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feminism misogyny MRA rapey sex

What, what. A post about butts.

Hey! Ass is showing.

So, butt sex. In a recent posting on Jezebel, Hugo Schwyzer notes that heterosexual anal sex is now more popular – or at least more prevalent — than ever. According to one study he cites, some 40% of women age 20-24 report that they’ve tried it.

Obviously, many women love love love it – check out Toni Bentley’s engaging if possibly a little too enthusiastic buttsex memoir The Surrender if you don’t believe me. But Hugo wonders if some women are getting pressured into it. And it’s a reasonable concern, especially now that more straight guys have come to expect anal sex as a regular part of sexual relationships. Indeed, Hugo quotes a couple of young women who say that, yes, guys are constantly trying to cajole them into going to “5th base.”

The blogger Scallywag is having none of it.

Fending off anal sex? Really? Are we as men to believe that? If truth be known it is often and still remains the prerogative of women who she will have sex with (as much as a man may attempt to influence her decision) let alone anal sex. That a woman is somehow forced to accede to this demand strikes me as presumptuous and lacking in the understanding that as much as men often control the financial shots of a relationship (but that too is changing) it is often women who decide if and what type of sex will occur or not (otherwise it would be rape).

Uh, yes, I would hope that women always, not just often, would decide who they have sex with, and what kinds of sex they have. Same for men. That’s the way consensual sex works: everyone involved in it gets veto power. Otherwise, it would indeed be rape.

Scallywag, I would recommend that you go back and read the basic rules of sex before engaging in any more of it, much less something as advanced as anal.

As for Hugo, well, after asking that good question, he wanders off into some weird paternalist nonsense about anal sex being

yet another manifestation of the pressure on young women to focus on performance rather than on their own pleasure. …  Perhaps the greatest incentive to do anal is the chance to prove the all-important capacity to endure pain. … [F]or most (certainly not all) young women, pleasure doesn’t seem to be the point.

You know, if anal sex hurts, you’re NOT DOING IT RIGHT.

Also, some people enjoy pain as a part of their sex life, at least when it’s inflicted safely and consensually. Sex is a messy and complicated thing, and you’re not going to get very far in understanding it if you project your own preferences and assumptions onto others with rather different preferences and assumptions about sex.

Hugo goes on to complain further about what he sees as the “sheer physical hurting that young women are expected to endure in order to meet the contemporary cultural ideal.” Somehow in his mind this includes not just painful waxing and the model-thin beauty ideal (a real issue, obviously) but also … sports:

Girls play more sports (and suffer more overuse injuries) than they did two decades ago. … On the soccer field or in the beauty salon, this generation is expected to prove its toughness as none before … .

Really? Maybe girls and women are getting more involved in sports these days because they, er, want to? And because they have more opportunities to get involved in sports these days because of, you know, feminism?

It’s one thing to worry about people – male and female – being pressured into conforming to social ideals or into sex or specific sex acts they don’t want. But it’s another to assume that girls’ and women’s choices are never really choices because patriarchy!  Assuming that girls and women are playing more soccer, or going to “5th base,” mostly because they’re being pressured to is really kind of, well, assy.

On that note, enjoy this song about butts and coconuts.

WARNING: Do not actually put coconuts up your butt. For safe anal play, only use objects with a flared base. I cannot emphasize this enough.

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clairedammit
clairedammit
8 years ago

For what it’s worth, MRAL, I know a couple of men who don’t like porn. My husband is one. He especially hates strip clubs because he finds them manipulative. He says the guys who like them think that the strippers are really into them ( but only them, not the other customers) and he finds the whole thing sad. He’s 50, by the way. The other man is in his late 20’s (a former co-worker) and he didn’t said exactly why he doesn’t like porn, but he hinted that it was because he thought that when people watched too much of it, it made them bad in bed.

Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
Men's Rights Activist Lieutenant
8 years ago

To be completely honest, and maybe this is kind of embarrassing, but I prefer pornographic stories, like, you know, erotic text, because it’s all a fantasy. I don’t really do that much either because, you know, it’s words, but it doesn’t actively disgust me like regular porn does. And also, every woman can be Scarlett! Crazy. People should do that more.

captainbathrobe
8 years ago

Om Nom,

Actually, the comments here have been fairly nuanced, if you’d take the time to read them.

Leni
Leni
8 years ago

@MSN:

Do any women here enjoy that or have tried it???

Tried it. Made the man in question go brush his teeth afterward. Not because I had a dirty bum or anything it was just… ick. The way that licking a sparkly clean toilet would still gross me out. Kind of a mood killer, at least for me.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

I can kind of see where Hugo is coming from with the anal sex stuff – I was pressured into anal when I was younger in a really nasty manipulative way. It wasn’t presented to me as a deal breaker, but the price of saying “no” was way, way to high

Same here. This particular ex also tried to pressure me into a threesome. While I am attracted to women as well, I could tell that this wasn’t about me. Damn, I’m glad this one’s an ex.

Actually, Nom Nom, the ex who pressured me into anal was more into the taboo aspects and porntascticality of it. But yes, we’re the prudes. Keep thinking that if you need to.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I would like to try the “ignore him and maybe he’ll eventually get bored and go away” plan on Om Nom Nom. I know not everyone here agrees with me on that, but I kind of wish they did, because I’m getting really tired of having to scroll past his drivel.

Leni
Leni
8 years ago

I just wanted him to know that not all feminists want our male partners to literally have brown noses ^^

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Does he remind anyone else of an annoying little dog that won’t stop yipping at you? Because that’s what I picture every time I try to read any of his comments.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

He is the Yorkshire terrier of commenters. He’ll pee on the rug any minute now.

Shadow
Shadow
8 years ago

Having re-read the article I find I have two problems with it. One is, like I said, the fact that he makes such a blanket statement about anal sex, with nowhere near enough evidence to back it up. I think that’s kinda gender-neutral for me. Even if it had been a female writer I would have found it ridiculous.

But the second thing I find is that, as a guy, Hugo brings absolutely nothing to the conversation with his article. If you decide to read him as not making an overly broad statement, his article boils down to “men are pressuring women into performing anal”, which is not some novel idea. i mean, it’s not even a solely feminist idea. The larger cultural narrative IS that men are going to be conning and convincing women into performing various sex acts, so it’s not even a novel idea to people that aren’t reading up on feminism. Atleast with a female writer we could have gotten a more personal and in-depth article on the pressure that these women face, rather than some dude spending a shitload of words to pass along common knowledge and then go on some bizarre side trip about female athletes in particular going through the same thing that male athletes go through

VoiP
VoiP
8 years ago

MRAL, you’ve said before that the main reason Schwyzer makes you angry is that he writes like women are “worth more” than men. You used to identify this position with feminism; I don’t know whether you still do.

But what a number of people have already pointed out, is that Schwyzer’s position is anti-feminist. What you hate about Schwyzer is still patriarchy. He might be blaming men, but men are still stronger and more capable. Men are still the agents, the people who act and choose, whereas women react to what men tell them. He’s just venerating the fluffy-china-doll image of us he has, while someone like DKM despises it.

Noadi
8 years ago

Pegging is the biggest joke of a sexual act I’ve ever heard of. A woman couldn’t invade an asshole if you gave her Napoleon’s army.

And women having anal sex makes me mad because they’re obviously not enjoying it, so then why are they even doing it? Presumably, because their partner likes it. It’s the prostitution script writ large, a woman does things she doesn’t enjoy for the sake of keeping a man’s attention.

Hahahaha! Sorry, I and my strap-on have to disagree. While I’m not an expert (yet) I think I can do a pretty decent job, at least I’ve had no complaints yet.

Also I enjoy anal, a lot. If done right it feels fantastic and I can have orgasms from it (which is strange because I can’t from PIV sex).

zhinxy
8 years ago

I didn’t read the thread but… Anyway, Merry Assmass, all!

katz
8 years ago

Not Merry Christmass?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

And a Merry Ass Year to all.

ithiliana
8 years ago

Shadow and VOIP: EXCELLENT comments!

Amanda Marcotte (@AmandaMarcotte)

I think part of the problem is few women who like anal are going to talk in depth about it in public, because doing so is like hanging a sign out that says, “Dudes with boundary issues: please leer at me and bother me and be really obvious about how excited it is for you to know of a Real Life Woman who puts penises in her butt.” So the conversations is dominated by women who don’t like it.

Kavette
Kavette
8 years ago

Amanda

(I don’t oblige in the don’t post through christmas ethic, it’s 12 and I’m happily taking some alone time), I’ll also be without a mass of family in the a.m)

I think what you have said is a crock of shit so to speak. I’m 44 years old, female, and have never had an issue in the last decade when it come up that ” I’m a gay man in a woman’s body”. I don’t go into details ever but people really aren’t that perplexed. When they are it’s easy they say something like “there is no way in heck you look like a guy”.

I’m a real estate developer, which means the majority of my business contacts and employees are men. Men don’t actually talk about details of their sex life’s compared to women, but they do talk about what they like. Most men like boobs, are happy if they can get boob, 25 years working with men and I would say 90% of them are interested in the boob.

In the 80’s when I was first starting out I would never had dared to voice my sexual preferences, but honestly since goth and grunge hit main stream I’m not going to say anyones shocked by anything anymore but you’d have to be pretty sheltered your whole life to be. Stay away from the extremely religious and your not going to shock anyone by being the girl that is into anal.

Kavette
Kavette
8 years ago

Also anal sex has been a deal breaker in relationships for me regarding partners no go zones. I expect no less from men. It doesn’t make either party wrong you just want different things that do not mesh.

There does have to be compromise, Kave and I have been pretty much 15 years and there are certain things that he won’t do that I enjoyed in previous relationships. But then there are certain things you could not live without.

Having said that with all the men I’ve been with in life I can only think of a couple where lack of anal sex would have been in anyway a deal-breaker.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

I would love to do a woman in the butt, however I honestly wouldn’t push it. The only think I really insist on is that she wear buttfloss during the foreplay and let me play with her ass(slap, pinch, playbite) and maybe toss her salad(while she still is wearing the crackstrap mind you 😛

ANYHOW….I wonder if the way to get a woman curious about anal who has never tried and is recalcitrant to experiment is to get her a buttplug or some anal beads; along with a tube of K-Y jelly.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

He is the Yorkshire terrier of commenters.

He can easily become the pitbull of commenters if you aren’t careful and mindful of him!!! 🙂

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

Yeah, Om Nom, we really appreciate you sharing your masturbation fantasies with us. We’re really impressed I can tell you.

Linds
Linds
8 years ago

He can easily become the pitbull of commenters if you aren’t careful and mindful of him!!! 🙂

I believe that, sure.

In the same way I believe that NWO could ever be something other than a vicious bigot.

Kavette
Kavette
8 years ago

Well mon…

You might try licking it. Just saying as something couples do way before breaking out the sex kit. Myself I have no sex kit.

Your idea of anal is straight out of porn. No idea about exploring each others bodies. You are as your mra brethren insists are the ones with the prostate glands.

I will also say MON that women who are wearing thong panties normally are probably out of your league and you’re better off without if one in whatever looked your way. .

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

I will also say MON that women who are wearing thong panties normally are probably out of your league and you’re better off without if one in whatever looked your way.

You wish. Even if she doesn’t wear ’em I can always buy her one and convince her to wear it. 😉 But do continue to come up with variations of the “u cant git laid” ad hominem.

I believe that, sure. In the same way I believe that NWO could ever be something other than a vicious bigot.

WOOF

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

I’ve worn buttfloss and crackstraps; and have done anal (too much lube is barely enough, and starting slow with fingers is really, really helpful); and been rimmed (which freaked me out when a guy tried to do it to me back when I was a young thing); but what the fuck is tossing the salad? Do I even want to know… and how did I get to my current decrepit state without knowing what this meant?

On the other hand, I couldn’t give a toss about Nom’s porntastic ideas.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

Glad to hear it, catherine.

You’re too old + too far away to tempt me, though.

Merry Assmass to all,

and to all a good nite! 🙂

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

No thanks for the ageism, but merry assmass to you too… and please feel free to fuck off and annoy someone else.

Don’t let the door slam your ass on the way out.

*prepares scoring cards for the flounce*

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

My apologies for the ageism catherine, butt, you are a bit too far away for me to even think of you in any sort of sexual context. Sorry to disappoint you.

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

* Nom fails the tuck and pike (degree of difficulty: 1.5) and falls flat on his face *

* 2.5 points from the Australian judge *

Niki M. Quirkypants
Niki M. Quirkypants
8 years ago

/delurks

Catherine, methinks “tossing salad” is just another term for rimming. It makes me shudder, personally, but then again, most of those really colorful phrases bring out the pedantic in me more than turn me on.

To Amanda’s point, I’ve had to learn the hard way what to reveal to people because of the “creep” factor. Things like formerly working as a PSO, being anything but “oh god no” about anal, etc, used to never fail to bring out at least one boundary-jumper (example, when discussing jobs with an online RP group, I had one guy from that group IM me to ask for a free Skype session. I told him to ask an accountant to do his taxes for free, see what he or she said, and get back to me). Now I just don’t care, but in my early 20s, it really squicked me a bit.

/relurks

Orion
Orion
8 years ago

Salad tossing is just rimming.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

You people take things waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too srsly sometimes….Actually quite often. And MRA whiners ITT, I’m talking to you too FYI. Secks = funny. Always.

& Have a b00ty new year. 😛

Amused
8 years ago

You people take things waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy too srsly sometimes….Actually quite often. And MRA whiners ITT, I’m talking to you too FYI. Secks = funny. Always.

People who are incapable of self-deprecating humor, make their "jokes" exclusively at others' expense and would rather gnaw their limbs off than laugh at themselves, always say stupid shit like the above. That's what I find funny.

Amused
8 years ago

arrgh, blockquote fail. Oh well.

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

Orion,

Salad tossing is just rimming.

Well, that’s frankly disappointing – here was I thinking it was some new perversion I’ve been missing out on all these years! I see French dood continues to wank on and cannot stick the flounce: why don’t you stick to your porn collection and your dates with Rosie Palms.

Merry Christmas Manboobzers and Pervocrats!

Srs_bzns
Srs_bzns
8 years ago

“People who are incapable of self-deprecating humor, make their “jokes” exclusively at others’ expense and would rather gnaw their limbs off than laugh at themselves,”

That sounds like a perfect description of the Manboobz crowd, actually.

Although one can see the awesomeness of their sense of humor from all the “LOL U CANT GET LAID” comments. Brilliant, brilliant stuff.

Kyrie
Kyrie
8 years ago

“here was I thinking it was some new perversion I’ve been missing out on all these years”
I’m pretty sure that in the last twenty years, we’ve invented hundred times more way to speak about sex than actual sex acts.

Niki M. Quirkypants
Niki M. Quirkypants
8 years ago

Which is so weird to me. I’d much rather just be asked if someone wanted to lick my anus that be asked to have my “salad tossed”. Way to throw me out of the sechy mood…

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

Goes to show Nom’s pretentiousness that he has to describe it that way, I suppose. Thanks Niki (love your nym!) for letting me in on the meaning (your first post was held up in moderation). I feel a bit meh about the sexiness of it, it feels very nice to have someone flirting with their tongue back there, but there’s things I enjoy much more (if one of my partner’s aims is purportedly in pleasing me, as well as themself) and in respect of Nom’s porn fantasy, why would I want to be wearing the crackstrap? Not getting the point of that… Basically I’ve nothing against someone wanting to tongue my anus provided they know that I’ll be unwilling to return the favour.

Amused
8 years ago

That sounds like a perfect description of the Manboobz crowd, actually.

Although one can see the awesomeness of their sense of humor from all the “LOL U CANT GET LAID” comments. Brilliant, brilliant stuff.

You miss the point, misogynist sympathizer. (But then, what else is new?) We laugh AT you and your friends — we don’t lecture you about taking jokes graciously. For the most part, I think pretty much everyone realizes your kind of humor revolves predominantly around rape and severed heads, so not much is expected from you in that department. And besides — if you can’t get laid because you fucking hate the very people you want to get laid WITH, and then post walls of text retroactively validating your hatred with the fact that women don’t seem to want you, you deserve endless mockery and scorn, and I don’t give a fig whether or not you endorse the merriment. Aging, however, happens to everyone, and isn’t a character flaw. Saying “ur old, I dun wanna fuck u” and claiming it’s a “joke” pegs the joker as both a bigot and a moron.

BigKitty
BigKitty
8 years ago

@MRAL – I’m very late mentioning this, but just have to say: your comment from yesterday (12/24) that “God is junkless” made this-here feminist howl with laughter! So glad you’ve chosen to stop trolling and let your real self come out to crack us up.

(And Happy Whatever You Celebrate to all Manboobzers.)

jumbofish
8 years ago

I’m 44 years old, female, and have never had an issue in the last decade when it come up that ” I’m a gay man in a woman’s body”.

Ok, I won’t lie your comment utterly confused me so I hope I don’t come off as foolish and if I do bear with me. I am not sure if you are referring to yourself when you say that or just referring to people in general saying that (or something entirely different).

I mean I don’t think you are referring to yourself since you refer to yourself as a woman but I honestly am not sure how else to interpret what you are saying.

Monsieur sans Nom
Monsieur sans Nom
8 years ago

The best way to get a woman to open up to trying anal, or at least to test her reaction to having something up her butt, is to slip your index finger into her anus when you’re spooning her. Or you can get a buttplug and put in in her bootyhole when she’s sleeping…..As long as she’s not too much of a light sleeper! 😛

All this talk about wimminz buttholes has just got me thinking….Has anyone here bleached their anus? I wish more women would do this, though I havent the foggiest idea if it’s painful or expensive or wut.

Snowy
Snowy
8 years ago

Oh yeah I think that would be the best way! Or like, ask her. Maybe that would be a better way!

/sarcasm

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

Or you can get a buttplug and put in in her bootyhole when she’s sleeping…

Creeeeeeepy, Monsieur avec Merde.

</PSA>

Catherine
Catherine
8 years ago

I havent the foggiest idea

Well, that isn’t a surprise… but maybe I shouldn’t indulge in such selective quoting!

All this talk about wimminz buttholes has just got me thinking….Has anyone here bleached their anus? I wish more women would do this, though I havent the foggiest idea if it’s painful or expensive or wut.

Here’s a thought for you: why don’t YOU get your anus bleached, and then get back to us. In your case, I wouldn’t object to it involving a large amount of pain in the arse — it might give you some appreciation of what your readers are obliged to suffer.

Really, anal bleaching has to be the silliest cosmetic procedure imaginable.