But the thing is, even if your assumptions about women and dating had been right (and they weren’t), there’s a lot more to life than dating.
cynickal
13 years ago
Sigh… too late to join in the amazing banality show.
@Caraz: I actually don’t think I am a douchebag. I do think feminists brown people think I am one…which is actually funny.
Luckily I have Sandra Dee’s new cookbook to console myself with.
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
13 years ago
Actually, that’s probably the essence of it. I didn’t like being told I had it good, and I didn’t like knowing that women were, in my mind, now also allowed to think of themselves as victims. I think that was my sort of subconscious mindset. Wow. Breakthrough!
MRAL: after my parents’ divorce and me dropping out of school for the third time and having a drunk driving accident (thank all the powers that I only ran over a shrub, and not a human being), I was that close to committing suicide the summer of 1976.
It got better.
I know women who cut themselves. I know women who have fought major depression and chronic illness for years.
I cannot believe what planet you seem to live on that you think all the women (although in your case I realize it’s girls 18-22, but I know a number of women in that age range thanks to online fandom) are HAPPY for some value of happier than you.
@Viscaria: I’m betting that in his first comment Wetherby used angled brackets which disappeared the text, thinking it was html.
Then had to repost with square brackets.
Viscaria
13 years ago
True fact: when I was testing way way down in the most severe bracket of the BDI-II, barely able to work up the requisite drive to occasionally attend class, routinely breaking down into tears because decisions like “what should I have for lunch” required may too much effort and most days choosing to starve instead, my cousin’s boyfriend told me “You’re probably the happiest person I’ve ever met!”
p.s. MRAL: Oh, and ‘privilege’ not mean everything is good for you.
It means that as a male especially as a white male you can take for granted some things that less privileged (on that axis of identity) cannot. It’s no guarantee of happiness, or wealth, or anything.
And it’s intersectional: I have white privilege. I have middle-class privilege (for one thing, as a child with chronic health problems, my parents could afford to get the medical care I needed as opposed to people whose parents couldn’t).
So I think it’s an issue of how you identify privilege, as well as feminist.
Eh, honestly, that sounds like the tendency of young people to assume that their experiences are universal. Most teenagers can’t see beyond the tip of their own nose for a while – it’s a stage, and it passes (mine was “no one else has ever been a misunderstood genius like I am!!!). Maybe you’re just starting to come out of that stage and get a little more perspective?
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
13 years ago
It was partially I suppose that I perceived girls as getting SO MUCH VALIDATION. From similarly aged men, the media grrl power shit, the medical community (yeah…), the giggling giggling friends and it now they get to think of themselves as THE UNHAPPY. Haha. I know that thinking was flawed, but. There you go.
Polliwog
13 years ago
It’s a tough call, but I had to give my vote to NWO. Arks is something of a one-trick pony (albeit a hilarious one), and while DKM has had some truly amazing moments (women have kept men from inventing ESP and flying cars! your boyfriends all wish they were fucking kittens instead of you! men should all go buy dolls to be their friends!), NWO is just an endless font of pure WTF. I’m not sure there’s been a single thread he’s posted in where he hasn’t added a new gem of insanity to his collection, whether it’s insisting that the Cyrillic alphabet is just a feminist lie, explaining that capital letters are legal magic, noting the ubiquity of bikini-clad shoppers at the average mall, or informing us all that women’s sexuality is defined as “women wearing clothes of some sort.” He is truly one-of-a-kind (and thank heaven for that).
Quackers
13 years ago
@ithiliana
My favorite fandoms make me happy lol. I too don’t ever want to get married, but I’ve pretty much given up on finding a boyfriend as well. I’m never going to look or act how they want, and I can’t be bothered going through the meat market that is dating in order to find a needle in a haystack. It’s so much better to just find other ways to make yourself happy.
Good lord…I kinda sound like an MGTOW. Except that I don’t actually hate men nor do I spam the internet talking about how much I and all other women are just going to go our own way.
And since I’m somehow too lazy to get up and go home and cook dinner, let’s talk about the idea of feminism only telling women we are victims.
Talking about past oppression, current oppression, and survival of the same is not just saying “omg we’re victims pity us,” and reducing all feminist discourse to the idea of “women are victims of teh evil menz” is just ludicrous (though widely done).
But I do find it hilarious that one element of the troll discourse these days is “omg we are victims of the terrible womenz” — just as I find it hilarious that straight white Christian middle class and elite men are running around claiming VICTIM status (Rick Perry on how the gays have it better by being allowed to be gay while being shot at while he and his cannot celebrate Christmas OMG!).
Yeah, right, they’ve sure latched onto the rhetoric of victims.
Most of the feminist groups I’ve been in and the works I’ve read have been about survival and change and even, despite a certain pompous prick’s claim about respectability, revolution (which does NOT have to be done with guns and bombs dudes).
So, yeah. Maybe one of the reasons I don’t like Hugo’s rhetoric is that there’s a tone of patronizing about young women as ‘victims’ of the patriarchy, or of men….hmmmm…..hadn’t thought of that. Thanks MRAL!
i thought so too, but if you try to vote again it says, ‘Thank you, we have already counted your vote.’ at the top, and it doesn’t look like the tally goes up.
@Quackers: Yeah, I think I was telling JKT or whatever random initials he goes by how I’d been going my own way for probably about as long as he was alive (if he was 36). Now, my amazing discovery of a lifetime partner who is a woman…..just make us both women going our own way, just happens to be on the road together. But I was NOT looking at that point, was not giving a darn, just was thrilled to find a colleague who also liked Star Trek!
And even the most extreme of feminists going their own way (radical lesbian separatists) as far as I know didn’t spend a lot of time yammering at men about going their own way–they just went off and did the commune thing. ANd wrote tracts for women….
NOpe, you’re right. So the question is, did that happen before and I didn’t see it (BIFOCALS!)….or what.
Quackers
13 years ago
what “media grrl power shit” MRAL? all I see in the media are a bunch of conventionally attractive stuck up bimbos who have shit tons of money. You’re blind if you think they represent the majority of the female population. I have less in common with them than I do a fish.
CassandraSays
13 years ago
There’s a word in Japanese that almost sounds like feminism but actually means being in love with the idea of women as weak, victimized, hurt, vulnerable, etc – finding that idea beautiful and romantic. There’s a bit of that in Hugo’s writing about young women in particular, and it gives me the creeps.
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
13 years ago
Could we persecute Hugo for parental fraud, I wonder?
Quackers
13 years ago
@ithiliana
Many of my female friends don’t date either. I don’t know why. They don’t identify as feminists (I’m the only feminist out of my friends) and they have male friends. But, it could be that we are geeks. The thing is women are constantly told being attractive is the most important thing for us and what men value the most so I suspect that maybe women who are not conventionally attractive and those who just don’t care much about fashion, hair and makeup just don’t bother. That’s just my theory though. I’ll have to actually ask some of my friends why they don’t date.
I’m so happy you have found your partner though, and it’s funny how you find someone when you aren’t looking 🙂
But the thing is, even if your assumptions about women and dating had been right (and they weren’t), there’s a lot more to life than dating.
Sigh… too late to join in the amazing banality show.
Luckily I have Sandra Dee’s new cookbook to console myself with.
Actually, that’s probably the essence of it. I didn’t like being told I had it good, and I didn’t like knowing that women were, in my mind, now also allowed to think of themselves as victims. I think that was my sort of subconscious mindset. Wow. Breakthrough!
MRAL: after my parents’ divorce and me dropping out of school for the third time and having a drunk driving accident (thank all the powers that I only ran over a shrub, and not a human being), I was that close to committing suicide the summer of 1976.
It got better.
I know women who cut themselves. I know women who have fought major depression and chronic illness for years.
I cannot believe what planet you seem to live on that you think all the women (although in your case I realize it’s girls 18-22, but I know a number of women in that age range thanks to online fandom) are HAPPY for some value of happier than you.
@Viscaria: I’m betting that in his first comment Wetherby used angled brackets which disappeared the text, thinking it was html.
Then had to repost with square brackets.
True fact: when I was testing way way down in the most severe bracket of the BDI-II, barely able to work up the requisite drive to occasionally attend class, routinely breaking down into tears because decisions like “what should I have for lunch” required may too much effort and most days choosing to starve instead, my cousin’s boyfriend told me “You’re probably the happiest person I’ve ever met!”
You can’t always know (-:
p.s. MRAL: Oh, and ‘privilege’ not mean everything is good for you.
It means that as a male especially as a white male you can take for granted some things that less privileged (on that axis of identity) cannot. It’s no guarantee of happiness, or wealth, or anything.
And it’s intersectional: I have white privilege. I have middle-class privilege (for one thing, as a child with chronic health problems, my parents could afford to get the medical care I needed as opposed to people whose parents couldn’t).
So I think it’s an issue of how you identify privilege, as well as feminist.
yep, that was it
apparently one can vote more than once
Eh, honestly, that sounds like the tendency of young people to assume that their experiences are universal. Most teenagers can’t see beyond the tip of their own nose for a while – it’s a stage, and it passes (mine was “no one else has ever been a misunderstood genius like I am!!!). Maybe you’re just starting to come out of that stage and get a little more perspective?
It was partially I suppose that I perceived girls as getting SO MUCH VALIDATION. From similarly aged men, the media grrl power shit, the medical community (yeah…), the giggling giggling friends and it now they get to think of themselves as THE UNHAPPY. Haha. I know that thinking was flawed, but. There you go.
It’s a tough call, but I had to give my vote to NWO. Arks is something of a one-trick pony (albeit a hilarious one), and while DKM has had some truly amazing moments (women have kept men from inventing ESP and flying cars! your boyfriends all wish they were fucking kittens instead of you! men should all go buy dolls to be their friends!), NWO is just an endless font of pure WTF. I’m not sure there’s been a single thread he’s posted in where he hasn’t added a new gem of insanity to his collection, whether it’s insisting that the Cyrillic alphabet is just a feminist lie, explaining that capital letters are legal magic, noting the ubiquity of bikini-clad shoppers at the average mall, or informing us all that women’s sexuality is defined as “women wearing clothes of some sort.” He is truly one-of-a-kind (and thank heaven for that).
@ithiliana
My favorite fandoms make me happy lol. I too don’t ever want to get married, but I’ve pretty much given up on finding a boyfriend as well. I’m never going to look or act how they want, and I can’t be bothered going through the meat market that is dating in order to find a needle in a haystack. It’s so much better to just find other ways to make yourself happy.
Good lord…I kinda sound like an MGTOW. Except that I don’t actually hate men nor do I spam the internet talking about how much I and all other women are just going to go our own way.
And since I’m somehow too lazy to get up and go home and cook dinner, let’s talk about the idea of feminism only telling women we are victims.
Talking about past oppression, current oppression, and survival of the same is not just saying “omg we’re victims pity us,” and reducing all feminist discourse to the idea of “women are victims of teh evil menz” is just ludicrous (though widely done).
But I do find it hilarious that one element of the troll discourse these days is “omg we are victims of the terrible womenz” — just as I find it hilarious that straight white Christian middle class and elite men are running around claiming VICTIM status (Rick Perry on how the gays have it better by being allowed to be gay while being shot at while he and his cannot celebrate Christmas OMG!).
Yeah, right, they’ve sure latched onto the rhetoric of victims.
Most of the feminist groups I’ve been in and the works I’ve read have been about survival and change and even, despite a certain pompous prick’s claim about respectability, revolution (which does NOT have to be done with guns and bombs dudes).
So, yeah. Maybe one of the reasons I don’t like Hugo’s rhetoric is that there’s a tone of patronizing about young women as ‘victims’ of the patriarchy, or of men….hmmmm…..hadn’t thought of that. Thanks MRAL!
i thought so too, but if you try to vote again it says, ‘Thank you, we have already counted your vote.’ at the top, and it doesn’t look like the tally goes up.
@Quackers: Yeah, I think I was telling JKT or whatever random initials he goes by how I’d been going my own way for probably about as long as he was alive (if he was 36). Now, my amazing discovery of a lifetime partner who is a woman…..just make us both women going our own way, just happens to be on the road together. But I was NOT looking at that point, was not giving a darn, just was thrilled to find a colleague who also liked Star Trek!
And even the most extreme of feminists going their own way (radical lesbian separatists) as far as I know didn’t spend a lot of time yammering at men about going their own way–they just went off and did the commune thing. ANd wrote tracts for women….
Huh. I voted once for each dude, and didn’t see that.
Maybe I missed it….but I thought the total number changed.
GOes to try it again.
NOpe, you’re right. So the question is, did that happen before and I didn’t see it (BIFOCALS!)….or what.
what “media grrl power shit” MRAL? all I see in the media are a bunch of conventionally attractive stuck up bimbos who have shit tons of money. You’re blind if you think they represent the majority of the female population. I have less in common with them than I do a fish.
There’s a word in Japanese that almost sounds like feminism but actually means being in love with the idea of women as weak, victimized, hurt, vulnerable, etc – finding that idea beautiful and romantic. There’s a bit of that in Hugo’s writing about young women in particular, and it gives me the creeps.
Could we persecute Hugo for parental fraud, I wonder?
@ithiliana
Many of my female friends don’t date either. I don’t know why. They don’t identify as feminists (I’m the only feminist out of my friends) and they have male friends. But, it could be that we are geeks. The thing is women are constantly told being attractive is the most important thing for us and what men value the most so I suspect that maybe women who are not conventionally attractive and those who just don’t care much about fashion, hair and makeup just don’t bother. That’s just my theory though. I’ll have to actually ask some of my friends why they don’t date.
I’m so happy you have found your partner though, and it’s funny how you find someone when you aren’t looking 🙂
mral, i’m sure you meant ‘prosecute’ but the slip-up is telling.
and no, you generally have to be someway involved in something before you can initiate a lawsuit over it.
The poll isn’t supposed to let anyone vote more than once. It does that using the secret RFID chip I had implanted in you all while you slept.
I mean, with cookies and IP addresses or something.