In the war of ideas, it is important to be well-armed. And that’s why one brave antifeminist warrior named Roy Scott Movrich has supplied his fellow warriors with some potent verbal ammunition, a full clip of misogynist insults designed to reduce all women in the immediate area to blubbering tears.
As Roy explains:
Feminists have gotten away with shaming language for too long. Far too long.
Its time we got our own back.
And since women in general have not stood up to defend men, it stands that all women are tarred with the same brush. Therefore ALL women are to be denigrated equally.
Fair’s fair.
Here are a choice sampling of insults to deride women with.
Try them and see. I did. And watch their ordure (translation: s**t) hit the roof!
A few of Roy’s insults are borrowed from literature (mostly from Shakespeare), but most of them are originals. In a manner of speaking.
He starts out with a puzzler:
Your’s is even smaller than mine.
Presumably he is suggesting that cis women/feminists have some sort of symbolic penis, and that this symbolic penis of theirs is smaller than his non-symbolic penis
He continues on with several other comments in this vein:
It’ll be way bigger than anything you’ll ever have.
The one you try to have is even smaller than mine.
And of course this classic:
Mine isn’t too small, your cooch is too wide/large/loose.
Then we get some vibrator-shaming:
Oooh! Bad mood! Did you run out of batteries?
And some wildly unoriginal negs:
You sound really old.
You don’t look your age. [Pause] You look [longer pause] old.
You look good enough to be my great-great grandmother.
This one might not be terribly successful with total strangers:
You were/are a lousy lover.
And then it’s back to the vagina:
You must be having constant periods.
It must be cotton pony rodeo time huh?
Note to self: Find out if anyone in the history of the world has ever referred to a woman’s period as “cotton pony rodeo time.”
Then on to cats, spinster-shaming, and general unpleasantness:
Did one of your cats just die?
You must not be married yet.
Can’t have kids huh?
There’s nothing a woman can do for me that my right hand can’t do better.
Even dung beetles are higher than women and feminists.
And back to the vagina again:
You obviously have one of those super large and deep ginas a man has to strap a plank to his back to prevent him falling into.
Note to self: Find out if there is anyone who refers to vaginas as “ginas” who is not a misogynist asscrack.
If you need more, Roy suggests that you can basically go with
[a]nything that implies her plumbing isn’t clean, has diseases or a foul smell.
After delivering this list (and some Shakespeare quotes), Roy somewhat confusingly concludes that insulting women is actually a waste of time:
[A]t the end of the day, given that women are devoid of logic and wit, using such choice insults is wanton waste.
Better to ignore them completely.
And since modern women, with their over-inflated sense of entitlement cannot abide being ignored, this is just as dramatic and effective as any insult.
In other words, the chance that Roy has ever used any of these insults in a conversation with a woman is roughly zero.
I HATE the “smile” thing.
Oh, yeah…I just stare at them until they slink off. It’s pretty hilarious.
@hellkell:
What, this “smile” thing?
Yeah, I agree… That’s really effing creepy.
@blitzgal:
A single raised eyebrow on an otherwise deadpan face is my favorite.
“You obviously have one of those super large and deep ginas a man has to strap a plank to his back to prevent him falling into.”
This is the most stilted sentence I have read outside of a Mary Worth strip.
Improvement:
“It must be cotton pony rodeo time, cause jam don’t shake like that.”
ikr? Reading these again, I’m wondering who these women are. He claims that all women deserve them equally, for shaming language. The only example of shaming language he gives is the dick size thing, but I only ever see other dudes shaming each other with the dick size stuff. In the most general terms, most cis women don’t really care about dick size. I can only speak from my own personal experience, but fingers and mouths do much more for me than PIV sex anyway.
I usually say, “I don’t accept advice on my facial expression from strangers.”
I told some old guy that one time and he flipped. It was hilarious and frightening.
No insult using the word “cooter” can possibly be taken seriously.
The scene, woman in gyno stirrups.
Gynecologist: Wow! You have a large vagina. Wow! you have a large vagina.
Patient: You didn’t need to say it twice.
Gynecologist: I didn’t.
That was hilarious, Mags. Slay me again with your wit.
Oh geez, I wish! Then I wouldn’t have to pay for birth control!
Apologies for the thread derail, but this woman is awesome:
http://video.msnbc.msn.com/jansing-and-co/46706450
“cotton pony rodeo time”
Oh! Does this refer to tampons? Also, have you ever come across a guy who thinks tampons give us orgasms? There’s a clear misunderstanding of female anatomy here… But it sure would make periods a lot lovelier *sigh*
When I was a teenager. Once they’ve become more experienced sexually, most of them understand that many women require more than penetration alone.
Here’s a freebie: I don’t care about strangers on the Internet my appearance or my genitals or assuming I’m on my period. A stranger on the Internet, however, can reduce me to tears and self-harm by criticizing my writing.
OH GOD IT’S ALMOST AS IF PEOPLE WITH VAGINAS ARE PEOPLE WITH PEOPLECONCERNS TOO
When some random dude tells me to smile, I launch this spiel.
“Oh I’m so sorry that I’m not smiling. I was just told today that a very dear friend of mine has died. Allow me to put aside my intense grief so I can indulge your overblown sense of entitlement and make you happy, you self-important horse’s ass.”
Then I plaster an exaggerated, Jim Carey type smile on my face while I stare at him.
[Note that a friend actually hasn’t died but I figure if you’re going to be a jerk wagon, you deserve being monumentally embarrassed.]
I usually get “bitch” in response but that insult doesn’t work on me. With that said though, I usually give old men a pass.
My longstanding response to being insulted online (or anywhere else) is to ask myself:
(a) Is there any substance to the insult?
(b) Do I respect the person delivering it?
If I can unambiguously say “yes” to both, then I’ll probably be insulted. If not, probably not. And if it’s a clear “no” to both, then I usually point and laugh, or just ignore them.
All right, now that I’ve actually bothered to read the rest of the “insults,” I have just one thing to say:
Someone should really tell these dumbasses that the average clitoris is much larger than the average penis. It’s bigger on the inside, assholes.
So, uh, is the plan to just hurl these terribly unoriginal insults at any woman that happens to be near him at the time?
@MizDarwin:
I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one. How would a plank prevent you from falling into a large vagina? Do people usually attach planks of wood to prevent them from falling into large holes? How exactly is the plank attached? So many questions.
Except serve as the imaginary target for his imaginarily devastating insults, apparently.
TBH, most of these made me wonder what the insult was supposed to be. If I were on the receiving end of this crap, I’d probably pull a Homer Simpson and agree to it all jovially.
“Can’t have kids, huh?”
“Haha, yep, best $1000 I ever spent!”
“Even dung beetles are higher than women and feminists.”
“Well yeah, have you seen how tiny they are? A dung beetle needs, like, one toke and he’s totally baked.”
…And so on.
I see what you did there.
This is, to me, the weirdest of the bunch:
I get that our buddy Roy thinks periods are dirty things that the period-haver ought to be ashamed of, but that doesn’t mean the people who have them do. It wouldn’t even occur to me that this was intended as an insult. If someone said this to me, I’d think it was a really odd thing to say, but I would probably just answer “naw, man, semi-continuous birth control use means I actually have fewer periods than most people do. That would suck, though, being all crampy all the time!”
Also, David tagged this post “creepy,” which is the main “shaming” word that I see MRAs talk about. Good show.