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crackpottery evil women I'm totally being sarcastic misogyny MRA oppressed men reddit the enigma that is ladies

Ladies are the Borg

Ladies are complicated! Happily, we fellas have Gobhoblin on the Men’s Rights subreddit to explain them to us. Turns out they are all one giant HIVE BORG MIND. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTRELLE!

 

EDITED TO ADD: Thanks to Ami Angelwings for pointing this quote out to me.  I mean, thanks to all women.

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cloudiah
cloudiah
8 years ago

All hivecats (hivekittens, actually) like to drink my cold chamomile tea. WTF, hivecats? I was saving that!

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
8 years ago

All women wanted to pop in and say the best thing to do with beets is roast them, peel them, slice them up, brush them with olive oil, put swiss cheese on top (the good kind, not the dreadful processed stuff) and stick them under the broiler for about four minutes, or until the cheese starts to turn brown. All women think beets are pretty tasty this way.

Oh, and all women wanted pizza for dinner but are having fake chicken nuggets because the pizza takes too long.

QuantumSparkle
QuantumSparkle
8 years ago

Next TIME.
I actually preferred the sentence pre-correction: “The next Brandon appears” suggests each successive Brandon post is written by a newly minted Brandon-clone. It probably works like in The Prestige.

That would be much more interesting than anything Bran has ever written here 😀

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Suddenly, a wild Brandon appears! Brandon uses “back down from original extreme claims to much more modest ones, and pretend that’s what he was arguing all along.” It’s not very effective.

pillowinhell
8 years ago

Wow! You could totally make that into a pokemon cartoon! How does a wild brandon get caught? And what kind of trainer would want a brandon?

Oh Lord! I think I’m just going to let that line of thought drop now…

Quackers
Quackers
8 years ago

All women are eagerly anticipating the bitter and lulzy screeds of MRAs and MGTOWs in response to Valentine’s…err… Vagina day tomorrow…

Shaenon
8 years ago

Every woman in the world was watching old “Frasier”s on Netflix this morning while scanning artwork, and there was a bit where Roz and the station manager guy were griping about the opposite sex. They started out trading typical battle-of-the-sexes complaints, but they kept going back and forth until it devolved into the two of them making faces and hollering, “WELL, MEN ARE LIKE THIS! DOY DOY DOY!” “YEAH, WELL, THIS IS WOMEN! YEEE YEEE YEEEE!”

This is what every MRA post now looks like to all the women in the world.

Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
8 years ago

Every woman in the world was instantly reminded by that Frasier episode of the Calvin and Hobbes cartoon where Calvin and Hobbes get into a similar argument about one another, then complain when they are called indoors that they were having fun.

All women now consider “Calvin and Hobbes” to be full of wit and wisdom. Also tigers.

karalora
8 years ago

All women can speak for themselves. All women are having beef short ribs with teriyaki glaze and sauteed mushrooms, and a side of steamed Brussels sprouts.

Are all women jealous?

In all seriousness…MRAs really don’t think women are fully human, do they?

Dani Alexis
Dani Alexis
8 years ago

In all seriousness…MRAs really don’t think women are fully human, do they?

It is the simplest answer to explain the largest set of data points. So, pending further evidence, I’m going to say yes.

Now, all women are about to get published, sit back, and watch the tenure and the government grants roll in.

kristinmh
kristinmh
8 years ago

I love this thread. Excuse me – all women do.

All women also love CSI and soft pretzels.

And while all women are fond of pugs, all women do recognize that the Basset Hound/Beagle cross is the best of all possible dogs in the best of all possible worlds.

And all women are sort of wishing they had cable so they could watch the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show this weekend, assuming all women are not giving birth this weekend as all women are now one day past their due dates.

Pecunium
8 years ago

Kristin: All women were sad on Friday that they missed dogs being walked on Friday because they had to be in early and the puppies were going to the show after they went to work.

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

Yay Kristin! I wish you the easiest birth.

kristinmh
kristinmh
8 years ago

Thanks, Elizabeth!

If all women may be frank, all women really wish the baby would just frakking come already as all women are really uncomfortable and kind of bored.

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

Now, all women are about to get published, sit back, and watch the tenure and the government grants roll in.

MRAs told it first! All women are living on government money!

And good luck Kristin, from all women. May you bring home a cute little addition to the hive-mind or a little alpha-to-be.

Skyal
Skyal
8 years ago

All women completely understand the feeling as all women went to over 42 weeks recently. All women know due dates are just a guess though and know it goes faster if you make plans for nice things to do for the next few days (massages are really good,all women hear and acupressure can encourage babies to come out)

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

I always suggest going up in a hot air balloon to get the baby out.

Shadow
Shadow
8 years ago

@PfkaE

I always suggest going up in a hot air balloon to get the baby out.

If someone takes you up on this advice can you convince them to broadcast the birth?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

All women love the oatmeal wheatgerm chocolate chip cookies from Specialties bakeries in California.

(Actually that one appears to be true.)

All women made green curry for dinner, and now their hands burn from cutting up the chillies. All women are however much too stubborn to wear gloves while doing so.

Alll women hate sag paneer because it makes spinach all overcooked and soggy! All women love Indian food in general, but prefer spinach to be as close to raw as possible.

Pterygotus
Pterygotus
8 years ago

judging from the way the comments are going, clearly women build consensus like the geth.

BigMomma
BigMomma
8 years ago

all women have been drinking sparkling wine all evening whilst enjoying the thread and we hope the posters are all enjoying the little sparkling buzz it has provided all of us (ozymandias, sorry).

@kristin, all women send you big luck hugs and want you to know the boredom is really all about to change FOREVER xxxx

Sorka
Sorka
8 years ago

All women are too poor for sparkling wine, suffering from period pain, and hating Valentine’s Day. All women are also vegetarian and prefer very large fluffy dogs such as Newfoundlands and Great Pyrenean Mountain dogs.

BigMomma
BigMomma
8 years ago

@sorka, all women feel your pain and offer you sparkling wine in return x

BigMomma
BigMomma
8 years ago

p.s sparkling wine is not a valentines thing, it’s a personal….AND NOT HIVE MIND AAARGH NO I’M MELTING………………

Sorka
Sorka
8 years ago

BigMomma: All women do not compute… All women detect individual personality… Also tipsy off sparkling wine so early in the day… all women “hic” collectively… preparing for meltdown…

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

I should tell you that all women drank a bit too much yesterday and therefore woke up a headache on the morning. But rest assured, gentlemen, that no women danced on a pole (our commun reputation is safe! ^_^’)

kristinmh
kristinmh
8 years ago

Kyrie, all women have a bottle of sparkling wine in the fridge for after all women’s babies are born, as all women have been teetotall through their pregnancies and are starting to LOSE IT.

And all women will ask their midwives about the hot air balloon idea XD

PosterformerlyknownasElizabeth

If someone takes you up on this advice can you convince them to broadcast the birth?

The idea is that you go up for a bit and then come back down. After that, apparently the baby goes “okay okay, I will go and be born damn it.”