One of my favorite manosphere blogs is no more. Its proprietor, worried that he might get “outed” in real life, decided to shut it down and delete everything. In deference to his desire for privacy, I will refer to him here only as Arky-May Ark-May. He will be missed.
Luckily, before the shutdown, I managed to grab one last post, a little gem titled “The Vagina, by Christopher in Oregon.” Chris, a longtime friend of Arky-May, is something of an expert on this particular subject, in his own special way. As a man who is very definitely Going His Own Way, it seems clear that he’s had little or no experience or contact with actual vaginas. But he seems to think about them more than perhaps anyone on earth. His thoughts are not kind thoughts.
So let’s pour one out for Arky-May’s lost blog, and enjoy Christopher of Oregon’s ruminations:
Men spend most of their lives trying to get back into the hole they shot out of, so they need to stop for a moment and analyze it. The vagina, I mean.
Here we go.
At first glance, it’s mighty ugly. Floppy lips dangling down like bat wings. The entire region pelted with ugly pubic hair. It’s greasy, and the more aroused and broody she becomes, the greasier it gets.
The greasier? The greasier? You’ve never actually touched one, have you? Reading Christopher of Oregon on the vagina is a bit like listening to a high school student who hasn’t done the reading try to bluff his way through a teacher’s question on Macbeth.
Have I mentioned the smell yet? Let me tell you, it’s horrifying. I have an up-scale Sushi restaurant near my home. I love Sushi, by the way. But, on the edge of the parking lot of the afore-mentioned restaurant, they dump the scraps and unsold fish into a dumpster. I walked by there the other day when it was about 85 degrees, and the smell just about knocked me over. The first thought that occurred to me was that it smelled just like every vagina I’ve ever known.
Chris, clearly the only vaginas you’ve ever known have been fish vaginas. (Do fish have vaginas? They must, right?)
Now, a skunk smells bad. A dead possum smells bad. So does a cat box. But a vagina? That goes beyond bad. And, no, it’s not “musky” or “tart” as some women like to say.
It’s bad. Really bad. I don’t think we have single word in the English language that adequately describes the foul, rancid odor of a woman’s vagina.
Also, they are full of cooties! And centipedes! And mousetraps! And LIBRARY FINES!
There is something patently WRONG with something that produces such a noxious stench that it could, as the old saying goes, knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon at fifty paces.
I’m pretty sure that even the foulest vagina in the history of the world wouldn’t be able to knock a buzzard off a shit-wagon at any distance further than a couple of yards. Buzzards love shit-wagons!
I just ask you fellows to put that hairy hole in proper perspective.
Huh. I thought Harry Hole was a fictional Norwegian detective.
Ah, well. I’m off to lunch with a greatly reduced appetite.
Say hi to Arky-May for us.
I found this mouth-watering photo of hot buttered manatees. Festively frosted for your holiday table!
Also, I once briefly dated a much older guy (I was in my early 20s, he was near 40) who was deeply saddened by the fact that a) his ‘negging’ didn’t work on me, and b) I dumped him after getting wise to the fact that his girlfriends got younger as he got older. He must have been an early PUA. Long after I dumped him, he sent me manatee erotica as “revenge.” Yep, it was a graphic story of him seducing a manatee. So I think this manatee meme really has potential.
” Long after I dumped him, he sent me manatee erotica as “revenge.” ”
Did you save it? If so I think you need to post it for posterity’s sake.
I did not. It was too disgusting.
Google tells me there are 1.72 MILLION results for the search term “manatee erotica.” So my suspicions are confirmed.
Also, this.
I would have forwarded it to all his friends, but hey, I’m evil.
Call me one-track minded, but all I can think of is “oh, the huge manatee.”
These guys should try to find a less adorable animal to use for negging purposes. Naked mole-rat?
Katz, naked mole rats are the CUTEST! I refuse to turn them over to the PUA!
Vultures? They’re rather skinny, though, so that may confuse our PUA friends.
Meanwhile, to go back to the other thread, whenever I hear about older guys like Roissy relentlessly pursuing young girls this is what I think of.
speaking of grease…
Those adorable creatures?
Of course, I think everything’s adorable. The seapig? Simply radiant! Blobfish? Delightful! Maybe PUAs should call their negging targets “MRAs.” Or “PUAs.” The horror!
I actually like naked mole-rats too (especially ones named Rufus); I just like animals, period.
Anyway there’s no question which animal represents MRAs: the cape rain frog.
I think the cane toad is probably more representative, it’s ugly, poisonous, and a destructive invasive species.
No one tell him that men often like to fuck or even go down on woman’s assholes as well. You don’t want to be the one responsible for his brain exploding.
…On second thought, no one tell him that dicks don’t usually smell much like a rose garden either, or that genitals in general tend to smell differently from, say, an elbow.
…Or that people usually just accept that reality as a part of the transition into adulthood, and learn to associate these normal odors with having a good time.
…Or that oral and anal sex predate modern plumbing and the frequent bathing and deodorizing that well-adjusted modern humans engage in, meaning that we lucky ducks don’t have layers of well-aged crotch-BO to contend with while fooling around, and that even if someone think a vagina stinks like rotten fish they have to accept that that they’re still getting the best deal that anyone’s had since anthropoid apes realized that sex was fun.
The resulting brainsplosion would be seen from space.
Some of women do not care about their own hygiene, their vaginas are dirty. However generally any one has a pleasant aspect about their opposite sex.
I will say that the thing about vaginas smelling and tasting bad doesn’t seem to be true. From my experience they don’t really smell of anything and to be honest they actually taste kinda sweet (not as in good but as in the five tastes). This was pretty disappointing for me because I was looking for excuses to hate them. But I will say that they’re generally unpleasant to look at, unpleasant to touch and unpleasant to listen to. Yes, listen to. Only an arsehole should be capable of farting. So overall (3 senses vs. 2) I’m not a fanny fan.
Cape rain frog looks delightfully disgruntled.
That frog is far too cute to be an MRA, even if it is toxic.
Given the obsession with younger women and sense of offense that women age I say we just roll them up with the PUAs, just to piss both groups off, and go with “Skeksis”.
As in, not even predatory really so much as parasitic.
That cape rain frog looks like some princess told him she loved him and wanted to break his curse, but all he could think about was how she had some upper-arm fat and jesus christ this princess’s mom is an old woman so someday she will be old too.
Damn, Arks, that was really not up to your usual standard. Do you have a hangover or something?
WRONG.The have reproductive openings but they are far more simple than any kind of mammalian vagina.
But DAYAM! Lookit this bitches pussy on wikipedia(under entry “vagina”):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Azvag.jpg
Hail to the almighty V:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxW_ZCd64tg
😉
Hot Buttered Manatee shirts? Deal me in! And David–you had me ROFL-ing at the “Buzzard/shit wagon” thing. One of the best laughs I’ve had all day, and I’m rockin’ a nasty headache. Oh! For anyone who cares, the new “Sherlock Holmes” movie is a fun ride!!
Heeeheeee! “Buzzards LIKE shit wagons” ;D
Well, I guess I was wrong about fish vaginas, then.