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Rush Limbaugh offers a gracious apology for his comments on Sandra Fluke. Scratch “gracious.” And “apology.”

Rush Limbaugh wonders momentarily if he is a complete tool, concludes that he isn't.

Hey, everybody! Rush Limbaugh has issued a gracious apology for his attacks on Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown law student who testified before congress on the costs of birth control. Here it is:

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

After a long paragraph in which he basically repeats his original argument about birth control, such as it was, this time without directly referencing Fluke, he continues:

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.

Uh, “I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation???”

“My choice of words was not the best??”

Here’s what he originally said:

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. … We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

He also called her a “prostitute.”

So let me rewrite that for you, with some nicer words this time:

So my dearest Miss Fluke, and the rest of those who share a love of feminism and the tenets of National Socialism, I would like to present to you a most intriguing proposition: If we are called upon to help finance your purchase of medical treatment and/or various and sundry items designed to prevent pregnancy, and thus to provide financial support to you as you make sweet, tender non-procreative love with your beloved, we humbly request something in return for our investment. To wit, we would like you to memorialize your lovemaking in video format, and for you to graciously place this video tribute on the Internet so we may share in the pleasure of enjoying these tender moments.

Oh, and instead of “prostitute,” why not refer to her as a “courtesan?”

Yeah, that’s not really any better. (And for some reason you still think taxpayers are paying for birth control, when in fact the issue is insurance coverage.)

In an attempt to be humorous, I would like to suggest to you, Mr. Limbaugh, that you stuff your apology up your ass, you worthless piece of shit.

I do not, of course, mean that as a personal attack.

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red_locker
9 years ago

TL;DR version: I’m sorry that you feel that way and I’m still a fuckbag.

Classy.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

The only reason he’s even trying to apologize is to staunch the flow of advertisers. Typical non-apology.

You speak all day and use words, and picked the wrong ones? GTFO.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

“I apologize for my word choices” = “I don’t apologize for the ideas behind those words.”

red_locker
9 years ago

“You speak all day and use words, and picked the wrong ones? GTFO.”

I know, right?

“Opps, sorry I used an offensive word. I don’t know what came over me. Now kiss my ass, I’m still right!”

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Does this asshole think he’s being clever? What a foul, miserable lowlife. Not a shred of decency in him.

ersatzmoons
9 years ago

Limbaugh, why are you deliberately pretending not to understand health insurance?

whhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Oh, he doesn’t pretend not to understand, he just doesn’t. Why should he bother? He has people to understand things for him.

darksidecat
9 years ago

Since when is Godwinning a more gentle source of analogy. Sorry I called you a nazi whore, you nazi whore? Worst apology ever.

karmarad
karmarad
9 years ago

He knew exactly what he was saying. It was calculated. He knows what he is saying now. The game is to be as hateful as possible while keeping advertisers. The apology is calculated risk-reduction. If amazing atheist can be put out of business, maybe, just maybe, this blot can also be put out of business. He may single-handedly win the election for Obama. He is not a smart person.

Missy
Missy
9 years ago

I’m home for Spring Break and my dear, normally sane, mother was defending his view. “That girl goes to school on my tax dollars and now wants me to pay her more money so she can have sex? Nope. It’s just too much. People need to take responsibility for themselves.”

It was just soooo WTF. I had to explain that she didn’t want to get money to pay for birth control. She supported a law, that has already been passed by Congress, that says that insurance companies have to provide coverage for hormonal birth control as part of their preventative care. She was saying that as a college student who doesn’t have much disposable income, but does pay for health insurance through the school, and thinks that the insurance should cover bcp because it is important not only for preventing pregnancy but for regulating ovarian cysts like her friend had. But this was the first time she had heard this part of the story. She said that I had to be missing part of the story because what I was talking about was perfectly reasonable and everyone wouldn’t be so freaked out if that was the story.

Of course that doesn’t fit into a a 5 second sound byte and so it won’t be on the news. It’s much more interesting to make it a fight between whores and prudes than to talk about the actual issue, Congressional regulation of the insurance market using the commerce clause and a debate over regulated and totally free markets.

Xardoz
Xardoz
9 years ago

So my “career suicide by gaffe” theory was incorrect, and he’s genuinely that pigheaded.

Huh.

Ms. Crazy Pants
Ms. Crazy Pants
9 years ago

But abusing prescription drugs until your sperm can no longer do their job is a perfectly legitimate form of birth control, right?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

” Sorry I called you a nazi whore, you nazi whore?”

PS – you’re a Nazi! After 20 years you’d think he’d have come up with some new material.

Kyn
Kyn
9 years ago

Wow. That’s not even a fauxpology. There’s just… not even an attempt. I am reminded of grade school.

“Josh, apologize for what you said to Mike.”
“Fine, I’M SORRY MIKE’S A BUTTHEAD.”

Go stand in the corner, Limbaugh.

Simone Lovelace
Simone Lovelace
9 years ago

“I’m sorry I called you a gaptoothed bitch. It’s not your fault you’re so gaptoothed.

Halite
9 years ago

“I’m sorry that my bile ridden hate speech ended up costing me advertisers”

D-, Rush. See me after class.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

“For over 20 years I’ve been a hateful asshole whose entire career is based on trying to piss people off. In this instance, apparently the people who I pissed off include my advertisers. I didn’t mean to lose any money.”

Major Kong
Major Kong
9 years ago

Now now. What happens between Rush and his Dominican rent-boy is nobody’s business but theirs.

amandajane5
9 years ago

Wait, we’re talking about the guy who’s been married fucking *four* times, with no kids, and has a nasty past with illegal prescription drugs that are specifically sex-related. Why does anyone listen to this idiot?

nwoslave
9 years ago

I’ve never actually heard a word he’s said, although I hear his name bandied about. I read what he said and well, I agree. The slut wants every man to pony up a little tax money so she can fuck. I’ve heard he and the “feminazi’s” usually lock horns and he normally doesn’t back down. Women must have a lotta clout to make him cower and tuck tail. Coward.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone’s bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level.

Actually, Mr. Rush, you posited that you wanted to know what was going on in a particular person’s bedroom.

Not to mention that this policy is exactly like the former “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” in that you don’t want anything remotely related to sex enacted in law… but if someone does reveal they are having sex (or could have sex), you will slut-shame the shit out of them.

Not to mention that this whole thing is completely beside the issue at hand, which is ensuring that religious institutions that offer secular services be held to the same standards as everyone else.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

Now, now. Let’s not slut-shame Mr. Limbaugh.

Let’s asshole-shame him.

I’m also up for a bit of “guy who only pretends to be sorry when money is on the line, because human decency is long gone as a concern”-shaming.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

The slut wants every man to pony up a little tax money so she can fuck.

Money someone has paid into their own health plan is not tax money.

Also, is your definition of a slut literally “any woman who has sex?” (Probably yes.) Because it’s not like “oh, if you only have a reasonable amount of sex you don’t need birth control.” That makes no sense.

Where’s your cat video, NWO? You aren’t supposed to be posting without some goddamn cat videos.

Bostonian
9 years ago

“Money someone has paid into their own health plan is not tax money.”

Repeated for emphasis.

It is also not anyone else’s money!

It is HER money.

Not Rush’s money.

Not YOUR money.

HER MONEY, FOR HER INSURANCE PLAN, THAT SHE PAID FOR.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

It’s also worth noting that Sandra Fluke didn’t testify about her own sex life at all!

She testified about the needs of students at her school in general, and about a friend who used the pill to treat polycystic ovaries (something I do as well).

Calling her a slut for having sex would be ridiculous anyway, but she didn’t even say she has sex. She was speaking in favor of contraception coverage, not talking about her own use of contraception.

valerienorth
valerienorth
9 years ago

I swear Nancy Pelosi put him up to this. He has to be getting some money under the table from the Dems. He just can’t be that stupid and still be able to dress himself.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

NWO, I thought you were on permanent cat duty.

FYI, NWO, women use BC pills for other things than contraception. I know your 1911 Britannica doesn’t say anything about it, but trufax, man.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I have a new standardised comeback for Slavey.

Dude – go clean my cat’s litterbox.

nwoslave
9 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy

“Money someone has paid into their own health plan is not tax money.”

No, it’s money I pay into a health plan and/or taxes.

Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to fuck?
Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to have maternity leave?
Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to have abortions?

It’s sooo difficult to respond when you’re the bad man and always on moderation. It makes timely answers and/or rebuttals quite impossible. But I did call a few of the goddesses that reside here bad names while the goddesses in their aristocratic superiority are always quite civil with me.

But seriously my precious. Can you give me one good reason why I should have to pay for any of that? And I mean an actual “good” reason. Nothing along the lines of less pregnant teens, or less live babies, or less STDs, or any of that crap.

How? Can taking my money for any of those things benefit me directly?

katz
9 years ago

Non-apologies like this always make me think of my dad and the “I’m sorry your feelings were hurt” apology he gave me after joking about ripping off my hamster’s head and stuffing it in the freezer.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

NWO, I know your reading comprehension is absurdly poor, but he didn’t actually apologize. He offered a sarcastic, completely insincere non-apology that basically consisted of him repeating his original statement using more syllables. Trust me, he’s no less a pigheaded hateful asshole than you are. Your disappointment is misplaced.

ScrappyB
ScrappyB
9 years ago

It’s a toss up over who is a more malodorous, ignorant prick, Limbaugh or NWO.

1.) Her testimony had nothing to do with sex or birth control. It was about a friend who needed it to prevent the growth of ovarian cysts. Since said friend was a lesbian, birth control is beside the point.

2.) It has nothing to do with taxes. It’s about requiring companies to cover the cost of hormonal contraceptives whether or not the owners of the comapany find the practice ‘immoral.’ What if you got in an accident and went to a hospital run by Jehova’s Witnesses and they refused to give you a blood transfusion?

3.) He called her a slut, a prostitute and a whore. He knew exactly what he was saying.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Katz, WHAT? That’s… I’m sorry. That’s awful.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

It’s a toss up over who is a more malodorous, ignorant prick, Limbaugh or NWO.

They’re about on the same level, I’d say. NWO may actually be slightly worse, but the main difference is, Rush has sponsors. For now.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
9 years ago

Five sponsors dropped him so he posts a faux apology on his website.
Number six, Carbonite, just dropped him in spite of his faux apology.

Kyso K.
9 years ago

He never did apologize for his biggest sleight of hand, which was acting like she was testifying about her own raunchy ways, when in fact she was a chosen as the representative of a reproductive rights group who specifically avoided personal examples. That’s the part that everyone is so willing to forget in their excitement to defend or condemn the out-of-control epidemic of nympho law students fucking on what aren’t our tax dollars. It’s nice that Rush has a list of fantasy porn plots that he can apparently call up at a moments notice, but it’s not really proper for him to use his radio show to turn a national discussion on healthcare into a brainstorming session for the script of Naughty Feminazis: Georgetown.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I’m surprised that more MRAs don’t love Rush, actually. He’s the closest thing they have to someone who totally agrees with them who has the microphone in terms of mainstream media. I mean, Stern shares their general contempt for women, but he’s not nearly conservative enough for them on any other issue.

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

Owlylove, unless you are on her college health care plan, you are not paying.

Also, from an entirely selfish perspective, if women can’t afford birth control and abortions they are going to either not have sex with you or give birth to a child which you have to pay child support for. This is not a difficult concept.

pillowinhell
9 years ago

NWO, let’s leave aside the fact that its women paying for their own health coverage.

Now, what is going to cost more, birth control or welfare, Maternity leave, subsidized day care, social assistance, subsidized housing, food stamps etc? If money is all you’re concerned about, then birth control offers superior return on investment.

loafers
loafers
9 years ago

I’m amused by NWO’s assertion that (1) women don’t pay for their health insurance plans and (2) men don’t benefit from women having access to birth control. Who the hell do you think they’re having sex with?

2-D Man
2-D Man
9 years ago

The only reason he’s even trying to apologize is to staunch the flow of advertisers. Typical non-apology.

No. Rush’s listeners skew heavily into the Religious Right, which is a demographic that likes to LARP opposition to online porn. His comment about how women who use birth control should be making online porn could be used to undermine him unless he retracts it as a ‘poor choice of words’.

Glass
Glass
9 years ago

[quote]Now, what is going to cost more, birth control or welfare, Maternity leave, subsidized day care, social assistance, subsidized housing, food stamps etc? If money is all you’re concerned about, then birth control offers superior return on investment. [/quote]

This. The reasons companies don’t want to pay is they are too wrapped up in short term expenditures vs long term. I worked in low-management at UPS before, during, and after they went public and the management culture changed overnight when they became a publicly traded company. I saw upper management make decisions to save a nickle today and boost stock prices that ended up costing way more down the road.

I believe state governments would save millions if they provided BC for free to anyone who wanted it.

Oh, and NWO: so how do you feel about erectile dysfunction treatments being paid for by “your” insurance?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

That’s a good point, actually. So, Rush, you just admitted to liking online porn. Not only that, you suggested that female college students should go make more of it.

WingnutJesus does not approve. Tut tut.

BoggiDWurms
9 years ago

“That girl goes to school on my tax dollars and now wants me to pay her more money so she can have sex? Nope. It’s just too much. People need to take responsibility for themselves.”

No, conservative idiots like Limbaugh who don’t know and don’t want to know anything beyond their bile and prejudices and don’t care about anyone but themselves need to take responsibility.

Missy
Missy
9 years ago

“No, it’s money I pay into a health plan and/or taxes.

Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to fuck?
Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to have maternity leave?
Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to have abortions?”

Stop talking about taxes. This has nothing to do with taxes. It is about insurance companies having to cover preventative care without charging co-pays. The HHS Admin. said that contraception is preventative medicine. It prevents pregnancy, which is another medical condition covered by insurance (and I’m pretty sure that pregnancy has been mandatory in group insurance plans for a long time).

So, yes, money you pay into your health insurance may go to BCP for women who like to fuck (alphas, obviously, because who else ???). Or it could go to BCP for women who are married and have decided with their husbands they don’t want to have more children. Or it could go to female virgins who aren’t fucking anyone but need it to treat cysts or endo. That’s sort of the thing with health insurance. Your money goes to other people’s stuff and other people’s money goes to your stuff. I have to pay money to go towards viagra for guys like Rush but that’s just sort of the way it works. I don’t understand the argument. I guess if you don’t like your money maybe going to someone you don’t like then don’t have health insurance?

I’m not sure how you are forced to pay for maternity leave since, unlike most industrialized countries, we don’t have government paid maternity leave. If a woman does get maternity leave it is through her employer and not the government. Some women may be able to collect short term disability while recovering from childbirth but workers would have had to pay into these funds first. Really not sure how you are paying for maternity leave.

Also not sure about how you are paying for women to have abortions. Not through your taxes since the Hyde amendment has outlawed it for years. Very few health plans cover abortion (and it wouldn’t be considered preventative care either) so if you didn’t want your money to go to abortion then pick a plan that doesn’t cover that.

nwoslave
9 years ago

@pillowinhell
“Now, what is going to cost more, birth control or welfare, Maternity leave, subsidized day care, social assistance, subsidized housing, food stamps etc?”

I specifically said no to this type of answer.

You see, the socialist choices you’ve given to me are to either pay abortion/maternity leave/birth control, or, all those plus welfare, subsidized day care, social assistance, subsidized housing, food stamps, etc.

The problem is I’m already paying for the later and some or/all of the former. Thus the problem with socialism, communism, marxism or whatever you want to call it. It all ends up being the same. You do know socialism has failed? Right? That thingy with the wall coming down. It wasn’t a made for TV drama. Socialism drains everyones personal wealth until there’s just a handful of the same old banker at the top and all the ghetto dwellers at the bottom. And what is it with women and their love of big government?

2-D Man
2-D Man
9 years ago

In fact, I don’t think sponsor support had anything at all to do with his apology. I think Limbaugh keeps doing his show for pretty much one reason: it keeps him in front of the wingnut brigade.

If he stays front and center on planet wingnuttia, the teabaggers will buy his next book. His radio salary is chump change compared to what he makes on a book deal, not to mention his capital gains. This nonpology was a calculated move to appeal to the fundies. Nothing more. That it could keep advertisers from jumping ship (if it can) is just a happy side-effect.

shaenon
9 years ago

“Money someone has paid into their own health plan is not tax money.”

No, it’s money I pay into a health plan and/or taxes.

Yeah, who ever heard of women paying taxes? Women don’t pay taxes. Money collected by sitting in the middle of the street crying is non-taxable income.

But seriously my precious. Can you give me one good reason why I should have to pay for any of that? And I mean an actual “good” reason. Nothing along the lines of less pregnant teens, or less live babies, or less STDs, or any of that crap.

You gotta admit, people, those are pretty dumb reasons. Who cares about teen pregnancy, STDs, or the welfare of actual living children? These issues pale before the importance of imaginary porn scenarios in Rush Limbaugh’s head.

Oh, NWO. Never change, sweetie pumpkin.

shaenon
9 years ago

Limbaugh’s fauxpology might have been slightly less pathetic if it hadn’t come at the end of three solid days of publicly smearing a private citizen for nothing more than a) testifying before Congress about health-care coverage and b) being recognizably female.

On Day Three, he mocked her for receiving a phone call of support from the President, making smarmy comments and kissy-kissy noises in what might be the most embarrassing display of transparent personal jealousy ever broadcast over the radio.

Frankly, I see this as my cue to keep pushing and get the sad little creep off the airwaves permanently. How is he still around, anyway?

pillowinhell
9 years ago

Actually NWO, socialist policies DO work. Which is part of why Canada is doing much better than the US.

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