Beta males! Do you want to score with the pretty ladies? The Heartiste formerly known as Roissy has a suggestion for you: figure out when your favorite pretty lady is having cotton pony rodeo time – sorry, her period — and make your move then! Apparently, according to SCIENCE, that’s when the pretty ladies will be most receptive to your pathetic, hamhanded beta advances.
Let’s let the master explain:
[D]uring the three weeks a woman is not ovulating (and especially during her menstruation) her desire is shifted toward beta provider males. … To put this in the simplest terms possible, a woman who is hot enough to bang greater alphas will subconsciously gravitate to lesser alphas as her ovaries power down for three weeks. A plain jane who makes herself receptive to greater betas when ovulating will subconsciously begin to warm to the attentions of lesser betas reading her poetry after her hormones stabilize post-ovulation.
But fellas, don’t actually expect her to stoop to having sex with the likes of you.
I don’t mean she is suddenly going to be attracted to the opposite of the alpha males she craves when egging out. Instead, I mean she will become more indulgent of men who are somewhat more beta than the last alpha male she banged, or wished to bang, when she was ovulating. …
[B]eta males are not going to suddenly see action for three weeks with the women who aren’t ovulating. What they might see is more receptiveness — more openness — to their sloppy, guileless flirtations from those women.
And if by some weird miracle you beta dudes are actually dating a woman, Heartiste is a little more optimistic for you:
[E]njoy your two or three tepid bangs during the three weeks you are reasonably safe from the depredations of your sweet girlfriend’s behavioral modification egg assault and any interloper alpha males who might be conveniently available to her. No, you won’t ever get her to scream “choke the living shit out of me and plunge your divine cock into my tight puckered asshole as far as it’ll go until I’m bleeding tears of exquisite pain ps I saved my incredibly lubricated pussy all for you” like Olivia Munn, but at least you get to wrap up your two minute tenderly administered intimacy sessions scraping your beta peen along her dry vagina walls with twenty minute cuddleramas and a bloated chickflix queue.
Oy. I can’t really keep up the sarcasm after that. I just feel bad that the genuinely charming and hilarious Olivia Munn (no sarcasm here) has been pulled into Heartiste’s strange fantasy world.
If it’s her cotton pony time, she definitely won’t have a dry vagina. Do you need a diagram?
Also, this guy wants to sleep with women why? He doesn’t seem to physically enjoy it (“scraping”? auuugh) and I’m pretty sure “sharing something wonderful with someone I want to be close to” is right the hell off the table.
Geez, has this guy ever actually had sex with someone who wanted to, ever?
You know, I have to wonder why so many women who are trying to conceive take great pains to carefully track their cycles and figure out when they’re ovulating. It would seem like “the days when I’m flinging myself in desperation at any nearby guys who look kinda like Brad Pitt, despite not actually finding Brad Pitt attractive” would be pretty easy to recognize! Because that is totally a thing all women do!
“choke the living shit out of me and plunge your divine cock into my tight puckered asshole as far as it’ll go until I’m bleeding tears of exquisite pain ps I saved my incredibly lubricated pussy all for you”
I’m pretty sure BF would be scared if I did say that.
He wants to have sex with women because to him, that means they lose.
I’d almost pity him for this worldview if it weren’t so hateful, ignorant, smug, baseless and self-inflicted.
I don’t think this is so much “Why does Roissy want to sleep with women” as a chance for Roissy to be a jerk to everyone that *isn’t* him.
Wait… is he negging all the betas? This could have strange implications… o.O
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea of my ovaries “powering down” for three weeks. Also, egging out? What, are we chickens now?
And why the need for a “lubricated pussy” when the fantasy is all about anal?
Methinks dude doesn’t know a whole lot about non-inflatable lady parts.
That dude’s chances are still probably better than this guy
http://www.theginblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/tampon-ninja.jpg
^ Incredibly NSFW, I should add.
Seriously. My boyfriend very much loves dirty talk, but I’m fairly certain if I started going on about “bleeding tears of exquisite pain” from his “divine cock” his reaction would be less “that’s hot” and more “…what the fuck are you talking about?”
Also, I’m kind of horrified by the “plunging” into a “tight puckered asshole.” That sounds like basically the worst anal sex ever for both partners!
Yep! The self-loathing that lies just beneath Roissy’s bravado is definitely showing here.
Women are more likely to humor lowly betas while on the rag?
But I thought women turned into raging bloated war manatees when on their period.
STEREOTYPE PARADOX
I am also the vanilla-est of all vanilla people, but even I know that unlubricated anal intercourse is not happy funtime for either partner. Has this guy ever had sex at all? Because every time he writes about it, it reads somewhat like an alien’s idea of sex, taken solely from poorly written fanfic.
I wasn’t aware Olivia Munn was into hardcore SM subbing…or that the majority of women are…
/sarcasm
Also, they make lube, for fucks sake, and if you suck in bed, that is not likely your lover’s fault. Maybe try some foreplay instead?
Paging Heartiste:
Olivia Munn was kidding.
All the admittedly much bigger issues with this nonsense aside, it wouldn’t even be useful advice if it were true.
“Women might be slightly more attracted to you 75% of the time! Not that you can tell when that is!”
Gee, thanks. Wait, this is just an excuse to claim that the women you’re hitting on must be ovulating if they turn you down, isn’t it?
Silly bekabot, women don’t have a sense of humor!
My vanilla ass wouldn’t even know how to fulfill that request. I’d probably just slip back into my clothes and leave the room with neither a whimper nor a bang
Maybe some of the PUA guys think porn is an accurate portrayal of sex. That’s why they think it’s better to do anal without lube, or believe that people shouldn’t gag when giving deep throat fellatio. Porn is about sexual fantasies, not an instructional manual.
Also, egging out? It makes me think of Birdo from Super Mario Brothers 2. I can tell when I’m ovulating, but it’s only a subtle difference from any other time in my cycle. I do have a higher libido during ovulation, but I don’t act like what Roissy described. Then again, how should I know about ovulation, something I experience every month? I should just trust Roissy knows about this better than I know my own body. /sarcasm
Geez, has this guy ever actually had sex with someone who wanted to, ever?
I imagine he’s had exactly as much sex as the guy in the previous thread who thinks he can hurt a woman’s feelings by telling her his penis is bigger than hers.
Maybe some of the PUA guys think porn is an accurate portrayal of sex.
Gonna go out on a limb here and suggest that for most men in the PUA world, porn is the only sex they’re having.
Can we stop this ridiculous myth that a lubricated vagina is something a woman owes her studley man, and if she doesn’t come through then she’s frigid or will only get wet for someone “alpha”er than you, the hypergamous slut? Vaginal lubrication is not something under the control of the person with the vagina. If your partner isn’t very wet, the most likely reason is that zie’s not all that turned on yet, so maybe you can do some of the things that zie likes before you dive right into your own favourite thing and blame hir for not “getting ready” for you.
Of course, that’s not the only explanation. The level of lubrication varies person-to-person and can vary for a single person for reasons other than level of arousal. You both really really want to have some PIV and it’s not comfortable at the moment for one or both of you? Jesus fuck, that is what lube is for!* Don’t just go ahead, have a not sexy and potentially painful time, and then blame the vagina haver for having a vagina wrong.
*Among other things.
Did anyone notice the “donate” button prominently pan-handling for money (all credit cards accepted)? I can’t tell if Heartiste thinks he is selling comedy or genius. Clearly, he has neither!
Getting past Heartiste’s inadequacies ..
Heartiste’s theory is actually well supported. Darwin created the problem by conflating different female reproductive strategies, arguing that “as far as selection is concerned, all that is required is that choice should be exerted before the parents unite.”
The inadequacy of this model was increasingly apparent during the 60’s and 70’s, leading to numerous scholarly studies. By the 90’s there was broad consensus that women have very different strategies for pair bonding and reproduction:
*The pair bonding strategy is driven by the long term willingness of a man to provide and protect a women
* The reproductive strategy is driven by the immediate opportunity to dip into the genetic pool of a very fit or high status male
William G Eberhard identifies “cryptic” (or hidden) behaviour as the essential element that separates these strategies, saying “.. such discrimination is ‘cryptic’ in the sense that it is a hidden, or internal decision made by a female after the more obvious decision to copulate ..”
— “Female control: sexual selection by cryptic female choice”, William G Eberhard.
Most people think of infidelity as the most obvious way female cryptic ploy, but the specific ovulation strategy outlined by Heartiste is well known also:
— “Sexual selection, paternal care, and concealed ovulation in humans”, Ethology and Sociobiology, Volume 2, Issue 1, 1981, Pages 31–40.
Sorry ladies, but naughty is in your genes!
I just… ugh, I don’t know, the whole “dry vagina as insult” thing really gets to me. It’s like, a cis lady’s levels of arousal are important only in terms of how they benefit the cis dude in bed with her. It’s kind of like the idea that a woman having multiple orgasms isn’t worth celebrating because lots of pleasure, yay! It’s worth celebrating because oh my god, you’re such a fucking machine, how many times did you make her come? Fucking baller, dude!
Everytime I read Roisseys shit, it springs to mind that he must have been one of those really unfortunate guys who got the crap kicked out of him every day in school. The guy who never measured up in anyones eyes. I can’t sympathize with him…but if I could get over my revulsion with what he says I could almost pity him.