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Rush Limbaugh offers a gracious apology for his comments on Sandra Fluke. Scratch “gracious.” And “apology.”

Rush Limbaugh wonders momentarily if he is a complete tool, concludes that he isn't.

Hey, everybody! Rush Limbaugh has issued a gracious apology for his attacks on Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown law student who testified before congress on the costs of birth control. Here it is:

For over 20 years, I have illustrated the absurd with absurdity, three hours a day, five days a week. In this instance, I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation. I did not mean a personal attack on Ms. Fluke.

After a long paragraph in which he basically repeats his original argument about birth control, such as it was, this time without directly referencing Fluke, he continues:

My choice of words was not the best, and in the attempt to be humorous, I created a national stir. I sincerely apologize to Ms. Fluke for the insulting word choices.

Uh, “I chose the wrong words in my analogy of the situation???”

“My choice of words was not the best??”

Here’s what he originally said:

So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. … We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.

He also called her a “prostitute.”

So let me rewrite that for you, with some nicer words this time:

So my dearest Miss Fluke, and the rest of those who share a love of feminism and the tenets of National Socialism, I would like to present to you a most intriguing proposition: If we are called upon to help finance your purchase of medical treatment and/or various and sundry items designed to prevent pregnancy, and thus to provide financial support to you as you make sweet, tender non-procreative love with your beloved, we humbly request something in return for our investment. To wit, we would like you to memorialize your lovemaking in video format, and for you to graciously place this video tribute on the Internet so we may share in the pleasure of enjoying these tender moments.

Oh, and instead of “prostitute,” why not refer to her as a “courtesan?”

Yeah, that’s not really any better. (And for some reason you still think taxpayers are paying for birth control, when in fact the issue is insurance coverage.)

In an attempt to be humorous, I would like to suggest to you, Mr. Limbaugh, that you stuff your apology up your ass, you worthless piece of shit.

I do not, of course, mean that as a personal attack.

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ozymandias42
ozymandias42
8 years ago

Owlylove, all opinions and actions THAT DO NOT CAUSE HARM TO OTHERS ought to be tolerated. Being hateful harms others; therefore, hate is not tolerated, and we may call you an asshole as much as we like.

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

“Because I find gays repulsive?”
Why don’t you like the word ‘homophobia’? Applying this word to you is the same as calling DKM racist, Hitler a nazi or calling a pig a pig: it’s not an insult, it just describe what you – openly – are.

By the way, did the answers to the trivia satisfied you?

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
8 years ago

“What about loving all diversity and tolerance of all views?”

Yes, why are we not more tolerant of intolerance?

You’re entitled to your opinion that gay people are serial killers, just as we’re entitled to our opinions that you’re a delusional asshat.

2-D Man
2-D Man
8 years ago

Drinking cocktails and listening to loud, silly music? I’m down! I’ll even bring some Aquabats! And Canadian Whiskey!

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

NWO: FUCK OFF. There’s your validation for the evening.

Wasn’t he supposed to be posting cat pics instead of hate?

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

Wasn’t he supposed to be posting cat pics instead of hate?

I almost forgot. That was very weird. Did he gave any reason for that?

Rutee Katreya
8 years ago

David wouldn’t let any of his other posts through.

captainbathrobe
8 years ago

Oh yeah, Weinburg! We read his stuff in grad school. I’ll have to dig his book out of storage.

So, I’m dying to know Slavey: what is the significance of his having coined the term “homophobia?” Surely it can’t just be that he’s a jewy jewy Jew? Because, you know, the existence Jews in the psychotherapy field isn’t exactly earth-shattering news. Just saying.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Ah, OK. I liked cat pic NWO.

Shadow
Shadow
8 years ago

You know, she was actually talking about Rush, but I find it funny that you’ve been hatemongering since ’84 owly

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

It makes more sense now.
Cat pics NWO scared me too much to appreciate the cats. It’s like if someone throw rocks at you for weeks each time you set foot on the street and one day suddenly offers you chocolate and chat about the weather: it’s nice, but the contrast is too huge to appreciate.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
8 years ago

Seven advertisers down!

Lyn
Lyn
8 years ago

Kyrie – that is so what it felt like! I was on my toes waiting for the evil rock-throwing…we didn’t have to wait very long though.

Xanthe
Xanthe
8 years ago

From Skyal’s link, which I’d read earlier…

“I can hardly type, can hardly put this into words! I have been writing and rewriting this because if I don’t break down in tears, I get so angry that I can’t think straight! I know that so much has already been written about this whole issue, but I am writing this diary from a very personal point of view; forgive me if I find no humor in any of this, excuse me if I take no part in celebrating the loss of sponsorship for that pig’s radio program. You see, my 16 year old daughter came home from school on Friday in tears and has been in a state of utter despair since. She was told, in no uncertain terms, that she is a slut, a prostitute, a horny piece of trash that is out to sleep with every guy in school! The horrid little monsters who started harassing my daughter had the audacity to tell her their mothers were the ones who labeled her with these despicable opinions — they were just “telling it like it is, you know, like that guy on the radio! The one who isn’t afraid to tell the truth!” Who does this?! How does Rush Limbaugh or anyone else have the right to do this, to say these things about anyone?”

Words cannot describe how angry shit likes this makes me feel.

cloudiah
cloudiah
8 years ago

Rush Limbaugh’s nothing if not consistent:
“My cat comes to me when she wants to be fed. I have learned this. I accept it for what it is. Many people in my position would think my cat’s coming to me because she loves me. Well, she likes me, and she is attached, but she comes to me when she wants to be fed. And after I feed her — guess what — she’s off to wherever she wants to be in the house, until the next time she gets hungry. She’s smart enough to know she can’t feed herself. She’s actually a very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn’t have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat’s taught me more about women than anything my whole life. But we put voices in their mouths.” See http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2012/03/why-does-rush-limbaugh-get-away-with-calling-a-young-woman-a-slut/253903/ for more loveliness. I am not a violent person, but this does make me want to kidnap his cat.

I don’t have to work tomorrow, and now I’m tempted to stay up and dig more deeply into this a-hole, but that way madness (and high blood pressure) lies… Best to play with kittens and watch bad movies.

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

“But we put voices in their mouths”?!?!?

Holy fucking shit dude.

red_locker
8 years ago

Ok, I know Rush wasn’t exactly “Superman” good or even “Bizzaro” good, but yeesh.

That he even WENT THERE with the CATS = WOMEN suggestion is six different kinds of horrifying, but you know what’s sad? IT’S NOT EVEN A NEW SHITTY THING TO SAY! ASSHATS HAVE BEEN SAYING IT FOR YEARS!

FelixBC
FelixBC
8 years ago

Sandra Fluke interviewed today: http://jezebel.com/5890568/sandra-fluke-gives-first-televised-interview-calls-bullshit-on-limbaughs-apology

“Fluke said that she doesn’t think he’s really sorry, since his statement came only after several sponsors began pulling support from his show. When asked if she would’ve preferred hearing from him personally, instead of through a written statement Fluke said, “Let me be clear: I think his statements that he made on the air about me have been personal enough, so I’d rather not have a personal phone call from him.””

And there’s transcripts of him today coming out saying “it was a trap!” Nasty feminist bear traps, lined with pointy sticks. Except he yells “slut!” instead of “ouch!” when he falls on them.

Eugene Stumpf
Eugene Stumpf
8 years ago

Your polite translation is holy shite funny. Thank you for it.

Pecunium
8 years ago

NWO: you ignorant slut:

No, it’s money I pay into a health plan and/or taxes.

Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to fuck?
Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to have maternity leave?
Why should I be forced to pay for women as a whole to have abortions?

Why should they pay for you to see a doctor for your needs?
Why should they pay for someone else’s Viagra?

Why should you get to choose what medicines someone else gets?

Borne any more false witness lately?

Pecunium
8 years ago

NWO: @thebewilderness

I’m a hatemonger? Why? Because I find gays repulsive?
Well gee wizz. I thought we were all allowed our own opinions and such.
What about loving all diversity and tolerance of all views?
What about how I feel?
Don’t my feelings get validated?
Why I feel like you’re erasing my experiences.

No, you are a hatemonger because of what you do with those feelings. Because of what you want to do to the people whom you disagree with.

I like fish, it doesn’t make me a fishmonger.

If I sold fish, that would make me a fishmonger.

You sell hate.

Shaun Day
8 years ago

I didn’t think this would be anything noteworthy, but I have to admit there are some really good points here.

http://defendrush.org/

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

Very good points indeed. I will now reconsider all my criticism.