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Russell Brand deals the Feminist Conspiracy a serious setback. But Operation Alimony will prevail!

Uh oh! I just discovered this, currently the top story over on the Men’s Rights subreddit:

Yes, my sisters (and honorary mangina man-sisters), Russell Brand has dealt a severe blow to Operation Alimony, which (as you well know, at least if you’ve been attending the meetings) is our dastardly Feminazi plot to destroy the patriarchy by getting pretty ladies to marry and divorce rich dudes and take all their money.

You may remember our wild revelry when we heard that comrade-ess Heather Mills had walked off (no jokes please) with £24.3 million of Paul McCartney’s man money. And the joyful tears we shed when we heard that Mel Gibson’s ex-wife had (reportedly) scored a cool $425 million in her divorce settlement.

Russell Brand has just spotted a large pile of Katy Perry's money

But today, we shed only the bitterest of tears. We have not only been thwarted, but we’ve also been exposed! Damn those Men’s Rights Redditors and their evil allies at the Daily Mail!

The comments in the r/mensrights thread show that they understand our evil plans all too well. How can we respond to Aetheralloy’s withering critique?

Feminists see the absurdity of their own pushed polices?

LOL no. No they won’t. I’d sooner expect scientologists to ask their psychiatrist if they are in a cult.

But ladies! Do not despair! Russell Brand may have set back our efforts, but he, and his Reddit allies, shall not defeat us!

Ladies, you know what to do. Get yourself all prettied up, hit the town, and snag yourself some rich dudes! Let’s see how many of these guys we can have married off by the end of the year.

Marrying (and divorcing) rich dudes: it’s the feminist way!

 

I had a

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Joanna
9 years ago

I’d marry Mark Zuckerberg and make him stop changing Facebook like the feminist bitch I am =D

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

I was sort of hoping those two crazy kids would make it.

Shora
9 years ago

This is one of the weirdest gotchas I’ve ever seen…

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I’m confused. Why am I not supposed to want Brand to get any alimony?

Caraz
Caraz
9 years ago

Because alimony is the feminist plot to allow women to scam millions and millions of dollars off poor innocent men. Allowing Russell Brand to scam millions of dollars off a woman shows that the cunning plan might harm women.

Or something. I honestly have no clue what goes through their heads.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Any time I don’t interact with MRAs for a few days and then come back to them I find myself going…huh? What are you on about?

Normal men do not think like this.

Pyena
Pyena
9 years ago

…so what’s the absurdity?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Is the absurdity that he’s only getting $20 million? I’d have thought it would be more.

JohnnyBB
JohnnyBB
9 years ago

Yes, everyone knows the feminists worldwide feel total solidarity with Katy Perry, that staunch paragon of progressive values. This is bound to hit close to home.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

The real loss here is Russell’s access to Katy Perry’s vagina.

captainbathrobe
9 years ago

Actually, this just shows that divorce settlements can go both ways, independent of gender. Kind of undermines their whole thesis, hmm?

LyssatakeaBow
LyssatakeaBow
9 years ago

yeah i’m sure this is the first time in history a man has gotten money or been eligible for alimony or whatever in a divorce too. first time ever a woman has had more money than a man in a relationship.

belledame222
9 years ago

CURSE YOU RUSSELL BRAND!! I–

Wait. Who?

Oh, right. Well-yeah! I was totally expecting to get all that bling from Perry, myself. Damn him for ruining my aspirations.

Kyrie
Kyrie
9 years ago

Personally, my plan of life is still to marry an (or several) old very rich childless man (or woman, if gay marriage ever come to my land), then kill him and make it look like an accident or old age. And putting meds in his food to prevent him to be horny. (I’m still a bit fuzzy on the details)
That way, I’ll get all of his money, not just a part.

And because I’m such a gentle person, I’ll choose an very mean person and use his money to rescue kittens and puppies. Then I’ll start my own country (what’s the price of the whole of Lithuania these days?). It will probably be a socialist one, though I’m, again, fuzzy on the details. And every one will have two chickens (male and female), and will have to treat them well.

belledame222
9 years ago

“I paid an ex, and I didn’t like it…

I didn’t like it…”

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

You know, in my experience, most feminists that I know actually like Brand a lot more than they like Perry…

Joanna
9 years ago

“The real loss here is Russell’s access to Katy Perry’s vagina.”

She is a beaut. Pity about her music.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Actually, Katy Perry is the perfect illustration of why Meller’s theories are not universally applicable. She’s pretty dedicated to presenting herself in as fluffy a way as possible, and to me it undermines her sexiness. Physically she’s exactly my type, but the relentless cutesiness and blatant pandering makes it impossible for me to think of her in a sexual way.

(Her music also makes me want to perforate my own eardrums, but that’s a separate issue.)

ozymandias42
9 years ago

We would like to interrupt this misogyny-mocking to inform you that Ozymandias would bang Russell Brand like a screen door in a hurricane.

Carry on.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Cosigned on that banging, Ozy.

I’m surprised they didn’t have a pre-nup.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

@CassandraSays

Physically she’s exactly my type, but the relentless cutesiness and blatant pandering makes it impossible for me to think of her in a sexual way.

This, a million times. I don’t mind a fondness for the Muppets – I, too, love the Muppets – or pigtails or lollipops but when it’s all part of this deliberate Lolita… thing, I can’t be turned on by you anymore. Plus I’ve never forgiven her (and her handlers) for I Kissed A Girl, which is so careful to be titilating without ever actually making her queer. She’s a straight girl, but a naughty straight girl, because kissing other women is naughty. Yuck. But yeah, I would totally have hot British accent sex with Russel Brand. 😀

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

Although, apparently, I wouldn’t bother to spell his name right first.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Brand is hot and all but meh, I’m a Brit, guys who look like him aren’t that uncommon in London so I can’t get too excited about him. He’s still a lot sexier than his soon to be ex-wife though, largely because he doesn’t act like he’s 5.

KristinMH
9 years ago

Wait, we were supposed to marry rich dudes? Why didn’t I get the memo?

Unwisely I seem to have married a fellow downwardly-mobile musician when I could have been whooping it up as a trophy wife. My bad.

(I would be a terrible, terrible trophy wife. And from what I’ve seen of the super-rich those women earn every penny of their divorce settlements.)

karalora
9 years ago

(what’s the price of the whole of Lithuania these days?)

I don’t know, but apparently you can rent Liechtenstein for $70,000 a night. Maybe you could work out some sort of rent-to-own deal:

http://www.geekosystem.com/rent-liechtenstein-airbnb/

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

How does that saying go? Those who marry for money earn it?

johnnykaje
9 years ago

The first thing I ever heard about Katy Parry was that she wrote a song called “You’re So Gay”, and another called “I Kissed a Girl” which was not the Jill Sobule version. Those two facts have tainted my perception of anything related to her.

Acne meds? Don’t need them, they’re probably snake oil anyway, and oh hey it’s that Katy Parry chick. Pass.

Russel Brand? Looks funny, reminds me of my sexy high school friend…wait he’s married to that chick? Ew. (My boyfriend eventually made me come around with Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Get Him to the Greek)

Yeah, I’m pretty judgmental. Sue me.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I think her image fits her music, though, it’s all just meant to be fun. Sort of like Kesha except for less crude about it. And I don’t think her stuff is that bad, the one with Kanye West was pretty catchy.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

Also, I think Russell Brand is probably a lot smarter than Perry, but you can’t really blame him, she is hot.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

I really don’t see the appeal of Katy Perry. Or Russel Brand for that matter. Noel Fielding on the other hand… well, let’s just I could be tempted. And I don’t normally go for dudes.

johnnykaje
9 years ago

For the record, this is the one and only I Kissed A Girl.

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
9 years ago

“Normal men do not think like this.”

Of course MRAs have convinced themselves that THEY are the normal men and guys like Futrelle and I are manginas, not actual men. MRAs are the only real men in an insane world ruled by feminazis and manginas. In this way they remind me of the most deluded conspiracy theorists, like those who believe the world is secretly ruled by lizard people.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

Katy Perry is hot because she is like a big titted Zooey Deschanel, how is this not easy to understand???

Alphalady
Alphalady
9 years ago

I am not surprised by this turn of events. These two are like cartoon characters come to life.

Meanwhile, this is totally off topic, but I found another forum that David might want to add to the “Boob Roll”: http://www.shrink4men.com/about/. It’s run by a therapist who is arguably the worst example of a female misogynist I have ever witnessed. Check it out!

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Yeah, not really into Zooey Deschanel either. And any hotness Katy Perry might have (not much, IMO) is negated by her terrible music.

johnnykaje
9 years ago

Brand is hot and all but meh, I’m a Brit, guys who look like him aren’t that uncommon in London

JEALOUS

Crumbelievable
Crumbelievable
9 years ago

@Alpha:

Look at that mirror photo. You know she’s legit.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

ok, whatever dude. If I was Russell Brand, I’d be paying out the asshole for marriage therapists and shit, because even for a male 8, which he is, Katy Perry is very impressive.

Shora
9 years ago

MRAL, maybe having sex with someone super duooper hot is not the most important thing in the world? Maybe he’ll be a lot happier with someone who is less conventionally pretty but who he gets along with much, much better and he knows it?

just a thought.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I’ve noticed that a lot of arrogant women seem to think they can denigrate Brand, an 8, and thereby make everyone else feel like shit. “not that uncommon”, my fucking ass.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Oh dear, MRAL appears to be backsliding.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I’m just saying that you need to acknowledge that Brand is exceptional.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

I don’t really see how claiming not to into somebody is denigrating them. Besides, his being “and 8” doesn’t really mean anything, seeing as how there’s no such thing as an objective scale of attractiveness.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

“an 8”, rather.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

MRAL, I don’t care who you consider attractive, but I do care that you seem to be telling us all that any preferences that differ from yours are wrong. In addition,

I’ve noticed that a lot of arrogant women seem to think they can denigrate Brand, an 8, and thereby make everyone else feel like shit. “not that uncommon”, my fucking ass.

what the fuck are you on about? You can’t just rank men (or women) in an objective way in terms of beauty. People have different things that they find personally attractive. Cassandra, for example, isn’t really moved by Russell Brand, unlike me. That doesn’t mean she’s part of some conspiracy to make you feel bad about yourself. Calm the fuck down.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

Okay, well this constant elitist drivel about not being into hot people, and it almost always comes from women who have leeway to say stuff like that, is not helping anyone.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

In my personal experience Brand isn’t exceptional, though, other than in the sense of being exceptionally famous. He looks a bit like an ex of mine, actually, just hairier.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
9 years ago

I guess men do it too, sometimes, but I feel like it’s usually just posturing.

Shora
9 years ago

MRAL, I think it’s kind of denigrating to all involved parties to make an entire marriage about how good the female component looks. It’s dehuminizing to both Katy Perry and Russel brand because it says that all of Katy Perry’s worth is in her looks and that all Brand SHOULD care about, as a man, is fucking “a big titted Zooey Deschanel”.

Most people in this thread have been saying anything ranging from “Eh, Brand, take him or leave him” to “I would fuck him six ways from Sunday”. Katy Perry is predictably getting the harshest criticisms.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Or it could be that some people are tired of being told their preferences don’t exist, so they make a point of telling people they do.

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