Beta males! Do you want to score with the pretty ladies? The Heartiste formerly known as Roissy has a suggestion for you: figure out when your favorite pretty lady is having cotton pony rodeo time – sorry, her period — and make your move then! Apparently, according to SCIENCE, that’s when the pretty ladies will be most receptive to your pathetic, hamhanded beta advances.
Let’s let the master explain:
[D]uring the three weeks a woman is not ovulating (and especially during her menstruation) her desire is shifted toward beta provider males. … To put this in the simplest terms possible, a woman who is hot enough to bang greater alphas will subconsciously gravitate to lesser alphas as her ovaries power down for three weeks. A plain jane who makes herself receptive to greater betas when ovulating will subconsciously begin to warm to the attentions of lesser betas reading her poetry after her hormones stabilize post-ovulation.
But fellas, don’t actually expect her to stoop to having sex with the likes of you.
I don’t mean she is suddenly going to be attracted to the opposite of the alpha males she craves when egging out. Instead, I mean she will become more indulgent of men who are somewhat more beta than the last alpha male she banged, or wished to bang, when she was ovulating. …
[B]eta males are not going to suddenly see action for three weeks with the women who aren’t ovulating. What they might see is more receptiveness — more openness — to their sloppy, guileless flirtations from those women.
And if by some weird miracle you beta dudes are actually dating a woman, Heartiste is a little more optimistic for you:
[E]njoy your two or three tepid bangs during the three weeks you are reasonably safe from the depredations of your sweet girlfriend’s behavioral modification egg assault and any interloper alpha males who might be conveniently available to her. No, you won’t ever get her to scream “choke the living shit out of me and plunge your divine cock into my tight puckered asshole as far as it’ll go until I’m bleeding tears of exquisite pain ps I saved my incredibly lubricated pussy all for you” like Olivia Munn, but at least you get to wrap up your two minute tenderly administered intimacy sessions scraping your beta peen along her dry vagina walls with twenty minute cuddleramas and a bloated chickflix queue.
Oy. I can’t really keep up the sarcasm after that. I just feel bad that the genuinely charming and hilarious Olivia Munn (no sarcasm here) has been pulled into Heartiste’s strange fantasy world.
Heartiste? More like Fartiste. Just thought I’d be petty. It’s fair when the guy’s a douchebag who uses phrases like “behavioral modification egg assault”. Douche. Dooooooooooouche.
According to whom? Roissy?
I think this guy has the greatest racket going evah! Seriously. All he does is tell a bunch of ostensibly lonely and possibly socially inept guys that they will never be able to be with a woman to whom they are mutually attracted and have a satisfying sex life or pleasant relationship.
And these guys eat it up. Unbelievable.
Twenty minutes is really a very moderate amount of cuddling. It’s not a cuddleRAMA until you’ve cuddled your way through a two-hour movie, at least.
Then again, I have a boyfriend who actually likes cuddles more than sex (omg beta!!!1!1!!), so my cuddle standards are high.
I’m sure this has been pointed out before, but “alpha” and “beta” are lupine behaviors. Humans are primates. Completely unrelated.
Wolves don’t actually do the alpha-beta thing either.
Maybe they should be calling themselves “silverbacks”?
Antz is awfully gullible, isn’t he?
“I think this guy has the greatest racket going evah!”
No argument here.
He takes advantage of men (financially), and is no friend of the MRM. He takes advantage of women (sexually), and you dont like him either.
“Silverbacks”
A damn fine name. Catchy, with a double-meaning twist to it. Why are you giving those people ideas?
@ithiliana
Roissy says he fucks an army of women because women are stupid. AntZ thinks women are stupid. Ergo Roissy must be fuckin an army of women.
These people are unable to have ideas. Seriously these PUA dudes are dumber than the average rock.
Also, if Roissy has been within 10 feet of a woman who actually wanted to have sex with him, he would not write about it the way he does. He does not even have a basic grasp of how sex works, going by his writing.
My theory is that Roissy is so fixated on “puckering assholes” because they closely resemble the facial expression that most women make when he attempts to converse with them.
Oh really? Says who? A man whose “exploits” sound like the fantasies of a frustrated adolescent whose only sex partner is his sweaty hand? Got any names, faces for these women? Because you know, the “bigot” that I am, I am not prepared to take Roissy’s words at face value.
P.S.: Unless you mean an army of women all of whom are either inflatable or imaginary, in which case, I can’t fathom why you would be scratching your head.
Well gee, what woman could turn down a proposition for that? *eyeroll*
You know, this is just a working theory I have here, but it occurs to me that perhaps the ladies this guy is supposedly having lots of non-ovulation sex with very probably may prefer cuddlerama sessions over sex because he refers to it as two minutes of “scraping your peen against her dry vagina walls”.
What about all women who are on the pill and don’t ovulate at all?
Also, how exactly are these men supposed to know when a woman is or isn’t ovulating unless they’re already closely involved? Assuming of course, that stalking is off the table. I mean, it’s not like it’s common for ladies to have large calendars marked with their ovulation schedules posted in a number of readily visible spaces, or have a sign on their foreheads when they go out in public. I have a hard time figuring how this is really even at all helpful in the scenario where a guy may be trying to chat up a new lady. Even if his half-baked theories were accurate (and I’m not convinced), contrary to what some dudes may think, you can’t always tell when someone is on their period or not.
>>Twenty minutes is really a very moderate amount of cuddling.
Don’t you know that just around the tenth minute of cuddling, a guy’s balls fall off?
These people must be so much fun in bed… Unless they have a dysfunction that manifests itself by getting hard plus hot and bothered by thinking of the Lay Report you’re gonna write later for your PUA crew, I don’t even know how THEY find any pleasure in it, much less their partner.
I always figured the “REAL MEN don’t cuddle” thing was just code for “REAL MEN don’t show any sort of fondness or emotional intimacy for their sexual partners, because that makes you vulnerable.” Which, if it’s correct, is a really sad way to think about a sexual relationship, and an even sadder way to think about a romantic one.
“Paging Heartiste:
Olivia Munn was kidding.
Silly bekabot, women don’t have a sense of humor!”
OK well, she was virtually kidding and utilizing* what passes in hot woman for a virtual sense of humor but she was doing it well enough to make people laugh. Outcome is everything. Results, results are what we want. The proof of the pudding, etc.
(“Virtual reality is real”—————Lori Singer)
*probably in order to maximize her fertility in some way
P.S. AZ, you have my permission to be eaten by the biggest scariest bodaciousest juiciest and most voracious lady spider evah, at your leisure and hers. Enjoy. Just remember that your thing is not everybody’s thing, and that not everybody is going to be into James and the Giant Peach the way you are. When others seem not fully to appreciate your brilliance, pray bear that in mind.
What did you guys do to poor Qanan to make him quit his mod-ship and /r/mensrights and secure his blog?
Also, does anyone have any good quick diet tips. I’m getting chunkified, and I need to lose weight. Thanx in advance.
…and furthermore, why does anyone take Roissy serioiusly. He’s a celibate jackass who actually does hate women.
@ magdelyn
Want whatever strain of the flu I have? I’ve lost nearly 10 pounds in the last week. As to why people like Antz actually believe Roissy’s flights of fantasy about his imaginary sex life, I have no idea.
The flu, eh? I might have to try it.
What did you guys do to poor Qanan to make him quit his mod-ship and /r/mensrights and secure his blog?
Precisely… nothing.
Which doesn’t seem to have stopped people from starting a nice little blamefest, it seems. Legolas-the-elf seems to think it’s all due to the day-before-yesterday’s MRA comics cavalcade thread.
Haha, the same guys who cheered for Register-Her and “Agent Orange” flip out if someone links their public, anonymous reddit account to their public, anonymous blog.
Aside from the squicky stuff that’s already been mentioned…
From what I remember in high school, the ovaries are taking a vacation while a woman is on her period. They’re at work for a couple of weeks before menstruation starts. Once ovulation has occurred, they shut down while the body waits to see if the woman gets pregnant or not.
Then again, considering these morons seem to think women are an entirely different species, I guess it’s not surprising they know about as much about biology as they do about sex.