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An Anti-Valentine's Day message to all the Men Going Their Own Way

Even cats are discombobulated by the evil that is Valentine's Day

Today, on this terrible so-called holiday, devoted to hearts and flowers and men giving things to ladies that are on average more expensive than the things ladies give to men, statistically speaking, I would like to relay a few words of hope to all the brave and noble Men Going Their Own Way, from our friend Spidey on MGTOWforums.com. Yes, it is true that “Valentines day is nothing more then another day where women have their egos inflated.” But remember this:

For every one of you that stays single, there is some b**** out there spending valentines day alone unable to force you to waste time and money on her

Stay strong, fellas. Resist the lure of the evil ladies and their never ending hunger for diamonds and chocolate and your precious seed.

Today, fellas, take a few moments to silently relaxate. Here, author Ronald Chevalier (who couldn’t possibly be Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords) illustrates how, without threatening your seed.

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Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
9 years ago

Engagement rings are a fine example. Ask a girl what is the difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconia and she will always answer “the cubic zirconia is cheap”, never mind the fact that a well made CZ looks exactly the same as a diamond, that is why professionals need special tools to tell them apart. A woman does not care that a CZ looks the same (or better) then a diamond, what she cares about is how much the person she “loves” is willing to suffer for her.

[TW: reference to child mutilation]

My answer to “what is the difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconia” would have been “about $5,000 and a Somali child’s hands,” but I’m snarky like that.

In the real world, I wouldn’t have a diamond engagement ring at all, except that my mother offered us the one she got from my father when they were married and that contains the diamond from my paternal grandmother’s wedding ring. Free (so much for The Fiance’s “suffering,” eh?), and more full of meaning than anything we would have purchased.

Were we buying one, CZ would be much more suited to my lifestyle: cheap, not likely to have resulted from anyone’s death, and easily replaced if I break it or drop it down a public drain.

My favorite earrings are a set of CZ studs I bought at the local big-box store on clearance. Not one person has yet to identify them as anything but diamonds, even the ones I’ve known who will only deign to wear actual diamonds themselves. Win!

Polliwog
Polliwog
9 years ago

But now it’s bugging me: what are the other two? December 26th and whenever comes after Easter?

I can’t speak for Kyn, but those are indeed when I celebrate it. (Although realistically, I usually get my post-Christmas discount chocolates a few days later.) The day after Easter has long been known as Discount Cadbury Egg Monday in my household. 🙂

filetofswedishfish
9 years ago

Sooo… I know how much they think we’re all lying liars. But, FiletofSweidshBoyfriend got me some rubbery LED strobing roses, and cheapo Palmers “chocolates” (the kind made with, what like cocoa butter and other stuff) from Dollar Tree. And then I planned, three weeks ago, to take him out to dinner on the 16th (to avoid prix fixe and crowds), to one of the best steakhouses in Madison, right on Capitol Square. I mean, like, $35-40 range for most entrees. I made the reservations last week, and have been slowly accumulating the stuff to have a nice Little Black Dress night, since I know he loves it when I dress up. Am I a man yet?

Kyn
Kyn
9 years ago

@Holly Pervocracy

Yep, day after Xmas and the day after Easter are the other half-off chocolate holidays (though shopping on the former is never worth it, and all the good candy tends to sell out before the latter). Xmas does have the best candy, though. Almond Roca. CANES.

No point in differentiating, really, since the candy tends to be remarkably similar. For example, there are Christmas and Hallowe’en Peeps, which seems like cheating somehow.

filetofswedishfish
9 years ago

Also seconding the dislike for diamonds! I’ve been saying for a few years now that I would like a pearl ring. I even have a pearl, I just need it mounted. Even new pearl rings are “cheap” in comparison to diamond ones, in the $200-600 range. Also, as a diamond alternative: Moissanite. It looks SO COOL. Sort of pricey though.

darksidecat
9 years ago

I hate valentines day, mostly because it means being surrounded by homages to normative cis hetero love for an entire week. I’m fine with love, but not with the single narrative of “romance” that generally is the sole narrative around valentine’s day.

Molly Ren
9 years ago

I’d like to report that, so far, no one at my office has received any flowers or teddy bears. Though someone did bring in heart shaped cookies for everyone yesterday.

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

I vote that my being a ridiculous Valentine’s Day sap is actually SUBVERSIVE on account of the poly queer thing. I may sob about Pablo Neruda poetry and give people cards with a clear conscience!

LBT
LBT
9 years ago

V Day, in my opinion, is WAY better than Christmas. Christmas, I’ve spent the past few years just ducking my head and waiting for it to all be over. Used to love the holiday, but… well. Family issues make it hell. (Thank god I have Jewish/Buddhist/pagan/atheist friends to hang out with.)

Our V Day, on the other hand, isn’t exactly traditional either. My hubby’s all about the gooshy stuff, but unfortunately, he had some Deathly Things happen a good few years back on V Day, so the day often becomes one of mourning for him. He’s reached the point where we’ll go out to dinner for strawberry and chocolate chip pancakes, and I’ll give him lots of cuddles and extra support, but that’ll be all.

Course, we’re going out of town tomorrow (unrelated) so most of the day will be spent frantically packing. *snrk*

–LB

Shadow
Shadow
9 years ago

As a determinedly single guy Valentines day has always meant fuck-all to me, but now that i moved to Canada I absolutely love it because it provides me with those awesome Ferrero Rocher boxes and it’s one of the few times a year they come out with the coconut Rochers.

shaenon
9 years ago

My husband and I got married on Valentine’s Day just to be extra schmoopy and disgusting. We’re celebrating our eighth anniversary tonight with a quiet dinner at home. Now I’m off to get the cake and champagne.

Frankly, I’m a little disappointed by the MRAs. “Buying a girl flowers HURTS WORSE THAN CANCER and also P.S. WHORES” is so played out.

shaenon
9 years ago

Also, yeah, not cool with diamonds.

I’m generally pro-all-holidays, on the grounds that there’s never a bad time for a party.

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
9 years ago

It’s awesome to see all the other pro CZ, anti diamond comments! I bet that the MGTOW wouldn’t believe what me, Holly, Dani Alexis, filetofswedish, or shaenon said, though. They’ve probably seen an episode of Bridezillas where a spoiled woman demanded a million dollar diamond ring and think she represents all women. They also might believe that Marilyn Monroe’s song “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend” was written on behalf of all women. It doesn’t matter how much we say otherwise; as long as some women want diamonds, it means all women want diamonds.

kirbywarp
kirbywarp
9 years ago

I like Valentine’s Day. It means free chocolate. ^_^ And I’m a dude…

It’s probably just the crowd I hang out with, but nobody around me gives much of a rat’s ass to the day’s “actual” meaning… We joke about singles awareness day and so forth, but it’s usually just a chance to eat a bunch of chocolate and watch really stupid (sometimes awesome) rom-coms.

I never had much interest in diamonds or jewelry, but sculptures I find interesting to look at (if not own). And with that much material, it ain’t gonna be diamond.

Rutee Katreya
9 years ago

Fuck diamonds, there’s non-conflict gemstones. Me and my girlfriend already agreed we will have none in our wedding accoutrements, when that comes in the distant future.

I despise Valentine’s day, and have actually made a point of not having any PDAs with her today. I’ve been a nerd all my life, and though I took valentine’s day reasonably well growing up, mostly, my monkeysphere almost always included amazingly depressed people on it. Chocolate is all well and good, but in my book, everyday is an equally appropriate day for chocolate. So yeah, the holiday can DIAF as far as I’m concerned. I’ll be sappy the rest of the year.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Another who’s not into diamonds. My ring is an art deco sapphire set in the white gold with tow teeny tiny old world cut diamonds, but the filigree work in the gold is so ornate that I don’t think you could pay to have it done today, and sparkles like crazy.

All that for under $1000. Seriously, if you like antique jewelry and are in Seattle, go to Isadora’s.

katz
9 years ago

What’s a good dessert that’s orange (in flavor or color)?

Unremarkable lurker
Unremarkable lurker
9 years ago

malcontent, moving to Japan would solve nothing. Even if by some miracle someone decided to give them chocolate, they would just whine about having to buy something in return one month later.

Polliwog
Polliwog
9 years ago

What’s a good dessert that’s orange (in flavor or color)?

Crepes Suzette?

katz
9 years ago

I think I would fail at souffle (even if I had all the ingredients), but crepes suzette is tempting…

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

Mango sorbet?

lowquacks
lowquacks
9 years ago

@Katz

Is Cointreau a dessert? I sure hope it is.

Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
9 years ago

They’ve probably seen an episode of Bridezillas where a spoiled woman demanded a million dollar diamond ring and think she represents all women

Well, we are the hivemind. >:)

Seriously, though, I bet they’d also be shocked to hear my wedding budget is “how little can we get away with?”, to the point that I’m already planning to buy a dress at Goodwill and alter as desired, and my 12 guests have been instructed to bring their own dinner plans. Being the center of attention of 500 of my closest friends in an overpriced confection of a dress is my personal definition of hell.

Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
9 years ago

I’m shocked nobody has mentioned pumpkin pie. (Though I’d go for the mango sorbet, myself.)

lowquacks
lowquacks
9 years ago

While we’re doing this, Valentine’s Day was yesterday for me. I had been single for exactly a year and a day. :

You can add “maybe your special person will ring you up at 6pm the day before and tell you zie’s just cheated on you in front of maybe half the people the two of you mutually know at a party and doesn’t really want to see you again ever, or at least for like a month or something” to the Reasons Celebrating St Valentine’s Day Is Awkward, I guess.

Cloudiah
Cloudiah
9 years ago

I am a woman, not into jewelry at all. More jewelry for the rest of you!

@katz
Mango sorbet is delicious. ALL WOMEN LOVE MANGO SORBET. Oh wait, that was another thread.
This is basically chocolate/orange pudding, and pretty easy to make:
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Chocolate-Orange-Pots-de-Creme-with-Candied-Orange-Peel-231610

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

I think some of my neighbors are still setting off their New Year’s Eve stash. Texas, y’all.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
9 years ago

Criminy! And I though this whole men going their own way was just sour grapes.

savagebeard
savagebeard
9 years ago

My boyfriend is taking me out to a probably expensive dinner at a mystery restaurant. Then we’re going home and I’m going to thoroughly fuck him up the butt. No metaphor, just some really good buttsex. Our celebration should be every MRA’s nightmare come true.

We’re actually having some fun with this expectation that Valentine’s Day is about him pleasing me. Psst, I think he likes it! Though you never know, maybe he’s been secretly posting on Reddit all day about how angry he is that he has to go through this.

red_locker
9 years ago

@johnnykaje

Oglaf is AMAZING. Been a while since I caught up, though.

/Is extremely late

/and pervy

red_locker
9 years ago

And THANKS SO MUCH FOR THAT CHOCOLATE ORANGE PUDDING THINGY RECIPE!

Now all I need is some liquer. And Oranges. And real chocolate (FUCK NESTLE).

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

hahaha…I knew these bitter jackoffs would be complaining about Valentine’s day. The Spearhead has a post too, surprise surprise.

I used to care about being single on V-day, now it’s not a big deal. I take part in festivities, if by festivities you mean posting love songs on facebook haha (actual good ones) also I can treat myself to some chocolate. I’d do the discount thing but it’s just not the same if you don’t eat it on the 14th XD

Also Batman loves me and loves you too! http://i.imgur.com/ZS39T.gif

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
9 years ago

Dani Alexis, I love the way your wedding plans sound. I’m low key like that, too. My husband and I eloped at Branson, MO. If I could do it over, I would choose Vegas, because it would have been awesome to have an Elvis impersonator as our wedding officiant. I could have celebrated our honeymoon at penny slots instead of seeing Jim Stafford and Yakov Smirnoff shows.

@Katz, If you want to make an orange dessert, make some orange Jello. You can fancy it up by putting fruit chunks in it.

Maya
Maya
9 years ago

[[[[[My boyfriend is taking me out to a probably expensive dinner at a mystery restaurant. Then we’re going home and I’m going to thoroughly fuck him up the butt. No metaphor, just some really good buttsex. Our celebration should be every MRA’s nightmare come true.

We’re actually having some fun with this expectation that Valentine’s Day is about him pleasing me. Psst, I think he likes it! Though you never know, maybe he’s been secretly posting on Reddit all day about how angry he is that he has to go through this.]]]]

XD

katz
9 years ago

FUCK NESTLE

Amen.

DYOR
DYOR
9 years ago

“So I’ll take your suggestion under consideration that we could then exchange steaks and blowjobs. I certainly do enjoy those things too!”

Are you an hermaphrodite Holly? If not, do you have penis envy?

“Also any time I suck a dude off I’m doing it for me.” 🙂

At least you’re honest Ozy, how much you wanna bet the men you are with are much happier than Holly’s man(s). Lol

I can’t wait until tomorrow because my sweet cupcake will cook me a steak and will not complain when giving her man what he likes. 🙂

viola
9 years ago

DYOR: I hate to break your worldview, but the way people whimper and gasp and buck their hips and beg you to keep going, yes, that, keep doing that, please…
Yeah. Blowjobs are pretty fucking awesome.

red_locker
9 years ago

…Who the hell is DYOR, anyway?

Quackers
Quackers
9 years ago

a very obvious troll .__.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

In MRA trolllandia, oral sex is only fun to recieve if the person giving isn’t enjoying it and is only doing it to make you happy.

I’m so happy that I don’t live there.

Pecunium
9 years ago

That’s condescending twice. One, a lot of them see you the same way, and for the same reason; they believe what they believe as sincerely as you don’t.

The second is that you are being appallingly christo-normative in that statement.

Pecunium
9 years ago

And I love this time of year because it’s when the most important words in the English Language are said…

Pitchers and catchers report.

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

Why do all the boring trolls like me?

1) The correct term is “intersex.”
2) Holly is not envious, she has several perfectly good penises in a variety of colors and sizes.
3) I do not think it is a happiness competition. Rowdy is happy; my boys and girl are happy.
4) I don’t know about you, but I prefer my partners to be described by words like “ecstatic,” not words like “not complaining.”

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

The correct term is intersex, but to be clear, as far as I know I’m physically female. However, Ozy is correct, I have a wide variety of conveniently modular penises! I also have a penchant for referring to oral stimulation of my own organic parts as “blowjob.”

Also, in what universe does “I like blowjobs too!” translate to “I complain about giving blowjobs and my partner is unhappy?”

A VERY SAD UNIVERSE, that’s where.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

There seems to be a lot of imaginary girlfriends going on with our trolls. If you’re going to make them up, at least make them original.

katz
9 years ago

And then she giggled and asked to be spanked, one can only assume.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

The more I interact with sexist dudes, the more I think that they actively desire sexual partners who’re not having a good time. I think it’s the fact that if she WANTS to do it, you’re not making her do it, therefore it’s not a demonstration of power over her.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

I think “DYOR” is “Do Your Own Research.”

As it turns out, I have done my own research, and it turns out that all research indicates that shared and consensual blowjobs, steaks, chocolates, and flowers are way better than ones given according to strict gender roles and enforced through passive-aggressive obligation.

It was very fun research. 🙂

And seriously, “Will not complain when giving her man what he likes?” Is this really the best hope you have for sex–that they don’t complain? I think CassandraSays has a point here: you’re afraid that if you had a partner who liked blowjobs instead of not hating them, you wouldn’t get that satisfying feeling of “she’s making herself uncomfortable and suppressing her objections on my behalf!”

…Apparently it’s satisfying. Personally, I prefer “he actually likes doing this,” but then again I’m not an insecure misogynist who likes having his Alpha Male status reinforced more than he actually likes sex.