Watch out, ladies! And feminism! Because guys are totally onto you and your dirty periods. According to a study cited on the blog What Men Think of Women, men can tell when women are on their periods – just by listening to them talk! Well, some of the time, anyway. From a writeup of the research in the Times of India:
Men can actually tell from a woman’s voice when she is having her period, a new study has claimed.
For the study, conducted by Nathan Pipitone at Adams State College and Gordon Gallup from SUNY-Albany, the researchers asked three groups of men to listen to voice recordings of ten women who counted from one to five at four different points over their menstrual cycle.
According to Popular Science, all four recordings were played in a random order and then the first group of men were asked to guess which were made while the women were on their period. The tests revealed that the men were correct 35 per cent of the time, which was described as a ‘significant’ result.
That’s right, ladies! Men can tell whether or not you’re are on the rag – a third of the time!
I myself have developed a technique that can bring this success rate to well over 50 percent – just by listening to women talk!
All you have to do is to pay attention to subtle audio clues, like her saying:
“I just started my period.”
“My period came early this month.”
“Crap. I’ve got awful craps – because of my period.”
“Aunt Flo is paying her monthly visit.” (Note: this works only if she does not actually have an Aunt Flo.)
“It’s shark week! “ (Note: This works only if it is not actually Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.)
“It’s that time of month again. The time when I use tampons, in my vagina.”
“I have reached that point in my menstrual cycle during which blood leaks from my hoo-ha.”
So what does all this mean? According to Christian J at What Men Are Saying About Women, it means the jig is up, feminists! In a post titled How Men can Decode “Women’s” Menstrual Cycle.. , he writes:
This information is what feminist have been trying to hide, delete and deny for many a decade. They are of the opinion that the menstrual cycle is irrelevant and superfluous to their cause and one can understand why when one looks at the studies on how women are affected by it.
In the worst case scenarios, their behaviour are effected to such a degree as to make them totally dysfunctional and even bedridden for the period(intended) of the cycle. The other side of the argument is ofcourse that it is swept under the carpet and not discussed or taken seriously..
Just some added benefits from feminism, as they live in ignorant, self induced silence..
You might as well pack it in, ladies and manginas – because men know!
A third of the time.
NOTE: I have no idea why Christian J. put the word “women” in quotes in the title of his blog post. Like his now-legendary two-dot ellipses, this is a mystery that may forever remain unsolved. Or you could ask him, I guess.
EDITED TO ADD: This post has now inspired a completely disingenuous “Yahoo Answers” query from an antifeminist concern troll who seems to be pretending that this post was not DRIPPING IN SARCASM. Add your answers, if you want!
@katz: Lol! Yes, but I have other, more productive hobbies I usually turn to in my free time. During my period, they all seem like too much effort.
my tmi – I’m really irregular (PCOS) and the only way I know that my period is about to begin is getting bloated and gassy and needing to up my fiber intake and take some anti-diarrhea pills to avoid spending the first half-day on the toilet… horrible craps can go along with horrible cramps… blergh…
I’ve always been fascinated by how different women experience different PMS. I knew a girl who goes crazy cleaning the house during her time of the month. I knew another who just gets really horny. The women in my immediate family get hot flashes and find it difficult to sleep at night. I don’t even think there’s a proper scientific explanation for why we all have different experiences though. It mainly goes down to genetics, but that’s all we got so far.
When I was a young fledgling, I used to rearrange the furniture and sort out the kitchen cupboards just before my period. I reckon I was nesting XD
You’re so right Joanna- You wouldn’t be so quick to give up the cookies. I stand corrected.
Damn it, that means I don’t get any cookies. Blast Josh Dangit! Oh wait, i have some chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream in the freezer. I’ll be ok.
@Joanna – I also had “are you there, God? I want to die” cramps for the entire time I had a period. (It fucked off when I was 23. BEST. CHANGE. OF. LIFE. EVER.) Doctors never figured out why I had them, either.
Even though I’m officially post-menopausal now, I still seem to cycle every three or four months. No period, and the ultrasounds always show that my ovaries are officially Out of Business, but I get the water retention and the sore boobs and the nausea. The cramps were by far the worst part of all that, though. The rest of it is totally bearable.
As for “the craps” – yeah, used to get that too with my period. I don’t know what that’s about either, but my home physician book from the 1940s says that warm-water enemas can help. (I passed.)
There is nothing to be surprised, it is normal.
The “women are hysterical when they have PMS” thing really gets to me, because I get really depressed before (and on the first two days of? is that still PMS? menstrual-associated, anyway) my period. I’m not irrational, I’m not assholish, I’m just very, very sad and lonely. I’m cognitively aware it’s just hormones, but “it’s okay, I know why I’m sad” is still a different thing than “it’s okay, I’m not sad.”
People saying “PMS has no mental effects!” seem to be making my experience invisible for the sake of political expediency. But people saying “PMS makes women raving crazy bitches” are hardly helping either.
Emotional PMS can be a real thing and its sufferers real people who are still in control of themselves, goddammit.
@Holly: I know exactly what you mean. There was one summer I spent mostly alone for various reasons. I was also quite late during the first month. The whole time my period was a no-show I was miserable, lonely, fed up, sick of everything and not seeing any point in life in general. Then my period arrived and I suddenly snapped out of it and I was normal me again. I had to remind myself that while I was lonely in general, my out-of-whack cycle super intensified those feelings and I had to be aware of that in future. But yeah, it is kind of scary and really shouldn’t be dismissed. Sometimes, the best cure for PMS is a cuddle.
It’s AFFECTED,Christian J. Not EFFECTED.
That one annoys me almost as much as when people talk about the tenants of a religion.
Anyway, any MRAs want to guess if I’m on my period? Hint: I’m 38 weeks pregnant!
As for hormones affecting your speaking voice, I suppose they must. A lot of singers say they notice a difference during their periods, though I never have.
And Diva Cup FTW.
Menstruation, I’m doing it wrong.
Dang.
Instead of staying home all day because it’s my first day of OMGPERIOD and lying in bed with a hot water bottle or heating pad or even better a nice warm cat (they steal the heating pad anyway), I got up at 5 am, did all the morning chores, came in to work, and spent the day answering emails, and grading two batches of assignments for my online classes (that only came in over the weekened, so my turnaround time is LESS THAN 24 HOURS, and I dont just grade, no, I WRITE COMMENTS. Many comments).
I also walked our new rescue dog a couple of times.
And it’s now nearly 9:00 pm, and I’m still at work.
Menstruation: I’m doing it rong.
@KristinMH: THANK YOU!
Yes, people: listen up.
EFFECT is the NOUN. “You, nasty little troll that you have, have a bad effect on me.”
AFFECT is the VERB: “You, nasty little troll, have affected me badly, and I want to smash your head i.”
See how that works?
Oh, and BTW.
REINS are what you steer a horse by.
REIGNS are what monarchs have (usually kings of course, but YAY ELIZEBETHS!)
Dear Trolls Dudez: Pls to educate yourself on hormones:
http://women.webmd.com/normal-testosterone-and-estrogen-levels-in-women
Women haz testosterone too.
HAH!
Except except when affect is a noun, as in “one of the symptoms of depression is persistent negative affect.”
Just to muddy the waters, you know.
Viscaria: Wow, I did not know that.
OK, then in special instances, affect can be a noun.
But I don’t think effect can ever (correctly) be a verb, correct?
*goes to poke around in some grammar and dictionary places*
It can! It means “to bring about” or “to cause”, roughly.
Oh my gosh English, you are such a jerk. Okay, in almost every instance in which you’re going to be using them, effect is the noun and affect is the verb. That should cover you most of the time, unless you’re in a psych class or doing… something where you would need to use effect to mean “to bring about” or “to cause.”
I think it’s mostly used when discussing the law and the history of the law.
“Women get PMS” ought to be a statement on a level with “Hungry people are irritable”–what my college English teacher called TBNI (True But Not Interesting). Yes, physical states that change the chemical balance in our bodies will affect our moods. So what?
“He effected his escape” is the only time I’ve seen effect as a verb
” Yes, physical states that change the chemical balance in our bodies will affect our moods. So what?”
Well, it’s misandry you see. Weren’t you paying attention? Gawd!
“He effected his escape” is the only time I’ve seen effect as a verb
Actually, it’s a perfectly cromulant usage.
Sir, you have taken my point and completely embiggened it. I salute you.
“This information is what feminist have been trying to hide, delete and deny for many a decade.”
Citation needed.
So, if a period happens roughly once every 28 days, and lasts about 5 days, that means that any given woman is likely to be menstruating, what, about 1/5 of the time? Wow, that statistic sure is super significant.
I remain baffled as to why MRAs think that feminists are trying to hide that men know when we menstruate (which I thought they could subconsciously pick up on via pheremones/smell anyway?). Like, OK, say men were able to pinpoint with 100% accuracy when any given woman was menstruating. So? Their argument rests on the premise that all men think periods are so scary and awful and disgusting that if they KNEW women were menstruating they’d…what? Kill us? Fire us from our jobs immediately? What exactly is it that men would supposedly do with this information if feminists weren’t suppressing it?