One of my favorite manosphere blogs is no more. Its proprietor, worried that he might get “outed” in real life, decided to shut it down and delete everything. In deference to his desire for privacy, I will refer to him here only as Arky-May Ark-May. He will be missed.
Luckily, before the shutdown, I managed to grab one last post, a little gem titled “The Vagina, by Christopher in Oregon.” Chris, a longtime friend of Arky-May, is something of an expert on this particular subject, in his own special way. As a man who is very definitely Going His Own Way, it seems clear that he’s had little or no experience or contact with actual vaginas. But he seems to think about them more than perhaps anyone on earth. His thoughts are not kind thoughts.
So let’s pour one out for Arky-May’s lost blog, and enjoy Christopher of Oregon’s ruminations:
Men spend most of their lives trying to get back into the hole they shot out of, so they need to stop for a moment and analyze it. The vagina, I mean.
Here we go.
At first glance, it’s mighty ugly. Floppy lips dangling down like bat wings. The entire region pelted with ugly pubic hair. It’s greasy, and the more aroused and broody she becomes, the greasier it gets.
The greasier? The greasier? You’ve never actually touched one, have you? Reading Christopher of Oregon on the vagina is a bit like listening to a high school student who hasn’t done the reading try to bluff his way through a teacher’s question on Macbeth.
Have I mentioned the smell yet? Let me tell you, it’s horrifying. I have an up-scale Sushi restaurant near my home. I love Sushi, by the way. But, on the edge of the parking lot of the afore-mentioned restaurant, they dump the scraps and unsold fish into a dumpster. I walked by there the other day when it was about 85 degrees, and the smell just about knocked me over. The first thought that occurred to me was that it smelled just like every vagina I’ve ever known.
Chris, clearly the only vaginas you’ve ever known have been fish vaginas. (Do fish have vaginas? They must, right?)
Now, a skunk smells bad. A dead possum smells bad. So does a cat box. But a vagina? That goes beyond bad. And, no, it’s not “musky” or “tart” as some women like to say.
It’s bad. Really bad. I don’t think we have single word in the English language that adequately describes the foul, rancid odor of a woman’s vagina.
Also, they are full of cooties! And centipedes! And mousetraps! And LIBRARY FINES!
There is something patently WRONG with something that produces such a noxious stench that it could, as the old saying goes, knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon at fifty paces.
I’m pretty sure that even the foulest vagina in the history of the world wouldn’t be able to knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon at any distance further than a couple of yards. Buzzards love shit-wagons!
I just ask you fellows to put that hairy hole in proper perspective.
Huh. I thought Harry Hole was a fictional Norwegian detective.
Ah, well. I’m off to lunch with a greatly reduced appetite.
Say hi to Arky-May for us.
No worries! I have to wonder what these fellas you spoke of would think about cloaca’s……*LOL*
Oh, and JohnnyKaje, if you want to do a buttered manatee shirt, I’m game!
I hope everyone here knows you can already get manboobz t-shirts and other stuff featuring mammoths, bad boy cock carousels and evil cupcakes, featuring art by JohnnyKaje and Shaenon! See the top of the page for a link to the manboobz store.
They make ideal post-Christmas presents!!
oh…blockquotes don’t work with youtube videos 😐
@OSHIII: I would also refrain from defining “sootikin” for these folks, too. /splode!
Greasy? GREASY?!? What vaginas has this man been in contact with? This amount of disgust over the human (female) body is actually really unsettling to me, so I have to laugh at it instead. Even misogyny aside, this fixation on a body part is just gross. I mean, loads of people are grossed out by feet, but it would still be odd if they wrote some kind of essay about how vile and disgusting feet are.
Quackers: Just an addition… MILD soap is all you need. Nobody go using anti-bacterial stuff, that throws the balance of good bacteria in the vagina just like douches do D: You also don’t need to put soap in your vagina (hopefully everyone knows the difference between the vagina and the vulva…?) since it’s self-cleaning — you just need to wash the external vulva (within the labia majora, around the clitoris, inner labia, etc)
Theory: Maybe he believes that insulting the vagina is the ultimate “neg” and if he says that all vaginas are gross and nasty that some woman who is very proud of her vagina will try and prove him wrong.
One of my first experiences with a penis was with an uncircumcised man (well, teenager) who had a yeast infection.
It’s a good thing I’m not stupid enough to think that every penis is like that or I’m not sure I’d have ever gotten laid again.
Feminists and MRAs have no sense of humor(they take themselves way too srsly). If some guys are grossed out by vaginas then they should just fuck men instead. And yes, there is far more to the female form than just the vagina, like hips, thighs, and butt cheeks among other things. 😛
“Feminists and MRAs have no sense of humor”
We’ve been over this a bazillion times. This, right here, is a humor blog who belongs to a feminist. If you don’t find it funny, that’s your problem.
I can’t help but notice that Monsieur Sans Nom hasn’t made me laugh once yet.
Not even unintentionally.
Hmm. Not impossible, but not a very good strategy if true. Any woman who is very proud of her vagina probably wouldn’t fall for it.
And I thought the radfems got a bit nasty in some of their “no woman anywhere ever really likes giving a blowjob” posts. Clearly they’re rank amateurs, posers even. They’re going to need to try a lot harder if they’re going to get anywhere near the opposition.
As for myself, the brain being the funny old thing it is, I have somehow (don’t ask me how) come to associate pussies with sex. So getting up close and personal with one is almost always a turn on. As Monty Python put it, “sit on my face, and tell me that you love me!”
This Christopher from Oregon” may have simply been referring to some, perhaps too many, unpleasant personal experiences with modern women. No,of course not ALL women stink, but quite a few of them do, and he may have been unlucky enough to find the bad ones!
While ‘lysol’ ™ may have been a bit harsh for delicate vaginal tissues, there are better products for those purposes today, and maybe this ‘CfO’ was simply trying to make more such women–too many of whom are probably sexually overactive anyhow- more aware of how to safeguard their own health, and make themselves more pleasing and attractive to him, or any other male partner. His means of broaching this admittedly delicate subject may be disagreeable, but one can at least admit to his good intentions, both to any floozies who gave him sex, or, for that matter, to any men who, like him, have had the misfortune to encounter too many of your modern women whose ideas of “liberation” mean freedom from bathing, and whose ideas of “empowerment” includes posessing a stench that would choke a polecat!
Clean and sweet women, on the other hand, have nothing to worry about, and it is even possible that this CfO would want to apologise to those exceptions!
Normally, I wouldn’t comment on an article like this, but if I am going to be misperceived by most manboobzettes here as a “misogynist” or a “sexist” anyhow, why not? You get what you have coming to you!
Vait! Hy tought dat made her a Jager Monster! Hy guess hy moost keep de coorent voman Hy have den.
@Quackers, strangely, that’s the same look I receive when I rip my shirt off and demand to be greased up.
holy fuck, dkm, can you say anything in less than a million super boring words
Thanks DKM I needed a good laugh this morning
Sweet jesus. How would DKM know the first thing about vaginas?
Apparently this man has never been on public transportation. It ain’t pussy stinking the place the place up, that’s for sure! Mostly it’s not even women because piss is the predominant odor and we all know who it is that likes to write their names in pee. There are also subtle hints of bum, armpit, vomit and beer. Never once smelled pussy.
Oh, it is a horrible strategy. But it would probably explain why he has never seen a non-smelly and non-greasy (i.e. normal) vagina.
Oh Meller. Chris in Oregon thinks he can smell a pussy from fifty feet. The mere knowledge of a woman in his vicinity is enough to ruin going to restaurants and he laments that he can’t light a cigar to mask their fouls stench any old place he pleases.
So he isn’t trying to have women make themselves more attractive to anyone. He’s like you, he’d be happier in a world with no women; though he does go further than you do… he wouldn’t even keep them as slaves.
Repeat after me DKM: douches are unhealthy. Vulvas are not supposed to smell like flowers. Douches can cause yeast infections.
DKM, using “products” in the vaginal area is more likely to cause problems than to solve them. Douches and “feminine sprays” are not necessary to be “clean and sweet”, okay? I’ve been lucky enough not to have issues, but perhaps that’s because I’m not spraying chemicals and perfumes on my vulva or up my vagina. Some women do have problems with things like yeast infections, but I hear tell those are quite uncomfortable, so I’m not sure why a woman would be such a masochist as to refuse to attend to the issue. Do you assume these hypothetical stinky women hate men so much that they will suffer with painful health problems only to foul the air and upset sensitive male tummies? Does that make any sense?
I have a fairly discerning nose, and I’ve never once noticed the intimate odor of another woman. Yes, some people do not smell good, but I’ve never narrowed the stench down to pussy. Usually, the offensive odors on my register are cheap perfumes, heavy perspiration, stale cigarettes, bad breath, cigars, hippie-store patchouli oils, or some form of bad hygiene. With the sole exception of perfume, men tend to offend more than women. Which gender, in general, spends more time and money on grooming anyway? I know I’m far on one end of the spectrum, but I easily spend over $1000 year on soaps, lotions, cosmetics, hairstyling, and (good) perfume. My husband probably spends $100. It takes me nearly an hour to shower, style my hair, put on makeup, pick out flattering clothes, and so on. It takes my husband ten minutes to go through his ritual. And, you know, even my female friends who are indifferent to looking attractive are clean. They don’t smell bad. They don’t cultivate untreated medical conditions of the vagina just so they can offend others.
100 bucks? That’s not much. Just razors (and I have a light beard) cost me more than that. Shampoo (I like a LUSH product) isn’t much, about 40 bucks a year, and conditioner another 40. I lose combs, so that’s probably another 20, and about 20 for hair ties.
Call it about 200 bucks.
Not counting laundry soap.
🙂
If this site is accurate, a lot of women do douche:
http://women.emedtv.com/douche/douche.html
I never have, and have never had a yeast infection, or any other type of vaginal infection, so, yeah, there seems to be NO GOOD REASON for the practice.
And only a douchebag would demand it of the women he knows (I really want to ask Mr. Fainting FLower up there is his MOTHER smells so bad…..but that might be mean).