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There’s an app for that! By “that” I mean “penis.” And by “app” I mean a doohickey to attach a Fleshlight to your iPad.

Maru the cat wants none of this.

Ladies, your time is up! The sexy robogals are here! Prepare for the end of feminism and the eventual elimination of all women, with the possible exception of some of the really hot ones, so long as they don’t have too many opinions of their own.

Now that I’ve got your attention I should point out that the sexy Robogals aren’t quite here yet. The not-quite-Robogals currently available, as we’ve seen, are a lot more scary than sexy.

But one dude has a much simpler and less horrifying solution: he’s invented a doohickey that will allow horny penis-having people to attach a Fleshlight to their iPads, so they can pretend to be having some sort of sexual relations with images of actual sexy ladies (or sexy anything else, for that matter) on their iPads.

Read more at The Register, which also has a photo of the doohickey at work. (Dude fucking it not pictured.) I really didn’t feel like having that picture here, hence the gif of Maru the cat with his head in a bag.

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bobbyjo (@bobbyjo1950)
12 years ago

I believe he lists himself as a Bottom. But you could be right. I found this too:

http://pofsucks1.wordpress.com/2008/01/01/welcome-to-plentyoffish-sucks/

Nick said: I’m a 27 year old guy with a decent profile. I’m used to girls eyeing me up on the street, but thanks to the fact I’m shy I can’t chat anyone up until I’ve got to know them. So, I tried to use Plentyoffish. Despite having a profile that is good and photos that do me justice, the sky-high standards women have left me with next to no messages. If you try it, leave a post wherever you can telling other guys how crappy it is

http://pofsucks1.wordpress.com/

bobbyjo (@bobbyjo1950)
12 years ago

I think the crazy writing he does here is a front to set himself apart from other pen names if you know what I mean.

kladle
kladle
12 years ago

Nah man, bobbyjo, NWO’s written similarly loony things under his NWOSlave name on a lot of sites. You’ll find them if you google his name. I believe he’s gotten banned from a few forums for spouting the same nonsense elsewhere. NWO has a special brand of MRA crackpottery that involves a certain subset of conspiracy theories, racism, not-so-libertarian-libertarianism, complaints about his work life, and so on & I’m not sure he’s self-aware enough to change up his game on different sites. For all we’ve been able to tell, he’s not just trolling for attention or teh lulz (like MRAL does sometimes, and like Whatever and Mr. Om Nom); he genuinely believes the strange stuff he spouts here.

The guy you posted just sounds like your standard-issue MRA-ish guy. They do tend to run together after a while.

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

It makes me wonder if some MRAs are actually subs who get turned on by dominant women in bed. Then they take all their anger out on feminism because it’s not manly to want to play the submissive “female” role and they blame feminists for giving women the option to not just be a docile, submissive housewife. Like in this Naughtynick81’s postings…he sounds bitter towards dominant women yet identifies himself as a submissive bottom.

Fuck we complicate things so much when it comes to sex and gender. Also I’ve noticed that with a lot of these types of dudes they seem to think that wanting to be submissive or bossed around in bed equals to wanting to be submissive or bossed around in real life too. Not true. Sex life does not equal your non sex life. I mean lets pretend I have a tickle fetish (I swear I don’t lol)…does that mean I want to be tickled 24/7? of course not.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

“Despite having a profile that is good and photos that do me justice, the sky-high standards women have left me with next to no messages. If you try it, leave a post wherever you can telling other guys how crappy it is.”

That sounds like some sort of unfortunate combination of NWO and MRAL. Oh no, they’re melting into one person!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

“It makes me wonder if some MRAs are actually subs who get turned on by dominant women in bed. ”

Well that’s an unpleasant thought. I’m a domme, and do not fucking want.

(Also, for extra evil woman points – I’m really only that way with men. I’m bi, but I have no particular interest in dominating women – for the kinky stuff, it pretty much has to be men. Evil! Misandry! Etc.)

Eneya
12 years ago

Well, good for him. As long as he keeps hit attention entirely about this new toy (and the rest of the idiots stuck to it), the better for everyone else it will be for the rest of us.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
12 years ago

Cassandra, you said you were like 5’2. That’s a fucking laugh. I hope you realize that these men only agree to do any of that shit because it turns them on, and that if you even for a second crossed the line they would sit up and contemptuously dump your weak-ass ladyframe to the side.

And yes, it does make you misandrist.

Miss Pearl
Miss Pearl
12 years ago

Oh good lord, Nick is everywhere now. He’s like Kinktavist Maymay’s evil twin- aware and vocal that there’s a serious issue with the portrayal of submissive men but while one goes after the culture at large he blames the women.

There is a thread of fantasizing going on when certain MRA types start going on and on about castrating gynarchies. The only other place you can find such lengthy diatribes on black widow women riding hapless men around like ponies is in femdom erotica written for a male audience. I sort of assume one component of the murky soup that is human sexuality includes that sort of self loathing dynamic typical of certain respected conservative persons who assume that since only willpower is keeping them from lots of gay sex, the same can be said for the population at large.

BoggiDWurms
12 years ago

So MRAs are in self-denial? Brilliant! Just like Ted Haggard!

Xardoz
Xardoz
12 years ago

It makes me wonder if some MRAs are actually subs who get turned on by dominant women in bed.

The imagery they use on their gravatars (NWO/Arks) seems to confirm this. MRAs have also welcomed “TheAmazingAtheist” into their fold lately. He’s a well-documented internet annoyance. After seeing him on /mensrights I looked up his encyclopedia dramatica page and discovered he’s really into FemDom AND submissive women. I think most MRAs are like him and go both ways. They just get really scared and insecure when they find themselves getting off to dominant women… That’s traditional (Patriarchal) bullshit at work again.

The great thing about a fleshight is that you can stick a dildo into it, and then you’ve replaced both people! It’s sex without any interpersonal problems at all!

I’m sorry, now I have to share this link I found on Reddit, not safe for work:

http://www.fleshlight.com/freaks/

Get a discount if you buy your cyborg fleshlight and dildo together!
Somehow, I don’t think these are the “women-designed” dildos Amanda was talking about. I have no problem with wanting to fuck a zombie/frankenstien fleshlight, but why are they pink? That totally kills my boner immersion.

And Scar, that link talked about artificial sperm. You know eggs are much more complex, right? Ever hear of mitochondria? Even if you could insert manly DNA into an egg, you still need those ovum. And I have no problem with the development of artificial wombs. As I pointed out to one of our trolls when he said he would looove to get pregnant, gestating a baby can be dangerous. I understand it would benefit lots of people. 😀

Scar
Scar
12 years ago

“Personally, I find one of the great advantages of being FAAB the fact that I can have a sparkly lavender penis if I want it to.”

Fun fact: you can have/wear a sparkly lavender penis no matter what you were assigned at birth.
*STARE*

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

“Fun fact: you can have/wear a sparkly lavender penis no matter what you were assigned at birth.
*STARE*”

The lavender part I’ll grant you, but just say no to glitter anywhere near the sensitive bits, please. It’s like sand, but worse.

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

@Cassandra

Screen them for MRA tendencies first lol. I’ll do the same when and if I date again.

@Xardoz

I recall reading about a study done on men and women’s sexual preferences. It showed that a lot of men were interested in being dominant AND submissive in bed, but women didn’t branch out as much. I wish I had bookmarked it. Of course it scares them, afterall women are the ones who are supposed to be conquered and ravaged and all that other bullshit. It just clicked to me that this is probably why they hate Dworkin so much. Because there is a power imbalance in sex and sex roles. They know this and they’re pissed off that it’s been exposed. And its not so much a problem when people choose these roles out of their own free will (like in BDSM for example) as it is when these roles are forced upon people. Man = dominant, woman = submissive.

viola
12 years ago

Not to mention that glitter takes forever to clean off.

But yes, you can use a strap-on whatever your plumbing and I know people with both the most common varieties of genitalia who do, to enjoyable effect.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

Remember when Brandon told me that I like submissive men because I’m a feminist? That was funny, and also very telling. If you were speculating that way, wouldn’t it occur to you that it might be the other way around too? It’s like they think that feminist brainwashed us into rejecting the woman = submissive thing, rather than giving women permission to do what some of them already wanted to do.

Also funny in that for MRAs everything is about sex, therefore they assume that everything is about sex for feminists too. In reality my sexuality and my politics are pretty separate (the exception being my discomfort with the idea of being too dominant with women – that I do think is a result of thinking a lot about gender roles and social programming, at least in part, though part of it is purely physical too). But for MRAs, most of their polical positions are directly motivated by what they want out of sex, so they assume that everyone else’s politics must work the same way.

BoggiDWurms
12 years ago

@Xardoz
Has TJ been doing any more antifeminist stuff recently? I LOVE TheAmazingAtheist and I agree with most of what he says except for his opinions on feminism and a few other things.

It’s utterly silly how these MRAs are now admonishing him just because he is against one thing. TheAmazingAtheist is generally very much against bigotry, conservative values, and religion, which is a lot of things most MRAs subscribe to. If he wasn’t antifeminist, they would ditch him in a heartbeat.

If TJ has been doing more antifeminist stuff, please let me know.

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

Any desire or curiosity I had to explore D/s themes with a partner is completely gone. Not only do I not have that level of trust in anyone, but the politics behind sex and the fact that so many people seem to think what you do in the bedroom expands to your life outside it or reflects your entire persona just turns me off completely.

mralieutenant
12 years ago

Well, Quackers, I think that’s fine, in fact, I’m not interested in D/s myself.

Molly Ren
12 years ago

Not only do I not have that level of trust in anyone, but the politics behind sex and the fact that so many people seem to think what you do in the bedroom expands to your life outside it or reflects your entire persona just turns me off completely.

Well, not *everyone* in BDSM thinks that…. >.>

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

@Molly Ren

Yea I know, but MRAs ruined it for me, just like they ruined dating for me too. Defense mechanism if you will, why chance it? I know its defeatist but it suits me for where I am right now.

Molly Ren
12 years ago

@Quakers: Well, if you’re not ready to date or play right now, you don’t have to! Do what works for you. 🙂

But even though we make fun of these guys every day, they’re not actually around every street corner. And when you say you’re not going out because you might meet someone bad, you’re also making sure you won’t meet anybody good–no one gets any dates at all if they just stay at home. : /

Xardoz
Xardoz
12 years ago

If TJ has been doing more antifeminist stuff, please let me know.

As a non-fan, I don’t want to give his youtube channel any views, so I don’t know if he’s been making more videos.

I checked his blog (blog.thatfatatheist.com), and he’s still saying “feminism isn’t needed any more.” This puts him a step above the insane MRAs who think “women were never oppressed,” but not by much. This is right alongside him talking about his cannibalism fetish. I don’t see how anybody takes him seriously, no offense.

mralieutenant
12 years ago

Yeah, full-on MRAs are an extremely small group, even if they make a lot of noise online. I’d said 95% of the populace haven’t even heard of them. That being said, as I’ve said there’s a lot of anti-feminist resentment out there (and with good reason) but that very is different from misogyny and/or MRAism.

And, of course, you can always just ask. I don’t have any problem with people selecting or dumping partners based on political beliefs- after all, they are a choice.

Quackers
Quackers
12 years ago

@Molly Ren

I understand what you’re saying…they aren’t the majority but from what I’ve seen apparently so many men have issues with women and sex (and yeah I do consider almost 30,000 on r/mensrights a lot) PLUS all the other general misogyny on the internet makes me distrustful of the men I don’t know. Like what do they really think of me because on my gender or even the fact that I’m a “western woman” they’ll have all these assumptions about me, yet they’d call me out for having assumptions about them. I actually don’t want money, free dinner, marriage, babies, and I do have a fairly high libido so yeah, withholding sex would not be an issue….but then there’s that pesky part of me that is into feminism and gender issues which apparently makes me evil.