So, butt sex. In a recent posting on Jezebel, Hugo Schwyzer notes that heterosexual anal sex is now more popular – or at least more prevalent — than ever. According to one study he cites, some 40% of women age 20-24 report that they’ve tried it.
Obviously, many women love love love it – check out Toni Bentley’s engaging if possibly a little too enthusiastic buttsex memoir The Surrender if you don’t believe me. But Hugo wonders if some women are getting pressured into it. And it’s a reasonable concern, especially now that more straight guys have come to expect anal sex as a regular part of sexual relationships. Indeed, Hugo quotes a couple of young women who say that, yes, guys are constantly trying to cajole them into going to “5th base.”
The blogger Scallywag is having none of it.
Fending off anal sex? Really? Are we as men to believe that? If truth be known it is often and still remains the prerogative of women who she will have sex with (as much as a man may attempt to influence her decision) let alone anal sex. That a woman is somehow forced to accede to this demand strikes me as presumptuous and lacking in the understanding that as much as men often control the financial shots of a relationship (but that too is changing) it is often women who decide if and what type of sex will occur or not (otherwise it would be rape).
Uh, yes, I would hope that women always, not just often, would decide who they have sex with, and what kinds of sex they have. Same for men. That’s the way consensual sex works: everyone involved in it gets veto power. Otherwise, it would indeed be rape.
Scallywag, I would recommend that you go back and read the basic rules of sex before engaging in any more of it, much less something as advanced as anal.
As for Hugo, well, after asking that good question, he wanders off into some weird paternalist nonsense about anal sex being
yet another manifestation of the pressure on young women to focus on performance rather than on their own pleasure. … Perhaps the greatest incentive to do anal is the chance to prove the all-important capacity to endure pain. … [F]or most (certainly not all) young women, pleasure doesn’t seem to be the point.
You know, if anal sex hurts, you’re NOT DOING IT RIGHT.
Also, some people enjoy pain as a part of their sex life, at least when it’s inflicted safely and consensually. Sex is a messy and complicated thing, and you’re not going to get very far in understanding it if you project your own preferences and assumptions onto others with rather different preferences and assumptions about sex.
Hugo goes on to complain further about what he sees as the “sheer physical hurting that young women are expected to endure in order to meet the contemporary cultural ideal.” Somehow in his mind this includes not just painful waxing and the model-thin beauty ideal (a real issue, obviously) but also … sports:
Girls play more sports (and suffer more overuse injuries) than they did two decades ago. … On the soccer field or in the beauty salon, this generation is expected to prove its toughness as none before … .
Really? Maybe girls and women are getting more involved in sports these days because they, er, want to? And because they have more opportunities to get involved in sports these days because of, you know, feminism?
It’s one thing to worry about people – male and female – being pressured into conforming to social ideals or into sex or specific sex acts they don’t want. But it’s another to assume that girls’ and women’s choices are never really choices because patriarchy! Assuming that girls and women are playing more soccer, or going to “5th base,” mostly because they’re being pressured to is really kind of, well, assy.
On that note, enjoy this song about butts and coconuts.
WARNING: Do not actually put coconuts up your butt. For safe anal play, only use objects with a flared base. I cannot emphasize this enough.
I believe that, sure.
In the same way I believe that NWO could ever be something other than a vicious bigot.
Well mon…
You might try licking it. Just saying as something couples do way before breaking out the sex kit. Myself I have no sex kit.
Your idea of anal is straight out of porn. No idea about exploring each others bodies. You are as your mra brethren insists are the ones with the prostate glands.
I will also say MON that women who are wearing thong panties normally are probably out of your league and you’re better off without if one in whatever looked your way. .
You wish. Even if she doesn’t wear ’em I can always buy her one and convince her to wear it. 😉 But do continue to come up with variations of the “u cant git laid” ad hominem.
WOOF
I’ve worn buttfloss and crackstraps; and have done anal (too much lube is barely enough, and starting slow with fingers is really, really helpful); and been rimmed (which freaked me out when a guy tried to do it to me back when I was a young thing); but what the fuck is tossing the salad? Do I even want to know… and how did I get to my current decrepit state without knowing what this meant?
On the other hand, I couldn’t give a toss about Nom’s porntastic ideas.
Glad to hear it, catherine.
You’re too old + too far away to tempt me, though.
Merry Assmass to all,
and to all a good nite! 🙂
No thanks for the ageism, but merry assmass to you too… and please feel free to fuck off and annoy someone else.
Don’t let the door slam your ass on the way out.
*prepares scoring cards for the flounce*
My apologies for the ageism catherine, butt, you are a bit too far away for me to even think of you in any sort of sexual context. Sorry to disappoint you.
* Nom fails the tuck and pike (degree of difficulty: 1.5) and falls flat on his face *
* 2.5 points from the Australian judge *
/delurks
Catherine, methinks “tossing salad” is just another term for rimming. It makes me shudder, personally, but then again, most of those really colorful phrases bring out the pedantic in me more than turn me on.
To Amanda’s point, I’ve had to learn the hard way what to reveal to people because of the “creep” factor. Things like formerly working as a PSO, being anything but “oh god no” about anal, etc, used to never fail to bring out at least one boundary-jumper (example, when discussing jobs with an online RP group, I had one guy from that group IM me to ask for a free Skype session. I told him to ask an accountant to do his taxes for free, see what he or she said, and get back to me). Now I just don’t care, but in my early 20s, it really squicked me a bit.
/relurks
Salad tossing is just rimming.
You people take things waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too srsly sometimes….Actually quite often. And MRA whiners ITT, I’m talking to you too FYI. Secks = funny. Always.
& Have a b00ty new year. 😛
People who are incapable of self-deprecating humor, make their "jokes" exclusively at others' expense and would rather gnaw their limbs off than laugh at themselves, always say stupid shit like the above. That's what I find funny.
arrgh, blockquote fail. Oh well.
Orion,
Well, that’s frankly disappointing – here was I thinking it was some new perversion I’ve been missing out on all these years! I see French dood continues to wank on and cannot stick the flounce: why don’t you stick to your porn collection and your dates with Rosie Palms.
Merry Christmas Manboobzers and Pervocrats!
“People who are incapable of self-deprecating humor, make their “jokes” exclusively at others’ expense and would rather gnaw their limbs off than laugh at themselves,”
That sounds like a perfect description of the Manboobz crowd, actually.
Although one can see the awesomeness of their sense of humor from all the “LOL U CANT GET LAID” comments. Brilliant, brilliant stuff.
“here was I thinking it was some new perversion I’ve been missing out on all these years”
I’m pretty sure that in the last twenty years, we’ve invented hundred times more way to speak about sex than actual sex acts.
Which is so weird to me. I’d much rather just be asked if someone wanted to lick my anus that be asked to have my “salad tossed”. Way to throw me out of the sechy mood…
Goes to show Nom’s pretentiousness that he has to describe it that way, I suppose. Thanks Niki (love your nym!) for letting me in on the meaning (your first post was held up in moderation). I feel a bit meh about the sexiness of it, it feels very nice to have someone flirting with their tongue back there, but there’s things I enjoy much more (if one of my partner’s aims is purportedly in pleasing me, as well as themself) and in respect of Nom’s porn fantasy, why would I want to be wearing the crackstrap? Not getting the point of that… Basically I’ve nothing against someone wanting to tongue my anus provided they know that I’ll be unwilling to return the favour.
You miss the point, misogynist sympathizer. (But then, what else is new?) We laugh AT you and your friends — we don’t lecture you about taking jokes graciously. For the most part, I think pretty much everyone realizes your kind of humor revolves predominantly around rape and severed heads, so not much is expected from you in that department. And besides — if you can’t get laid because you fucking hate the very people you want to get laid WITH, and then post walls of text retroactively validating your hatred with the fact that women don’t seem to want you, you deserve endless mockery and scorn, and I don’t give a fig whether or not you endorse the merriment. Aging, however, happens to everyone, and isn’t a character flaw. Saying “ur old, I dun wanna fuck u” and claiming it’s a “joke” pegs the joker as both a bigot and a moron.
@MRAL – I’m very late mentioning this, but just have to say: your comment from yesterday (12/24) that “God is junkless” made this-here feminist howl with laughter! So glad you’ve chosen to stop trolling and let your real self come out to crack us up.
(And Happy Whatever You Celebrate to all Manboobzers.)
Ok, I won’t lie your comment utterly confused me so I hope I don’t come off as foolish and if I do bear with me. I am not sure if you are referring to yourself when you say that or just referring to people in general saying that (or something entirely different).
I mean I don’t think you are referring to yourself since you refer to yourself as a woman but I honestly am not sure how else to interpret what you are saying.
The best way to get a woman to open up to trying anal, or at least to test her reaction to having something up her butt, is to slip your index finger into her anus when you’re spooning her. Or you can get a buttplug and put in in her bootyhole when she’s sleeping…..As long as she’s not too much of a light sleeper! 😛
All this talk about wimminz buttholes has just got me thinking….Has anyone here bleached their anus? I wish more women would do this, though I havent the foggiest idea if it’s painful or expensive or wut.
Oh yeah I think that would be the best way! Or like, ask her. Maybe that would be a better way!
/sarcasm
Creeeeeeepy, Monsieur avec Merde.
</PSA>
Well, that isn’t a surprise… but maybe I shouldn’t indulge in such selective quoting!
Here’s a thought for you: why don’t YOU get your anus bleached, and then get back to us. In your case, I wouldn’t object to it involving a large amount of pain in the arse — it might give you some appreciation of what your readers are obliged to suffer.
Really, anal bleaching has to be the silliest cosmetic procedure imaginable.