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Betamaxipad

He is totally going to score.

Beta males! Do you want to score with the pretty ladies? The Heartiste formerly known as Roissy has a suggestion for you: figure out when your favorite pretty lady is having cotton pony rodeo time – sorry,  her period — and make your move then! Apparently, according to SCIENCE, that’s when the pretty ladies will be most receptive to your pathetic, hamhanded beta advances.

Let’s let the master explain:

[D]uring the three weeks a woman is not ovulating (and especially during her menstruation) her desire is shifted toward beta provider males. … To put this in the simplest terms possible, a woman who is hot enough to bang greater alphas will subconsciously gravitate to lesser alphas as her ovaries power down for three weeks. A plain jane who makes herself receptive to greater betas when ovulating will subconsciously begin to warm to the attentions of lesser betas reading her poetry after her hormones stabilize post-ovulation.

But fellas, don’t actually expect her to stoop to having sex with the likes of you.

I don’t mean she is suddenly going to be attracted to the opposite of the alpha males she craves when egging out. Instead, I mean she will become more indulgent of men who are somewhat more beta than the last alpha male she banged, or wished to bang, when she was ovulating. …

[B]eta males are not going to suddenly see action for three weeks with the women who aren’t ovulating. What they might see is more receptiveness — more openness — to their sloppy, guileless flirtations from those women.

And if by some weird miracle you beta dudes are actually dating a woman, Heartiste is a little more optimistic for you:

[E]njoy your two or three tepid bangs during the three weeks you are reasonably safe from the depredations of your sweet girlfriend’s behavioral modification egg assault and any interloper alpha males who might be conveniently available to her. No, you won’t ever get her to scream “choke the living shit out of me and plunge your divine cock into my tight puckered asshole as far as it’ll go until I’m bleeding tears of exquisite pain ps I saved my incredibly lubricated pussy all for you” like Olivia Munn, but at least you get to wrap up your two minute tenderly administered intimacy sessions scraping your beta peen along her dry vagina walls with twenty minute cuddleramas and a bloated chickflix queue.

Oy. I can’t really keep up the sarcasm after that. I just feel bad that the genuinely charming and hilarious Olivia Munn (no sarcasm here) has been pulled into Heartiste’s strange fantasy world.

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Cotton Pony Wrangler
Cotton Pony Wrangler
8 years ago

Someone called his work and reported him for being part of a “hate movement” and for surfing “hate sites” from a work IP.

This doesn’t pass the smell test. How would anyone other than his company’s IT staff or the “hate site” owner know what sites he’s browsing at work?

I was the one who noticed that he mentioned an /r/mensrights post and his anonymous blog on his (onymous) Good Men Project blog, and so assumed it was more or less open knowledge that he was Qanan, or that he wasn’t hiding it at any rate. Didn’t really feel like he needed outing, just mocking.

Unless Qanan himself was harassing anyone, I think that it would be unethical (not to mention creepy) to call his boss… if that did in fact happen. Qanan is imj a passive/aggressive whiner and at worst an enabler of some of the darker shit on Reddit. That’s what snark is for.

belledame222
8 years ago

…you know, I always thought that book “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” was a lot of bullshit; but now I realize the author was just trying to warn the rest of us about SOME people: they are from OTHER PLANETS.

Leely
Leely
8 years ago

@Hesster

You’re right about the timing of ovulation and menstruation, but Heartoissy didn’t actually get it wrong (this time). The first line of the first quote says that women are more receptive to “beta” attention when they’re not ovulating and especially when they’re menstruating.

I read it the way you did the first time, too.