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Russell Brand deals the Feminist Conspiracy a serious setback. But Operation Alimony will prevail!

Uh oh! I just discovered this, currently the top story over on the Men’s Rights subreddit:

Yes, my sisters (and honorary mangina man-sisters), Russell Brand has dealt a severe blow to Operation Alimony, which (as you well know, at least if you’ve been attending the meetings) is our dastardly Feminazi plot to destroy the patriarchy by getting pretty ladies to marry and divorce rich dudes and take all their money.

You may remember our wild revelry when we heard that comrade-ess Heather Mills had walked off (no jokes please) with £24.3 million of Paul McCartney’s man money. And the joyful tears we shed when we heard that Mel Gibson’s ex-wife had (reportedly) scored a cool $425 million in her divorce settlement.

Russell Brand has just spotted a large pile of Katy Perry's money

But today, we shed only the bitterest of tears. We have not only been thwarted, but we’ve also been exposed! Damn those Men’s Rights Redditors and their evil allies at the Daily Mail!

The comments in the r/mensrights thread show that they understand our evil plans all too well. How can we respond to Aetheralloy’s withering critique?

Feminists see the absurdity of their own pushed polices?

LOL no. No they won’t. I’d sooner expect scientologists to ask their psychiatrist if they are in a cult.

But ladies! Do not despair! Russell Brand may have set back our efforts, but he, and his Reddit allies, shall not defeat us!

Ladies, you know what to do. Get yourself all prettied up, hit the town, and snag yourself some rich dudes! Let’s see how many of these guys we can have married off by the end of the year.

Marrying (and divorcing) rich dudes: it’s the feminist way!

 

I had a

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Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
12 years ago

I’m not saying that marriage should be based on looks. But Perry is one of the hottest women IN THE WORLD, and so, I was kind of joking.

No, she isn’t. I mean, she’s adorable with an admirable rack and she’s very famous but she’s hardly one of the hottest women in the world. She’s not even one of the hottest women in entertainment. But you think so, right? If memory serves, you like thin brunettes and big boobs. 

What if you liked blondes? Would you argue with someone that Blake Lively is way hotter than Perry? What if you were all about the gingers? Would you be making angry posts on one of the celeb gossip sites that refer to Christina Hendricks as a “fat cow” all the time? Because there are plenty and they’re usually written by men.

MRAL, there are definitely cultural standards of beauty and hotness and all of that. Otherwise, someone like Katy Perry couldn’t be famous because, goodness knows, it isn’t her singing voice. But don’t get suckered by the bullshit rating system -8’s and 5’s and alphas and what have you- and don’t trick yourself into believing that only the people who measure up to the standards of celebrities -people who are literally paid to be beautiful- are capable or deserving of having great sex and/or relationships. It’s just not true. Beautiful people have fucked up relationships all the time. And you’ll find plenty of couples composed of people who you’d never look at twice… but they’re wonderfully happy and deeply in love.

I’m telling you, the greatest trick the PUAs ever pulled was convincing a bunch of dudes that the only kind of woman worth being with is one who fits their personal and arbitrary definition of “hot” while, simultaneously telling those same men that they’ll never be “hot” enough to be with her.

You don’t see through that bullshit?

Molly Ren
Molly Ren
12 years ago

Brand is not an 8! Only Vince Noir can be an 8, or my private system for rating people’s worth by their hotness will collapse!

Lauralot
Lauralot
12 years ago

You know, I’m sure that there’s a lot in this post that would make me angry, but it all just fell by the wayside due to my seething hatred for Katy Perry.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

I tend to prefer the androgynous pretty boys, so although I can see that Hamm etc are very conventionally attractive, they don’t do it for me. For some reason I can’t explain I find Jesse Eisenberg weirdly appealing though – I think it’s the personality, since he’s not really my type.

(Waits for MRAL to start foaming at the mouth and throwing rotten tomatoes.)

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

In terms of the women I’d pick Salma Hayek or Monica Belluci as the sexiest, although Charlize really is gorgeous, just too blonde for me.

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

Some of my friends and I came up with the category of “ugly-hot,” for those celebrities (living or dead) that aren’t conventionally attractive but that have something about them that makes them hot as hell. The list includes Billy Bob Thornton, Willem DaFoe, and their King, Bon Scott.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
12 years ago

For example, I went to a party on New Year’s Eve, around Boston. It was fun, and at one point I talked to this random girl for like an hour. She was interested in the conversation, it was a good conversation. That’s cool, I am pretty funny sometimes, and I didn’t give it much thought when she left. But then she later hooked up with this dude who she hadn’t even spoken to before- I know because I literally saw the extent of their interaction; that is, he walked in, they talked for about 3 minutes, and then had sex. Now, understand I have no problem not having sex, I was not interested in that, but what I did note was that I was made no offer- the only person this elitist sneering bitch will deign to make an offer to was some guy that literally just walked in, because she is an elitist bitch. The guy wasn’t even that good looking, maybe a 6 or 7, but of course he was still far better looking than me (I am like a 2 or 3), and I suppose that’s all that matters. Female elitism in action.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
12 years ago

I don’t necessarily begrudge this elitism, I’m sure there is an evolutionary reason for it. But it seems to hold true, for at least a small majority.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

Given that the men I go for, though unquestionably conventionally attractive in a facial sense, are terribly skinny by American standards, I’m finding MRAL’s freakout even funnier than it would otherwise be. I mean, the “how dare women have preferences, fuck you!” bit is already pretty funny, but it gets even funnier when you know he’s assuming a kind of dude rather different to the ones I would actually prefer. Remember the last one, the fratboy douchebag who he was very upset that some random girl on YouTube wasn’t into? Hey, man, maybe she’s an emo or something and that just isn’t her thing.

Polliwog
12 years ago

MRAL. Stop. Seriously. You’re being an idiot, and from what you’ve said before, you know on some level that you’re being an idiot. Just stop.

LyssatakeaBow
LyssatakeaBow
12 years ago

i’m not disparaging katy at all, i think she is very attractive, but she’s said herself that it “takes a village” to look like she does. just something to remember. girls without make-up artists don’t spend a lot of time looking like katy with one.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
12 years ago

@ Hellkell – I call those people sexyugly. I’ve never gone for one myself because OMG ELITIST BITCH, but I’ve seen it happen a lot. Sexiness is part personality, after all.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
12 years ago

Fine, I will abandon this thread. I don’t think I got my points across very well, I’m not saying women can’t have preferences. Just that there seems to be a sort of contempt for others that I have an issue with.

LyssatakeaBow
LyssatakeaBow
12 years ago

also i’ve never heard one of my girlfriends say they find russell brand attractive. i’ve seen people on the internet say it. just that this universal thing though, not true. personally not my type at all. right now i like daniel craig for example.

hellkell
hellkell
12 years ago

MRAL, this is not going to be your free therapy hour. Seriously, go away for a while, and don’t come back until you can stop with the “elitist bitches” nonsense.

Shora
12 years ago

First, MRAL, they could have known each other previously.

Second, her not having sex with you upon looking at you does not make her an elitist bitch. It makes her a human being with preferences. Sometimes men I find attractive don’t have sex with me, and I manage to be completely okay with that. You should work on that particular skill, yourself.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
12 years ago

Sure she wears makeup, but she has big tits and is in shape. You can’t fake that. Well, I guess you can fake tits, but I don’t think they’re fake.

Shora
12 years ago

I’m not saying women can’t have preferences. Just that there seems to be a sort of contempt for others that I have an issue with.

More contempt than what you show when you call a woman an elitist bitch for no reason?

Alphalady
Alphalady
12 years ago

Oh, and the rock star Adam Ant in his younger days. At a time when most rock performers were very androgynous, he was all man, and his dark, handsome looks harkened to the movie stars of old. He actually looked a bit like Tyrone Power, arguably the handsomest man who ever lived. I actually thought the old-time movie stars were the best-looking, classiest ones of all: Cary Grant, Errol Flynn, etc. They don’t make ’em like that anymore. (Oh, you had to get me started!)

Moewicus
Moewicus
12 years ago

I think they’re both pretty good looking. I haven’t heard anything but Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl” and have seen nothing of Brand. For some reason I always confused Katy Perry with Lilly Allen, whose music I rather like (see: fuck you, the fear).

The “so what now, feminists?” line seems to be based on the premise that feminists just want alimony as a weapon against men. Which… Uh, what? I already thought ridiculously large, in absolute terms, alimony/divorce settlements had no business existing anyway, and this influences that opinion not a whit.

@Alphalady—
Dr. Taradiddles seems to keep coming up in the comments here at manboobz. I think David should do a post or two on her stuff because it seems like she’s a veritable mine of misogyny.

Viscaria
Viscaria
12 years ago

“Contempt” is here defined as “could potentially have had sex with MRAL, didn’t, and had sex with someone else.”

Kyrie
Kyrie
12 years ago

MRAL, stop. Go away, breath and stop calling women bitches. Stop with this nonsense of grading people, including you. That’s stupid and useless, because it erase people taste and the importance of personality (which can’t be rated either)
Stop with the horseshit psycho evolution, you’ve shown you’re smarter than that.

When we say we don’t like x or y person, that doesn’t mean every person objectively less attractive is less hot to us. It doesn’t work like that.

Lauralot
Lauralot
12 years ago

Let’s see…people I find attractive: Generally I tend to like androgyny or slenderness (I can see why muscle-bound guys are considered attractive, but generally they don’t interest me). Of course I don’t find anything sexually attractive, so my standards for attractiveness are probably weirdly skewed anyway.

Attractive people: Noel Fielding, Cillian Murphy, Natalie Portman, Nicole Kidman, Heath Ledger, Amy Adams, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Keira Knightley, Kelly Craig, Rooney Mara, Robert Downey Jr., George Clooney, Mandy Patinkin, Robin Wright, young Cary Elwes…

LyssatakeaBow
LyssatakeaBow
12 years ago

as a girl that is in shape with big tits, you can’t fake them and i don’t think katys are fake, you can push them up a whole lot and wear not-normal clevage baring clothes all the time and have the most expensive bras etc. lol, theres nothing wrong with people wearing makeup or dressing up but on a normal day i look okay but i’ve done some modeling and pin up stuff and people are like “wow” and a lot of it is illusion.

Bee
Bee
12 years ago

Maybe she knew him before NYE, Mr. Al? Maybe they were going out? Maybe they were exes? Maybe they had made plans to meet there? Maybe they had left to do coke in his bathroom because she loves cocaine and he said he had some? Maybe they didn’t have sex when they left, they just left to go somewhere quieter to talk? Maybe she was extremely drunk and needed to leave (and hopefully guy #2 didn’t take advantage of that)? Maybe he was someone she hadn’t seen since high school and they wanted to catch up? Or maybe she did meet him and go have sex with him three minutes later, just like that — because she found something about him sexy and they wanted to have sex with each other. Who knows!

But go ahead and blame it on female elitism and elitist sneering bitches. You seem to have replaced the alpha/beta/omega thing with a numerical system. My advice? Stop it. It’s just as bad, just as meaningless, just as stupid. You had a great conversation with a woman — great! She (seems to have) preferred someone else — oh well! Move on, Mr. Al. Move on.