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“It must be cotton pony rodeo time,” and other incredibly brilliant insults that will totally make the ladies cry.

This one is also hilarious.

In the war of ideas, it is important to be well-armed. And that’s why one brave antifeminist warrior named Roy Scott Movrich has supplied his fellow warriors with some potent verbal ammunition, a full clip of misogynist insults designed to reduce all women in the immediate area to blubbering tears.

As Roy explains:

Feminists have gotten away with shaming language for too long. Far too long.

Its time we got our own back.

And since women in general have not stood up to defend men, it stands that all women are tarred with the same brush. Therefore ALL women are to be denigrated equally.

Fair’s fair.

Here are a choice sampling of insults to deride women with.

Try them and see. I did. And watch their ordure (translation: s**t) hit the roof!

A few of Roy’s insults are borrowed from literature (mostly from Shakespeare), but most of them are originals. In a manner of speaking.

He starts out with a puzzler:

Your’s is even smaller than mine.

Presumably he is suggesting that cis women/feminists have some sort of symbolic penis, and that this symbolic penis of theirs is smaller than his non-symbolic penis

He continues on with several other comments in this vein:

It’ll be way bigger than anything you’ll ever have.

The one you try to have is even smaller than mine.

And of course this classic:

Mine isn’t too small, your cooch is too wide/large/loose.

Then we get some vibrator-shaming:

Oooh! Bad mood! Did you run out of batteries?

And some wildly unoriginal negs:

You sound really old.

You don’t look your age. [Pause] You look [longer pause] old.

You look good enough to be my great-great grandmother.

This one might not be terribly successful with total strangers:

You were/are a lousy lover.

And then it’s back to the vagina:

You must be having constant periods.

It must be cotton pony rodeo time huh?

Note to self: Find out if anyone in the history of the world has ever referred to a woman’s period as “cotton pony rodeo time.”

Then on to cats, spinster-shaming, and general unpleasantness:

Did one of your cats just die?

You must not be married yet.

Can’t have kids huh?

There’s nothing a woman can do for me that my right hand can’t do better.

Even dung beetles are higher than women and feminists.

And back to the vagina again:

You obviously have one of those super large and deep ginas a man has to strap a plank to his back to prevent him falling into.

Note to self: Find out if there is anyone who refers to vaginas as “ginas” who is not a misogynist asscrack.

If you need more, Roy suggests that you can basically go with

[a]nything that implies her plumbing isn’t clean, has diseases or a foul smell.

After delivering this list (and some Shakespeare quotes), Roy somewhat confusingly concludes that insulting women is actually a waste of time:

[A]t the end of the day, given that women are devoid of logic and wit, using such choice insults is wanton waste.

Better to ignore them completely.

And since modern women, with their over-inflated sense of entitlement cannot abide being ignored, this is just as dramatic and effective as any insult.

In other words, the chance that Roy has ever used any of these insults in a conversation with a woman is roughly zero.

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Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
12 years ago

“Anything my worst enemies do is fair game for me to do” is not a moral philosophy that leads good places.

…which is how the MRM seems to operate.

TheNatFantastic
12 years ago

@blitzgal

I preemptively announced IMD on Twitter, while pointing out that feminism hasn’t taken Google away.

Cotton Pony Wrangler
12 years ago

“Anything my worst enemies do is fair game for me to do” is not a moral philosophy that leads good places.

Unless what you want to do is justify using gendered insults against women: in that case the old double tu quoque is just the ticket.

Kyrie
Kyrie
12 years ago

I’m sorry for you, Nat, though the cake sounds fun.
(I’m guessing maybe more a vulva cake?)

TheNatFantastic
12 years ago

@Kyrie

Yes, and all different shapes, sizes and colours while being anatomically accurate (except for the clitorises, which were blue, yellow and green, alarmingly).

Rutee Katreya
12 years ago

Sure, why not?

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
12 years ago

You must be having constant periods.

Speaking as someone who has stress-induced month-long heavy bleeding (TMI, sorry) and high levels of anxiety, saying that to me whilst I have communists in the funhouse might cause me to respond with “you blasted tosser” *twitch orgy*. The rest of the time I’d just roll my eyes.

“Cottom pony rodeo” may have surpassed “communists in the funhouse” as my favourite surreal euphenism for menstruation.

katz
12 years ago

Hey guys, can someone hook me up with some good (introductory) links about male privilege and gender roles? I’ve got this troll who won’t stop blathering about “Why shouldn’t everything be about me?”

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
12 years ago

Other people probably have much more in-depth articles or write-ups to provide but you might as well start with this

http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/faq-what-is-male-privilege/

Canaduck
Canaduck
12 years ago

I’m having a rough day and when I saw that there was a list of insults thought up by some MRA I had a brief moment of, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t read this when I’m already so stressed out.” But I’m glad I did because these are literally some of the worst attempts at insults that I’ve ever seen in my life. Not one of them made me feel even remotely angry, but a bunch made me laugh and now I’m feeling better than I was before. Thanks, Roy Scott Movrich!

katz
12 years ago

Yeah, I was definitely planning on pointing him to Feminism 101. The aspect I’m having trouble debunking is that he thinks everything should be about white guys because everyone likes it better that way.

BlackBloc
BlackBloc
12 years ago

@Noadi: You can use condoms on dildos you know. And antibacterial soap. Though it’s still best if you keep the toys specific to one person…

cloudiah
12 years ago

The aspect I’m having trouble debunking is that he thinks everything should be about white guys because everyone likes it better that way.

Shouldn’t the troll have to prove that assertion? Why try to debunk the completely ridiculous? 🙂 (Still, I admire you for trying.)

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

This is pretty much at the “you’re a poopyhead!” level of insult. I’ve met grade school kids who can manage better insults than this. Protip – if you want an insult to sting, it has to be connected to something that the person you’re insulting actually cares about. Basically it’s hard to effectively insult someone who you don’t understand*, which explains why men who see women as strange alien creatures don’t know what to say to them to make them feel bad.

*Other than by using flat-out slurs, which is why they’re so fond of the word “cunt”.

Lady Zombie
Lady Zombie
12 years ago

Katz –

‘Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack’ by Peggy McIntosh is also a great introduction on white privilege.

http://ted.coe.wayne.edu/ele3600/mcintosh.html

katz
12 years ago

Cloudiah, I’ve told him that repeatedly. I suppose it’s one of the expressions of privilege that one expects all discussions to be framed in your terms, and all the points you bring up to be addressed to your satisfaction before anyone else’s can be considered.

Yisheng Qingwa
12 years ago

Oh, my… these are PATHETIC! XD!

Woohoo, it IS cotton pony rodeo tiiime for meeee… YEEEHAAWWWW!!!! (gallops off on her wild, buckin’ maxipad)

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
12 years ago

The aspect I’m having trouble debunking is that he thinks everything should be about white guys because everyone likes it better that way.

It’s futile to try and make someone understand their privilege if they’re already set to deny it . I mean, I was always told I was privileged but it didn’t sink in because I felt like I was being attacked for something I had no control over. I can’t say exactly what made me change my mind but it took a long time to happen.

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
12 years ago

I think the idea of privilege as an invisible knapsack speaks a lot about how difficult it is to acknowledge.

“See that backpack you’re wearing? That’s your privilege.”
“What do you mean? I can’t see anything!”
“Exactly!”

KathleenB
KathleenB
12 years ago

Crumbelievable: I had that problem with my dad a LOT as he got older. (Remember that this was a man who drank from the ‘colored’ fountains in Georgia and spent a weekend in jail for helping blacks register to vote in the south…) Whenever I tried to bring up systemic racism – Native mascots, for example – his first reaction was defensive, because he saw what I was saying as a personal attack on him as a white man. So even when we were talking about things we agreed on – hey, using a caricature of a Native person as your logo is kinda not nice – it felt like we were talking past each other.

katz
12 years ago

Crumb, it’s nice to know that it’s possible to get past that attitude.

Nanasha
Nanasha
12 years ago

“There’s nothing a woman can do for me that my right hand can’t do better.”

Was I the only one who read this “insult” and immediately thought, ‘Thank goodness this guy chooses masturbation over actually GETTING INTIMATE with people who he professes to hate and wish ill upon.’

In fact, I would really love it if these sorts of fellows renounced sex with women altogether. I know that there would be many a lady who would agree. I don’t think that I am only speaking for myself when I say that in many cases, complete celibacy is preferable to engaging in sex with an inconsiderate, abusive or duplicitous partner (especially if you do have a good toy or two, lol)!

Imagine going out in public or to a party and have this particular breed of creep completely ignore you and not once make horrible remarks or crude gestures as way of attempting to get laid! Imagine him off in a corner muttering about sour grapes and keeping his misery to himself! Or, better yet, not even going out to parties anyway as to avoid the ladies!

Imagine a world where the horrible people (male and female) just “took themselves out of the running” by refusing to interact with the public at large out of protest!! Then the rest of us could get on with our business with a lot less bullshit and abuse.

Oh, what a dream….however pipe-y it may be…..*sigh*

Falconer
Falconer
12 years ago

Folks folks folks this is totally off-topic but I was just playing Mass Effect 3 and someone just told Shepard that he loved and missed his husband who had died in an attack on a colony, and Shepard didn’t say peep.

So being a gay married Alliance soldier is perfectly okay in this game and just passes by without comment.

BioWare, I love you and I want to have your babies.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

Oh, I want to play this game! Pop culture products that don’t make us want to bang out head on the nearest wall.

Recently, I watched Nana 2. Not as good a movie as the first one, but there was one scene that made me really happy. So, CuteNana goes to the doctor to get a pregnancy test. Yep, she’s pregnant! Doctor says (paraphrasing) “if you want to keep it then you need to come back in 2 weeks for a follow-up appointment, if not then the sooner you do something about it the better”. A movie that talks about abortion in a non-moralising way! It was totally matter of fact and no big deal, with a doctor simply presenting options in a calm, clinical way. Made me stop and realize just how messed up the public conversation about abortion is in the US.

(Overall the movie isn’t that great, but I would recommend the first Nana. It passes the Bechdel test in the very first scene, for starters.)

Jenn93
Jenn93
12 years ago

This guy has the wit of a 13 year old boy. That’s pretty damn pathetic.