The A(n)nals of Online Dating blog manages to unearth some astoundingly awful and creepy online dating profiles. Looking around on the site’s archives the other day, I came across one profile that reminded me of so many discussions here I felt I needed to share it with you. Here’s some unnamed OKCupid dude explaining just what he looks for in a woman.
He starts off almost reasonably:
Message me if you are intelligent and can hold chopsticks and are not racist.
Ok, that’s a little confrontational, and the bit about chopsticks is odd, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting your date to be smart and not a bigot.
It’s at this point he careens off the road:
Also message me if you can understand that a WOMAN’S vagina is like a MAN’S money.
Go on.
Meaning if we are NOT dating and if I do not KNOW who you are, you will have to be able to provide for yourself.
Are there really a lot of women on dating sites that expect men they don’t know to pay their rent or electric bills?
I am not going to give a little unless you can give a little.
Ah, the transactional model of dating. What’s the over/under on this guy also being a raving Ron Paul fan?
Most women dont want to feel like a whore by giving it up on the first night and dont want to be used just for sex. They also dont want to give it up and then be afraid the man will leave. Thats the SAME way I FEEL about spending my hard earned money on you.
Because women don’t want to feel like whores, you’re going to treat them exactly like whores, by equating vaginas and money?
A lot of women in this town dont follow through with anything they say and a lot of them have A LOT of insecurities along with expecting a guy to buy them food and drinks and then completely walk over them.
By “walk[ing] over them” I presume he means that the women are not having sex with every guy who buys them a dinner while explaining at length about how vaginas and money are the same thing and why Ron Paul is the only hope for our nation.
I dont play that and I’ve dated a few women who are gorgeous who happen to understand what I am talking about.
So why the OkCupid profile? I guess these gorgeous women must not be returning his calls any more.
So if you u understand that my money and time is just as valuable as your body, then we’ll be in agreement to not share anything until there is an understanding.
You’ll need to sign the “sex for dinner” contract here and here, and initial here. And you’re ready to go!
Oh, and if you fellas here (of the heterosexual persuasion) are feeling a little left out, remember, there are some terrible, terrible women out there in online dating land for you as well.
If you like prescription drugs, weird bird feet, and fistfights with jealous Juggalo ex-boyfriends, send this little lady a note.
EDITED TO ADD: Holly Pervocracy has a great post on the wrongness of the vaginas = money equation here.
Polliwog – I think quantity matters too. If someone says they had one evil ex, they probably did. If they say they had five evil exes who were all evil in exactly the same ways (especially gender-stereotyped ways), I’d be a little more skeptical.
The phrase “evil ex who is now out there spreading lies about me” is also one that can be true, but requires extremely close examination, because it’s usually deliberate damage control.
Also I tend to assume that “crazy bitches” can be translated from misogynist into English as “how dare women have thoughts and feelings and stuff, that’s so inconvenient to me, and I bet it’s because they have periods”.
@Holly:
Seriously? That really just shows there’s no winning with them…
damn.
Man, I hate online dating. You’re right on about the dynamic, what with guys spamming girls hundreds of identical messages and all that, but I really don’t agree that it’s all about entitlement. I mean sure, maybe that’s partially it, but I think a bigger part of it is guys just playing the odds, and an even bigger part is that these douchey messages serve as a sort of self-defense mechanism. When you put time and effort into a response only to get ignored, that’s a personal rejection… and it will happen quite a bit on these dating sites, both because of the aforementioned culture and because it’s easier to be dismissive over the internet than face-to-face. But if you just spam “show me yer tits” messages to a few dozen girls, well, of course most of them aren’t going to respond, and that’s not any sort of reflection on you.
The way I see it, if someone has a string of evil exes, there’s three available options:
1) The person is inherently attracted to evil people. This says really nasty things about you.
2) The person is an asshole and so un-self-aware they think everyone ELSE is the asshole.
3) They are Ramona Flowers and you will have to fight all their exes to get the right to date them.
Exactly none of these are happy options!
“But if you just spam “show me yer tits” messages to a few dozen girls, well, of course most of them aren’t going to respond, and that’s not any sort of reflection on you.”
So, go straight for the fail. Good plan! Same shitty feeling about yourself, but at least you’ve killed some time that you could have spent studying. No worries about success, ever.
Hey, I’m not saying I do it, dude. I’m just saying, I get it. Plus, my long hard throbbing alphaness is somewhat diminished over email.
I dont play that and I’ve dated a few women who are gorgeous who happen to understand what I am talking about.
This line from the OP makes me think that he’s mistaken “smile and nod, counting down the minutes until this wretched date is over” with “understand what I am talking about”.
>>>>Crumbelievable – Nope. Now that more and more feminists are fed up with Hugo, the MRAs have been writing lots of “man cast our of feminist movement just for being a man, poor persecuted darling, this is why men shouldn’t bother even trying to help” articles. They’re very sympathetic to him, now that they can play the “you hate him because he’s a man!” card.
I thought Hugo was the Queen of Manginas, despicable and most loathsome and emasculated in every conceivable way?
Oh well…
“Almost any time I look at the comments on an MRA blog (never a good idea), I see posts from Zarat .. ”
Lies! I rarely post on MRM sites. I don’t like being nice, I like being nasty. My MRA brothers rarely say anything that I can criticise. I frequently post on TGMP, but if you consider TGMP an “MRM” site, then you are crazy.
So why did you make that up, cupcake?
“I don’t like being nice, I like being nasty.”
Mr. Zarat, if you’re nasty.
AntZ!! Why the sudden badboy facade? What happened to the “bigot”s that we’ve all come to know and love?
So, do clear it up for us. How long is your throbber, anyways? And does it have morning and evening heights?
Nasty? I’d pick “baffling” or “unintentionally hilarious” as descriptors for Antz.
Is it wrong to order in food because I’m too lazy to go hunt for it? I mean, a man might be the person to bring it to me, and I hope bonbons are included. But, then, I’ll be paying with my own money. I’ll have to ask if they’ll take alternative forms of payment. *hopes they can bring tuna, too, for the cat. he’s eyeing me despairingly.*
If OKC became incarnate it would probably destroy its host, like when the TARDIS inhabited a woman in that Doctor Who that Neil Gaiman wrote.
I never went on those dates where a dude buys you dinner etc. I just got into relationships and everyone mostly paid their own way except for birthday treats or one person being out of work or something. Isn’t that more usual these days?
I get uncomfortable when men insist on paying for everything. It just reads as “I’m doing this because if you accept I can use it to leverage you into sex later”. Either that or “I am super traditional”, which doesn’t work for me. There was this one guy I met online, but in a way that it was clearly specified that no sex or dating would be happening, who tried to pay for everthing. Ended up refusing to hang out with him any more because it was weirding me out so much.
felixBC – Foodler is never wrong.
…Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever had a female Foodler driver. I guess it’s some weird mix of “women don’t feel safe driving alone to stranger’s houses at night” and “women don’t get hired as drivers because driving is somehow manly”? Lots of the restaurants have women answering the phones, but they’re never the delivery drivers.
…I may be overthinking this.
That’s because it usually is.
Most of the guys I dated who insisted on paying for me were perfectly sweet people who also didn’t date much and I think had gathered their idea of how dating worked from popular culture. It’s super-awkward to say no to someone paying for you, though. I used to get in fights over it.
My girlfriend pays for me sometimes now, too. I guess I just have one of those faces…?
If I were to work out a dollar-by-dollar reckoning of who has spent what in my relationship, I think I’d find that my boyfriend has spent more than me. Things get complicated when one person’s a poor student and one person has been working full-time since that poor student was 5 or so. We deal with our different financial statuses in a few ways. Generally we just stay in and do free things, like cuddling with 20-lb kitties. Sometimes I’ll try to find great deals on stuff, so I can treat him to something I wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford. But really, not all that often. Our relationship really isn’t a money sink for either of us. We just like hangin’ out with one another.
I’ll admit, though, we’ve never tried dealing with our different money situations by me having sex with him on demand, and then charging him in restaurant meals. Maybe that would simplify things right up for us.
It’s really weird. I actually know a guy who once asked his girlfriend, who wanted to pay for their date, to give him the money so it would still look like he paid to other people. They usually went dutch, or took turns paying for the other partner.
Luckily, he grew out of this mindset, and from what I know, never actually thought his date owed him sex in case he paid.
Damn you, restricting gender roles! ( `-´)9 *shakes fist at the heavens*
My wife and I went dutch until we moved in together and pooled our finances into a joint bank account.
Ever since then, whoever pays more has been the one who earns more – which was mainly me over the last decade but is currently her.
But he fact that we each paid our own way on our first date had no effect on us deciding to round it off by sleeping together. Bizarrely, if two people are attracted to each other and want to have sex, it usually doesn’t matter what financial arrangement they came to earlier.