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Do you want semen on that? How Law & Order: SVU imperils innocent penises

That's a LOT of semen.

TV detectives pore over semen stains, and find evidence of crimes. Over on A Voice for Men, B.R. Merrick pores over TV detectives poring over semen stains, and finds evidence of “anti-man mentality.” On Law & Order: SVU, he says,

Every time I chanced upon seeing a bit of it, someone somewhere said “semen.”

You know the show focuses on sex crimes, right? When you’re investigating sex crimes, I’d say the chances are pretty good you’re going to run across some semen from time to time.

This is a show that has been on the air for more than a decade, a spin-off from another program more than two decades long, dedicated to entertaining millions of Americans every week using salacious, graphic language about terrible crimes.  Semen.  Semen stains.  Semen samples.  Semen on a dead body.  Crime.  Law, order, crime, and semen.

Spam, eggs, bacon, semen and spam. Spam, spam, bacon, semen, and spam. Semen, semen, spam eggs sausage and semen.

Sorry, I got distracted.

Semen is disgusting, if I am to conclude anything from watching this program.  How is it that a show that continually mentions semen in connection with horrific crime can remain so popular for over a decade? 

Christopher Melonimania? No, nothing so straightforward as that. Clearly what we’re dealing with is anti-semen propaganda of the sneakiest sort.

Millions watch, but virtually no one notices.  It is as if the ejaculation of semen is something that the world puts up with but secretly detests.  Since only men make semen; since it is usually voluntarily ejaculated except for certain cases of rape and nocturnal emissions; and since the voluntary giving of this life-giving substance is usually frequent; what are men supposed to think if the culture embraces mainstream entertainment that virtually equates semen with crime?

If semen is outlawed only outlaws will produce semen?

The conclusions we are supposed to draw seem pretty obvious to me: Women and sexless children are the victims of semen, the victims of men.  Men are too quick to indulge their semen-connected desires.  Pornography is directly connected to men, semen, and the oftentimes unavoidable crimes that result. 

So jerking off into a sock has been criminalized?

Once you indulge a penis, all bets are off.  Unless, of course, he’s been thoroughly trained.

Penises can be trained? Really? I’ve had very little luck training mine.

Men who are raised not to take their feelings seriously will probably feel a little tinge that is quickly ignored when semen is mentioned in a silly television program.  Men who are used to being teased will grin along with the giggling girls who laugh at a man whose penis is not only severed, but shredded in a garbage disposal, so that he can spend the last several decades of his life without one. 

So Law & Order: SVU is secretly preparing men for a dystopian future in which all untrained penises will all be shredded in garbage disposals?

Stay tuned, I guess.

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Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

@Happy

Google searching “woman rapes man” comes up with some news stories, though I didn’t see any from the US. Also, I’m not sure which study is considered the most accurate as far as rape stats are concerned (I’m not informed enough to be able to judge methodology), but every study that has been referenced here has shown a non-insignificant number of female-on-male rapes.

On a personal level, one of my friends was raped by a woman and joined a support group, so I know of atleast 25 men that have been raped by women.

Molly Ren
12 years ago

My Ppenis can lift weights.

…no, not really, that would be painful.

My friend Lucien can lift a bathtowel with it, does that count? 😛

red_locker
12 years ago

“My friend Lucien can lift a bathtowel with it, does that count?”

I NEED to learn this.

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
12 years ago

According to the CDC, 4.8% of men have been forced to penetrate someone; the majority of perpetrators of rape by envelopment are female. So, YES, it fucking happens. Christ.

Carol the long winded
Carol the long winded
12 years ago

@Happy – see any under 18 yr old student that has had sex with a teacher. Recall Mary Jo Letournau? Statuary rape of males is generally put in terms of how hot the teacher/authority figure involved was, not the rape part of it. And since it is, that makes it extra difficult for a young man to go to the authorities to report it.

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

@Kendra

He has a point though. I mean it’s Law & Order:SVU for crying out loud! You’d think they’d spend atleast as much time on regicide as they do on rape!

Moewicus
Moewicus
12 years ago

So that’s that uncomfortable feeling I got watching SVU. I thought it was all the rape, but it was actually the hebbian association between semen and evil draining a little bit of my soul away each time it was made.

“Zardoz” has never been more relevant.

Also, I had to laugh at semen being a “life-giving substance.” Not because it isn’t, technically, but it’s so seldom used that way. I can think of two scenarios in which it can be considered life-giving, and only one involves babies, but how often do babies happen compared to semenings? The disproportion is vast.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
12 years ago

Darryl X made this statement in the comments

I also like to remind them that for the most part, a majority of women in the US never wanted sufferage. They were dragged there by a small population of aggressive and radical feminists who wanted it but wanted a larger population of women to manipulate. They didn’t just want to vote but they wanted to coerce other women into voting.

That’s fascinating. Women are oppressed by having the right to vote. Feminists hurt women by fighting for women’s suffrage. Darryl X must come from Opposite Land where snails move very quickly and cheetahs walk very slowly.

@Shadow

LOL, it must be an anti monarch bias!

Freemage
Freemage
12 years ago

I’ve honestly stopped watching L&O franchises, just because I got tired of relentless use of Debate and Switch tactics by the script-writers. (“Let’s make a really morally murky case. Now, let’s have something irrelevant show that the chief suspect is actually a monster, and all that discussion of issues and such is really unimportant, so we don’t actually tick off anyone!”) And yes, the police brutality was pretty bad. Oddly, there was one SVU episode where they actually called it such, and presented it as a genuine issue and tried to see if there was ever a time when a cop could at least be–if not justified–understood for crossing the line. The only problem with that episode was that they tried to pretend that the entire rest of the time they weren’t hopping back and forth across that line like it was a goddamned jump-rope.

LeftWingFox
LeftWingFox
12 years ago

Oh my god… I’m going to be slipping semen into “Eggs, baked beans, sausages and spam” from now on.

Er wait.. I mean… Um…

*flee!*

Molly Ren
12 years ago

Feminsits: dragging womankind into equality kicking and screaming since the 1800s! 😀

Bostonian
Bostonian
12 years ago

So is Darryl X related to DKM? Also, does he have another brother named Darryl?

red_locker
12 years ago

I know it has been said a thousand times, but MRAs live in a strange world. “Inception” and “El Topo” are one thing, but man, they come up with strange shit.

Lauralot
Lauralot
12 years ago

Wait, do I even want to know what MRAs did with Inception?

red_locker
12 years ago

“Wait, do I even want to know what MRAs did with Inception?”

“Leonardo DiCaprio is such a mangina, sulking over that dead wife alpha-gaming bitch of his. And why is Ellen Paige’s character so smart! MISANDRY!!!!!1”

I’m so sorry.

red_locker
12 years ago

And I meant that, like, MRAs come up with wierdier shit than many of the movies I’ve seen. And I watch too many for my own good.

So, yeah, sorry for confusion.

Sharculese
12 years ago

He has a point though. I mean it’s Law & Order:SVU for crying out loud! You’d think they’d spend atleast as much time on regicide as they do on rape!

i would for real watch a law and order spinoff that was all regicide all the time. someone get dick wolf on that.

Sharculese
12 years ago

fuck blockquotes

katz
12 years ago

Only MRAs can take a movie staring a bunch of white dudes and one woman and one other woman who’s actually just part of a dude’s subconscious and see anti-male oppression.

red_locker
12 years ago

“Only MRAs can take a movie staring a bunch of white dudes and one woman and one other woman who’s actually just part of a dude’s subconscious and see anti-male oppression.”

Nothing is safe from MRM delusion.

Not even “The Expendables”.

Shadow
Shadow
12 years ago

@Sharculese

I picture episode after episode of

Lauralot
Lauralot
12 years ago

Let me guess, they objected to The Expendables because they were all alphas?

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
12 years ago

Oh boy! The guys at shielded by ignorance are really letting the colors fly on the new post celebrating hypergamy theory popularity. Apparently, one guy there figures feminists will use evo psych to justify our privileged status. Another twerp totally lost it, and started replying to the hypothetical feminist. At volume. Because if you scream fuck you enough, that totally negates evo psych.

This guy can’t take what he dishes, having evo psych tossed back at them apparently should be treated like cruel and unusual punishment.

KathleenB
KathleenB
12 years ago

Wow. These guys (this guy?) must watch a totally different SVU than I do. Or it’s changed since I gave up on network tv…

And to continue the theme:

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
12 years ago

Darryl X also said,

Um… I don’t know what your point is. But I think it’s clear that women are parasites, not scavengers. Their host has to be alive. They want to know they have killed it. If it’s already dead, they don’t care. It’s not entertaining enough.

Remember, MRA’s are not misogynists. They just think women are parasites.