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The hard life of the Alpha male. Get it? Get it? It's a double entendre. Heh heh. Penis.

Now in pill form.

Life is tough for the beta male. During his twenties, as Manosphere dudes never tire of reminding us, women reject him, choosing instead to throw themselves wantonly at caddish alpha males.

Only after these cruel, callous women have squandered their youth and beauty – by the age of 30 if not earlier – do they turn at last to the betas, who’ve been patiently waiting in the “friend zone” the whole time. Those poor betas, nice guys and good providers all, are then lured into marriage with these now-ugly shrews, who are no longer interested in sex, and want only their money, often used to provide for kids sired by alpha males. (See here for Holly Pervocracy’s more detailed analysis of the “Greek system.”)

But life can be tough for the alpha male as well, driven to exhaustion by nearly constant sex with an incredible array of horny twentysomething women. The movie trailer below will give you some idea of just what the typical alpha male has to deal with on a daily basis.

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kirbywarp
kirbywarp
12 years ago

@Quackers:

Except that self-described betas make up the majority of the MRM. So yeah…

Holly Pervocracy
12 years ago

Why be Kirk when you can be Spock?

I like Kirk!

But I like him for his overwrought… acting, his paunchiness, and his kickin’ 60s sideburns. Not despite them.

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

@Viscaria

Yeah that’s true too. I was thinking about how self proclaimed alphas define betas. Forgot that betas also include NiceGuysTM. What I should have said is a mangina is a guy who actually thinks women are people.

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

see this is why this shit is confusing and downright stupid >_<

Holly Pervocracy
12 years ago

I’ve noticed that most of the alpha-beta discussions about What Women Want involve telling any actual women involved in the conversation that they’re completely wrong about What Women Want, because how on earth would they know?

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

Yeah women are just too blind to their own hypergamy, hamsters and hormones! Let the menz tell women what they really want!

Classic misogyny at it’s finest.

BellendBumfluff
BellendBumfluff
12 years ago

Mr. Futrelle,

Do actually ever make a counter argument, or indeed a valid point of any kind in your articles? Or is it merely always sad-sack, Colbert sarcasm/ lame mockery?

ersatzmoons
12 years ago

erect penis, heh heh… XD

Would Sir Galahad be a beta or a MGTOW who was ensnared by women seeking child support checks?

Cloudiah
Cloudiah
12 years ago

Being an alpha IS hard (heh, heh) work:

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
12 years ago

I may be wrong, but I think that the moment at which a MGTOW gets any attention from a woman is the moment at which he stops being a MGTOW…

no more mr nice guy
12 years ago

For these guys, any other guy who get laid is an alpha male.

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

Huh. I thought alpha referred to Brad Pitt and his army of clones that he’s using to breed a new, alpha human race in an unholy alliance with women to wipe out the beta mankind!!

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

Wait, didn’t someone actually claim that before? I can’t tell when I’m parodying and when I’m just remembering something with the manosphere

Viscaria
Viscaria
12 years ago

The Greek system: Calvinball for adults. Make up the rules as you go along.

ersatzmoons
12 years ago

@kirbywarp – that makes sense. To use myself as an example: Teenage me was determined I would stay chaste until marriage (unlike all those slutty slut sluts, who I was in no way jealous of) up until I starting getting attention from teh boys.

>_> @Holly’s comment:
Also, I did not know that about that recent behavioral finding with wolves. Sweet!

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

The funny thing about wolves is, the common fallacy is that they mate for life. How PUAs decided that alphas are promiscuous assholes to women is beyond me?

no more mr nice guy
12 years ago

The funny thing about wolves is, the common fallacy is that they mate for life. How PUAs decided that alphas are promiscuous assholes to women is beyond me?

They decide it to sell their shit to naive and horny Nice Guys ™.

Viscaria
Viscaria
12 years ago

The funny thing about wolves is, the common fallacy is that they mate for life.

Wolves don’t mate for life? I guess credulous Viscaria shouldn’t believe everything she hears.

Holly Pervocracy
12 years ago

Wolves mate sort-of for life. They do form monogamous pairs, but those pairs aren’t 100% permanent and they will find new mates if one dies or they split up.

…they’re really a lot like humans, and disappointingly unlike various hallucinations of what humans “naturally” are supposed to be.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
12 years ago

The divorce rate amongst wolves is getting higher all the time! Soon their won’t be any wolf marriage, and all the female wolves will claim all of the male’s food and hunting grounds for child support! This injustice will not stand!!!

ersatzmoons
12 years ago

Wolves going their own way! WGTOW! aar-AR-AROOOOOOO!

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth
12 years ago
Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

@kirbywarp

Fool!! We’re too late!!! Oh, if only we’d listened to the misogynists of yore and never given women power. Now look where we are, our lupine brothers dying, and Hillary Clinton refusing to sanction a UN intervention. This TRULY IS the fault of Alpha Fuck Bitches!!

katz
12 years ago

Lone wolves?

Holly Pervocracy
12 years ago

Soon their won’t be any wolf marriage, and all the female wolves will claim all of the male’s food and hunting grounds for child support!

Cub support?

Oh no, I gave myself an awwwww.