Beta males! Do you want to score with the pretty ladies? The Heartiste formerly known as Roissy has a suggestion for you: figure out when your favorite pretty lady is having cotton pony rodeo time – sorry, her period — and make your move then! Apparently, according to SCIENCE, that’s when the pretty ladies will be most receptive to your pathetic, hamhanded beta advances.
Let’s let the master explain:
[D]uring the three weeks a woman is not ovulating (and especially during her menstruation) her desire is shifted toward beta provider males. … To put this in the simplest terms possible, a woman who is hot enough to bang greater alphas will subconsciously gravitate to lesser alphas as her ovaries power down for three weeks. A plain jane who makes herself receptive to greater betas when ovulating will subconsciously begin to warm to the attentions of lesser betas reading her poetry after her hormones stabilize post-ovulation.
But fellas, don’t actually expect her to stoop to having sex with the likes of you.
I don’t mean she is suddenly going to be attracted to the opposite of the alpha males she craves when egging out. Instead, I mean she will become more indulgent of men who are somewhat more beta than the last alpha male she banged, or wished to bang, when she was ovulating. …
[B]eta males are not going to suddenly see action for three weeks with the women who aren’t ovulating. What they might see is more receptiveness — more openness — to their sloppy, guileless flirtations from those women.
And if by some weird miracle you beta dudes are actually dating a woman, Heartiste is a little more optimistic for you:
[E]njoy your two or three tepid bangs during the three weeks you are reasonably safe from the depredations of your sweet girlfriend’s behavioral modification egg assault and any interloper alpha males who might be conveniently available to her. No, you won’t ever get her to scream “choke the living shit out of me and plunge your divine cock into my tight puckered asshole as far as it’ll go until I’m bleeding tears of exquisite pain ps I saved my incredibly lubricated pussy all for you” like Olivia Munn, but at least you get to wrap up your two minute tenderly administered intimacy sessions scraping your beta peen along her dry vagina walls with twenty minute cuddleramas and a bloated chickflix queue.
Oy. I can’t really keep up the sarcasm after that. I just feel bad that the genuinely charming and hilarious Olivia Munn (no sarcasm here) has been pulled into Heartiste’s strange fantasy world.
Hey Anthony Zarat, explain to me how a gene works.
Hmm. I haven’t read anything of Roissy’s beyond what I’ve come across here, but if someone shows nastiness of this order, I’m more likely to suspect they were a bully than that they were bullied.
“I’m more likely to suspect they were a bully than that they were bullied.”
You can be both.
Of course you can. But saying “I bet he was bullied at school” instead of “I bet he bullied other kids in school” as a direct response to cruel, shitty behaviour strikes me as the less logical of the two statements.
So there’s “broad consensus” that human women all have this specific sexual strategy…but the only scientist you cite is an arachnologist.
Holy crap, I just realized the communication problems we’ve been having with MRAs! Whenever they complain about “women” or “females,” they’re talking about female spiders! This explains everything! Especially all the parts where they’re terrified of being devoured by giant women to provide sustenance to their newly fertilized eggs!
AntZ, you can’t possibly have overlooked the fact that Eberhard’s actual research on this “cryptic female choice” theory was on spiders and tsetse flies. No one is that fucking stupid.
I think I’m hung up on the title.
It’s probably not intentional, but I can’t get past the “Betamax” in “Betamaxipad.”
What do you have against Sony, Futrelle?!
Viscaria – For serious! My vagina-juice glands are involuntary; they’re not good things to pin your ego on.
The worst is some guys are offended when women want to use lube because “I should get you wet enough,” and then they make their partners have dry sex to prove their adequacy. 🙁
Ninja’d by shaenon! And yet, somehow, life goes on. :>
My lack of surprise: behold it. This happens every time someone starts spouting off pop evo-psych bullshit… as soon as they reference an actual researcher, study, or institution, it turns out to be about cichlids or gerbils or basidiomycetes or something.
This is why 93% of evo psych assertions on message boards are entirely unsupported, based on my independent internet research.
Spider sex is really interesting. Now, a spider MRA movement I might be able to get behind. Just *imagine* what Antz would say if humans had sexual cannibalism.
“That Her Holy Highness female is just going to spit on me and kill and eat me and her spermathecae are probably all full of some alphaFUCK’s sperm anyway”
“So there’s “broad consensus” that human women all have this specific sexual strategy…but the only scientist you cite is an arachnologist.”
I thought it was rather clever ..
Shouldn’t this be a massive advantage for betas, given that it saves them from being entrapped by some lady who only wants their man-batter in order to pop out some crotch fruit and stick them with the bill?
*sigh* The day random youtube clips stop being perfect responses will be a sad day indeed.
@Antz: I thought it was rather clever ..[sic]
Well, that explains a lot!
Clearly he thinks women are the Borg.
@kirbywarp
Truly
“No, you won’t ever get her to scream “choke the living shit out of me and plunge your divine cock into my tight puckered asshole as far as it’ll go until I’m bleeding tears of exquisite pain ps I saved my incredibly lubricated pussy all for you” like Olivia Munn, but at least you get to wrap up your two minute tenderly administered intimacy sessions scraping your beta peen along her dry vagina walls with twenty minute cuddleramas and a bloated chickflix queue.”
(Blinks)
OK, so, let your kink flag fly and all, if that’s what Roissy is into then that’s his business, but he is aware that most women are, shall we say, unlikely to share his idea of what great sex looks like? Most men too, actually.
And yeah, the more of his writing about sex I read the more I suspect that he hasn’t actually had very much sex in his life, at least not with partners who were willing or remotely enthusiastic. If you raised a child in a glass bubble and played them hardcore porn on constant loop, but didn’t ever allow them to interact with other humans, the theories that child came up with about women might kind of sound like Roissy.
Lol, Roissy is an asshat, that much is true. But why do you deny the truth? An army of women welcome Roissy’s various Sado-cruelties every month, and the more they wail in pain, the more they want him. I scratch my head about it sometiems, when I am not busy with something important.
Ok, this is a little bit tangential, but I was looking for more snarky youtube clips when I ran across this:
I do not know what I have found, but I think I like it.
@Antz: But why do you deny the truth? An army of women welcome Roissy’s various Sado-cruelties every month,
If it’s the TRUTH, then no doubt you can easily supply the fucking citation needed.
Army? What size army? And where are the links showing how many women yearn after him (online OR offline)?
Who Roissy thinks he is:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/97/Max_Slevogt_Francisco_d%27Andrade_as_Don_Giovanni.jpg
Who Roissy really is:
http://noscope.com/photostream/albums/various/super-computer-nerd.jpg
AZ, I’m pretty sure the Roissy army exists only in his imagination. No one who writes about sex that way could be telling the truth.
I realize that will put you more on his side. Now you have a new VR buddy!
Remember guys, twenty minute cuddleramas are a bad thing.
longtime reader, very occasional poster, and hopefully not tmi
and also trigger warning
word on the lubrication thing – it is not necessarily an ‘under control of the vagina holder’ effect. Personal experience only, but every time I’ve had someone being way, *way* too rough, and they won’t stop when I say things like ow, and, no, and, stop it hurts, they’ve probably considered it to be some sort of proof that I really did ‘want’ it because I’ve been as lubricated as *anything* but in fact I suspect it to be a damage-limitation mechanism, because I wasn’t enjoying it *at all*. And was terrified and in pain. (I cannot do html, hence asterisks, my bad).
cheerier note:
I don;t know how much actual scientific investigation has been done, but could it be in some cases it’s akin to the inflammation response (except kinda more useful, because I don’t know about everyone else, but if I bite my tongue by accident and it swell up, I am more likely to… bite my tongue again?)
(I have recently become astoundingly bad at internet conversations for some reason, is there a word for it?)
Anyway, loving everybody’s work, all the best! 🙂