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An Anti-Valentine's Day message to all the Men Going Their Own Way

Even cats are discombobulated by the evil that is Valentine's Day

Today, on this terrible so-called holiday, devoted to hearts and flowers and men giving things to ladies that are on average more expensive than the things ladies give to men, statistically speaking, I would like to relay a few words of hope to all the brave and noble Men Going Their Own Way, from our friend Spidey on MGTOWforums.com. Yes, it is true that “Valentines day is nothing more then another day where women have their egos inflated.” But remember this:

For every one of you that stays single, there is some b**** out there spending valentines day alone unable to force you to waste time and money on her

Stay strong, fellas. Resist the lure of the evil ladies and their never ending hunger for diamonds and chocolate and your precious seed.

Today, fellas, take a few moments to silently relaxate. Here, author Ronald Chevalier (who couldn’t possibly be Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords) illustrates how, without threatening your seed.

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Buttman
Buttman
9 years ago

First!

And that’s not how it works MGTOW. There are more men than women so some men are Forever Alone and all women have companionship.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

I actually have kind of a Valentines’ Day Dilemma every time I’m in a relationship when this day rolls around.

Part of me thinks: “This is a commercialized, manufactured holiday that celebrates patriarchial relationships, marginalizes the hell out of single people and people in closeted relationships, and ought to be completely unnecessary in a relationship where we express our love whenever we feel it rather than when The Man tells us to.”

But a smaller yet deeper part of me gets kind of upset when I hear my partner say those same things, because I worry that they’re trying to sucker me into being the Perfect Girlfriend Who Never Wants Anything (something I have massive issues with as it is). That part of me wants to put my foot down and say “I know this is arbitrary, but sometimes I need you to make small arbitrary gestures to prove you care about my needs even when my needs cannot be perfectly justified.”

I don’t want diamonds and I don’t want to receive without giving, but I think exchanging stupid heart candies for stupid reasons is one of the few times a year I get to say “I want this and you should do it for no good reason except that I want it.”

This year, we’ve agreed to exchange presents on the 16th. That way we get to take advantage of day-after sales and feel like we’re getting something over on The Man, while still satisfying my irrational need to occasionally be allowed to have an irrational need.

DYOR
DYOR
9 years ago

Remember ladies, the women who are lucky to have a man in your lives, February 15 is steak & blowjob day. Show some appreciation 🙂

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

My dad got my mom some chocolates for Lincoln’s birthday, which she is still working on finishing now. That’s not a bad solution. 🙂

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
9 years ago

February 15 is steak & blowjob day

Ah yes, known as “White Day” in Japan isn’t it? ;p

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

DYOR – My boyfriend and I are exchanging chocolates and flowers.

So I’ll take your suggestion under consideration that we could then exchange steaks and blowjobs. I certainly do enjoy those things too!

Seraph
Seraph
9 years ago

Better make it blowjob & steak day. After a bit of red meat and onions, there is a definite risk for noxious fumes.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Bit of a non-issue for me this year. Not that it was relevant to my life when I wasn’t single.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

With the exception of those damned conversation hearts, which I love/hate.

blitzgal
9 years ago

Valentine’s Day has got to be the meanest holiday. You’ve got this public display of your status as a romantic partner and you’re socially pressured to compare yourself to your peers to see who has the highest status based on what you get from your partner. (Yes, I’m basing this analysis on my own perspective of being a cis woman in American society)

I’m actually fine with not participating in that kind of grossness but it’s still hard to not feel a twinge that day at work when you see bouquet after bouquet of flowers marched past your desk. Every year I think of that episode of The Office when Pam watches Phyllis walk out to leave for the day toting this ridiculously oversized teddy bear….the “winner” of the day’s social pecking order contest. And I think back to childhood — I grew up before the era of “everyone gives everyone a Valentine’s day card.”

Seriously, it’s a mean, mean holiday for everyone involved, women and men. Of course the problem with MRAs is that they only view it from their perspective.

Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
9 years ago

@Holly: My personal “irrational need day” is my birthday, which caused a bit of a blowup this year – my SO is used to people being like “plan me something awesome!”, so he planned me something awesome, only to have me be all “I planned today! It is my day! Get up out of my day!”

But I totally understand the “irrational need to have an irrational need” thing, is what I’m saying. Also, today we are exchanging delicious meals and blowjobs, so. 😀

red_locker
red_locker
9 years ago

I’m of a perspective that while there are parts of V-Day that are ridiculous, and feeling left out while being single, that it’s better just to wish someone a Happy V-Day as a gesture, like when someone says “Happy Holidays” to greet ANYONE, not just “Merry Christmas” (which is exclusive and erasing in some contexts).

I mean, hey, why not? Just because I’m not in a relationship doesn’t mean I shouldn’t wish people (maybe that’s just me, though).

Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
9 years ago

I’ve always kind of seen commercial Valentine’s Day and commercial Christmas as two sides of the same coin. Both promote an idea of perfect love that is not only unattainable, but is inherently unsatisfying for all kinds of people (though is satisfying for others). It’s just that the type of unattainable love ideal being peddled is different – on Valentine’s, it’s romantic love, and on Christmas it’s familial/platonic love.

That said, The Fiance saw yesterday’s xkcd cartoon in which one of the characters panics over how to celebrate Valentine’s Day and staples her hand to her face, so he suggested we stay in and enjoy delicious food, hanging out together, and assorted nakedness. Partly he also hates commercialization and being told to celebrate in certain ways on certain days, but partly he also didn’t want me to staple my hand to my face. 😀

Karalora
9 years ago

Is it just me, or is that MGHOW basically saying “No matter how lonely you are, it’s worth it because single women are more lonely, also deprived of money”?

But they’re not misogynist.

blitzgal
9 years ago

I mean, hey, why not? Just because I’m not in a relationship doesn’t mean I shouldn’t wish people (maybe that’s just me, though).

Yeah, those parts are fine. We have people bring treats for everyone on Valentine’s Day, just like we do at Christmas, and at just about every other holiday. We like our treats here.

viola
9 years ago

I have never been much of a one for Valentine’s Day, partly because I lived in the same city as my ex and I hate crowds and noise, so going out for a meal on the noisiest and most crowded day possible didn’t seem very appealing when we could go out for a meal any day we felt like it.
But this year I’m in a long-distance relatonship and I was visiting her this weekend and that meant coming home on the 13th and that made me sad, because I like opportunities, however arbitrary, to be all soppy and romantic with my girl. So there’s some posh chocolate hidden in one of her desk drawers, which I will prompt her to look for later.

(We went to a ceilidh at the weekend. We danced a waltz together and kissed every time the steps brought us close enough. It was soppy and romantic and lovely.)

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

And of course these MGTOW don’t need women to emotionally validate them. The just rquire the loneliness and suffering of women to make them feel good about themselves.

No need for validation there, no sir.

speedbudget
speedbudget
9 years ago

My parents got married on Valentine’s Day, so it’s always been a day of treats and presents all around for us. I can’t not celebrate it. My partner got me my first-ever Cowboys jersey for the occasion, so I am very stoked about it this year.

I also have a BIGASS red velvet cupcake waiting for me downstairs as I write this, so all in all, not a bad way to spend a manufactured holiday.

viola
9 years ago

I’m spending the day itself in bed recovering from food poisoning, for which the most likely culprit is the takeaway I had whilst visiting my girl, which is not in the least romantic. Bloody dodgy rice.
Steak and a blowjob sounds pretty good, though, if someone’s offering.

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
9 years ago
malcontent
malcontent
9 years ago

They should move to Japan. On Valentines Day, women give chocolate to men. Men can reciprocate a month later on “White Day.”

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

I LOVE VALENTINE’S DAY.

I used to be one of those people who pretended that I didn’t like Christmas or Halloween or Valentine’s Day or the rest of the overcommercialized holidays. But as I stopped being an emo teenager, I kind of realized… you know, I’m a sap. And I love that shit. I love Nativities and Christmas music and giving people the perfect present, I love getting dressed up and giving candy to kids, and I love getting Valentine’s cards for all my friends and having a special day to recognize my love for my partners and listening to love songs.

I mean, I don’t judge other people who are less enthusiastic about all of it. But I’m a five-year-old at heart and this is the stuff that makes me happy.

Today I woke up and gave Valentine’s cards to my boyfriend and my girlfriend. He’s going out on his first official date ever (…despite having had three girlfriends) with my girlfriend while I work. Then we’re going to all hang out together as a snuggly, ponies-watching group. Because I love them, and that’s awesome. XD

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

Also any time I suck a dude off I’m doing it for me. 🙂

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

I’ve always loved Halloween, and I’ve come around on Christmas. I still dislike Valentine’s Day, but I don’t have a problem with those that do.

ithiliana
9 years ago

I’m a big fan of celebrating February 15 (Susan B. Anthony’s birthday!), but hey, any excuse for chocolate: so yesterday while shopping, I bought my partner a lovely Toblerone (her favorite), and me a small box of Russell Stover’s dark chocolate orange sticks (my favorite), and we got all sticky and covered with chocolate while watching Law’n’Order surrounded by cats on the couch last night.

My only regret: where has all the dark chocolate orange sticks gone!

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Today is also National Organ Donor Day. Sign Up if you can.

It is also Arizona Statehood Day. I would make a joke about it but unfortunately two branches of the elected state government are jokes so…

Jawnita
Jawnita
9 years ago

I said this over at Feministe a while back, so this may sound repetitive, but:
I grew up with a mother that loves to invent traditions for most of the major holidays. The tradition for Valentine’s Day was that my parents would make puzzle hunts (the kind where you get a trail of clues, and each clue leads to the hiding place of the next one) for my brother and me, and we’d solve them and get chocolate and such. When we were really little, this was just drawings of the hiding places, then it was some simple words, and later it was rhyming couplets. So now, being a huge nerd, whenever I have an SO during Valentine’s Day, I make puzzle hunts. (This year, one of the clues will be in a blown-out egg in the fridge. Shhh.) I love this tradition because 1) the physical present is unimportant, so I only spend a couple of dollars and don’t feel like I’m being manipulated by capitalism, 2) it is both romantic and nerdy, which is the sweet spot, to me. Also, for years when I don’t have an SO, I get to think, “I’m saving myself a lot of time this year!” 😛

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

I was thinking I would make my man buy me a yacht. And then I’ll go back and exchange it for a different yacht, to shame him for not perfectly guessing what kind of yacht I would enjoy! Muahahahaha!

I actually like Valentine’s Day, single or with someone. It obviously gets overblown and silly, but I like seeing how my parents celebrate it: find something cute and small for one another, go have a nice (and, when we were younger, kid-free) evening at their favourite restaurant just appreciating the chance to be in one another’s company, wake up February 15 loving each other just as much. The one thing that always bugged my stepdad was finding the right card, because apparently a majority of “for my wife” cards include the basic message “I never say I love you, but now it’s Valentine’s Day, so I guess I will.” That definitely doesn’t define their relationship.

The last time I had a partner on Valentine’s Day was 2 years ago, and it’s the day when my ex’s manipulation and attempts at control really got started. His chief props were the expensive gifts that he chose to buy me. So I’m glad me and my boyfriend aren’t exchanging gifts. Our big romantic gesture (this being out first Valentine’s together) is going away for the weekend, something we love to do but I can only afford to do very occasionally, so why not this weekend instead of some other?

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

I’m actually fine with not participating in that kind of grossness but it’s still hard to not feel a twinge that day at work when you see bouquet after bouquet of flowers marched past your desk.

Even though my husband and I aren’t really that big on V-day, word. We usually save doing something special for his birthday, which is in a couple weeks.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

And I also appreciate people who subvert the heteronormative and transactional “Man Gives Woman Expensive Gifts in Exchange for Affection.” narrative.

Lady Zombie
Lady Zombie
9 years ago

I only celebrate two holidays. Halloween and (unofficial) Hypatia of Alexandria day on March 15th.

Diamonds are overrated. Cut flowers die (just give me a nice potted plant) and I’m so picky about my chocolate, I’d as soon say don’t bother.

katz
9 years ago

I don’t think of myself as a big Valentine’s Day fan, but claret and truffles seem to have found their way onto my table…

Basically, commercialized or not, I’m not going to turn down an opportunity to do something special with my husband. Last year I turned myself into a human valentine by decorating myself with frosting and candy.

ersatzmoons
ersatzmoons
9 years ago

Speaking of potted plants, I found these cute little Valentine’s Day flower pots – where there are seeds and instructions to grow either strawberries or forget-me-nots.

I don’t know if this is common, but I’ve never seen such a Valentine’s gift before. They were a dollar each, so I bought five >_> and will probably buy more just for myself after all the V-day stuff gets marked down.

They’re so cute!

johnnykaje
9 years ago

Since we’re both homebodies, avoiding Obligation Day is a piece of cake.

(BTW, you all need to read Oglaf. Which is NSFW)

http://www.oglaf.com/obligationday/

ozymandias42
ozymandias42
9 years ago

I like roses. Rose is the middle name I was born with, and my parents always used to give me roses on Valentine’s Day and when I did something awesome (like opening night of a play I was in, or when I won an award for a short story). So to me being given roses means “I love you” and, way more importantly to me, “I approve of you.”

Also, LOVE IS A SANDWICH. http://captainawkward.com/2012/02/13/190-the-sandwich-means-i-love-you-a-valentine/

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

I got roses for St. V’s day. I was pretty stoked as this was the first time. I know that I should be all disapproving of the commercialization of the day but alas, I am like Ozy, I like the mushy gushy stuff secretly.

I just wish I could get the flowers at work because well, that would be even BETTER.

Fatman
Fatman
9 years ago

I always celebrate Hypatia of Alexandria on June 27th, in sort of a “meditate that this came about” kind of way.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

THAT IS ON MY BIRTHDAY?!!! AWESOME!

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

Whoops oh wait is that TODAY?!

… Our Valentine’s Day tradition is “what would you like to do tonight, dear?*” although I might pick up some Godiva in token of the day.

*The response today is likely to be “snuggle up and listen to it rain.”

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

Isn’t March 15 Stab Julius Day?

Lady Zombie
Lady Zombie
9 years ago

Is it June 27th? I was told it was March 15th.

Cloudiah
Cloudiah
9 years ago

This is an example of the kind of Valentine I like:
http://imgur.com/N2R4L

Kendra, the bionic mommy
Kendra, the bionic mommy
9 years ago

Spidey also said

Engagement rings are a fine example. Ask a girl what is the difference between a diamond and a cubic zirconia and she will always answer “the cubic zirconia is cheap”, never mind the fact that a well made CZ looks exactly the same as a diamond, that is why professionals need special tools to tell them apart. A woman does not care that a CZ looks the same (or better) then a diamond, what she cares about is how much the person she “loves” is willing to suffer for her.

That’s bullshit. I personally asked for a cubic zirconia engagement ring, because I despise De Beers. Nobody knows the difference looking at my ring, but I’m not ashamed to tell anyone it’s not a diamond. I had one relative make a snarky remark about my ring, but most people don’t care. If MGTOW want to rant about conflict diamonds, then I’m with them on that. They just need to stop generalizing and claim that all women prefer diamonds over CZ.

Falconer
Falconer
9 years ago

Remember ladies, the women who are lucky to have a man in your lives, February 15 is steak & blowjob day. Show some appreciation 🙂

Cuz them mammoths didn’t hunt themselves, amirite?

Fatman
Fatman
9 years ago

June 27th is feast day of the man that had her tortured to death, the Pillar of Faith, Church Father, Bishop, Patriarch, Confessor and Doctor of the Church; Blessed Cyril of Alexandria. I try to be understanding of people afflicted with religion, I try to see them as wounded comrades, but the veneration of Cyril sticks in my craw, to put it mildly.

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

Kendra – I love cubic zirconias! They’re cheap and they have more fire and sparkle than a diamond! I don’t think their cheapness is a drawback; I think it’s a triumph of technology.

I also love jewelry made from obscure rock-geek minerals. Screw diamonds, I like zoisite and iolite and rutilated quartz and fossil rock and unusual varieties of agate! They’re fair-market-priced (which in many cases means pretty much cheap as rocks) and they don’t fund anyone’s monopoly or civil war.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

*is now glum that her birthday sucks*

I prefer emeralds to diamonds. Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen.

Kyn
Kyn
9 years ago

I got my girlfriend a plush wolf for Lupercalia yesterday, and my boyfriend a PS3 game he’s been wanting for Because It Was On Sale Day on Monday.

My schedule’s pretty packed with random bequeathing of love-tokens, actually, despite my stubborn refusal to acknowledge the existence of the ides of February as anything other than the day before Half-Price Chocolate Day (the holiday that comes four times a year!).

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

Kyn – Half-Price Chocolate Day would be February 15th and November 1st, clearly.

But now it’s bugging me: what are the other two? December 26th and whenever comes after Easter?

Holly Pervocracy
9 years ago

January 1st and July 5th are Half-Price Fireworks Days, too! 🙂

A little trickier though because it’s not really socially acceptable to set off fireworks in a populated area on random days.

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