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self-promotion TROOOLLLL!!

Man Boobz Troll (and Trollhunter) of the Year Awards: Send in your nominations!

TROOOOLLLL!!!

Readers! Commenters! I am now (a bit late, I know) collecting nominations for Man Boobz Troll of the Year. Put forward your choice (or choices), and make the case for them, in the comments below. Feel free to make up your own categories for Troll Awards as well; I want to recognize the many and varied contributions of our many and varied trolls.

The winner(s) will receive little tiaras. But they have to go buy them for themselves, with their own money.

I am also collecting nominations for Man Boobz Troll Hunter of the Year – that is, the commenter or commenters here who you think have fought the good fight in the bestest possible ways. Again, you are free to make up your own categories for these awards.

The winner(s) here will receive a FREE viewing of the movie TrollHunter!It’s Norwegian! And really quite awesome, a faux documentary about the life of a Trolljegeren working secretly for the Norwegian government. Scary and hilarious!

Oh, and by “free viewing” I mean you can watch it on Netflix instant, if you’ve got Netflix. Hey, I’m kind of broke here. On the plus side, you can watch it even if you don’t win!

 

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zhinxy
9 years ago

Ami’s infuriating “XD’s” and cheerful, tireless troll maddening are unmatched. She is the legendaryist and epicest of Trollhunters. The rest of us are just cool cards she made cause she’s awesome.

ozymandias42
9 years ago

Most Entertaining Troll
NWOSlave

Most Boring Troll
Br____ndon

Best Heel Face Turn
MRAL

Best Worldbuilding
DKM

Best Face Heel Turn
aMiRA

Kindest
Ami Angelwings

Longest-Running Commenter Ozy Remembers
Darksidecat

Funniest
Pervocracy

Smartest
Pecunium

Best New Commenter
Xanthe/Catherine X

Best Multimedia Anti-Troll Presentations
Spearhafoc

ithiliana
9 years ago

Seconding Zhinxy’s nomination of Ami as Trollhunter of the Year.

Her epic feats are unmatched by anybody else.

ithiliana
9 years ago

Troll Most Clearly Living in Alternate Unverse:

Dang, it’s hard to choose between NWO and DKM!

But I think the AU laurel wreath has to go to NWO.

Lauralot
Lauralot
9 years ago

How can I possibly pick? You have Ami’s amazing nonchalance and smilies, Holly’s tireless facts in the face of stupidity, hellkell’s short, scathing posts, and on and on and on.

ithiliana
9 years ago

+ 1000 for Brandon as Most Boring Troll.

Troll Who Keeps Promising to GHOW and never does: JTK!

Lauralot
Lauralot
9 years ago

We can’t give Brandon an award! It’ll encourage him.

hellkell
hellkell
9 years ago

Most Boring Troll: B_don

Most Creative Use of Language While Trolling: Arks

Most Likely To Get Arrested At A Doll Museum: DKM

Best Denier of Earth Reality: NWO

Most Patient Wrangler: Holly

Best Smackdowns: Pecunium

Best Overall Wrangler: Ami

Funniest: Bagelsan, Lauralot

Best Professorial Smackdowns: Ithiliana

kladle
kladle
9 years ago

dsc’s visiting family in the land of no internet, I believe. zie’s still around, just not with regular access to the interbutts.

ozymandias42
9 years ago

Cosign Arks getting Best Use of Language.

I vote Whatever for Creepiest Troll, and Eoghan, the Troll of Many Faces, for most stubborn.

Viscaria
Viscaria
9 years ago

Most dedicated has to go to NWO. I agree that Arks deserves some recognition for his talent with hateful words.

Rper1959
9 years ago

New to trolling , but what exactly is a troll? Can someone offer a peer reviewed definition citing primary sources?

Is a Troll someone who disagrees with the supreme authority of David Futrelle over all things moral, political and otherwise?

Even though I have not posted here before I get your updates, and as an anti-feminist often think malicious and condescending thoughts about “manboobers” does that qualify me? Being awarded troll of the year would probably attract a great deal of kudos amongst the MRM community!

Seraph
Seraph
9 years ago

I second MRAL for best Heel Face Turn, assuming he isn’t backsliding in the last thread.

And NWO deserves some kind of lifetime achievement award for sheer consistency. Other trolls come and go, but he’s here day in and day out, using the same schpiel regardless of the actual topic.

shaenon
9 years ago

Submitted for the Academy’s consideration:

The Book of Learnin’
Indispensable Facts About the Universe from NWO
Awards Season Edition (Not for Resale)

Science

Evolution is impossible, because otherwise we’d be able to watch dogs evolve into super-dogs. Unless anyone can produce evidence of dogs with super-powers, evolution is a myth.

The theory of evolution claims that life came from rocks. It also states that evolution doesn’t occur anymore because rocks are no longer in make-life mode.

The theory of evolution is the same as the Big Bang theory, which is also impossible.

In the animal kingdom, females entice males with their spectacular plumage and elaborate mating displays.

Female animals cannot feed themselves and rely on males to support them. Even in cases where this seems untrue, the males are still tougher. For example, female lions do all the hunting in the pride, but if they come across a really tough enemy, like a hyena, they run and get the male lion to fight for them.

Mathematics

Feminists claim that one in four women is raped in college. But since college lasts for four years, you have to multiply that by four. Therefore, feminists are really saying that 100% of women are raped in college, which is obviously untrue, not to mention proof that women are bad at math.

There are only three percentages in statistics: 0%, 99%, and 100%. In statistical analysis, all numbers should be rounded to one of these three. COROLLARY: If people notice this and start suggesting that you’re just making your statistics up, it is mathematically acceptable to add some other really high numbers at random.

“Zero-sum game” is a fancy term for a game that ends in a tie.

There are two kinds of numbers, quantative and qualative.

Medicine

Children are lined up and injected with a dangerous chemical called flouride to make them stupid.

Mammograms cause breast cancer. Doctors advise women to get mammograms at least once a week until they develop cancer from it.

Many hospitals are open only to women and children. They’re not maternity/pediatric hospitals, just regular hospitals run by people who refuse to treat men for no reason.

All drugs and medication are unsafe except marijuana.

Male suicide is caused by society trying to feminize men, which makes them so depressed they kill themselves. Before modern feminism, suicide was practically non-existent.

After an abortion, the fetus is chopped into pieces and thrown into the nearest river or lake to feed the fish.

If the FDA worked, we’d have cures for cancer, diabetes, and every disease and ailment. Since we don’t, it’s not doing anything useful and should be abolished.

All therapists are women and feminists.

Education

Reading is not taught in American public schools.

Public schools offer two kinds of math: traditional arithmetic and New Math. Children are allowed to choose which one to learn.

Before feminism, male children were not required to do homework or pay attention in class. Homework and paying attention were invented in the 1970s to get boys in trouble.

Before feminism, schools did not have hall monitors.

How-to courses on homosexuality are taught in public schools. This is how people become gay.

Men are not permitted to work as teachers in the U.S.

The University of Cincinnati and all University of California schools have gotten rid of their engineering and computer science departments and replaced them with women’s studies and gender studies.

Thanks to the power of Title IX (see Law), all but two colleges in the U.S. are assembling organized Sex Police Forces made up of female students and faculty. There are plans to extend this program to grade schools.

There are twice as many teachers and half as many students in U.S. schools as there were 20 years ago. These teachers spend class time walking around in their underwear to arouse elementary-school boys.

History

Ancient Greece, Rome, Persia, and China under the Ming Dynasty were extremely progressive, feminist societies. That’s why they collapsed.

Before modern feminism, rape was a rare occurrence and almost unheard-of.

All wars in history were started by women nagging their husbands to invade other countries to get pretty dresses.

The Americas were discovered by Queen Isabella, who ordered every man in Europe to sail westward to get exotic jewels, perfumes and silks for her. It was a stroke of luck that Columbus found land before the entire male population of Europe perished in a watery grave.

Lynchings in the American South consisted of women accusing men of rape because they were man-hating feminists. Race had nothing to do with it; it was just as easy for a black woman to get a white man lynched as vice versa. In cases where the man was lynched on an accusation from another man, the lynchings were justified.

In 1919, women took control of all levels of government and law enforcement. Since then, every law in the U.S. has been written and enacted by women. There have been no male politicians, judges, or police officers for over 90 years.

The CIA imported feminism from the Soviet Union by publishing Ms. magazine and Miss Mag and channeling funds to a woman named Gloria Steinen.

Any history text written after the early 1500s is an unreliable source.

Linguistics

The word “suffrage” is derived from the verb “to suffer,” because voting is hard.

Spanish and Russian use the same alphabet. The Russians just have a funny kind of handwriting called cryillic script.

Arts and Literature

The Iliad is the story of how Queen Helen of Troy ordered two armies to fight over her. It is based on a true story.

The classical Greek play The Bacchae is a celebration of the roving lesbian gang that murdered the musician Orpheus. It is based on a true story.

The musical Chicago is a polemic about how men should be shot to death. It was written by a female college student last year.

All horror movies are about a pretty girl being stalked and assaulted by an evil man. In the end, she kills him and walks away alive.

All TV shows have the same plot as horror movies, except that the pretty girl is assisted by an all-female investigative team, with a single man in charge. At the end of every episode, the victim sits in a one-way mirrored room, watching the chained-up man with a smug look on her face. Then one of the women from the investigative team squeezes her arm.

Fashion

Most girls and women over the age of twelve wear see-through tops and micro-miniskirts on all occasions. Although their skirts are so short their genitals hang out, they do not wear underwear.

Women only dress to attract men—all men. If a woman leaves the house in clothes, she wants to have sex with any man she meets. Men, on the other hand, never dress to look attractive.

Women become sexually aroused by wearing clothes.

Law

All U.S. law, from the Constitution down, has been supplanted by the extremely powerful Title IX, a law requiring that all educational, government, and private institutions be 100% female. Title IX has its own police force, which is exactly like the Nazi SS. This takeover of the government was orchestrated by Russlynn Ali, Assistant Secretary for Civil Rights in the U.S. Department of Education, who now rules the U.S. as supreme dictator.

Laws in the U.S. and Britain are made by a panel of unelected advisors, who commission an independent legal review. Once the review is published anywhere, it becomes a law.

If the names on a contract are in all caps, those people are legally corporations. If they’re in mixed case, the contract is invalid.

Requiring people to take a vision test to get a driver’s license is an atrocity on the level of the Holocaust, Pol Pot’s genocide, and the famous Communist massacre of Christians.

The United States is a communist dictatorship. If it were a free country, people wouldn’t have to pay taxes or get licenses to drive.

Each law has its own police force and legal system. For example, if you urinate in public, the special Urination Police will arrest you.

Crime

False reporting of rape is the most serious and common crime in the U.S. The most common reasons for a woman to make up a rape accusation are cheating, revenge, excuse for missed homework, lateness, work absence, and attention-getting.

The average man is falsely accused of rape and thrown into prison without trial on a daily basis. Available statistics say otherwise because the true numbers are kept under wraps by the CIA.

Gay people are fifteen times more likely than straight people to be violent criminals. All the worst serial killers in history were gay.

California has replaced its women’s prisons with spas to reward female criminals for committing crimes.

Economics

All financial crises are caused by the Federal Reserve, which is run by the Rothchild family.

All the real-estate speculators who caused the housing bubble were women.

Maternity/paternity leave is the single biggest drain on the economy. If companies got rid of parental leave, it would create enough wealth that all women would be able to quit their jobs and be full-time mothers, like they’re supposed to.

There are no poor women. Whenever a woman needs anything, she sits in the middle of the street and cries, and passerby throw food and money at her for free.

Women control 80% of the world’s wealth, thanks to all the crying.

Business

Because of Title IX (see Law), businesses with government contracts are required to hire only women to meet gender quotas.

The few businesses owned or run by women are nonprofit organizations dedicated to hurting men.

Charitable Giving

For every dollar women donate to charities to help men, men donate ten billion dollars to help women.

There are only two kinds of charities in existence: charities that only help women, and charities that only help women and children.

Women give a trillion dollars a year to charities, but these “charities” actually fronts for the huge corporations these women own. Economists are still trying to determine how women can simultaneously run all big corporations and only run small man-hating nonprofits.

Nonprofit organizations operate by photocopying fliers, posting them on walls around town, then sitting back and waiting for the money to roll in. Even though the average nonprofit doesn’t do anything else, it’s much too hard for a man to start one, because men are so oppressed.

Government

Everyone takes orders from the U.N. and the Jews.

Without government, homosexuality would not exist.

Foreign Relations

In war, women act as “cheerleaders” for both sides at once, goading otherwise peaceful men to fight. These women have no political goals or opinions; they just like watching men die.

Russia is the “deathplace capital of the world” for men because feminism was invented there (see Feminism). It is the most feminist country on earth.

All taxes in Scandinavian countries go toward women’s causes. Scandinavian grade schools have a holiday where girls are given cookies and ice cream, while boys are given stale matzo. Men in Scandinavian countries are imprisoned for farting.

Portugal and Spain are populated mostly by brown people.

Judaism is a nationality.

Marriage and Family

Somewhere in the U.S. is a place called The Ghetto, where between 70% and 99% of households consist of unemployed single mothers living entirely off welfare. Also, everyone in The Ghetto is black. Sociologists are still struggling to determine why women in The Ghetto don’t support themselves as other women do, by sitting in the street and crying until people throw stuff at them (see Economics).

99% of feminist marriages end in divorce.

The vast majority of violent rapists come from female-led households, because the feminist indoctrination boys receive in such households makes them so angry they have to go out and rape people to let off steam.

When you get married, the government owns you through your marriage contract. This is why the government can make divorced people pay alimony and/or child support.

Fatherhood is illegal in Britain and there are plans to outlaw it in the U.S. soon.

Religion

Judaism is the most aggressively evangelical religion on earth. Less than 5% of Jews are ethnically Jewish, while the rest are recruited from the tireless Jewish recruitment efforts.

Catholics worship the Virgin Mary.

In the story of Jesus saving the adulteress from stoning, the moral is that sinners deserve to be stoned.

Pedophilia

All child molesters are either women or gay men. Straight men are never pedophiles.

Prepubescent girls desperately want to have sex with middle-aged milking-machine technicians. They advertise this desire by wearing swimsuits to the beach.

Feminism

Feminism is a highly organized international movement created in the Soviet Union and currently funded by the United Nations.

Phyllis Schlafly has worked tirelessly throughout her life to promote feminist causes.

Predictions of the Future

Someday a straight white man will beat up a lesbian for molesting a five-year-old. Everyone in the world will sympathize with the lesbian and immediately legalize child molestation.

In 100 years, white people will have gone extinct because white women didn’t reproduce enough. Archeologists discovering the remains of Western culture will laugh at us for letting women have rights.

captainbathrobe
9 years ago

Most consistently impervious to facts and reason: NWOSlave

Most likely to be a time traveler from the Antebellum South: David K. Mellar

Firmest belief in his own specialness: B___don

Oddest triggers: AWS (he was the one who hated ALL CAPS, causing us to post a good portion of the thread in that manner. Good times.).

Most likely to be pulling our leg: Arks

Most likely to engage in pseudo-intellectual babble, then deny it afterward: Chuckeedee

Most attempts to evade banning by assuming aliases: Eoghan (of course)

Lauralot
Lauralot
9 years ago

I feel like NWO’s views on male and female sexuality need to be included in the Book. As well as his assertion that masturbation is in no way sexual, not ever.

shaenon
9 years ago

I feel like NWO’s views on male and female sexuality need to be included in the Book. As well as his assertion that masturbation is in no way sexual, not ever.

Female sexuality is filed under “Fashion,” since female sexuality consists entirely of wearing clothes.

(I’m almost charmed, in a weird way, by NWO’s belief that women are aroused by the same things that arouse him. I mean, literally the same things. If a short skirt on a woman turns him on, it’s got to be turning the woman on too!)

Spearhafoc
9 years ago

Thirding/fourthing the vote for Ami as trollhunter.

NWOslave as most entertaining.

B____n as least entertaining.

I vote Whatever for Creepiest Troll, and Eoghan, the Troll of Many Faces, for most stubborn.

I disagree. Creepiest troll was definitely Samuel. His “conversation” with KristenMH was chilling.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

I think I missed Samuel entirely. What was his schtick?

ozymandias42
9 years ago

Distinguished Service Award for Maintaining The Book of Learning
Shaenon

Best Manboobz Sister Site
The Pervocracy!

Spear: Ugh, I stopped reading Samuel after a while. His grammar was just too awful.

Leni
Leni
9 years ago

Lol I dunno, but shaenon definitely deserves an award for that last post. I love it !

I

kiki
kiki
9 years ago

Obviously not my place to say and all, but while I’m down with the troll-killer awards, isn’t giving awards for the trolls themselves kind of like encouraging them? The only thing the trolls need to know about themselves is that their posts here portray them as utterly worthless human beings – and you can’t have degrees of utter worthlessness.

Congrats, boys. You’re all “winners”.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Nah, if the main reaction to a troll is “wow, you’re boring” then they have officially failed even by their own standards.

That said, in the case of Brandon, let’s not encourage him.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Samuel was/is an MGHOW/male apologist who was all about despising his own sexuality and spewing bullshit Eastern Mysticism about retaining his bodily fluids to make himself stronger.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

MGTOW least likely to ever actually go his own way – All of them.

kiki
kiki
9 years ago

Having said that, my nomination for the Too Fucking Stupid To Live And Doesn’t Care Who Knows It Award goes to NWO, for his late-game assertion that masturbation isn’t part of a person’s sexuality (in the previous thread). Fuck knows what he thinks it’s more accurately associated with – sense of direction? Financial acumen? Culinary skill? Ability to do that funny double loop thing with your tongue?

Spearhafoc
9 years ago

I wonder if David saved the creepy messages from Samuel. I think those are what got him banned. I can’t remember the exact wording that was so off-putting, but it was the one where he started calling her a beautiful woman who was tempting him.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

New category! Most oddly and inexplicably prudish about sex troll.

I’m voting for Meller for the whole “omg women might want to visit brothels and have men entertain them? gross!” comment, but NWO and Brandon are also contenders.

kiki
kiki
9 years ago

Oh, and Amii FTW for troll-hunting in general, and for devastating use of kawaii smileys.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

If I recall correctly, he told KristenMH that she should stop using her face as an avatar, because she was a “beautiful woman”, and that made him uncomfortable. So yeah, very creepy.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

This was also the same guy who said he couldn’t carpool with a woman, for fear of getting a boner.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
9 years ago

Best new troll: Moi

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

You wish, Mister No Name. You’re the distilled essence of mediocrity.

kladle
kladle
9 years ago

(I’m almost charmed, in a weird way, by NWO’s belief that women are aroused by the same things that arouse him. I mean, literally the same things. If a short skirt on a woman turns him on, it’s got to be turning the woman on too!)

Wow, NWO almost makes sense now. I finally understand where he gets his totally wacky shit about sexuality. Women’s sexuality is just a perfect mirror of whatever NWO feels.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Really, if I were gonna nominate anyone for Best New Troll, it’d have be Arks. Dude makes being a jackass an art form.

cynickal
cynickal
9 years ago

Did somebody say something…?

Don’t forget HINDU for most likely to go racist.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

What’s that yipping sound? I didn’t know it was possible to yip with a French accent.

In terms of most boring troll, obviously Brandon has a headstart, but the new MGTOW dude is catching up fast.

Shadow
Shadow
9 years ago

seconding ithliana for ninja-like professorial takedowns

since NWO has become such an integral part of the manboobz experience I nominate the Most Infuriating to NWO category. I can’t tell if it’s Ami with her smileys or Ozy being genderqueer and identifying as zie

I also nominate VOIP for best takedowns of the “I’m going to the magical lands in the East” MRAs

ozymandias42
9 years ago

Worst New Troll
Monseiur Sans Nom

Worst Pseudo-Feminist
HINDU in all of her incarnations

Shadow
Shadow
9 years ago

“And NWO deserves some kind of lifetime achievement award for sheer consistency. Other trolls come and go, but he’s here day in and day out, using the same schpiel regardless of the actual topic.”

LMAO! I also nominate Seraph for best nomination

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

As far as Troll Hunter is concerned, I’m torn between Pecunium, because he takes apart their illogic with the skill of a master surgeon, and Ami, for her ability to flummox them with her irresistible charm and positivity.

Dracula
Dracula
9 years ago

Actually, can we nominate multiple people for the same category? ‘Cause I have like four or five people I could name for Funniest.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Best customized artwork – Holly.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Most completely failed attempt to scandalize people – Om Nom.

zhinxy
9 years ago

Wait, what? NWO said masturbation had nothing to do with sexuality? Where is this?

Okay, he’s definitely troll of the year. Sorry, Meller.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

Actually, if we’re going to go there…most unique and unusual approach to human sexuality.

It’s a Meller and NWO face off.

zhinxy
9 years ago

Oh, shit. Well, the dolls. There are the dolls.

And there is the Puttin On That Skirt Is A Sexual Act…

And then there are the DOLLS…

this is difficult.

zhinxy
9 years ago

Best New Musical – Chicago. XD

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
9 years ago

There’s also “the slutty ladies would be happy to be placed in brothels, dammit!” versus “don’t pretend you wouldn’t enjoy being raped if you’re a man”.

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