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Warts and Peace: A trip into the fevered imagination of Christopher in Oregon

I am NOT illustrating this post with a picture of genital warts.

Not that long ago, the Man Going His Own Way who calls himself Marky Mark made an unnerving announcement: due to worries about his secret identity being uncovered, he was shutting down his blog!

Like a lot of Marky’s readers, I was alarmed and saddened by this news: Marky Mark, after all, was one of the most delightfully loopy MGTOW bloggers out there, as well as a regular publisher of the writings of the mysterious anti-sex crusader Christopher in Oregon.

Happily, Marky changed his mind almost instantly. He’s back, and posting like a motherfucker. And today, he graced us with one of his best posts ever: Genital Warts, by Christopher in Oregon.

Regular readers of Man Boobz know they’re in for a treat.  For newcomers to the writings of Christopher in Oregon, gird your loins, and your stomach, for a truly amazing outburst of disgusting misinformation! (For actual, legitimate information on genital warts, try here or here.)

Chris opens with a bang:

The effects of an aging or weakened immune system can be profound when it comes to genital warts. They can mass in huge cauliflower like piles, and grow to gigantic proportions. Once the immune system is on the decline, all bets are off. From what I’ve heard and read, the smell from genital warts can be horrific. Poop and other filth gets trapped beneath the blossoming tops, and is impossible to clean.

Combine that with Herpes sores, and you’ve got yourself quite a mess. I can only imagine trying to treat the pain of Herpes sores that are located on massive genital warts, all the while my penis is oozing green puss.

And now I’ve got that image in my brain.

So what can one do about these horrific dangers?

If you would be clean, if you would be healthy, if you would be wise, then renounce all sexuality!

Well, that’s one solution, I guess. It seems a tad drastic. It’s true that most sexually active people will get infected with Genital HPV (Human Papillomavirus) at some point, but in most cases this infection will go away within two years, and only 5% or so will develop warts. Which won’t look anything like Chris’ nightmare scenarios above. (Holly Pervocracy has a great little post on genital warts scaremongering here.)

But Chris goes further:

I admit I was deceived in recent years, and thought I could engage in the use of pornography.

WRONG!

ALL sex leads to physical decay.        

Is Chris really saying that people who masturbate to porn can give genital warts … to themselves?

Do you really want to lie in bed some day as an old men with twenty pounds of quivering warts dangling from your groin like some beast from “The Blob”? Maybe it will grow eyes and stare back at you…..?

Now Chris seems to be writing a screenplay for a David Cronenberg movie in his head.

It isn’t good enough to stay single. It isn’t good enough to not date. If a man would be strong, if a man would be wise, he must clear his mind of lust. Stop viewing porn. Stop watching ANY modern films or television shows.

STOP LISTENING TO ANY MODERN MUSIC, which seeks to enslave you with filthy lyrics and that filthy “beat”!

I listen to four to eight hours of classical music a day, sometimes more. It purifies the mind and soul.

Here is the most effective way to use classical music as a boner killer.

So, aside from a bit of the old Ludwig Van, how else can you strengthen your anti-sex resolve? Buy a bunch of medical textbooks and look at the pictures.

I remember the first time I heard about genital warts. I had gone to the Oregon State University Medical School bookstore, and bought some hideously expensive books on STDs. I was young. I was horny. But, I was still religious. I wanted to get laid. But, something was holding me back.

Regular readers of Christopher in Oregon may already have some theories as to what this might be, but let’s continue:

My parents warned me about women. They warned me about diseases, yet what did my parents know about HPV or Herpes? Nothing. Nor did I. I just knew that sex carried the risk of the STDs that were present back when my parents were young. Little did I suspect that the landscape had changed dramatically. New bugs abounded, like HIV, HPV, HSV and HCV.

So, I cracked open the books. I purchased more books. …

Then I saw them.

Warts. Big, juicy, oozing warts.

Crap. I remember the first time I looked at a picture of a homosexual man whose crotch was covered by a mass -a literal MASS- of genital warts. It looked like a Broccoli patch. Flowering all over the place. I was both mesmerized and horrified. I’d never seen anything like it in my life. My eyes were frozen to the page. The warts were just everywhere!

He was either reading medical textbooks or playing Halo:

Back to Chris:

I came to one conclusion right away: I would never engage in sexual intercourse again as long as I lived. (I had only tried it once when I was 21 with a Mormon woman)

Somehow I suspect that didn’t work out too well for her either.

Something in me triggered a defensive mechanism of sorts. (Sort of like what happens when you are out in the forest and you see 1200 pounds of angry grizzly bear barreling towards your sorry ass. You climb a tree and hope for the best)

That’s right. Mormon women are like BEARS!!

I knew I didn’t have all of the answers, but in spite of my lust and constant erections, I knew I didn’t want THAT sort of thing obscuring the view I had of my tallywacker.

Let’s just skip the bits in which Chris waxes poetic about cancer, penectomy, tongues falling off,  and people “trying to yank off bloody chunks of warts” from their crotches.

The grand conclusion:

Now, I don’t know about you, but I like my body. Granted, it’s not as young as it once was. I can’t get erections as easily as I used to, and sometimes not at all. But it’s THERE. Dangling at half mast, but it’s still MINE. All mine. It’s not lying in a garbage can in the operating room waiting to be thrown out with the other medical waste.

So, think long and hard boys. Whether you are Christian, Jewish, Deist or whatever. I have come to the inescapable conclusion that there IS a God, and He does NOT wanting people perverting His system of procreation. I do believe He has a temper, as well as a slightly warped sense of humor.

The cost of sex is simply too high these days. Keep it in your pants.

That’s right, fellas: God wants you to hate and fear women and their icky bodies. He invented sex, but doesn’t want you to engage in it. He invented the penis just so he could decorate it with warts.

Is God a Diety Going His Own Way?

Clear your brain with this peppy little tune from days gone by:

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zhinxy
8 years ago

Why do I know in my heart of hearts and am willing to bet the farm that this guy is also against HPV vaccinations for the girls?

Holly Pervocracy
8 years ago

STOP LISTENING TO ANY MODERN MUSIC, which seeks to enslave you with filthy lyrics and that filthy “beat”!

I listen to four to eight hours of classical music a day, sometimes more. It purifies the mind and soul.

I call troll.

…Possibly one that’s successfully trolling Marky Mark, in which case, my hat tips to you, good sir.

It is a shame about the genital warts photographs that are used to scare kids away from sex, though. Dirty little secret: most of those photographs are of people with impaired immune systems. (Like “advanced AIDS” impaired, not like “starting to get old” impaired. If that’s even an impairment; healthy old people can have very good immune systems. Anyway.) You’re looking at a stage of infection that people with normal immune systems never reach. I wrote a post on this kind of anti-sex skulduggery: http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2011/08/barnacle-bill.html

viola
8 years ago

Today I learned that masturbation leads to STDs. Why did nobody ever tell me this? Is it too late for me already?

wait

am I spared because I don’t have a penis? Does that mean I can masturbate and not get warts?

Quackers
Quackers
8 years ago

if he’s so anti-sex, why does he care if he doesn’t get erections as easily as he used to? isn’t this what he wants?

this sounds like some extremist Christian’s screed about purity and abstinence…but even then I’ve never heard them describe it so graphically :/

Moewicus
Moewicus
8 years ago

I think CinO’s (Encino man? I loved that movie) “textbook” was a nine-year-old boy of his acquaintance, and that this fount of knowledge probably added ninjas on top of the herpes and sharks on top of the ninjas.

And you wouldn’t want that, would you?

Molly Ren
8 years ago

I kinda feel like David felt after reading all the comments on the spider thread. Why did I do that, *why*? o.O

Also,

I have come to the inescapable conclusion that there IS a God, and He does NOT wanting people perverting His system of procreation.

Since I am *not* clicking over to that post, maybe David can tell us exactly how Chris thinks people keep making babies if “all sexuality” is off the table?

Magpie
8 years ago

Is Christopher in Oregon any relation to Jesus’ General? He of the Morale Sheep?

katz
8 years ago

I love how CinO is confessing the exact source of his irrational paranoia as if that’s an argument for why it’s real. It’s like saying “My parents took me to the circus when I was four and I was terrified. That’s how I know clowns are evil!”

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

If his sexual encounter actually happened, that was one seriously lapsed Mormon. They’re not known for sex before marriage, especially with a non-Mormon.

I’m so glad MarkyMark is still posting.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Oh, and how would CinO explain Lisztomania, if classical music is so pure and all?

Aloren
8 years ago

Sounds like a really twisted up and confused asexual to me. His “sure I was horny…” bits sound like trying to convince and conect with his readers, rather than how he really feels.

AGill
AGill
8 years ago

There are these nifty things called “condoms” that help to prevent this sort of stuff. They’re pretty neat.

Lauralot
Lauralot
8 years ago

Wait, masturbating can cause STDs?

…Fuck.

Yeah, that’s a great solution, Chris. Don’t use protection, don’t get tested regularly, the only real choice here is DENY YOUR BODY’S NATURAL URGES AND ABSTAIN FROM THE EVILS OF MODERN MUSIC.

It’s like some sort of scaremongering PSA video from the fifties.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Now we need Whore Bear t-shirts!

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

@Holly

I remember seeing what must have been one of those pictures (along with some more realistic ones) in an otherwise fairly reasonable sex-ed presentation given by a local sexual health clinic at my high school about two years ago. They then demonstrated the “get STD’s looked at as soon as possible and don’t be ashamed to visit us” point with a picture of a man who’d dipped his dick in the sort of disinfectant usually used for small cuts.

I didn’t mind too much, but a lot of other people did. I don’t really see the wisdom in showing a bunch of high school kids gruesome pictures that half of them will laugh at and the other half will be squicked out by. It didn’t really help the sex-is-horrible types to think otherwise (which is fine if they’re going to be abstinent, but if they’re not, it’s best they pay attention beyond “ew, gross”), didn’t illustrate that STD’s can be invisible well at all, and played the whole thing more as a freakshow than something realistically scary.

It was only the pictures that were really problematic, though. As mentioned earlier, it was a pretty fantastic bit of sex-ed compared to most stuff I’ve read people recounting online.

Magpie
8 years ago

I foresee problems when Whore Bear meets Alpha Cock 😉

schism
schism
8 years ago

I call troll.

…Possibly one that’s successfully trolling Marky Mark, in which case, my hat tips to you, good sir.

Probably no to both. I remember there being a popular school of fundie Christian thought in the ’80s and ’90s involving any music not using a standard 4/4 time being inherently evil. It often involved lurid descriptions of “African tribal beats” causing demonic possession and other such racist bullshit.

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

@Magpie

Tune in the same time, same channel next week as Whore Bear battles Alpha Cock in the barren wasteland of Pussy Pass!

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

@Schism

I remember reading something like that. IIRC, it wasn’t odd time signatures being objected to (waltzes and complex time were acceptable, though irregular time was probably suspect in being associated closely with European modernistic music) as much as syncopation.

Moewicus
Moewicus
8 years ago

Mormon Whore Bears would be a great
band name.

johnnykaje
8 years ago

As someone whose first “porn” was comprised of medical textbooks, my advice: avoid the pages with the STD colorplates.

Also if you have a sudden painful twisting sensation in one of your nuts, go to the ER immediately because you probably have testicular torsion and need surgery right away.

eli
eli
8 years ago

Since I am *not* clicking over to that post, maybe David can tell us exactly how Chris thinks people keep making babies if “all sexuality” is off the table?”

Marky Mark, in his postscript, implies that avoiding Ameriskanks will solve this nasty wart problem. I am not convinced that CinO would share this exception, because “P-E-N-E-C-T-O-M-Y.”

Moewicus
Moewicus
8 years ago

This “God” character’s behavior is disturbing. Creating beings with powerful urges and then punishing them horribly for acting upon them has got to be up there with torturing animals as one of the signs of a psychopathic personality.

Somebody get this kid to Maury Pauvitch, ASAP!

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
8 years ago

“I call troll.”

I’m still hoping that one of these days, every single MRA blogger will reveal themselves to have been trolling, and we’ll all have a good laugh.

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
8 years ago

Also this is by far my favorite image from that Google search

http://www.cafepress.com/+whore_teddy_bear,146981124

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

@Crumbelievable

And then they’ll start saying the same things again, but with more telling us we’re mean, and then blame it on being drunk? And they’ll confess their attraction to women who wear 60DDDDDDD bras?

Spearhafoc
8 years ago

I listen to four to eight hours of classical music a day, sometimes more. It purifies the mind and soul.

Mozart was the poster boy of sexual purity.

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Purity Bear seems less like he was trying to get that guy to save himself for marriage and more like he wanted him to save himself for Purity Bear.

Not really on message, is what I’m saying.

boxofcrates
boxofcrates
8 years ago

Not “the beat”!

I believe that there’s plenty of music, some of it quite old, that is very, very sexual, and without much in the way of “the beat” at all. Christopher from Oregon might be horrified.

Though less horrified than me after reading that, I guess.

(Also, hi to everyone? I’ve been a regular reader of the site for a while, but I usually don’t have the courage to post anything.)

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

Hello and welcome, boxofcrates!

Dracula
Dracula
8 years ago

Not “the beat”!

Yes!

Vaguely appropriate, no?

Fatman
Fatman
8 years ago

Christopher, at night when you turn off all the lights there’s no place that you can hide… In bed, throw the covers on your head you pretend like you are dead…No way, you can fight it every day but no matter what you say you know it…No clue, of what’s happening to you and before this night is through…
The rhythm is going to get you…

katz
8 years ago

The “no contemporary music” belief is a curious and interesting one, IMO. It’s fringe even within evangelical crowds. Check out this golden oldie website from waaaay back in the dawn of the internet (1995)…criticizing the sinful rock music of Amy Grant.

Yes, this Amy Grant:

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Oh…I dunno. In practically every religious order, where celibacy is a requirement, these kinds of stories are created and practised. In Bhuddist temples, the monks will actually take photos of human bodies as they decay, to teach detachment from the pull of lust. The monks are encouraged to think about what lies beneath the skin they find sexually appealing, so that those images (and a lot of meditation about the true nature a biological lifeform) will suppress their lust. So really, MGTOWers are just following long standing traditions.

The disgusting stories they create speaks to just how strong their lust runs. I wouldn’t be surprised to find that the overall thinking about the nature of women stems from some grave hurt given to them by a woman which created some real fear and their further efforts to remove all need for comfort and companionship of women.

As for classical music….there are a great many classical pieces I can think of that were great scandals back in the day. However, purely instrumental pieces won’t have womens voices to distract or excite them.

In a way, I can respect the enormous amount of self discipline and denial it takes to live a celibate life. I just don’t think it needs to be focused on more than the functions of any human body, regardless of gender. These guys would have it much easier if they could join a monestary, where there would be few if any women about.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
8 years ago

Or hey, they could do what many women do….have kids and a husband to care for, plus elderly parents to help, keep a full time job all while maintaining their homes and entertaining at levels martha stewart finds acceptable.

Many womens sex drives do succumb under so much busy work.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

At first I thought we must all be misreading it, but nope, he actually does seem to think that masturbation can give you genital warts. Maybe the virus is transmitted from the dirty evil sex-having people on screen to you via the magic of the internet. That’s it! He read something about computer viruses and got a bit confused.

eli
eli
8 years ago

However, purely instrumental pieces won’t have womens voices to distract or excite them.

Most classical music carries erotic overtones. Not just music with words. Where does this pansy-ass classical music CinO is listening to come from?

Think of the long themes, played out, toyed with, varied, caressed in a baroque violin piece by a composer like Biber. (or, better known, a slow movement by Vivaldi)

Think of a late 19th century piece that keeps building and building to climax, but then delays, builds again, denies you again and then once it finally gets there, AS:ALKJSD THANK YOU FOR FINALLY RESOLVING THE FUCKING CHORD (and thanks, that was really, really incredible, and I’m not just saying that). I’m thinking of the Franck violin sonata, but there are countless examples.

In the words of feminist musicologist, Susan McClary, “tonality itself – with its process of instilling expectations and subsequently withholding promised fulfillment until climax – is the principal musical means during the period from 1600 to 1900 for arousing and channeling desire.”

boxofcrates is right, beat’s got nothing to do with it.

eli
eli
8 years ago

At first I thought we must all be misreading it, but nope, he actually does seem to think that masturbation can give you genital warts.

I was wondering if it was a slippery slope. First, you start to masturbate to porn. Then you want to try it out for real, for yourself. With wart-bearing whore bears.

But I was probably being generous.

KristinMH
8 years ago

I hope Christopher in Oregon never listens to Carmen. Or any of Mozart’s lieder, many of which are pretty sexy.

There’s one called “Zur Warnung”, which uses a vampirism metaphor to go all Roissy over sexy teenage girls; or “Der Zauberer”, where a girl speculates that her boyfriend must be a magician because he gave her an orgasm (which is described accurately and explicitly); or “An Chloe”, which is pretty much just a description of a sexual encounter.

Hell, the ancient Greeks thought certain modes were too sexy. I can’t remember which ones, though. I suspect Mixolydian.

kladle
kladle
8 years ago

At first I thought we must all be misreading it, but nope, he actually does seem to think that masturbation can give you genital warts.

When your ideas about sex and sexuality are based entirely in some weird narrative about moral purity, your facts tend to get fucked up. IIRC there was a study done years back where they asked people about their beliefs about HIV transmission and gave them several different scenarios with different genders, sex acts, and safer sex practices and asked them to estimate risk of getting HIV. Some significant minority of people believed that HIV could be transmitted between two men having anal sex… if both men were HIV negative. 🙁

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

And this is why, in addition to better education about sex, we also need better science education. Viruses – they don’t pop into existance out of thin air as a result of “immorality”.

Orion
Orion
8 years ago

Why is he afraid of penectomy if he’s sworn off all sexuality including masturbation?

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
8 years ago

Is this twit aware that Bolero is classical music?

katz
8 years ago

Don’t forget by swimming. And toilet seats.

Magpie
8 years ago

Maybe he has very warty hands? Or uses a toad as a sex aid?

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