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Do you want semen on that? How Law & Order: SVU imperils innocent penises

That's a LOT of semen.

TV detectives pore over semen stains, and find evidence of crimes. Over on A Voice for Men, B.R. Merrick pores over TV detectives poring over semen stains, and finds evidence of “anti-man mentality.” On Law & Order: SVU, he says,

Every time I chanced upon seeing a bit of it, someone somewhere said “semen.”

You know the show focuses on sex crimes, right? When you’re investigating sex crimes, I’d say the chances are pretty good you’re going to run across some semen from time to time.

This is a show that has been on the air for more than a decade, a spin-off from another program more than two decades long, dedicated to entertaining millions of Americans every week using salacious, graphic language about terrible crimes.  Semen.  Semen stains.  Semen samples.  Semen on a dead body.  Crime.  Law, order, crime, and semen.

Spam, eggs, bacon, semen and spam. Spam, spam, bacon, semen, and spam. Semen, semen, spam eggs sausage and semen.

Sorry, I got distracted.

Semen is disgusting, if I am to conclude anything from watching this program.  How is it that a show that continually mentions semen in connection with horrific crime can remain so popular for over a decade? 

Christopher Melonimania? No, nothing so straightforward as that. Clearly what we’re dealing with is anti-semen propaganda of the sneakiest sort.

Millions watch, but virtually no one notices.  It is as if the ejaculation of semen is something that the world puts up with but secretly detests.  Since only men make semen; since it is usually voluntarily ejaculated except for certain cases of rape and nocturnal emissions; and since the voluntary giving of this life-giving substance is usually frequent; what are men supposed to think if the culture embraces mainstream entertainment that virtually equates semen with crime?

If semen is outlawed only outlaws will produce semen?

The conclusions we are supposed to draw seem pretty obvious to me: Women and sexless children are the victims of semen, the victims of men.  Men are too quick to indulge their semen-connected desires.  Pornography is directly connected to men, semen, and the oftentimes unavoidable crimes that result. 

So jerking off into a sock has been criminalized?

Once you indulge a penis, all bets are off.  Unless, of course, he’s been thoroughly trained.

Penises can be trained? Really? I’ve had very little luck training mine.

Men who are raised not to take their feelings seriously will probably feel a little tinge that is quickly ignored when semen is mentioned in a silly television program.  Men who are used to being teased will grin along with the giggling girls who laugh at a man whose penis is not only severed, but shredded in a garbage disposal, so that he can spend the last several decades of his life without one. 

So Law & Order: SVU is secretly preparing men for a dystopian future in which all untrained penises will all be shredded in garbage disposals?

Stay tuned, I guess.

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hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

dicipres, go read a fucking book. They did not found feminism. Ever hear of second-wave?

Holly Pervocracy
Holly Pervocracy
12 years ago

Malcontent – I answered your question in one of the last couple posts on the last page.

Also, no, there isn’t tolerance for questioning the existence/possibility of any kind of rape, that’s something we’re darn touchy about.

captainbathrobe
12 years ago

Oh God, it’s once again time to play the game of Repudiate the Reprehensible Quote Supposedly Said by a Supposedly Prominent Feminist Leader Therefore Feminists Hate Men. Could someone cut and paste the standard rebuttals, please?

And could our MRA-but-not-really friend please come up with some original ideas and stop writing like Yackov Smirnoff on crack? Is that too much to ask?

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
12 years ago

It might be asking an awful lot of dcipres to read a whole book, especially one about feminism.

Zombie Dworkin
12 years ago

So sarcastic comments along the line of “women are weak” seem intended to shut down my attempt to understand.

I hear that crap all the time. I dunno how else I was suppose to interpret that sexist shit you said. No, I don’t really care that you can’t imagine men being raped because you think women are “oh so weak”.

Zombie Dworkin
12 years ago

oops I posted as zombie dworkin! she must have possessed me for a sec! 😛

jumbofish
12 years ago

oops still possessed it appears

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

Do they make Little Golden Books on feminism? That might be more dicipres’ speed. They got pitchers and everything.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
12 years ago

Or maybe Highlights for Children has an article dicipres could skim?

Moewicus
Moewicus
12 years ago

Not a book! There might be man-hatings in a book.

captainbathrobe
12 years ago

You know, I never knew that Valerie Solanis was so influential until I started reading this blog. I thought she was just a disturbed individual who shot Andy Wharhol. Who knew?

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

Oh, noes, Moewicus! Not the man-hatings! aiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!

malcontent
malcontent
12 years ago

Thank you for answering, Holly. However, some of the things you mentioned, such as statutory rape, were acknowledged by the poster who originally brought the subject up. In the context of this conversation, it seemed understood that statutory rape *is* one way a woman can commit rape. When I googled “rape by envelopment” it returned only a few pages of results, so I don’t think it was too presumptuous to ask what this term refers to and then to question the mechanics.

I hope I made it clear that I wasn’t questioning the possibility of female-on-male rape, merely that it was not as straightforward a subject to me as male-on-female rape. I hardly think this is surprising given the cultural focus on the latter. As well, I have significant personal experience with being overpowered by men and no personal experience of the reverse, nor have I ever been with a man who evinced any physical fear of me. Again, my questions might seem ignorant, but they are not ill-intentioned.

jumbofish
12 years ago

@David
I’m reposting my comment David since it got stuck in moderation for my own stupidity. You can delete the two most recent ones I made.

So sarcastic comments along the line of “women are weak” seem intended to shut down my attempt to understand.

I hear this crap all the time and frankly I’m sick of it. I don’t know how else I’m suppose to interpret your sexist shit. I really could care less that you don’t get that men can be raped by women.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
12 years ago

I hadn’t even heard about Valerie Solanis until I discovered that actually I’ve based my entire belief system around her. It’s amazing what other people know about my beliefs that I don’t.

“Viscaria, rough sex/bdsm might can cause various emotions, and maybe anger against the other sex, which in turn be rationalized a feminism. Yes, I admit, this is definitely armchair analysis and I have no training in the subject… I still think it is interesting to ask, and seems reasonable.”

*sigh* So, basically… “I have no idea what I’m talking about, but you should believe me anyway.” Anybody who has any practice in dealing with woo-meisters raving about quantum mechanics should be sick and tired of this argument. =_=

Holly Pervocracy
Holly Pervocracy
12 years ago

Malcontent – I think your mental image of “man” is kind of narrow here. They come in all sizes, including small, including disabled, including large and abled but timid, including large and abled and not usually timid but holy shit not expecting this and don’t know what to do.

Rape is very rarely a matter of a fair fight.

Nathan
Nathan
12 years ago

Okay, I have to interject here- jesus christ, this place is like crack. I can’t believe it.

Holly Pervocracy’s analogy is hilarious, because if God suddenly came down to Earth and started acting like a raging dickhead, there probably wouldn’t be many Christians. The “Gods” of feminism are, well, the leaders of this flagging, failing, farting-out movement, who are for the most part mostly based online these days. They are, in general, militant dickheads. So, yes, feminism has damned itself.

jumbofish
12 years ago

Malcontent – I think your mental image of “man” is kind of narrow here. They come in all sizes, including small, including disabled, including large and abled but timid, including large and abled and not usually timid but holy shit not expecting this and don’t know what to do.

this

jumbofish
12 years ago

Okay, I have to interject here- jesus christ, this place is like crack. I can’t believe it.

Holly Pervocracy’s analogy is hilarious, because if God suddenly came down to Earth and started acting like a raging dickhead, there probably wouldn’t be many Christians. The “Gods” of feminism are, well, the leaders of this flagging, failing, farting-out movement, who are for the most part mostly based online these days. They are, in general, militant dickheads. So, yes, feminism has damned itself

umkayyyyyyy

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
12 years ago

I feel happy and floaty and awesome after kinky sex, dude. THAT IS WHY I DO IT. The average person does not have sex because they feel hatred and anger against their partner afterward.

Bostonian
Bostonian
12 years ago

Oh look MARL still fails to stick the flounce.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
12 years ago

@Nathan:

As an atheist, I hadn’t realized that in fact feminism has Gods. Learn something new every day…

Oh right. [citation needed]

Snowy
Snowy
12 years ago

Malcontent you didn’t answer my question and seem to still be making the same assumption that for someone to be raped they need to have been overpowered. Also, intent is not magic, even though your intentions may have been totally great when you asked these questions can you see how a sarcastic response to what you were saying about how women are all way too weak to possibly rape a adult man might not be just coming out of the blue?

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

@malcontent

While you don’t seem to have had any ill intentions, the questions and doubts that you raised are the same illogical reasons used to cast doubt on male victims, so I hope you can understand why it would trigger a hostile reaction. People find it so easy to believe that a man can overpower a woman that is weaker than him, yet find it so hard to believe that a woman can overpower a man that is weaker than her (or that is not as well trained as her, or that she gets the jump on). Also, that kind of view is based on the misogynistic assumption that women are the weaker sex.

cloudiah
12 years ago

From dicipres’ draft Guide to a young patriarch (http://dicipres.wordpress.com/draft-of-the-guide/):

The advice I give is based on my experiences and observations. I am a flawed man and have my biases and errors. I contemplated to include arguments and reference data to support my views and ideas presented here. However, this would take the focus of the ideas and methods themselves and, in addition, while there are some supporting data and arguments to be made, I just do not have absolute proof for my ideas. I will do my best to guide you and give the best information I can. However, choose yourself what to take from this guide and be aware that your failures and successes will belong to you alone to be ashamed and proud of. I promise you nothing and there are no guarantees that you will succeed. However, you must always have trust in yourself. Belief in your power and abilities, rational or not, is one of the basic hallmarks of a patriarch.

(Emphasis added.)