Watch out, ladies! And feminism! Because guys are totally onto you and your dirty periods. According to a study cited on the blog What Men Think of Women, men can tell when women are on their periods – just by listening to them talk! Well, some of the time, anyway. From a writeup of the research in the Times of India:
Men can actually tell from a woman’s voice when she is having her period, a new study has claimed.
For the study, conducted by Nathan Pipitone at Adams State College and Gordon Gallup from SUNY-Albany, the researchers asked three groups of men to listen to voice recordings of ten women who counted from one to five at four different points over their menstrual cycle.
According to Popular Science, all four recordings were played in a random order and then the first group of men were asked to guess which were made while the women were on their period. The tests revealed that the men were correct 35 per cent of the time, which was described as a ‘significant’ result.
That’s right, ladies! Men can tell whether or not you’re are on the rag – a third of the time!
I myself have developed a technique that can bring this success rate to well over 50 percent – just by listening to women talk!
All you have to do is to pay attention to subtle audio clues, like her saying:
“I just started my period.”
“My period came early this month.”
“Crap. I’ve got awful craps – because of my period.”
“Aunt Flo is paying her monthly visit.” (Note: this works only if she does not actually have an Aunt Flo.)
“It’s shark week! “ (Note: This works only if it is not actually Shark Week on the Discovery Channel.)
“It’s that time of month again. The time when I use tampons, in my vagina.”
“I have reached that point in my menstrual cycle during which blood leaks from my hoo-ha.”
So what does all this mean? According to Christian J at What Men Are Saying About Women, it means the jig is up, feminists! In a post titled How Men can Decode “Women’s” Menstrual Cycle.. , he writes:
This information is what feminist have been trying to hide, delete and deny for many a decade. They are of the opinion that the menstrual cycle is irrelevant and superfluous to their cause and one can understand why when one looks at the studies on how women are affected by it.
In the worst case scenarios, their behaviour are effected to such a degree as to make them totally dysfunctional and even bedridden for the period(intended) of the cycle. The other side of the argument is ofcourse that it is swept under the carpet and not discussed or taken seriously..
Just some added benefits from feminism, as they live in ignorant, self induced silence..
You might as well pack it in, ladies and manginas – because men know!
A third of the time.
NOTE: I have no idea why Christian J. put the word “women” in quotes in the title of his blog post. Like his now-legendary two-dot ellipses, this is a mystery that may forever remain unsolved. Or you could ask him, I guess.
EDITED TO ADD: This post has now inspired a completely disingenuous “Yahoo Answers” query from an antifeminist concern troll who seems to be pretending that this post was not DRIPPING IN SARCASM. Add your answers, if you want!
HEY MRAS: AM I ON MY PERIOD?
*waits for ranting about evil feminists using computers to hide the truth*
” but hormones make men rapists 100% of the time?”
Yeah but that’s women’s fault. Men would not produce rape inducing testosterone if women didn’t look like sluts. Ergo, women are sluts 100% of the time and crazy bitches 25% of the time.
Asking him would mean talking to him.
No way.
Wut? I think Christian J just wants to be able to dismiss all women as “on the rag,” but now he has a STUDY to back that up.
The guys in the study are wrong 65% of the time, but whatever.
“Yeah but that’s women’s fault. Men would not produce rape inducing testosterone if women didn’t look like sluts. Ergo, women are sluts 100% of the time and crazy bitches 25% of the time.”
It’s official. Men are better at math.
David, did you really mean to say “I’ve got awful craps because of my period?” That happens sometimes, but I think you meant cramps. 😉
I think if you get craps on your period, you should see a doctor.
Naw, she just means that her dice game is off because she’s on her period. Probably because she’s getting cramps
Warning: TMI
I can’t crap while using a tampon.
Diarrhea isn’t an uncommon symptom during menstruation. I’ve been on birth control for years to stop my period because I had just about every unpleasant symptom there was except for PMS (all sorts of issues during but not before), incapacitating cramps, nausea, diarrhea, anemia, headaches, etc. I love modern medicine, I’m fully willing to trade a slightly higher chance of blood clots for the ability to both avoid pregnancy and a truly miserable week every month (and can we add not having to take a pill every day since I have an IUD).
Diarrhea isn’t an uncommon symptom during menstruation.
What’s up with that? The other stuff makes sense, but how does that part even work? (Or do I want to ask?)
Katz, it can happen due to hormonal changes in the body during menstruation. so yeah, awful craps are possible!
Oh boy, I love this topic. Women can simply never win this one. Observe this anecdote which I featured in one of my posts a while back:
~~~
It’s dangerous to start posts with anecdotes, but I’m gonna try it again. This one is from when I was a little baby proto-feminist, and I got my period. My mama, who was born in the USA in 1945, regaled me with stories about old myths around menstruation: she talked about how when she went to college, for example, her home economics teacher very seriously reassured the students that “Now, it’s just not true that if you bake a cake while menstruating, the cake will fall,” and “Now, it’s just not true that if you milk a cow while menstruating, the milk will sour.” Imagine, if you will, living in a world where that kind of myth-busting had to be offered at the university level.
Mom then told me all about how PMS used to be viewed by doctors when she was young; how many male doctors used to simply refuse to accept the existence of PMS; how patronizing doctors would be when she was growing up, about her body and her experience. Mom suggested that I someday take a look at the gynecological sections of 1950s-1960s medical textbooks, just so I could see how medieval they were. She talked about how it used to be accepted among doctors — who were almost all male, natch — that a woman who felt cramps while menstruating was making it up. That a woman who felt unusually emotional or even in physical pain while menstruating was just being all hysterical, moody and useless — you know the way women are! She explained that as more women became doctors and feminism gained traction and science advanced with a broader perspective, PMS became recognized as a real thing. Cramps were no longer “typical female hysteria”.
I thought about this recently when I saw the 2009 film “Jennifer’s Body”, which was written by avowed feminist Diablo Cody (who wrote “Juno” too), and which I ended up liking a lot more than I usually like horror flicks. Here’s the menstruation-relevant exchange:
Needy [the main character]: Are you PMSing or something?
Jennifer: PMS isn’t real Needy, it was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem like we’re crazy.
Interesting, right? Especially in context of my mother’s analysis. But I can totally see where it’s coming from. PMS may not have been invented by the media (and maybe other women of my mother’s generation would like to comment if they’ve got a take on this subject) — but regardless, PMS has sure as hell been co-opted by the media, and by sexism at large. I have definitely seen plenty of dumb assholes in my generation dismiss feminist arguments, or really any emotional thing ever said by a woman, by snickering: “Oh, she’s just PMSing.” And I would be astonished if the Feministe commentariat hadn’t experienced an overwhelming amount of those same shutdowns. That is the kind of treatment that Diablo Cody is trying to push back against with those “boy-run media” lines — and justifiably so!
For me, the moral of the story is this: At first women had to work hard to get PMS recognized because our attempts to talk about genuine physical and hormonal reactions to menstruation were dismissed as women being moody, hysterical and useless. Now that PMS is recognized as real and not a mere figment of our girl brains, it’s being used to dismiss women as moody, hysterical and useless. I begin to see a trend ….
~~~
I avoid periods because I have a lot of symptoms to begin with (though not as many as some do) but mostly because I have chronic pelvic floor pain, and any work I do to calm the muscles down is undone every time I go through my cycle. If I have 3 or 4 months in a row, I don’t get set back to start every month. Hopefully someday it won’t be a problem at all anymore!
I guess these “scientists” have forgotten THAT THERE’S STILL NO FUCKING CURE FOR CANCER!
Jesus-H-Christ on a cracker.
Oh, and to Joanna- If you have cookies in your house, I’m guessing you’re on your period. Amiright?
“For me, the moral of the story is this: At first women had to work hard to get PMS recognized because our attempts to talk about genuine physical and hormonal reactions to menstruation were dismissed as women being moody, hysterical and useless. Now that PMS is recognized as real and not a mere figment of our girl brains, it’s being used to dismiss women as moody, hysterical and useless. I begin to see a trend ….”
It’s as Ultima Ratio Regum, another user on Manboobzer once observed, the goal posts keep getting moved to make men look like hot shit and women look like plain old shit.
And, as DarkSideCat once said, women very often face a lose-lose situation.
“Oh, and to Joanna- If you have cookies in your house, I’m guessing you’re on your period. Amiright?”
Excellent deduction, Valerie, but if I was really on my period, would I be so willing to give away my cookies? The plot thickens!
Neither can I!
I never used to get bad cramps with my periods until my sophomore year of college. To this day I have no idea what changed (the gynecologist suspected ovarian cysts, but none were visible on my ultrasound), but for some reason, my cramps went from “it’s annoying, but I can suffer through it without painkillers” to “Are you there, God? I want to die.”
I ended up going on birth control after a horrific experience in which I forgot to take any ibuprofen before I left for work at the campus dining hall in the morning (I didn’t learn to swallow pills until a year later, so borrowing anything from my co-workers wasn’t an option). Over the course of my shift, which was only two hours, my cramps got worse and worse until I couldn’t stand up properly. When I tried to walk back to my dorm after the shift, I kept having to stop and sit down, at one point in the middle of a hallway, because the pain was too bad to walk. I stopped in a office in the building, intending to sit down and rest for a few minutes, but I ended up doubled over on the floor. The receptionist called the paramedics, but they weren’t allowed to transport me anywhere apart from the hospital, so I ended up riding back to my dorm in a campus police car, and then spent the rest of the day curled up in bed. Yeah, that wasn’t my best day.
Thankfully, the birth control completely eliminated the pain. Terrible cramps must run in my family; before my sister went on birth control, my mom drove her to the ER because she was in such pain that they thought it was appendicitis.
“I can’t crap while using a tampon.”
I also can’t sneeze while using a tampon. Well, I can, but then I won’t be using that tampon anymore….
@Lauralot: Yikes! That must suck. I only ever had one occasion where my cramps were so bad I couldn’t physically move until the pain killers kicked in. I guess I get off lucky for the most part. But speaking of menstrual symptoms, does anyone else ever feel really fed up during their time? I mean, feeling really bored but not wanting to do anything so you sit in front of the tv or internet for hours and hope that something entertains you?
So, is “Ethology” a respected science journal?
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1439-0310.2011.02010.x/abstract
Vaguely remember a story about a musician who got a nosebleed on stage, and wanted to play on, so he stuck a tampon up his nose. He didn’t realise they expand 🙁
@Joanna: I hated the time I would spend basically immobile because of cramps. Also in my sophomore year, one of my friends mentioned that she had heard kegels lessened pain from menstruation…I must have done over a thousand of them. Which didn’t do much at all in the way of pain relief…though I did get to experience the bizarre sensation of having stiff vaginal muscles from too much exercise.
Just to break up the string of can’ts with tampons, I can do nude modeling with one in, but I’m extremely paranoid about people noticing every time, and I don’t enjoy it.
I mean, feeling really bored but not wanting to do anything so you sit in front of the tv or internet for hours and hope that something entertains you?
Isn’t that every day?
I can’t wear tampons at all anymore, unless I want to spend the next week immobilized in bed! 🙁 But pads aren’t that bad I guess.