Take a shit in his underwear drawer. Claim it was the dog, even if you don’t have a dog.
Throw his Xbox360 out the window. (A full throwing motion accompanied by frantic mewing will boost dramatic effect.)
Make him a BBQ sandwich, using menstrual blood instead of BBQ sauce.
Leave him.
Actually, you’d probably do best just to skip directly to that last one.
@Dani:
Blech, that’s terrible. I’m desperately hoping that when MRA dudes talk about how they like to pull these “pranks,” they are not covering for threats of violence.
@Viscaria – yeah, it’s a tricky area, isn’t it? That sort of behaviour can so often veer on the edge of or even tip into outright bullying.
@Dani – I’m so sorry that happened to you and glad you’re safe now. The whole threatening pets thing definitely stuck out to me. It’s a pretty common abuser technique to threaten or even actually carry out abuse of pets.
They are. Or at least some of them are. Of the ones who actually do this shit, there’s really only three ways it can go:
1) Their partner walks out or tells them to knock it the hell off.
2) Their partner tolerates it because they’re afraid if they don’t he’ll leave them.
3) Their partner tolerates it because they’re afraid if they don’t he’ll get angry.
Way back when I had a roomate, her boyfriend used to take my kitten and throw him in the freezer. He’d do this before I came home from work so I have no idea how long kitty had been there. Or there were times he’d “pretend throw” my cat out the window, until one night the cat almost did fall two stories, and her boyfriend barely caught my cat in time. Yeah good times… My friend seemed totally cool with this behaviour and married him eventually. Me, I nearly tossed him out the window and moved out the next day.
Let’s just say that he did numerous things to emotionally abuse her and was working his way to physically abuse her too. She wouldn’t leave him. He tried his shit with me and couldn’t get away with it. He did however manage to ruin a perfectly good friendship.
Abusive behaviours towards pets and people you care about are a strong warning sign to leave.
“I posted a link to an AVfM article that outs feminist silence & support for anti-LGBT discrimination. In all, 48 MRAs responded to that article:”
I like how the MRAs are happy to appropriate discrimination against gays in order to promote their own agenda. They don’t care that there’s discrimination involved, it’s just that it’s discrimination against men that matters. Except they’re being discriminated against because they’re gay, not because they’re men. MRA logic burns.
Oh, Antz, don’t you remember the statement of feminist uber-henchwoman Hillary Clinton from December 21, 2010, in support of the USA’s amendment to restore that language to the resolution?
And you DO realize that restoring that language protected women too — that must have been a bitter pill for you to swallow, bigot.
okay, so we’re adding math to the list of things antz doesn’t understand.
How do thesae guys fuck up a simple concept like playfulness? It relieves stress, boredom and reconnects you in a fun way with your partner. The caveat being that both people have to find it funny and appropriate to the scenario.
I noticed that several people pointed out the dangers of shifting a car into neutral whilst driving and flushing toilettes. That’s being a dumb ass, not playful! I guess nothing says manly like a trip to the ER….
Oh look, the same patronizing bullshit towards gay people is on AVFM:
Gosh, those gay men have it so easy.
RE: Anthony
They think of you as beast, a sub-human animal, not because of your “G”, but because of your “Y”.
Uh. If this in regards to chromosomes… I don’t HAVE a Y. (Well, I suppose it’s possible, but the odds are quite, quite low.) I told you, I’m trans.
Also, both articles you’ve given me treat guys like me with complete contempt! The TITLE of the first article is “The PROBLEM With a Gay-Tolerant Military,” and the second, the photo of which makes me smile, the writer later comments, “I’ve got no problem with it. BUT, impressions matter — a lot. We can’t pretend that this kind of display won’t have consequences for the USMC, which draws recruits from a particular segment of society that doesn’t have the highest regard for this sort of behavior.”
How can I feel this movement has ANYTHING to offer men like me, when it uses the word ‘mangina’ as a form of contempt, WHEN I’M A MAN WITH A VAGINA?
You say you gave me the most repellent, hostile environment you could find to let me make an informed choice. Fine. But the Spearhead, from what I understand, is pretty prominent in the MRA, a source y’all point to. It’s the MAINSTREAM OPINION.
Even from the “supportive” article you put up, there is the line “Where are the female victims in all this madness?”
Let me tell you. Trans women. Look at the Transgender Day of Remembrance stats: http://www.transgenderdor.org/?page_id=1194 That’s 2010. You see the majority of people dead there? Women. Female victims. They tend to be treated a lot worse than people like me.
If you hoped to impress me with this, you failed. Name for me one trans MRA, please. Just one. I seriously, honestly want to know. Because I can name trans people who’ve left feminism in disgust, but I can also name trans feminists who fight the transphobia in the feminist community: Kate Bornstein, Sandy Stone, Patrick Califia. It’s why transfeminism exists. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transfeminism
Tell me again. What does your movement have to offer me?
RE: Kirbywarp
I’ve never been to MRA spaces before for reasons precisely like I gave Antz above.
they don’t see theyre partners as fully human. its about their own gratification, not anyone elses.
I wouldn’t call myself a genius, but I don’t think it takes a rocket surgeon to figure that it’s very possible a great number of these men might be lying/exaggerating about the frequency and/or awesomeness of their sexual exploits. And that’s not, by the way, because my evil feminist tendencies make me assume all men are lying liars, rather, the wary purchaser in me assumes there are a great number of businesses who exaggerate the truth in order to sell a product. When your product is a supposed super secret SCIENCE on how to get ladies into bed, it follows that there might very well be some dramatization going in in their marketing.
*finishes her popcorn*
Propaganda failed, Manboobz 2 – Antz 0
I’m shocked, SHOCKED, I tell you, by this outcome.
lol, antz, you fucked that one up. maybe trying to be less of a bigot next time.
Dominance? Spicing up the relationship?
I think what he actually means is Attention Seeking and Acting Like a Kid.
Not sexy dude.
magdelyn is a trans mra. but on the other hand, magdelyn is a moron.
I don’t see any way I can avoid mentally annotating every future reference to A Voice for Men with “AVfM, the unimpeachable beacon that leads the MRM forward.”
ALL HAIL GLORIOUS MENS REVOLUTION! WE WILL DESTROY MISANDRY WITH PAUL-ELAM-THOUGHT
@LBT
“Tell me again. What does your movement have to offer me?”
I appologize. I thought you were “G”, not “LBT” (abreviated to avoid getting caught in filter). The MRM has nothing to offer you, and I was wasting my time.
To be clear, I do not mean that YOU are a waste of time. I mean that the MRM has nothing to offer you. The group you are with supports your rights with adequate energy, and they have millions of times more political patronage, financial resources, institutional support, and media control than the MRM. It would make no sense for you to give up an army of giants for an army of ants. Even if the giants have blood and injustice on their hands.
Trans people have blood and injustice on their hands? From that giant mega-powerful all-consuming movement they have?
Okay.
AntZ, Rogan is gay o_O he’s just trans too. Gay and trans not mutually exclusive, you know.
Holly, I think the giants are feminists, not trans people.
What if it’s HER dog? Are the panties okay then? Is it okay to put panties on a cat if it’s your cat? We need to see a fully plotted species/owner Punett square before we can possibly determine how to leverage male sexual resource points into creative new revised standard Game linden dollar points.
I read that as “AVfM, the unimpeachable bacon that leads the MRM forward.” Mmmm, bacon.
And if you make the stick figure look fat, that’s like a super double neg! She’ll be ripping her clothes off right then and there!
The giant feminists are coming — all men to the battlestations!!!