The A(n)nals of Online Dating blog manages to unearth some astoundingly awful and creepy online dating profiles. Looking around on the site’s archives the other day, I came across one profile that reminded me of so many discussions here I felt I needed to share it with you. Here’s some unnamed OKCupid dude explaining just what he looks for in a woman.
He starts off almost reasonably:
Message me if you are intelligent and can hold chopsticks and are not racist.
Ok, that’s a little confrontational, and the bit about chopsticks is odd, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting your date to be smart and not a bigot.
It’s at this point he careens off the road:
Also message me if you can understand that a WOMAN’S vagina is like a MAN’S money.
Go on.
Meaning if we are NOT dating and if I do not KNOW who you are, you will have to be able to provide for yourself.
Are there really a lot of women on dating sites that expect men they don’t know to pay their rent or electric bills?
I am not going to give a little unless you can give a little.
Ah, the transactional model of dating. What’s the over/under on this guy also being a raving Ron Paul fan?
Most women dont want to feel like a whore by giving it up on the first night and dont want to be used just for sex. They also dont want to give it up and then be afraid the man will leave. Thats the SAME way I FEEL about spending my hard earned money on you.
Because women don’t want to feel like whores, you’re going to treat them exactly like whores, by equating vaginas and money?
A lot of women in this town dont follow through with anything they say and a lot of them have A LOT of insecurities along with expecting a guy to buy them food and drinks and then completely walk over them.
By “walk[ing] over them” I presume he means that the women are not having sex with every guy who buys them a dinner while explaining at length about how vaginas and money are the same thing and why Ron Paul is the only hope for our nation.
I dont play that and I’ve dated a few women who are gorgeous who happen to understand what I am talking about.
So why the OkCupid profile? I guess these gorgeous women must not be returning his calls any more.
So if you u understand that my money and time is just as valuable as your body, then we’ll be in agreement to not share anything until there is an understanding.
You’ll need to sign the “sex for dinner” contract here and here, and initial here. And you’re ready to go!
Oh, and if you fellas here (of the heterosexual persuasion) are feeling a little left out, remember, there are some terrible, terrible women out there in online dating land for you as well.
If you like prescription drugs, weird bird feet, and fistfights with jealous Juggalo ex-boyfriends, send this little lady a note.
EDITED TO ADD: Holly Pervocracy has a great post on the wrongness of the vaginas = money equation here.
Holly, that post is brilliant.
As an experiment I just went to the bar and ordered a half of beer, and can report that the barmaid asked me for £1.10 and no vagina.
HYPOTHESIS DISPROVEN
MissPrism – I had a quesadilla for lunch today, and together with a glass of ice tea and an apple it cost $5 and no vagina.
Why, the cafeteria didn’t even have a cash register set up to accept vagina!
I was at CVS not too long ago, and the card terminal had no vagina option!
I think the way it works is: you clamp your vagina on a penis, drag the man by his penis to the till (make sure he’s a beta or omega first) and the man will then pay for your items
So lesbians trade vagina for vagina, then? And what about gay men? Is their sexuality expressed entirely through buying each other things?
I don’t know, guys. Mesogog is terrible and creepy, but I have the impression that, beneath the weirdness, I have seen a glimpse of pure comedy gold.
Needs a lot of work, thought
David, where the hell do you find this stuff, and do you not worry about your mental health after continuous exposure to it?
Also, why does this guy sound like Brandon? Did you check to see if its one of the trolls?
@Ozy
I think in this system either lesbians don’t exist, or they’re the hardest working women in the world. Or maybe they’re supposed to make out in front of betas and omegas and slowly lead them to the till, like dropping reese’s pieces.
Alright, fuck it… I give up. I give up.
All heterosexual sex is purely transactional. Money for sex. Mammoth hunting. Sexual Market place Value. All women are whores. Blah, blah, blah. Fine.
First date, dinner and drinks, costs about what? I mean, none of these assholes have any imagination or creativity, hence the near ubiquitous default of “…dinner and drinks cost money…” So, what are we talking? Mid to upper range chain restaurant. Pre-dinner cocktail, one or two drinks during the course of the meal; at the high end, about $30. Prices at those places are pretty standard so I’m thinking, even with an appetizer, the total cost of her portion of the food bill is going to be somewhere between $45 and $60 with taxes and tip. And that’s if she gets a dessert. I’ll be generous and round-up to a $100 total.
Now, compare that to the cost of hiring an escort; by the hour. Please.
These dudes are tripping.
Ozy – Strangely, the situation is reversed. Gay men, having unfettered access to sex, never have to buy anything. Lesbians, since they would have nothing to gain monetarily by having sex, never have sex.
Oh. Ninjaed by Holly. Still, much like Kragmoor, my point still stands.
Nobinayamu – A lot of these guys count their dinners toward the “cost” of sex, too! I know maybe you wouldn’t have eaten out on your own, but still, you ate it. I don’t think I should owe a guy sex for food anyway, but I’m absolutely sure I shouldn’t owe a guy sex for food that he ate.
So now we’re down to $50.
Yeah, good luck getting a sex worker for that, fellas. You better hope money isn’t all you have to offer, if that’s all the money you’re laying out.
I think the op lives in a world that solely consists of bar-hopping and one night stands, where men’s bodies produce money out of thin air, and women need to have sex to avoid starvation.
Just like the advocates of alphas and betas perpetually live in a world of jocks, cheerleaders, and nerds.
I feel you, OP dude. It’s silly that men on heterosexual dates are expected to pay for everything. I mean, these outdated, sexist transactional tropes of man buys things, women rewards with sex have got to go! Can’t we split the costs of spending time together, and freely enjoy sex with one another?
Oh, wait, sorry. You really like those tropes, you just want the woman part to happen first. Kk, carry on then.
Kirby – I’ve noticed a lot of the deep thinkers we get around here seem to never have heard of this thing called a “relationship.”
At best, it’s a setup where the man pays the same woman for vagina a bunch of times in a row. At worst, it’s a particularly cruel and overpriced form of payment for the vagina.
But the whole thing where people in a relationship might actually like each other? Seems to make MRAs cower and scatter like they’re vampires and you just pulled out a crucifix.
I bet he’s getting a lot of responses…
So I’m guessing in his mind a woman’s time and money is worthless, just like…his own body? Ugh, what a sad way to go through life, thinking women will only have sex with you for money and not for mutual pleasure or companionship or love (though considering his stellar personality it may be true in his case).
Then again maybe he doesn’t think women have any real money of their own, they either spend it all on “silly” things like shoes and make-up or are getting money from their father/brother/random male friend/the government until they can find a sucker (boyfriend) to start paying for stuff.
You know?
If they want to assert that relationships are based on nothing more than financial transaction, then fuck it – let’s whip out the ledger and take a full account. For instance, I’m kind of a”girly-girl.” While I’m nowhere near wealthy, when I break it down, there’s a not insignificant portion of my budget that goes to grooming, cosmetics, hair-care and styling (oh, the hair-care money…) clothes and shoes. That doesn’t even take into consideration what I spend on healthy food, my tap dance classes, my kettlebells. And what if I decided to break out the cost per hour of my time? I mean, I’m a free-lancer and I get paid either by contract for a specific services, or by an hourly rate. What if applied that to the time I spend on my appearance?
Even if I cut the estimate in half -hell, by two-thirds because the majority of it has nothing to do with “man-catching”- we’re talking about way more than $50 for a mediocre dinner and what would inevitably be mind-numblingly, tedious conversation.
The really stupid thing about all of this is that if you (a man for the sake of argument) don’t subscribe to the view that you are exchanging dinner for sex, and you don’t adhere to the notion that a woman’s money is vagina, then you can get away with some amazingly silly things. Like going out, splitting the check, and still having sex. Or not even going out for dinner, depending on the situation.
By treating it all as a transaction, you are paying so much more for what will most certainly amount to so much less.
This reminds me of the time my ex felt the need to explain that “men always pay for sex.” Cash money, having to pretend you like her, etc. – whatever it is, he was convinced men always had to “pay” for sex, but women never did.
In retrospect, *that* is when I should have dumped him.
Ohhh good gravy. I got a message from this guy, or a chillingly similar clone of him during my OKCupid days. His profile was basically this, but he maxed out the character limit in the message by typing like Christian J from a few posts back. Sweet jeebus, I don’t think I’d try online dating again.
The great thing about getting older is that you figure out that the best time to break up with someone is just as soon as you find out why you should break up with them. Saves time.
Wait just a minute there, Kirby. Dates don’t involve paying for a dinner out? How is this possible?
In my experience, they become mortified, simply MORTIFIED that I not only own a wallet, but have dared to flash and flaunt it while sitting at a restaurant table with them.
This even happens when I say before agreeing to the date, “You know, we’re going to split the check, ok?” And they say “Ok.” But then at the table it’s all, “Oh no, no, no, I’ve got this. Put that away!”
I’ve had enough of those beginnings go real bad, real fast, that nowadays, you pull that crap, you’re just gone.
@Kirby and Holly-
It boggles my mind that these guys don’t ever seem to realize that there is more to relationshipping than money and sex. In my last (very brief) period of dating someone, he bought me dinner on several occasions, and I had sex with him on numerous occasions. But I also cooked for him, and he made me a very thoughtful mix tape, and I drew him a picture for his apartment, and he lent me his copy of American Gods, and I took him to a really awesome party, and he gave me his sweatshirt when I was cold. These are all things that involve neither money nor sex! And they are the awesome little things that make relationshipping worth while.
Sometimes I almost feel bad for these guys that they don’t realize that these are also things that you can do with a partner! Then I remember that they are trapped in a hell of their own creation, and I really stop caring.
If you scroll up, you will see that Buttman has some startling information for you all, to wit:
1) Some women are sex workers
2) One woman on OKCupid went on a LOT of dates one month, and all the guys volunteered to pay for her dinners. This actually made the news.
Pillowinhell asked:
Everywhere, and yes.
There’s tons more of this stuff on Annals of Online Dating.
A friend of mine with a profile up on OkCupid has gotten tons of really creepy messages, one that was nothing more than “Can I cum on your glasses.” She told him no.
Also, check out the prescription drug/weird feet gal at the end of my post. She’s quite a catch, too. She’s not a misandrist, though; she just has what sounds like a very eventful life.
I tried using my vagina as money once. Long story short, I’m now banned from Marks and Spencers.