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Rush Limbaugh offers a gracious apology for his comments on Sandra Fluke. Scratch “gracious.” And “apology.”

Rush Limbaugh wonders momentarily if he is a complete tool, concludes that he isn't.

Hey, everybody! Rush Limbaugh has issued a gracious apology for his attacks on Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown law student who testified before congress on the costs of birth control. Here it is:

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

After a long paragraph in which he basically repeats his original argument about birth control, such as it was, this time without directly referencing Fluke, he continues:

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.

Uh, “I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation???”

“My choice of words was not the best??”

Here’s what he originally said:

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. … We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

He also called her a “prostitute.”

So let me rewrite that for you, with some nicer words this time:

So my dearest Miss Fluke, and the rest of those who share a love of feminism and the tenets of National Socialism, I would like to present to you a most intriguing proposition: If we are called upon to help finance your purchase of medical treatment and/or various and sundry items designed to prevent pregnancy, and thus to provide financial support to you as you make sweet, tender non-procreative love with your beloved, we humbly request something in return for our investment. To wit, we would like you to memorialize your lovemaking in video format, and for you to graciously place this video tribute on the Internet so we may share in the pleasure of enjoying these tender moments.

Oh, and instead of “prostitute,” why not refer to her as a “courtesan?”

Yeah, that’s not really any better. (And for some reason you still think taxpayers are paying for birth control, when in fact the issue is insurance coverage.)

In an attempt to be humorous, I would like to suggest to you, Mr. Limbaugh, that you stuff your apology up your ass, you worthless piece of shit.

I do not, of course, mean that as a personal attack.

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2-D Man
2-D Man
9 years ago

ENJOY YOUR SOCIALIST HAT!

Bwa ha HA!

captainbathrobe
9 years ago

See, now, I want a socialist hat.

Michael Hulshof-Schmidt

Nice to see other men fighting misogyny! Great blog.

2-D Man
2-D Man
9 years ago

Nobody say that Rush Limbaugh is just gay. People say he’s closeted gay and it’s been proven by a few studies that many homophobic men are closeted gay :

Men display more homophobic attitudes when feeling insecure about their masculinity

That’s not how science works. You have a statistically significant result. It means little-to-nothing in the context of a single person.

AbsintheDexterous
9 years ago

I know cis men as rule, I think that actually goes without saying, but still, I find it curious that some of those men who gnash their teeth over the dirty, dirty sluts having “consequence free sex” are also the same people who rail against any consequences for cis men, like child support. In other words, the only people who should not have any consequences is them, and it’s totally unfair that women can have that advantage too.

I think it also shows a lack of imagination their part – there are many ways to have sex that don’t involve putting parts into other parts that will result in pregnancy. Even PIV sex doesn’t always lead to pregnancy. There are many factors involved with sperm and egg meeting and then implanting and the process doesn’t always work. All birth control does is drastically lower the chance of that happening. I think it’s strange to assume that EVERY TIME someone has PIV sex, a pregnancy WILL happen.

It becomes a moot point once a woman reaches menopause, as she’s no longer reproductive. Somehow, though, I can’t really see them getting up in arms over all those older sluts who don’t need to take anything to slut it up, probably because they don’t find older women sexy, even though there’s a high rate of STDs among older people/elderly because they’re not worried about pregnancy and probably forgot to think about condoms for STDs.

And Starskita, I’m sorry to hear about that. I hope it happens for you.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

Nobody say that Rush Limbaugh is just gay. People say he’s closeted gay…

Oh, okay. It would be homophobic to criticize him for being gay and out, because then he’d be one of the good queers. However, if he’s closeted, he’s one of the bad, misbehaving queers, so it’s fair game. You’re right, that’s not homophobic at all.
/raging sarcasm

Anon
Anon
9 years ago

What a doucheapotamus. (Hey, I just invented a new word!) As far as I know, many medical insurance plans in the U.S. cover Viagra. Interesting. I am sure that these people believe that only married women should be permitted to have sex, and only for procreational purposes. And only when they still possess the requisite “sexual market value.” Those over 50 should be lined up and shot or, at the very least, rounded up and confined to convents, because they are too “old and ugly” to be of any use to the world. (I am sure that they thought that 60-plus, still beautiful Meryl Street winning the Oscar for Best Actress was an evil feminazi plot.) I could go on and on, but I am afraid I will have an aneurism. And I don’t have medical insurance. Because this is the only developed nation in the world that doesn’t offer a public health plan. That would make us a dreaded “socialist” country. GRRRRR!!!!!!!

jumbofish
9 years ago

WTF no more mr.nice guy, care to stop speculating on other people’s sexuality? Its utterly irrelevant and offensive.

jumbofish
9 years ago

Nobody say that Rush Limbaugh is just gay. People say he’s closeted gay

I speculate he is a closet gay not a normal gay!!! therefore he is bad?????

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

Anyway, the “Rush Limbaugh is totally gay *giggles uncontrollably*” hypothesis doesn’t really explain how he could never have discussed hormonal birth control with any of his wives, because the idea that he didn’t have sex ever with any of them is realllllly unlikely, whether he’s gay or not. I’d say it’s more likely that none of the cis women he’s ever had sex with were using hormones and were instead relying on other methods, but even that seems pretty far-fetched given how widely it is prescribed.

Carrie
9 years ago

Also the media plays a part in the concept of sex for women should lead to pregnancy. If you look at films like Knocked-Up and Juno, Lifetime Movies or shows like16 and Pregnant where the good, non-slutty women are to get pregnant as a consequence of sex. It’s mainly the slutty or bad women who don’t get “punished” with a baby. So this might feed into their beliefs.

Shadow
Shadow
9 years ago

@NMMNG

A dick is a dick, regardless of sexual orientation. What he does in his personal life is his business. There’s no need to stoop to his level and start poking around his bedroom. Further, if you’re not gay yourself then you need to back off, you have no business being in this argument.

burgundy
burgundy
9 years ago

Also, the 1996 study dealt with physical arousal, which is different from sexual orientation or romantic feelings. All sorts of things can affect your involuntary blood flow. Hell, some people have orgasms when they’re being raped, and that doesn’t mean that they wanted it or they were enjoying themselves. So no, the study doesn’t “prove” that some homophobes are closeted gay or bisexual; it demonstrated that they experienced increased penile blood flow when watching gay porn.

BoggiDWurms
9 years ago

Also the media plays a part in the concept of sex for women should lead to pregnancy. If you look at films like Knocked-Up and Juno, Lifetime Movies or shows like16 and Pregnant where the good, non-slutty women are to get pregnant as a consequence of sex. It’s mainly the slutty or bad women who don’t get “punished” with a baby. So this might feed into their beliefs.

“Might” feed into their beliefs? It completely does! A lot of sexist/racist/homophobic etc. assumptions are perpetuated by mainstream media.

BTW a cute picture of Limbaugh I just found. XD
comment image

felixBC
felixBC
9 years ago

Proflowers just suspended advertising. Sweet.
http://twitpic.com/8s1mbc

ithiliana
9 years ago

@ No MOre Mr. Nice Guy: studies like the one you cite are not predictive, so lay the hell off.

Rush Limbaugh is a misognistic, woman-hating, dick, period.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

BTW a cute picture of Limbaugh I just found. XD

Okay, what the hell is going on here today?

Rush Limbaugh is not an asshole because of who he likes to screw.

Rush Limbaugh is not an asshole because of the size of his waistband.

Rush Limbaugh is not an asshole for any reason other than the hateful, bigoted, asshole things he says. Okay?

This bullshit is giving me a headache.

darksidecat
9 years ago

I just want to second what Cassandra, Holly, and Viscaria said about the homophobia issue.

Bostonian
9 years ago

Thirding what Cassandra, Holly , Viscaria and darksidecat said.

It is the content of Rush Limbaugh’s character that is the problem with him, not looks or anything innate, like orientation.

His ideas are garbage and his actions and words are cruel and evil.

burgundy
burgundy
9 years ago

Fourthing. Fat-shaming is never ok.

And I don’t get why “ha ha he’s secretly gay” is said with such relish (putting aside for a moment why it’s stupid to say it in the first place.) If someone is so deeply closeted that they use homophobia to support their denial, that is a terribly sad thing. It’s something to be pitied, and something to be fought against by countering the homophobia in our culture, not something to be ridiculed or used as some kind of weird trump card in arguments.

katz
9 years ago

Fifthing, and adding that “lol he’s fat and gay!” is as good as a tacit admission that you don’t actually have any substantive criticisms of him. Isn’t there enough material to work with in his words and actions?

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

If I may add to “concentrate on what matters and don’t be offensive”…

Let’s compare:
Rush Limbaugh’s:
– Fat,
– possibly gay,
– Publicly says that woman who fight for the pill is a nazi and that he should have access to the tape of her having sex.

Rick Santorum:
– Slim,
– Apparently not gay,
– Publicly says that aborting your rape-pregnancy is a sin and that marrying you same-sex partner is like bestiality. (random example)

What is worth attacking in these scumbags? Is it not the same thing?

I can understand the anger against closeted gays who are non-closeted homophobs. They are hypocrites who can afford non-equal rights thanks to wealth privilege. That doesn’t make wild speculations ok, same thing for hurting them with their sexual orientation (not the same thing as hurting them with their hypocrisy) and outing them is, morally, a very foggy issue.
In this case, I’m puzzled how Limbaugh’s orientation could be relevant since it’s not even about homophobia at all.

Morgan
Morgan
9 years ago

David, I thoroughly enjoyed your rewrite. It’s right up there with Lawrence O’Donnell’s rewriting in the same-titled segment of his show. Of course, they are not as literally a rewrite as yours, but the intent is more or less the same.

Either way, it made me giggle.

As regards Mr. Limbaugh’s “apology” — I’m not buying it. I think Rachel Maddow’s assertion that you’ve built your livelihood on shock and provocation is spot on, and you meant every word, if for no other reason than to get exactly what you got — the ire raised of those who disagree with you. Even when you mean to shock and offend, there are lines that should not be crossed; common-sense decency. Your “bargain” with Ms. Fluke crossed that line.

Have a good day, Mr. Limbaugh, and I hope more sponsors pull their ads from your show.

Condoms R Da Answer?
Condoms R Da Answer?
9 years ago

So Rush wants to put the entire responsibility on men to carry condoms at all times?

captainbathrobe
9 years ago

Just wanted to chime in my agreement that there are so many–so many– things wrong with Limbaugh that it is baffling that people chose to pick on the two things–being fat and possibly gay– that aren’t wrong with him. It’s like accusing Ann Coulter of being trans–you’re implicitly saying that this is a bad thing for her to be.

Astazha
Astazha
9 years ago

I’m trying to sort out which part of Limbaugh’s rant was “humorous”. The slut shaming? The very tortured comparison to prostitution? Perhaps the part where Limbaugh suggested that her private activities, which he and his listeners are of course deeply offended by and morally opposed to, should be posted for them to enjoy. Ms. Fluke, you’re a slut and a prostitute, but what you should be is an unpaid porn actress; then all would be right in the world again.

Conspicuously missing is the argument that a man’s medical policy should not cover STI treatment. How dare ye request a penicillin shot, gigolo! Post thy exploits online!

There’s something contorted about the thinking of a person who simultaneously believes that men should have sex, women should not have sex, and homosexuality is bad.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

There’s something contorted about the thinking of a person who simultaneously believes that men should have sex, women should not have sex, and homosexuality is bad.

Also someone who believes that women who have sex are bad… and women who are bad should do penance by giving men sex.

I guess it’s a Madonna/Whore thing, and there’s just no redemption for Whores.

Erl
Erl
9 years ago

Cis men

Truefacts, and apologies for the erasure.

Also, iPhone, y u autocorrect “Cis”?

Shadow
Shadow
9 years ago

Also someone who believes that women who have sex are bad… and women who are bad should do penance by giving men sex.

Guess which men those are 😎 Of course this is the same dude that managed to convince four different women to marry him and leave his dumb ass, so I’m not surprised that he’s a little hard up

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

You guys DO realize that criticizing Rush Limbaugh for being fat and gay is basically like “HA HA HE HAS BROWN EYES! HA HA HE LIKES TO SLEEP WITH BLONDES!”

magdelyns
9 years ago

Being called a prostitute is a compliment in my opinion.

belledame222
9 years ago

Speaking on behalf of the queer community, which I don’t, but I’m doing anyway: we don’t want Limbaugh either for fuck’s sake.

belledame222
9 years ago

> There’s something contorted about the thinking of a person who simultaneously believes that men should have sex, women should not have sex, and homosexuality is bad.

I know, right? Who would’ve thought such a nice person could maybe have *issues.*

zhinxy
9 years ago

“What is it with women and their love of big goverment”

Well, since I’m LYING bout being a libertarian, I think that it’s really a thing YOU have about women…

zhinxy
9 years ago

“You guys DO realize that criticizing Rush Limbaugh for being fat and gay is basically like “HA HA HE HAS BROWN EYES! HA HA HE LIKES TO SLEEP WITH BLONDES!””

Yes. Also, there’s a little too much sex-worker phobic language being thrown around here. I don’t really have the spoons to go on about it, though.

I’m going to go to my not-actual-birthday party. Everybody be happy!

Shadow
Shadow
9 years ago

HAPPY NOT-ACTUAL-BIRTHDAY!!!

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Yeah, to all of ya’ll who’ve engaged in your cute little fat-shaming fun times here, I’ll personally thank you to take a fuckin’ hike with that shit.

nwoslave
9 years ago

The PC extreme games?
Is this an olympic event?

Your feminist religion seems a bit bizarre.

Trivia question. Who made up the term homophobia?

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

NWOslave: To quote from the Wiki you hate so much…

George Weinberg is a Manhattan psychotherapist with a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Columbia University, a Masters Degree in English from New York University, and advanced training in mathematical statistics. He has written twelve books and is published in twenty-three languages. He has also written for popular and professional journals, and for television…

Weinberg is known for several major contributions to psychotherapy. He coined the word “homophobia” (in his revolutionary 1972 book, Society and the Healthy Homosexual) to clarify that those who harbor prejudice against homosexuals, and not homosexuals themselves, are suffering from a psychological malady, an irrational state of mind. Weinberg, though heterosexual himself, became a leader in the ultimately successful struggle to have homosexuality removed as a diagnostic category from the DSM, the professional therapeutic handbook. He has been instrumental in getting the public to recognize its own widespread irrationality toward gays.

Lauralot
9 years ago

Mags: No one cares, and everyone knows Limbaugh didn’t intend it that way.

NWO: No one cares.

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

Can someone translate NWO to common English? I don’t have a clue where he’s coming from with this game thing.

homophobia: the word was invented (neologism: a normal thing that happen to language) in 1969 by George Weinberg and used in its current meaning in 1971 by Kenneth Smith. (according to wikipedia) Does it matter? It could have been invented by Satan and come to us trough a necrophiliac neo-nazi, it wouldn’t be less real or less a problem.

Lauralot
9 years ago

It could have been invented by Satan and come to us trough a necrophiliac neo-nazi, it wouldn’t be less real or less a problem.

That’s just what a femicultist would say!

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
9 years ago

This is an example of his standard schtick.
Poor people are lazy.
Black people are criminals.
Gay people are perverts.
Women are sluts.
These are all life style choices that people make, just like being homeless.

It’s what he does, and has been doing since 1984. (oh, the irony)
Step away from the microphone, hatemonger. Your day is done.

nwoslave
9 years ago

@thebewilderness

I’m a hatemonger? Why? Because I find gays repulsive?
Well gee wizz. I thought we were all allowed our own opinions and such.
What about loving all diversity and tolerance of all views?
What about how I feel?
Don’t my feelings get validated?
Why I feel like you’re erasing my experiences.

TheTraducer
TheTraducer
9 years ago

The Georgetown U. student health plan does not cover viagra, &c.

Exclusions

No benefits will be paid for: a) loss or expense caused by, contributed to, or resulting from; or b)treatment, service or supplies for, at, or related to:

[…]

19. Prescription Drugs, services or supplies as follows, except as specifically provided in the policy:

[…]

b) Birth control and/or contraceptives, oral or other, whether medication or device; except as specifically provided in the policy;

[…]

h) Fertility agents or sexual enhancement drugs, such as Parlodel, Pergonal, Clomid, Profasi, Metrodin, Serophene, or Viagra;

[…]

21. Reproductive/Infertility services including but not limited to: birth control; family planning; fertility tests; infertility (male or female), including any services or supplies rendered for the purpose or with the intent of inducing conception (examples of fertilization procedures are: ovulation induction procedures, in vitro fertilization, embryo transfer or similar procedures that augment or enhance reproductive ability); premarital examination; impotence, organic or otherwise; tubal ligation; vasectomy; sexual reassignment surgery;

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtan

Hum what? Me, a cultist? No, I would never… What I was saying? Uh, I was, hum,… coughing. Yes that’s it. Very sore throat, because of all the invocating, I mean praying. To a very normal divinity, like Jesus or Allah.

*slowly get out her dagger

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

My cult is focused on listening to lots of loud and/or silly music and drinking cocktails with my friends. It’s pretty awesome, actually. I would say you should join us, Slavey, but you don’t seem like you’d be much fun to be around.

(The rest of you are welcome to join. We meet later tonight for tequila, Chile Verde, and movies.)

Oh! Also, Hail Satan.

Halite
9 years ago

nwoslave:
“a MAN invented homophobia therefore … EVIL FEMINAZI PC POLICE”

Yeah, I don’t get it, either. (Well, coined the term homophobia. I’m sure it existed loooooong before we had a neat little word foir it).

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

NWO, I find you repulsive.

Please honor my opinion or you’re a hypocrite.